Scene 1
Deku Tree: Hey Navi, go get Link.
Navi: Who?
DT: LINK! THE DUDE THAT LIVES IN THE TREE!
Navi: They all live in trees.
DT: Do I have to do everything myself? Go find the dude without a fairy!!!!
Navi: ~mumbling~ he can't move..he's just a stick in the mud. ~flies off~ (in Link's house)
Navi: Hey farthead, get outta bed!
Link: I don't wanna go to school today I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you.
Navi: Freak! Get outta bed! I'm a fairy! I can't make cookies! You should worship my presence! You haven't had a fairy! Now you do! BOW BEFORE ME!
Link: Did you fart?
Navi: YES! I mean, no! Get up and let's move! That stick in the mud needs you.
Link: The Deku tree?
Navi: Yeah, whatever.
(go outside, see Saria)
Saria: Hey honey, how you doing?
Link: Saria, we broke up two months ago!!!
Saria: But baby.
Link: Look. After I saw you making out with all three of the Know-It-All brothers - at the same time - I think I had reason enough to leave!
Saria: But I so lonely.
Link: Mido adores you. Go take him to your Sacred Forest Meadow and amuse yourselves.
(Saria walks off in a huff. Link walks to go to Deku Tree. No appearance from Mido, who has mysteriously vanished.Deku Baba jumps from ground. Link unarmed.)
Link: (kicking it) Hey you overgrown excuse for a tulip! Get outta my way!
Navi: YEAH!
(Deku Baba eats Navi. From inside, we hear muffled mumbling. Link performs mouth-to-mouth on the Deku Baba. Navi comes out, Deku Baba dies.)
Navi: Link did you brush your teeth this morning?
Link: Uh.no
Navi: No wonder the tulip croaked! Get a tic-tac!
(in presence of Deku tree)
DT: Took you long enough I want my cheese pizza right now.
Navi: Shut up, you dumb overgrown thornbush!
DT: Make me, you diminuitized firefly! Link, go kill the disease inside me!
Link: Heck no! I ain't going inside you, your breath is probably worse than mine! Probably haven't brushed, in like, a century!
Navi: How does a tree brush it's teeth? He doesn't have any.
Link: That's why he ain't got none, he hadn't brushed.
(DT opens mouth)
DT: Just go!
(Mario walks in with Kokiri sword and shield. Humming Mario song.)
Mario:..don't tell me, wrong game again.
Link: Uh..yeah. Three games down. But leave my sword and shield.
Mario: I paid 40 rupees for that thing!
Link: LEAVE IT!
(grumbling Mario leaves it to Link) Link: Let's get this over with.someone get me a gas mask.
And so ends Scene 1
Deku Tree: Hey Navi, go get Link.
Navi: Who?
DT: LINK! THE DUDE THAT LIVES IN THE TREE!
Navi: They all live in trees.
DT: Do I have to do everything myself? Go find the dude without a fairy!!!!
Navi: ~mumbling~ he can't move..he's just a stick in the mud. ~flies off~ (in Link's house)
Navi: Hey farthead, get outta bed!
Link: I don't wanna go to school today I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you.
Navi: Freak! Get outta bed! I'm a fairy! I can't make cookies! You should worship my presence! You haven't had a fairy! Now you do! BOW BEFORE ME!
Link: Did you fart?
Navi: YES! I mean, no! Get up and let's move! That stick in the mud needs you.
Link: The Deku tree?
Navi: Yeah, whatever.
(go outside, see Saria)
Saria: Hey honey, how you doing?
Link: Saria, we broke up two months ago!!!
Saria: But baby.
Link: Look. After I saw you making out with all three of the Know-It-All brothers - at the same time - I think I had reason enough to leave!
Saria: But I so lonely.
Link: Mido adores you. Go take him to your Sacred Forest Meadow and amuse yourselves.
(Saria walks off in a huff. Link walks to go to Deku Tree. No appearance from Mido, who has mysteriously vanished.Deku Baba jumps from ground. Link unarmed.)
Link: (kicking it) Hey you overgrown excuse for a tulip! Get outta my way!
Navi: YEAH!
(Deku Baba eats Navi. From inside, we hear muffled mumbling. Link performs mouth-to-mouth on the Deku Baba. Navi comes out, Deku Baba dies.)
Navi: Link did you brush your teeth this morning?
Link: Uh.no
Navi: No wonder the tulip croaked! Get a tic-tac!
(in presence of Deku tree)
DT: Took you long enough I want my cheese pizza right now.
Navi: Shut up, you dumb overgrown thornbush!
DT: Make me, you diminuitized firefly! Link, go kill the disease inside me!
Link: Heck no! I ain't going inside you, your breath is probably worse than mine! Probably haven't brushed, in like, a century!
Navi: How does a tree brush it's teeth? He doesn't have any.
Link: That's why he ain't got none, he hadn't brushed.
(DT opens mouth)
DT: Just go!
(Mario walks in with Kokiri sword and shield. Humming Mario song.)
Mario:..don't tell me, wrong game again.
Link: Uh..yeah. Three games down. But leave my sword and shield.
Mario: I paid 40 rupees for that thing!
Link: LEAVE IT!
(grumbling Mario leaves it to Link) Link: Let's get this over with.someone get me a gas mask.
And so ends Scene 1