Summary: What does one do when their life has been scattered?
Note: I just wrote this story to kinda 'experiment' with Toph's and Zuko's interactions, not so much for the storyline. It is a oneshot, and so I didn't put as much effort into the plot as I should have, I admit, but I do like Toko. Also, I would recommend listening to 'Flightless Bird, American Mouth' by Iron & Wine to kinda get the feel I was going for, 'A Lack of Color' by Death Cab For Cutie and 'Wake Up' by Arcade Fire, but none are so much meant for the lyrics, really only for the sound they have. They're all great songs, and I listened to them back and forth while writing xD
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Perfect Unreality
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Toph was always very stubborn. Stubborn as the rock she moved, as her strong stance, even in the face of death she was as stubborn as ever. He was obstinate as well, but at least he knew when to draw the line. He always thanked Uncle Iroh's teachings for his humility every now and then, and wished he could somehow pass them onto her, but nothing came to him. Only Iroh can speak Iroh's advice, he supposed.
But Toph Beifong was probably the most stubborn girl in the entire Earth Kingdom. At a highway bandit ambush, she slipped up and let her back be exposed to a spear, the sharp, unclean metal slicing her skin and clothes just behind her right arm. It was a deep wound for immediately the red streaked down her side in a matter of seconds, festering, spreading, like a river. It dripped down her leg as she continuously moved her arms in rigorous movements, rolling on the dirt floor of the forest, blood now in small pools scattered across the clearing. But she wasn't hit twice. She continued to bend as if it didn't hinder her at all, but he could see the occasional grimace or the silent scream when she opened her mouth. For any man, they would have dropped down in defeat with a wound so streaked with blood, but Toph bore on, her usual stubbornness keeping her afloat.
Even three years after he met her, she was the best Earth bender in the entire Kingdom, relentlessly taking down small groups such as this, almost all by herself. He played his part, but she clearly didn't want it when he approached her suddenly in this tall forest, fighting off the bandits. He came in toward the end of her little fight and she was nearly finished.
But when the last bandit fell, so did she to her knees. Her right arm was limp with pain, her left hand bent around the front of herself attempting to cover up the wound, but blood still seeped through her fingers. "Toph," he approached her quickly, sinking to his knees in front of her, letting his tiny bag slip from around his arm to the floor as he pulled Toph's fingers away from her gory wound.
"It hurts," she said lamely, biting her lip. She let her left hand fall into her lap, fingers and sleeve smeared with the sickly liquid that she could not see.
Zuko didn't know much about first aid, he admitted to himself then. If Katara were here, she would be able to heal this in seconds and stop the blood flow, but evidently he had no idea where she was. In the South Pole? The North? Wouldn't she be here with her friend? Maybe she was back at camp, waiting for Toph's return. But, somehow, the latter didn't fit in this story. But what little first aid Zuko knew, he could help her, and that he knew for sure.
"Come on," he said gently, taking her unwounded arm and draping it over his shoulder, pulling her up with him. He started leading her over to the little river he recalled seeing before entering the smallish battle.
Walking there, he couldn't believe how tall she had got. Just three short years ago, she was barely to his shoulder; now, she was maybe a few inches shorter than he. And her hair was longer, down to her shoulder blades with a hint of a bulge behind her yellow and green headband, her face slimmer and attractive, defined hips and chest, fuller mouth. Slender hands. Long legs. Could Toph be considered beautiful now, or was she still the tomboy he had grown to befriend?
Yes, Toph was beautiful. Anyone could see that. Even with her horrendous stubbornness.
"I can carry myself, Princess," she spat, taking her arm off Zuko's shoulders. He stood for a few seconds in surprise as she started walking ahead of him, just fine, except her right arm was pressed to her side while she leaned slightly to the left. Her hand was still trying to staunch the flow with little success. "Are you coming or not?" she said sourly as she looked over her shoulder to him.
Zuko started walking again, taking few paces to catch up with her. He walked slowly—well, slow for him—next to her, leading her over to the river even though she probably knew that's where they were going. "Be careful with that; you've already got dirt in it," he advised.
"I know," Toph said, allowing a slit of weakness to shine through. Looking at her profile, Zuko saw a bead of sweat slide down her temple. She was struggling.
"Here," he took her arm again and put it behind his neck and this time she didn't resist. Zuko used his right arm to clasp around her tiny and wet waist, holding her close to him, lifting her slightly off the ground. She was light; surprisingly so.
At the river bank, Zuko laid her down and kindled a fire for the sun was quickly setting. He breathed carefully as he dug through his small bag for antiseptic that he knew he had. He found the tiny vial and set it off to the side as he ripped off a good portion of his shirt, rolling it up and reaching behind him to dip it in the cool and clear river water. First, he told her to lie on her side and she obliged, and he precariously dripped the cold water into the wound. Toph sucked in sharply at the sudden pain, but didn't yell at him. He half expected her to, but her eyes were closed in exhaustion. She was too weak for such anger that she normally would have exhibited.
Then, Zuko gently dabbed at the wound, watching Toph carefully as he did so. Her brows furrowed but that was the only reaction he got. But, dabbing at the wound wasn't enough. "You… you need to… uhm… take your shirt… off," he said quietly, his face heating up as quickly as his fire.
"What?" she said in surprise, opening her cloudy eyes and look behind her shoulder where Zuko sat behind her, uncomfortably.
"You need to-,"
"I heard what you said, Princess, but I'm not taking my shirt off," she said sharply, pulling herself up, with struggle, in a sitting position.
"Then how do you expect me to clean it?" he said just as sharp, trying to keep his voice level.
"I never said you had to. I didn't even need you to help me back there. I was doing just fine."
"Yeah, that's why you got yourself cut," Zuko said sarcastically, his eyebrow twitching up in annoyance.
"It's fine. It'll heal. I don't need you to clean it for me." She swiped the wad of cloth away from him, reaching around herself to try and get at it, but the cloth more or less caught on her skin and pulled the wound apart, making her grind her teeth in pain. She cursed and threw the cloth back at him.
Zuko threw it back. "You can do it, right?" he spat.
"Shut up." She threw it at his stomach and before he could retaliate, she made an earth tent around herself.
Zuko looked at the triangular tent in anger, then stood up and walked around it to the fire, throwing some more wood on it, mumbling livid nothings to himself.
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The next morning, Zuko woke up to the sound of harsh earth grinding. He opened his eyes and rolled over, seeing Toph's bloody back walking away from him. "Where are you going?" He asked quickly, standing up in a rush and smothering the remaining embers with his foot before he picked up his bag and followed her.
"I don't know. Somewhere. Why are you following me?" She kept walking, her bare feet just barely lifting off the ground.
Zuko saw the wound next to her right arm, seeing that it had crusted over, but was still sticky looking. It was dirty and unclean. "Your wound will get infected," he observed.
"It'll heal, Princess. I don't need your help."
"How do you expect to bend if you can't move your right arm?" he retorted, thinking himself clever.
"I can bend just fine without my arm," Toph said poisonously, her tone becoming sharper.
"Lets see the next time bandits come by. I'm sure you can take them all down," Zuko smirked when she pursed her lips in defeat, but still with annoyance.
"Whatever. I don't even know why you're in the Earth Kingdom. Shouldn't you be sitting on your big, fancy throne being waited on, ruling the Fire Nation?"
Zuko looked at her irritated expression, his mouth shut. She obviously hadn't heard word yet that he was overthrown by a council that deemed him too young to rule. He was kicked out but not banished like he was once upon a time. He could have stayed in the palace if he so chose, but finding his own home a confinement, a place of shame, he left on his own accord. He decided to simply roam. It was nice to have no disputes to solve, no meetings to attend to, no need to look prim and proper every day of his life. He could just be Zuko, not the Fire Lord.
And Mai was married off when he was dethroned. Married off to a handsome, rich, young and new governor somewhere. She left without saying good bye, without a letter, without a single word to him and he didn't know why. And he found out the hard way when he was in a seaport listening to some passing by nobles about the new governor's wife, saying how dark and how brooding and creepy she was, all the nonsense he just didn't see in her.
He grieved for a few weeks about it but decided there was nothing he could do. He moved on from his memories with Mai and left the Fire Nation for a year and a half before returning and trying to regain his position with the council, but his efforts proved worthless, and here he was, six months later in the Earth Kingdom.
"No." was all he said.
Toph didn't reply, feeling his deep, sorrowful emotions roll off him in waves. His heartbeat slowed. He looked down at his feet as the walked in silence. No words passed between them for a very long time as they followed the river, swelling and increasing in size until it was hundreds of feet across.
The sun started to dip down behind the tall, thick trees again and they made up camp along the river as the night before. Zuko made the fire before taking off his shirt and boots and wading into the river to catch some fish.
Toph could barely feel him now except the sand helped a little to see where he was. She could 'see' his slender from in the water, his strong arms held above the surface, waiting to dip in and snatch a fish. She could see the ridges in his back but the water hindered that slightly. His hair was choppy, as it was when she first met him formally, not the long and girly hairstyle he had to adopt for the last two years. The choppy length fit him, getting into his eyes; untamed, wild, but composed. But, Gods, he was strong. She could see this bold chest, the ripples in his stomach, his rounded arms. Damn, how old was he now? Nineteen? Twenty? Twenty seemed like a good guess. She was fifteen. Only five year's difference.
Toph pulled her knee to her self, looking away from the river even though she couldn't see it. She faced toward the fire, enjoying the warmth it brought her for she was currently feeling abnormally cold. She sighed when she heard a sudden splash and a 'damn it' form the river.
Toph smirked.
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Zuko eventually caught a fish even with his mediocre means, cooking it over the fire, impaled with a sharpened stick. It was a good-sized fish, however, about the length of his forearm and two thirds the thickness, but it was taking it awhile to cook. Toph and Zuko sat on opposite sides of the fire while Zuko aimlessly prodded the fire with a stick, elbow on his knee and chin in his palm.
"Where is everyone?" he asked, the first thing said almost all day.
"What do you mean?" Toph's voice was calm and tired, her finger twirling in the dirt.
"I mean, where's Katara, and Aang and Sokka and Appa?" He set the stick down and looked into her cloudy eyes, downcast with flecks of orange shining in them. He examined her across the fire, and unfortunate for him, his heart beat raced and she looked up at the sudden change, but he averted his eyes to the fire.
"I'm not sure. I think Katara and Aang are in the North Pole teaching water bending. Sokka and Suki on Kyoshi Island. And that's all I know, but that's what I heard a year ago when I saw them last." She said solemnly, breathing out slowly and heavily through her nose.
"How come you didn't go with them?" Zuko asked quietly, watching her now twist her hands around.
"Boats and Appa. I can't see when I'm on them. And if I went to the North I wouldn't ever be able to see because they're on snow. I'd be helpless up there." Toph's voice said all the sadness that wouldn't admit to him; the loneliness she felt, how much she missed them all. He even missed them however much he also wouldn't admit. Through his reluctance to grow close to them, he did, and he had got accustomed to them being in his life, but now they were scattered. His life was scattered, as was Toph's. They were one and the same, he realized then.
"I understand," he wished Sokka were here to say something stupid to lighten the mood, but he wasn't. He was gone.
A long silence passed through them again. Zuko was dying to speak, but nothing came to him. He wanted to talk to her, to say anything, but he was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to say.
The fish started to blacken and that's when he knew it was done. With careful fingers, he pulled the stick off from the lick of the flames, holding it in the air so it could cool. Once he deemed it to be at a reasonable temperature, he tore off quarters for himself, and then handed the fish, still on the stick, to Toph, keeping the meat for himself lying in his lap.
She took it, his subtle kindness touching her. She then felt she owed him something and she realized she wasn't being very kind to him when he pretty much saved her from those bandits yesterday. And last night she was pretty nasty, but yet she didn't apologize. Toph, apologize? It shouldn't even be in the same sentence.
"I'm sorry."
She did apologize because she knew it was the right thing to do. After all, she wasn't totally incapable of it.
Zuko barely heard her but he did just enough so he wouldn't make her repeat it. "It's okay. But your cut is starting to look infected, Toph. I have to clean it out." He said with a gentle smile on his face.
She liked how he said her name, how his body vibrated when he said it. How it made her heart skip. "Fine. But don't start getting ideas, Princess."
Zuko chuckled, his face heating up. "Don't worry."
They ate in silence, casually looking up at the dark red leaves that lay above them and the stars that just hardly managed their way to show to the forest floor. Then, reluctantly, Toph made Zuko turn his back as she slipped her arms out of the wide sleeves, painfully, but did do nonetheless. She laid on her side, covering up her chest with her left arm while her right was stretched out before her. The straps that held her breasts in place had to be loosened as well, and Toph felt under the spotlight like no other time in her life. She squeezed her eyes tight, hoping for it to be over as soon as she gave him the okay to come over.
Zuko turned and stared for a few seconds longer than he should have. "Hurry up!" Toph barked, and Zuko shuffled over and sat down behind her, pulling out the wad of cloth from last night and the antiseptic from his bag. He reached over behind him and dipped the cloth in the river. With shaky fingers, Zuko dabbed at the festering wound, pursing his lips.
Her beautifully pale skin glinted in the orange glow, similar to Mai's. Toph's skin was surprisingly smooth except for the dried blood that smeared down her back, but otherwise soft for such a rough earth bender. She had her shirt folded over her pants and over her thick leather belt, allowing her sloping hip to be exposed; very provocative—unlike Toph in many ways. But it was provocative nonetheless and Zuko was tempted her touch her bare skin fully.
Gods, she had grown so much in such a short time, he was astounded. She almost seemed unreal to him, like a dream. He couldn't believe this was Toph he was finding tempting. And damn it all, her fingers weren't doing a very good job covering her breast. He had to seriously bite his lip to keep from looking at the plump, youthfulness of it, the swell, the… forget it.
"Your heart is beating like crazy," Toph said unsteadily, but forced a laugh through her lips.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Zuko said and continued cleaning out the cut, reaching over and dipping the cloth in the river to rinse it out and swabbing the cut over.
"You do. You're going crazy. Just admit it. I know you are," She turned her head and a playful smile was gracing her rosy lips, eyebrow raised in challenge.
"I am not," Zuko was deathly focused on his hand moving on her skin, making absolutely sure his fingers never touched her.
"Deny all you want, Princess, but I know you are," She giggled then, striking something in him. "Oh—your heart skipped." She laughed louder when Zuko growled.
"Think all you want, but I'm not going crazy for you at all," Oh, shit, give it away you stupid idiot! He thought, but continued with his business. "Crazy. I meant crazy."
"Yep. Sure you did,"
"Whatever," He wasn't going crazy. He wasn't. He kept telling himself lies.
Toph's own heart was beating as wildly as his, her body suddenly hot and a pain erupted between her legs. God, his fingers that grazed her skin every now and then; deft, strong, but also kind of soft. Rough but soft. Toph laid there, wishing her pants weren't so damn low or why she was feeling this way for the ex-Prince of the Fire Nation. She hardly knew him! He wasn't exactly a friend like Sokka or Aang were to her; just someone that was always there, lingering. She barely talked to him at all.
But he seemed so real. He had so many flaws, he had the scar to prove it, but he had a life she could understand. A life of rejection and loss; pain. Everyone she knew just had turmoil they could overcome, but Zuko and her had pain. The pain of parents not accepting who you truly were, who you wanted to be, and maybe, that was where they could finally connect.
Toph was lost. She was so lost before Zuko came along. She didn't even have a plan of travel, a plan on living. Just wandering, lost and broken. But he was kind to her, unbelievably so; a kindness that he couldn't connect to himself even if he tried. But Toph knew kindness at the start, like the time Aang and his friends accepted her into their group. Zuko had kindness that at first look no one would understand, but she did. Toph knew.
Zuko was also lost, and that she could tell by the look on his face when he stepped in to join her in her fight against the bandits. And he was lonely, just as she was. Neither realized it until they met each other for the first time in three years, and only realizing it to its full, huge extent now.
Toph winced when Zuko pressed the wet cloth to her wound, squeezing her eyes and curling her toes in brief pain. "You know… I wouldn't think you'd be very good at first aid," Toph said slowly, noticing how much slower Zuko's heartbeat had got.
"Me neither. I still don't know very much, but I'm trying," he said softly, a light smile becoming his lips.
"You're doing it just fine, Princess." Toph reassured.
"Lift your arm up," Zuko said after a few minutes of quiet and Toph obliged slowly, wincing. "You bled a lot," he said, wiping clean of the dried blood so close to her fingers holding herself.
"I know, and I was acting stupid yesterday." Toph looked toward the ground, feeling shameful.
"Yeah, you were acting stupid." Zuko replied with a laugh, dripping some antiseptic into the wound that made Toph suck in sharply as it bubbled. "But it'll be fine."
"I told you!" she exclaimed.
"But I cleaned it."
"So? It's still going to be fine." She smiled and Zuko knew that she was only playing around.
"All right, sit up." He leaned back as he pulled herself sideways, her long, slender back facing him. Tempting. Very, very tempting, but he resisted and handled it. He ripped off a long strip of cloth from a spare shirt he had and placed it over her wound, then handed the opposite end under Toph's arm so she could pull it around the front. She did so and they wounded it together until Zuko tied it in the back to hold it in place.
"Turn around," Toph ordered and Zuko did just that.
Placing his elbows on his upturned knees, he faced the fire, unable to keep the smile off his face. He let out an airy laugh and Toph looked over her shoulder in his direction while carefully pulling her sleeve up her arm. "What?" She asked.
"Nothing," he said, looking upward into the vast expanse of trees.
"You're laughing at something," Toph said, pulling the collar of her shirt up to her shoulder, biting her lip to keep from yelling out. Pulling her shirt up was harder than she thought.
"Nothing. It's just how you've hardly changed… in some ways. That's all."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" She thought she might as well ask.
"It's good. You're still Toph."
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The next few days were definitely easier on them both. They talked a lot more than they ever did, laughing, sharing stories about their adventures since they last parted. Their lonesomeness eased considerably, and they didn't feel so lost anymore. They passed through a little village and Toph scammed a few people while Zuko watched in amazement as she earned a bag full of money. She bought some new clothes with it to replace her stained ones, her new outfit similar to the last. They got food and Zuko bought some first aid supplies he would use later that night.
Every single night for the past four days, Zuko sat behind Toph as he cleansed her wound and replaced the bandages. But, it grew easier for him as the nights progressed until it was just another happening in his life. He was used to it, as was Toph, who didn't mind feeling his fingers on her skin, not that she minded in the first place. In fact, she grew to want it more, and she found herself wanting to feel his whole hand on her back; she almost longed for it, but denied it to herself. He barely touched her at all, and she found it aggravating.
But, Zuko was still so nervous as he was the first night. He looked forward to the night so he could finally see her beautiful back and inky hair draped across the ground, the swell of her chest, her soft skin.
"Do you think there's dirt in wood?" Toph asked one night, her head lying on her arm while she tried her best to squeeze her arm to herself to cover her nakedness.
Zuko blinked in thought, sighing through his nose. He chuckled and gave his answer. "I don't know why there wouldn't be, but I don't think so. Why do you ask?" His voice was soft, but still the husky deepness she had got used to hearing for the past couple of days.
"Because, if there was, I would be able to see on the boats. Well, not see, but you know what I mean," Toph smiled and Zuko could see the stretch of her skin from her profile. She smiled beautifully.
"Yeah…." He said absentmindedly, his thoughts wandering off again.
"What're you thinking about?" Toph asked quietly and genuinely a few seconds later, turning her head so she could hear him better.
"I… I don't know," Zuko said, then paused. He looked at her exposed ear and cheekbones that curved out from her slender face. Her eyebrows were dark and unhidden from behind her usual veil of bangs, and they were more straight and pointed inward than curved, but relaxed. She had a unique beauty. Or maybe it was her tomboy attitude that made her unique. "I don't know," he repeated, exhaling heavily.
"Do you want to know what I know for sure?" Toph asked, serious, but still kind and lighthearted.
"What?" Zuko listened, letting his hand reel back to sit in his lap, still holding onto the cloth.
"You should go back to your country, Zuko. They need you. You belong there, not here in the middle of the Earth Kingdom," Toph said slowly, propping herself up on her elbow. "You are the crown prince, remember? I was there at your ceremony. I remember it well."
Zuko absorbed her input, preparing to start cleaning again, but his hand just rested there on her ribs as she lowered herself back to the grassy floor. "But… I want to stay at the same time," he admitted thoughtfully, looking at the roundness of her shoulder.
"Why is that?" Her voice was quiet, calm, unassuming like Iroh's could be. She waited and waited, her anticipation broadening.
Might as well be honest, Zuko. "Because at least I'm here with you."
Toph suddenly heated up. Her mouth went dry and her fingers strangely felt anxious as her throat constricted. "Zuko, I-,"
"I'm sorry," he blurted without thinking, jerking his hand away from her, his face erupting in heat as if he was holding his face to the fire. "I'm-,"
"No—shut up. Gods, you're so hard on yourself all the time. Just—shh. Shh." She pulled herself up to sit, then turned to halfway face him. "Zuko, just do it already."
Look away, damn it. "Do what?" he forced himself to say. What was she talking about? Do what?
"Oh my Gods, kid, really? You know what I'm talking about."
Kid? Huh? "What?—"
Toph sat up and turned further around, her arm still tight around herself. Of course Zuko looked, it was distracting enough not to, but he quickly looked back up at her, her cheeks also flaming as much as his. "Oh, shit," she laughed. "I can't see where your mouth is."
Zuko took gingerly care of that for her. Placing a delicate hand on her neck and jaw, he pulled her in and kissed her. At first, he tested the waters, lightly but tenderly. Her lips felt so nice, but it was obvious Toph was completely new to all this, but she caught on quickly. She was a quick learner.
Both of them were completely enraptured in that single moment, feeling, sensing everything around them; what it felt like to be finally put back together into a full piece as if scattered in a thousand pieces for so long.
Toph's hair tangled in his fingers when he intentionally weaved them through the clumps, bringing both hands to cup her cheeks. He pushed her forward a little so she wasn't sitting above him, kissing her harder but just as careful. Zuko then lowered her to the ground, one hand sliding down her spine as he did so, to the small of her back, down to the rim of her pants and back up again to hold himself up. The grass she laid on was soft at least, and fragrant with the smell of wild flowers growing near her head.
Toph removed her arm from around herself to gingerly touch his scar, completely forgetting about her wound; it hardly bothered her now. Zuko pulled away then to look at her calm expression, eyes half lidded in the dark. He searched her features as he awaited her reaction.
"I wish I could see your face, Zuko," she said. "I really wish I could see you because you're so…."
"What?" He goaded gently.
"So unreal," she swallowed, her thumb tracing the sharp angle of his existing brow, continuing. "to me. I wouldn't say this just because, like I don't mean it, but… I can tell you're handsome. Really. I can barely get a grip of it, but you are. I can tell." She used the pads of her fingers to feel the supple skin of his large scar, a smile twitching at her mouth. Her thumbs gently closed his eye lids and graced his eyes, the shape and swell of his lips, his angular jaw.
"Toph…." Zuko breathed out and seized one of her hands carefully and slowly, lifting it up to hold down above her head. He pressed his cheek to hers and kissed it while Toph squeezed her eyes shut, a wave of emotion suddenly overcoming her, her unseeing eyes stinging as tears pushed their way through.
"Zuko," she said airily, using her free arm to wrap around his neck and grip the rich fabric of his shirt.
He was very careful with her, not because of her blindness, but because he was quite unsure what to do himself. But both understood the meaning of needing to find the missing parts they've never had, and now fixing it can lead to new and beautiful things that can reset an old course, and oh, the beauty that they found.
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The sunlight never bothered Toph in the morning, giving perfect reason why she always woke up so late. So, instead of the sunlight peeking through the trees to wake her, it was the squawking and nudging of Turtleducks at her bare legs that woke her. Half asleep, Toph nearly bended a pillar to throw them away but she realized just in time that they were only helpless ducks wondering why her bare legs were sticking out from under Zuko's shirt.
And speaking of Princess, where was he?
Toph sat up, pulling his shirt up with her, feeling the rush of cool air on her back and her hair in a frizzled mess at the back of her head. She sat and waited, then reached over to pick up a sheet of paper that was once rolled, but now flattened out, its top and bottom curling inward to the center.
Toph never learned to read for obvious reasons, but she realized she already knew what it said because he whispered it into her ear this morning while she was just barely awake.
I know you'll understand. I've left to take back my country and my people, and I hope you'll wait for me until then. But for now, try and see if there's any dirt in wood.
Zuko.
Toph smiled genuinely, her fingers tracing over the crinkling parchment and the slightly raised lettering where the ink had swelled the fibers. She grinned down at the supposedly blank sheet before her, eagerly awaiting the day her Prince will arrive.
But for now, she'll go back to sleep.
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