The missile vibrates in his hands as he grabs it and holds onto it fiercely, placing himself below it as both of them keep soaring forward as one. Determination settles inside of him and he can feel the blood rush in his ears, but he decides to ignore it. He distantly hears someone, Cap, though he barely recognizes him, say something along the lines of 'Stark you know that's a one way trip' and for a split seconds he feels a spike of something he can't place, not exactly fear, or resentment, it's rather a mixture of anger, fear, sadness and resignation, because, though he rationally knows he accepted the risks when he became Iron Man, he also knows he doesn't want to die, doesn't want to just stop existing and become a blurry memory in the minds and hearts of those who care about him, he fears the world will just keep turning even though he will be dead, probably light years away from his home and Pepper. So he shoves those feelings away and decides not to answer Steve, because he knows himself, and admits to himself that if he answers, all hell will break loose and he will blurt his thoughts and feelings out like a drunken man. Instead he talks to JARVIS, mustering all his courage and trying to sound like himself.
"Save the rest for the turn, J."
And then JARVIS takes the initiative, because he knows Tony too damn well for his own good, and dares ask the question Tony both dreads and wants the most.
"Sir, shall I try Miss Potts?" and as he speaks, Pepper's picture appears in the HUD, and Tony looks at it, and immediately makes up his mind. He doesn't want to sound too desperate, so he settles for an almost nonchalant "might as well" and prays to all the gods he knows of (except Loki, that little bastard is the reason he is going to die) for her to pick up. He feels the nervousness churn in his stomach, and after what feels like an eternity, her hurried, desperate voice floods through the helmet, and he feels a breath he hadn't known he had been holding escape through his lips.
"Tony, oh my God, what are you doing? Let that missile go before –"
"Hey Pep, how you doing, is the flight going okay?" Tony interrupts her and tries to change the topic, because if this is his last conversation, he will make sure he can at least choose the main topic.
"The flight!" she almost shrieks, "You are carrying a damn missile to only God knows where, and you ask about my flight?"
'Okay, let's go to plan B, because apparently asking about the flight won't work, file that for future reference, oh wait, there won't be future references,' Tony thinks, and without wasting a second, he sets plan B into motion.
"Hey, cut me some slack, just trying to be polite here, you know? Anyway, I don't think I have much time left, you know, since the suit's the fastest flying thingy ever and all that stuff, so I just want you to listen to me okay?" his voice cracks a bit towards the last words, and he has to take a deep breath before continuing, Pepper's breathing the only thing his brain focuses on.
"Well, what can I say that I haven't told you yet, or thought yet, or both? I know you can practically read my mind, Pep, so you already know I love you, I have loved you since the moment you threatened those security guards with pepper spray in my office, and I will love you until the moment the whole universe collapses on itself again, and then a bit longer. You are the only reason I put on the suit and fight, the only reason I'm still alive.
I may not be sure what I'm without the suit, but I sure as hell know I'm less than nothing without you, Virginia Pepper Potts. Because you were wrong, you know? The arc reactor isn't the proof that I have a heart, you are. That's why I'm asking you, and believe me when I say I may not even have the right to, I'm asking you: 'Will you do me the great honor of marrying me?'"
He can no longer restrain the tears that have been threatening to spill from his eyes since the moment he started talking, and they roll quietly down his face as he hears Pepper's breathing, and he can tell she's crying, and he hates himself, and Loki, and the Chitauri, and the asshole that released the nuke, for making his Pepper cry.
"Tony, I love you too, you know that, always have, and always will. You are a great man, a hero, my hero, my Iron Man with a heart of gold, of course I will marry you, there are infinite alternate universes out there, and believe me, there is not one, not a single one, in which I don't love you, you hear me?"
Her voice cracks, and he hears her sobbing, and he is tempted to join her in her crying, because they both know that this is it, that this time there is no way out, but he can't, he can't cry now, because right now he is the happiest man on the universe, because Pepper would marry him, and she'll be safe, and those are the only things that matter to him now.
The portal is closer now, too close, and he feels that he should stay quiet, because nothing, nothing could possibly be better than hearing the woman he loves say she will become his wife. But he is Tony Stark, after all, and he feels like he should have the last word, especially if this is his last conversation ever.
"Oh, thank Go-"
But he doesn't get to finish that sentence; at least Pepper doesn't hear it, because suddenly he isn't on Earth anymore, he is far away from her, from anybody, from anything he knows, and Pepper feels the urge to scream until her throat is raw, to cry until she no longer can feel the pain that is searing through her, expanding from her chest and consuming everything in its wake, because Tony is probably dead, and she will never get to marry him, to ask him stupid questions about his childhood, to tell him anecdotes and, more importantly, she will never get to create memories with him, to stand in the top of a building and shout at the top of her lungs 'I love you!' and then have him shout back 'I love you too!'. She will never have any of that, and that breaks her, the only thing she wants to do is curl on her bed, their bed, and never get up again. But she knows he wouldn't want her life to be meaningless and empty, so she only stares at the TV, tears rolling down her face and her phone clutched tightly in her hand, praying silently to any God, any greater power, willing to sell her own soul to see those chocolate brown eyes shining with joy again.
After what seems ages, but are only minutes, she sees the portal collapsing, and Tony isn't flying out of it, and she feels dead on the inside, because she meant it when she said she had no one else aside from Tony, he is her lifeline, the reason she still has faith in mankind, because he is the proof it is never too late to change, that you write your own legacy, that in the end, your actions are more valuable than your words. He is the living Phoenix, now reduced to ashes spread out across the universe.
All those thoughts run through her head in the seconds it takes the portal to close, and then, a little red and gold spot is flying through the sky, and she could cry with joy, she could hug anyone, because he's done it again, he's beaten the odds and has come back to her. And then, for the second time that day, her hopes are crushed relentlessly, because he is not flying he's falling, and she doesn't have to be a genius to know that no one could survive that fall. 'Granted – her brain provides – that he is still alive.'
He keeps falling and falling, and then a green blur catches him like he is some kind of toy, and then the blur hangs onto a building to slow down their descent. The TV feed suddenly freezes, and then, as Pepper is holding her breath, it goes black.
Then, she doesn't know when exactly, because she is busy crying with her head in her hands, her phone starts ringing. She snaps her head up, and fumbles for it, and when she sees Tony's picture, she is so happy she almost starts crying again, this time for and entirely different reason. She picks up instantly.
"Tony! Oh my God, are you okay? , tell me you are okay or I swear to God I will personally kill Fury and the entirety of SHIELD on my own."
"Jesus, Pep, I thought I was the violent one, you know?" he says, tired but happy, and Pepper is so relieved she has to fight the urge to stand up and hug the first flight assistant she sees. "I'm fine, okay, I'm fine now, I could be better, but that would entail flying to a Stark Industries plane and kidnapping you, and I'm not sure I'm up to it right now, give me an hour, okay, hour and a half at most and I'll be knocking on your metaphorical door. Deal?"
"No need, Tony, the plane's on its way back, I'll be there soon, so go getting ready for the scolding you are about to get for scaring me to death like that," she answers, a smile tugging at her lips as she hears him mumble something along the lines of 'at least this time I've been warned' before he clears his throat and says, louder this time.
"Pep, I really need to tell you this changes nothing of what I told you before, and I really hope it doesn't change anything of what you said earlier," he says, almost sheepishly, almost like he expects her to deny everything she said before. That only makes her want to stress it even more.
"Tony, you know I'm as stubborn as you are, you really thought you'd get rid of me so easily? I'm wounded," she answers playfully, smiling when he hears him laugh.
"Okay, you have no idea how happy I am right now, future Pepper Stark. God, even my surname sounds better with your name. You complete me, you know that right? I love you Pep. I gotta go now, but I'll call you back when I'm done."
"Goodbye Tony, I love you. Call me soon okay?"
"Don't worry Pep, you won't even have enough time to miss me."
"I hope so, Tony, God knows I've already missed you too much today."
END