'allo? 'allo? Eez zis theeng being on?
Ah, yes, zer eet ees. Ahem. 'allo. I am being Antoine Depardieu, savioor of Mobius, delivereeng zis most important massage. As you vill 'ave probably guessed, zat 'ighlee un'onourable 'uman Vengeance cannot be being 'ere today. 'ee zaid sometheenk about 'ating Valoonteen's Day et destroyeeng all ze 'allmark factorees across ze nation, zo I am takeeng over 'is spot to express my love of ze wonderfuel Preenzess Zally to ze 'ole vorld on zis most glorious day.
Oh, et we are all being owned by Sega, DiC, blah-de-blah-blah. Now to beputteeng some real culteure in zis place...
"A Valoonteen's Day Poom"
By Antoine Depardieu
For you, my dear Preenzess, I've wrote zis 'omage
With your 'air big and soft like a vheel of fromage
Your eyes are being bleuer zan ze sparkeeng stream
Your smile lights ze dark vith its perfeect vhite gleam
You are having ze swan's neck, vith fur ala silk
Et your brains are too great for ze folks of our eelk
Your bootifuel body has not one bad ion
You've ze skill of ze gimmynast and strength of ze lion
You're qveen of ze fashion world, styleesh et chic
Your Majestee's vardrobe is c'est magnifique
Your powerfuel legs make you ageele et qvick
To keep up vith zat 'edge'og 'oo's slang makes me sick
I am loveenk your all, from ze tip of your nose
Et goeeing right down to your royal petite toes
We've been knoweeng each uzzer since cinq years of age
And you've seence became a goddess with wisdoom et sage
You're ze most greateest woman I've ever to know
And you're almost as sweet as ze best escargot
Zo, please make your mind up, eet eesn't zat 'ard
Spend zis Valoonteen's Day vith your most-loving guard
Hah! Your Shakespeare vould be kickeeng 'imself, non?
EEEEE! Ze Vengeance, 'ee'as returned! I must be putteeng ze puddle to ze medal! Adieu, art lovers!