Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, then I would have no trouble paying for college. I don't own The Secret Garden either. Lyrics have been changed slightly to fit the story.
A/N: Thanks to whydoyouneedtoknow (Anne) for beta-ing this for me! For those in the DA, this is based on canon, not DV.
There's a Man
By LupineMoon
Severus Snape was not usually given to sentimental thoughts. But since he had seen the boy for the first time, he had been unable to stop such thoughts. This was the boy who in looks and manners reminded Severus so much of him, the arrogant boy Severus had hated, who had hated him, but to whom he had owed his life and been unable to pay the debt.And thinking of him had led Severus to think of her, the woman who he had loved, whose eyes stared back at him through her son.
Severus found himself thinking of the dream he'd had that had brought back thoughts of long ago. He hadn't realized that he was speaking aloud, in a faint whisper.
"Last night I dreamed I walked through the maze to Lily's garden, and saw Lily and Harry standing there. Harry, standing right there in Lily's garden. I turned away...I couldn't watch...I was afraid."
Severus let out a sharp laugh. He was pathetic, drooling over a dead woman who had never looked his way. A Mudblood no less. A Mudblood who had married his worst enemy, who had borne the son who had brought down his master.
But he had still loved her.
A small gray rat known to his current owner as Scabbers, but who, to his friends had been known as Wormtail, who to the wizarding world was known as Peter Pettigrew, the man who had died heroically after confronting the Potters' murderer, sat in the shadows. He watched the black-haired man as he paced the room, quietly talking to himself.
Peter wanted to see where this man's loyalty really lay. Could he trust him? Could Peter reveal himself to this man? He wasn't sure yet. But he would wait, and watch. As he listened to the man talk, Peter had thoughts of his own.
Why won't he say what he wants?
Why must he speak in dreams?
Why can't he see what he wants?
To disappear, it seems!
He should send this haunted girl far away,
Leave the house and lands to me!
Severus continued describing his dream aloud. In it, the woman he loved, and the boy he loved to hate, were in a garden, a beautiful garden; one that she would have loved.
I watched them walk around the garden,
She stood tall, grown strong and bold.
Then they turned and asked my pardon,
I couldn't speak, my heart grown cold.
She should not be begging his pardon; it was he who should be begging her for forgiveness. It was his fault she was dead. Her only fault was that she hadn't loved him, but he could not blame her. And yet, he had killed her.
Peter watched and listened. Why does he speak of her? Why doesn't he say something to betray his true allegiance, so I can turn him in as a traitor and once and for all be in my master's good graces? Why does he have to waste my time reminiscing about the past?
And why did Snape have to speak of things Peter did not wish to remember?
Why can't he see what he wants?
He wants the past undone!
Why can't he know what he wants?
He's losing battles won
To have ever loved her,
Never known how complete a loss can be.
If she could disappear, he'd start again.
And live like other men, he could be happy then.
If she'd disappear, he could be free,
Cut off from pain and loss,
A bit like me.
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Petunia stood at the kitchen window, staring outside. Today was the day that her nephew followed in his parents' footsteps, going off to that school. Today was the day that her nephew would become what he had always been destined to become.
She thought about the day that her sister had told the family that she and Potter were going to be wed. Lily had been so happy, so proud. Petunia had tried to convince her sister that this was a mistake. She'd tried to explain that if Lily married this man, her life was ruined; she would never be normal again.
"You can't marry this Potter! He's an arrogant, pompous freak who made your life miserable for years! He can't believe you love him and neither can I!"
"No one is asking for your approval, Petunia!"
"Lily, if you don't care what happens to you, think about your children. Do you want your children to be freaks as well?"
I will marry him!
Petunia sighed sadly. She hadn't been able to convince her sister to give up the thought of marrying him. She had let her sister marry him and get herself killed.
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Peter smiled wickedly; or as wickedly as a rat could smile. He could fulfill Snape's wishes. He could make Snape forget about her and make his master happy; make Peter his most trusted servant. All he had to do was kill the boy.
Petunia had tried using any excuse she could think of to get Lily to change her mind. But nothing had worked. Petunia hadn't talked to her sister since that night.
I can arrange what he wants, Don't do this!
He's left it all to me. Don't wed him!
Now he can have what he wants, Don't bed him!
Unfettered he will be, Don't do this,
Set him free to wander Set him free
Through the world
Let him go
His lonely ways!
Severus had often thought what it would be like if he had married her. But how could he? He would have been betraying the Dark Lord. He wouldn't have lived even a week if he had married her.
But if he had... and if he had had a son, could this son have been the Dark Lord's downfall? Severus couldn't fathom the thought. No, it was for the best. He had saved himself from the Dark Lord's wrath.
Severus despised himself for only thinking of his own safety and not of hers. But now, it didn't matter.
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Petunia remembered the harsh words she had flung at Lily. Petunia had vowed never to see her sister if she carried through with the marriage. And Lily had. So, Petunia never saw her sister again. And now, her son was gone too, though at least he would return.
Then I longed to join them Now that
Know the peace they feel I love him
Their journey done. I will live
Then I woke once more For him
Without them, Live just to love him
Knew I must wander on and on
I I won't forgive you!
Go Won't see you live there!!
Life to Lily, I swear
Find! I'll never see you!!
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Peter stared down at the sleeping boy. One swish, one small movement and the boy would be dead. Or he could take the boy with him and train him as a servant to the Dark Lord. The two of them would disappear and then when his master returned, Peter would have made a comrade of his enemy. And Peter would be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams, and free of his mental torment at last.
Just to disappear
Is to be free!
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Petunia remembered Lily's stubbornness. It had never gone away. She knew it was futile to argue with her sister, and she had been right. Lily hadn't caved at Petunia's threat. It just made her grow even more stubborn. In the end, Petunia hadn't been able to convince her sister otherwise.
Do what you will, then,
I'll never leave him!
Peter thought briefly about going into hiding with Snape. The two could make the boy a powerful ally to the Dark Lord. It would help Snape overcome the feelings that held him back. They could do it right this time. The two could work together to make the boy powerful, and strong. He and Snape could start over, re-do what they had done. They could bring the Dark Lord back.
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Cut off from
Pain-cut off from
Pain
I'll help him disappear!
He'll start again!
Petunia had wanted to spare her sister the pain, and sorrow that would come with marrying that freak. She remembered Lily telling her about that man who targeted people like her. Petunia had wanted to protect her sister from harm, and death. But she didn't succeed. Lily had been adamant. And she had followed Potter and fought against the man who hated people like her.
Cut off from pain!
Cut off from pain!
Now you must leave him!
Yes, you must leave him! How can I leave him!
I'll never leave him, Nor e'er deceive him!
Yes, you must leave him! Rose,
Lily, promise! I promised!
Yes, you must leave him, Never leave him,
You must believe!
You must believe!
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Peter had thought often of his plan. But he had been afraid.
Disappear!
In the end, he had simply gone back to the Dark Lord, with only information, nothing else of value, least of all the boy. He had been afraid, afraid of what Dumbledore and others would do to him if he dared to kill The-Boy-Who-Lived. In the end, he hadn't lived up to his Gryffindor bravery, just as he hadn't lived up to his Gryffindor loyalty all those years ago.
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That night was the last Petunia had seen Lily. Petunia had used the argument that Lily would have freakish children. But Lily had welcomed the idea. She had wanted children like her, to send off to that school. And she had gotten her wish.
But the boy had also been the reason she was dead. And Petunia would never forgive him for that.
I will wed and bear him children. Lily, think about the children.
He will love me, love the children. Lily, think about the children.
Petunia stood in the doorway staring at her sleeping nephew. It was Lily's fault his life was so miserable. If she hadn't been a freak, then her son wouldn't have been either. And then, she and Vernon wouldn't have had to treat him as they had. It was Lily's fault her son suffered.
But after tomorrow, she would never have to see her nephew again. And she would be free of her guilt forever.
After tomorrow, she could forget about her sister.
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