The Romance Chronicles
Max/Liz
I Love You
by
Princess McPhee
Disclaimer: Not mine. Jason Katims, UPN, etc, all not me.
Author's Note: I am in love with Sarah McLachlan's songs, and they're just perfect for the never-ending angst of Roswell's relationship, so I decided to do a piece on it. Thus 'The Romance Chronicles' were born. Each piece is standalone, but they all belong to this series, and are all based around a piece of SM music.
Rating: PG
Summary: After the Pilot, Liz wonders about her newfound feelings for Max.
I'm just walking home, minding my own business, backpack heavy on my shoulders in the summer heat, even though it's only spring, when there he is. He hasn't noticed me yet, and his walk in smooth, fluid and uninhibited. Michael is by his side, but I barely notice him except for the fact that his spiky hair makes him not just taller than Max, but a whole head so, and he cannot be missed, walking alongside Max, yet so different from him.
I watch him for a while, walking slowly along the sidewalk, keeping even and little behind them on the other side of the road. Michael is silent, or so it looks, and Max is talking casually about something, I can tell he's not worried, because his body is so fluid. When he's upset, he tenses all his muscles, and his movement is very different.
He finally notices me when we're barely half a block from the Crashdown. He's moving his head around, gesturing in that wild, yet wonderfully gentle way that I love, and he must have seen me out of the corner of his eye, because he stops and turns, and his gaze catches mine.
A smile spreads across his face, slowly, and I can almost see it melting his features. Max's smile is like that, when his face is somber, everything is sad, and when it's lit up, you can see it in his eyes, his cheeks, his forehead, every element expresses his emotion. Now, as his lips spread into that wonderfully knee-melting grin, his whole body radiates his quiet thrill.
I can't help myself, I stand there, knowing I look totally dopey, and just smile back. I have no idea what I'm going to do about Max Evans, but I do know that there is just miles and miles and miles of chemistry between us. I don't want to say I'm in love with him... but maybe I am.
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around us disappears
His eyes are talking to me, communicating the pheromones and chemicals and touch that he would like to be exchanging in person, I know.
I know because I want to be, too.
His eyes are wonderfully deep, dark brown, and it's easy to forget we're on a street, with other people. In each other's eyes, were alone and wonderfully together and everything is drowned out. There is almost more intimacy than when we're alone together, which is, I must admit, rarely.
I have no idea what I'm going to do about Max Evans.
It's just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
I want to shout in Max's ear, shout across the street, the whole town of Roswell. Hell, I want to shout it out so that all the world can hear. I'm in love with Max Evans! But I can't do that, because I'm sensible little Lizzie Parker, the one who never expects more than reality from a boyfriend.
Who would never expect that a high-school romance, much less a high school romance between two sophomores, could possibly be love.
Sometimes I wonder if those expectations are the result of the way I am, or if the way that I am is the result of those expectations. I mean, do I behave responsibly, and am therefore expected to do so, or am I expected to do so, and therefore behave responsibly? I guess I'll never really know.
Oh and every time
I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
Our eyes part as Michael pulls Max away, and Maria pulls me into the Crashdown by the arm. "Girl, you are really in deep!" She complains half-heartedly, having learned ages ago that trying to get between me and Max is pointless. I follow her without a fight to change into my uniform, but I don't take my eyes off of Max until we're too far away to see each other.
I want to tell him so much. I want to tell him that I'm madly in love with him, that all I think about is him, that I want to bury my tongue in his mouth, that I want to touch him, touch his strong arms and lean back and contoured, amazingly expressive face until there is nothing left about his body that I don't know.
And I want to touch more of his body than just those innocent parts.
That's maybe the only thing that disturbs me about this whole thing. It's not his fault, Max seems to have no plans to turn this into a sex thing, but I've never thought about somebody that way, especially not about touching them that way. I've let Kyle touch me that way, but I was never interested in touching him.
But I want to touch Max all over. I want to learn every wrinkle and every crease, and I want to learn how his skin feels, everywhere, and I want to rest against him, knowing it's him only by the way he feels.
And then I want to start with his mind.
I want to know Max Evans inside and out, like nobody else possibly can. Like he doesn't even know himself. I don't care if he is a damn alien, and I don't believe for one second that this is all because he healed me, like Maria thinks. I love that girl, but she's not feeling what I am.
Because if she was, she couldn't doubt me for a second.
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too long
And cold here without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say
I need you so
I can barely work. My father keeps prodding me, annoyed with my lack of the usual flawless Liz-Parker performance, and Maria keeps elbowing me with this knowing smile, trying to keep me out of my father's clutches. But the whole time I'm trying to work, all I can think about is how I missed another opportunity to tell Max how I really feel.
I know he doubts that I could ever love an alien, but I barely remember. Of course, it was quite a shock when he healed me, and more of a shock when he told me what he was, but now, all I think about when I'm near him are those eyes of his, and his strong hands, and the way I want to be kissing him forever.
I've wondered more times this week than ever before in my life how long the human body can go without breathing.
Because that one little statistic can tell me how long I can keep my lips pressed solidly against his.
Oh and every time
I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
Finally, our shift is over, and Maria drags me into the locker room to change. Our replacements are already working and my father won't dare come into the ladies room, so we're safe.
"What is going on, Lizzie?"
I'm thinking about that smile he gave me outside, earlier today, and I don't hear Maria for a minute.
"Liz!"
I raise my head hurriedly. "Yeah?"
"Are you alright?"
I shake my head to clear it, and then nod. "I'm fine, Maria."
Maria shakes her head, now, though she shakes it to show her disapproval, not to get it working again.
Evidently realizing that she'll get no useful information from me about anything else, she sighs, and asks that question that she likes to make seem like she's been dreading all day. "How's Max?"
A stupid grin sweeps across my face, and I'm sure I look like an idiot. I can't help it, I always seem to look like an idiot when Max Evans is concerned. My face got tired at school last week for the first time ever, I think, from smiling all day. "Great," I answer dreamily.
Maria sighs again. She seems to think that by having to listen to me talk about Max, she's somehow gotten the worst job in the universe. I can't possibly believe it's so awful.
"Lizzie, that staring fest you were having with him earlier was freaking me out."
I meet her eyes for the first time. "Sorry."
Maria shakes her head, and apparently decides to drop the subject. She stands and grabs her things to go. "See you at school," She says as she walks out the back door. I answer her with something similar, but it's moments later when she won't even hear it, because I can't process other things that fast when I'm caught up in the Max portion of my brain.
I have to tell him. Otherwise the people I'm around are going to think I'm crazy.
Hell, if this continues, I might even end up crazy.
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too long
And cold here without you
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