I do not own Glee or any of its characters.
I would like to thank all of the wonderful people who have reviewed my previous stories, I really hope you like this. I'm thinking there will be at least one more in this arc if people like this one.
Jesse stood in line and ordered two green teas. Walking them to the small table Rachel had chosen he couldn't help but think that this was the most content he'd been in eight years. The most beautiful, talented girl he'd ever known was waiting for him. "Here, Rachel," he said after setting one of the cups in front of her.
"Thanks, Jesse. I could have gotten that," she smiled up at him softly.
"It was my pleasure," his voice was a little gruff so he cleared his throat and vowed to get his emotions under better control. "So, how do you like New York?"
Rachel's whole face lit up with joy. "I love it here!" She grabbed his wrist and give it a squeeze.
He knew it had nothing to do with him, she was just excited but her touch still made him tingle with awareness. "I really like it here too. It's much friendlier than LA. Well, it's much friendlier behind your back anyway. People in New York are just as vicious to your face as they are when you can't hear them. In LA everyone is nice when they're in front of you but the second you turn your back..." his voice trailed off. "Oh."
The joy was dampened now but she was still smiling at him. "I come here a lot," she confided, changing the subject. "I love that they only use Fair Trade products and they offer some vegan snacks."
"Oh? I should come here for my tea all the time," he teased. "Is it okay if we talk about what happened and then try to move past it?" he asked hesitantly.
She furrowed her brow, puzzled. "But I have moved past it, Jesse. I told you, I'm not broken, I have all my pieces. I just like to keep them to myself."
"You don't have any questions about why I did what I did?" he asked, shocked.
"Well, I always thought you left us so that you could win another National title," she sounded so reasonable that Jesse was startled.
"Not exactly," he qualified. "I knew Shelby was your mom. She'd asked me to help her get you to find her...has she told you any of this?"
"We speak a few times a year. I'm very fond of my sister although we are not exactly close," her shoulder lifted in an indifferent shrug. "Shelby said something about it, I guess. I usually wouldn't let her talk about you," she admitted with a flush, remembering more than one time when Shelby had tried talking to her about Jesse and she'd stuck her fingers in her ear and sang scales until Shelby gave up.
"Well, Shelby was like my mom. No, Shelby was better than my mom because she was there every day, every rehearsal, for every show..." he studied the sleeve on his coffee cup for a moment a bitter smile curled his lips. "You had two great dads that worshiped the ground you walked on. I mean, they built the Rachel Berry shrine in your basement," he shrugged and pulled the sleeve off his cup.
By this point Rachel had figured out that while she didn't need to talk about what happened; Jesse needed to talk about it. He'd bottled all of this up for eight years and he needed to be able to put an end to torturing himself. So she just took a sip of tea and listened to him talk.
"I was worried that when you found out that I was leaving New Directions...leaving you...that you wouldn't want me anymore," he looked down at his hands. "I used to think that you'd have your dads and Shelby...and I wouldn't have anyone," he began shredding the cardboard sleeve. "I loved you so much it hurt, Rachel," he admitted in a ragged whisper. "I was so jealous that Shelby would choose you and then I wouldn't have anyone."
"But she didn't want me at all," Rachel protested angrily. "She wanted a baby!" Looking over her shoulder she mouthed an apology to the girl behind the counter for her outburst.
Jesse smirked bitterly. "Well, she didn't want me either after she got Beth. She went on a family leave and never came back," he roughly combed his fingers through his hair. "You may recall that we did not in fact go on to win the National championship that year."
He had mussed his curls and Rachel had to fold her hands in her lap to resist fixing them. "I had very mixed feelings about that at the time," she admitted softly.
"Thank you. It's a testament to your character that you were able to scrounge up anything remotely resembling sympathy for me," his smile was sad. "I can't believe the things I did so that my team would accept me again. And then there was Finn."
"What about Finn?"
"Watching you and Finn was like pulling out a fingernail every time I saw you both. When the two of you sang you would look at him like he was the only person in the world for you," he pulled the sleeve off his cup of cooling tea. "When the song was over it would last a second or two before you'd remember to look for me."
"It's called acting. I would never have done anything to hurt you, Jesse," Rachel sounded hurt and slightly defensive.
"Oh, I know, Rachel. It's just... I don't know. I was just scared and insecure and I wanted to come first. Especially with you," his eyes canted down so she wouldn't see the pain.
Rachel sighed heavily. "Well, love makes everyone a fool, right?" she asked lightly. "Jesse?"
"Yes, Rachel?" he looked up and froze. The expression on her face was one he'd seen a thousand times before. Velvet determination. He grinned.
"I don't know if I mentioned that I come here a lot..." she bit her lip. "But I don't usually come here alone," her face twisted into a sort of apologetic grimace.
"Oh." What Jesse heard was she was seeing someone and that she was going to meet him there. Maybe she would forgive him but she'd never be with him. He'd known that he was asking a lot from her but he'd had hope that she might be able to move past everything and accept him. He took a deep breath, trying to ease the ache that had settled into his chest.
"Just friends," Rachel clarified quickly.
Jesse relaxed again. "I don't want you to say anything...I don't expect anything..." he cleared his throat again. "I love you Rachel Berry. For me, there has only ever been y-" he stopped when a big man with short, dark brown hair swooped Rachel up for a hug.
"Damn Berry, why do we always have to come here? This place isn't convenient to anything. What's wrong with CoffeeMart?" Noah 'Puck' Puckerman teased.
"Noah, how many times do I have to tell you! The coffee they serve there is picked by the sweat of child labor. Babies, they put tiny babies into the field to pick the stuff and then sell it to us as if we can't taste the bitterness of downtrodden children!" she wagged her finger in Noah's nose so he'd know she meant it.
That diatribe was so much the Rachel that she had been eight years ago that Jesse tried to fight back a laugh but failed. A sort of strangled sound left his throat. He was thrilled to see that the old Rachel was there. Of course, he was happy to get to know Rachel now...but he loved how she had been. All her drama and the immediacy with which she saw the world.
Puck looked over to see who Rachel was with, it was unusual that she show up for one of their 'dates' with company. She hardly ever dated and seemed happy to keep her circle of acquaintances small. There was something familiar about the guy but he couldn't place it. Wait a second..."Jesse St. James?" Puck yelled.
"In the flesh. And how are you, Puckerman?" Jesse returned coolly.
"Rachel, what in the hell is this jackass doing here?" Puck's face darkened. "Is he bothering you? Cause I got some buddies who could take care of that..." Puck trailed off threateningly.
Rachel giggled. "We were both at the Evita audition. I'm pretty sure I got the part, by the way," she said smugly. "And Noah, when has anyone ever made me do anything I didn't want to?" she raised a brow questioningly.
Puck sulked a bit. "Never. At least none of the times that I tried," he grinned.
Jesse wasn't sure he liked where this conversation was going. For some reason he'd imagined Rachel in the same pure condition that he'd left her in. He really wasn't comfortable thinking about her and Puckerman having sex...although he had, he used to torture himself with it. He stuck his hand out, "I've turned over a new leaf," he announced.
Puck looked at the outstretched hand as if Jesse were a carrier for leprosy. He looked at Rachel who was giving him a look he'd seen on his mothers face one too many times before. Knowing he wouldn't win this one he caved to the inevitable with seeming good grace and took the douche bag's hand. "Fine. You hurt her again and I'll do more than throw an egg at you," he promised in a low voice.
"Understood," Jesse nodded. That was when he noticed the heavy gold band on Puck's left ring finger. "You're married?" he asked, a bit louder than he'd intended.
"Two years in June," Puck admitted, smiling fondly as he thought about his wife. "We're very traditional," he added in a confiding tone.
"I'm not sure I'd call it traditional, Noah. She told you that she wasn't going to give me another sister so you'd better put a ring on her finger or she'd find someone who would," Rachel pointed out smugly.
Puck cleared his throat, then grinned like an idiot in love. "Berry, that is traditional in my family."
Everyone laughed. Jesse raised his eyebrow. "So, you and Quinn Fabray? Can I say that I'm a little shocked and not get punched out?"
"Yeah, St. James, happens all the time. Apparently, most people did not think that we'd end up married with a baby and one on the way."
"Noah is a fire fighter," Rachel grinned. "He's in the calendar and everything."
"Damn it, Berry. Will you stop telling everyone we know that? My mom says they have that thing in our synagogue in Lima thanks to you," Puck groused. "Little old Jewish ladies are looking at my half-naked body while they decide which Tuesday would be best to meet for bridge."
Rachel snorted. "I have one as well and I can assure you that there is nothing for you to be ashamed of, Noah." Rachel started digging in her purse. "Shelby sent me Beth's new picture and an extra for you if you want it?"
Puck looked like he'd been asked if he wanted to shoot his wife or his mom. Every year Shelby sent them a picture. Puck usually declined but after thinking about it for a few days would call her up and admit that yes he did want the picture. "Fine. I'll take it," he sucked in a breath when he saw the picture. "Shit, she looks more like Quinn every year."
"She's very beautiful," she agreed. "But I see you in her too, Noah. Her eyes and that badass smirk around her mouth," Rachel said seriously, "that's all you," and then she smiled one of her wide Rachel Berry smiles.
"Thanks, Berry. Hey, Quinn wanted one of those vegan things she craves...which one was it again?" Puck made a face after saying it. "I can't wait until she's eating like a normal person again. Vegan, yeck."
"I will have you know that vegan is a healthy lifestyle choice and I am proud of Quinn for choosing to eat in such a manner. Even if she's planning to celebrate the birth with a 14 oz rib-eye," now it was Rachel's turn to pull a face. But she laughed and got up to make the purchase for Noah. She looked back while waiting for her change. The boys appeared to be having a heated discussion that ended swiftly when Noah stood up and walked over to her.
"Noah? What's wrong?" she wondered.
"Nothing. Look, I know I don't have any right to tell you this...but I still don't like that Jesse kid too much," Puck shrugged. "You do what you need to. I just..you know that I'm always here for you, right?" he chucked her under the chin as if she were his sister rather than his best friend.
"Yes, Noah," she hesitated, "and thank you. For not judging and for being my friend."
Puck grabbed his coffee and the bag that Rachel handed him. He pulled her close in a fierce bear hug. He looked back at Rachel and Jesse through the window as he walked back to the flat he and Quinn shared. Rachel was the most forgiving person he knew, he just hoped that she wouldn't regret it this time.