Will & Grace: Eye of the Tiger.
Author: Kelly
Disclaimer: I own nothing, all of the characters and everything belong to their respective owners. I am simply borrowing them for a little while.
Summary: Will & Grace find a nasty surprise in their apartment.
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"Did you see that cute produce guy?" Grace Adler asked as she stepped out of the elevator and onto the desired floor, she turned back and gave her best friend Will Truman a cheeky grin. "I'd let him see my melons anytime."
Will stopped and gave her an unsure look that clearly said that he didn't think so. "More like lemons sweetie," he answered gently. Grace glared back at him with a mixture of annoyance and hurt.
"Apples?" she compromised adjusting her top, sure it was true that she was a little on flat chested side but she wasn't about to borderline on skinny boy type flat chested.
There came an uncanny laugh from the elevator, one that for some reason always inspired fear in Will. Clutching the grocery bag, he slowly turned back as the doors opened once more. "Oh honey, I've seen bigger breasts on my stepson." Grace stared at the woman open mouthed.
"Too bad I almost forgot about our drunk on a leash," Will answered sarcastically. Karen Walker strolled out of the elevator with a smile and placed a hand on his shoulder, not a fond act just so she had something to support herself up on. "Oh Wilma," she said then immediately walked over to the tall plant pot next to the door, reaching behind and brought out a tall bottle of vodka. Apparently from nowhere.
"I'm not even going to ask," Will said, surprised at this sight? Not so much.
"I knew I'd left it here somewhere," Karen said unscrewing the cap and producing a glass from her bag. "I'm forever doing it with my step kids." She started pouring the contents into it, she hated skipping breakfast.
"Like the time you left them at the zoo?" Grace asked gently, shifting her own grocery bag from one arm to the other while she searched for her keys to the apartment.
"They were safe enough," Karen reasoned loudly.
"Karen…they were almost mauled to death by the gibbons," Will replied then saw Grace was having some trouble. "Can't find your keys sweetie?"
"I could've sworn I had them in here some…" her voice trailed off as she disappeared headfirst into her bag, god knows what was in there. While, she did that Will reached into his pockets and retrieved his own pair, inserting them into the lock.
Casually, he turned the key until it made the distinct click and gently pushed the door open. "Open sesa…MEEE!" Will immediately threw his grocery bag down at the floor and pulled the door shut quickly, obviously distraught by what he had seen.
"Will, what are you doing? My leg wax was in that bag, do you know how much that costs?" Grace shouted, more distraught over that than the girlie scream that had emanated from her best friend's mouth.
"Oh honey," Karen said after taking another sip of vodka. "You don't need wax for that moustache." She paused for thought. "You need a good groomer." Karen giggled at her own joke, clearly amused at the prospect. Grace tenderly touched her top lip at the suggestion.
"There's something in our apartment," Will said folding his arms and staring at the door.
"Did Jack get in again?" Grace asked hands on her hips. "The last time I found him in there he was sitting on the couch in my underwear." Will grimaced at the mere visuals, oh yeah he was going to need a good dose of therapy.
"It's not Jack," Will answered slowly.
"Did I mention he stretched it," Grace continued ranting. Will placed his hands on her shoulders to calm her down.
"It's not Jack," he repeated.
"Then what is it?" Grace asked. Karen stood against the wall, feigning interest while slowly refilling her glass. Will looked from her to Grace then back to the door, clearly trying to come up with some way to put it. "Well it's…it's a…I think it was…"
"Quit stammering and start yammering," Karen cried out walking towards the door and turning the handle to the door. Will ran over to her and put a hand on her arm to stop her.
"Karen, what the Hell are you doing?" he demanded.
"What does it look like, Princess?" she answered. "Going in to see what all the fuss is all about."
"You really don't want to do that Karen," Will said gently, then again trying to reason with this woman was hard task unless you had a lifetime's supply of pills and Bailey's.
"Oh come on," Karen replied, setting her arm free of his grasp and handing him her glass. "It can't be that disturbing, I sleep with Stan every night for crying outloud." She jiggled the handle some more and intended to push past Will. "Karen…"
"Out the way lady boy," Karen said forcefully placing a hand on his chest and pushing him out the way, much to Grace's dismay. She straightened up, causing her jacket to bust open.
"Karen," Grace said tilting her head to one side. "How come you're so rich and yet you can't afford to buy clothes that fit you?" Karen loosened her grip on the handle for a second and looked down.
"Honey these puppies can't be contained," she answered moving up and down while shaking them about with a grin. Karen stopped and looked at Grace with a sad expression. "Oh I'm sorry honey, of course you wouldn't know what it's like to have a great rack." A beat. "Oh well," she said turning the handle and heading into the apartment, she closed the door behind her.
Will finally recovered from being beaten so easily, and by a drunk too. "Karen," he shouted grabbing the handle and banging on the door. Grace placed her grocery bags down. "Will what's in there?" she asked gently.
"A tiger," he answered soberly then continued banging on the door and calling Karen's name.
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Jack McFarland grabbed his robe; it was the neon blue silky one that he had recently purchased from Barney's. He was annoyed with all the commotion outside his apartment but he couldn't pass at the opportunity to gaze at himself in the mirror as he passed. He smiled, pouted then blew a kiss. "My ass looks great in this," he said to no one in particular, turning round and admiring the view. There was more banging and that disrupted his entire routine, he stood up and drew a straight face. "I'm going for inspiration from the ultimate diva." Jack tried to frown but couldn't resist the urge to belt out a Cher song. "And frown, working the nostrils and…" He pulled open the door and looked at Will and Grace banging on the door. "Whatthehellisgoingonhere?" he screamed out. "Some of us are trying to sleep."
"Jack, it's 2.30 in the afternoon," Grace answered long enough to stop banging on the door.
"And the problem is…?" Jack replied not entirely caring, he played with the belt of his robe. "Why all the banging? Did you two try and hit on the same guy again?"
"Yes and he decided the only way to get away from us was to lock himself in OUR apartment," Will said with heavy sarcasm. "God you make Britney Spears look intelligent."
"Hey hey hey! No dissing the diva," Jack said while leaning on the doorframe. "So whatcha doing then?" Will opened his mouth to explain when the door suddenly opened and Karen came bursting out, Grace immediately closed the door too.
"Geez Wilma you really should feed Grace more," Karen said straightening out her jacket. "All I saw were teeth and a flash of red hair." Grace looked at the woman, holding out her hands.
"Karen I'm right here."
"That's nice," Karen said not entirely caring, then looked round for her vodka. Will handed her the glass back, she took it and smiled tenderly. "I love you." She took a huge gulp.
"Oh my god, Karen are you all right?" Jack said stepping out the safety of his own apartment and placing his hands on either shoulder.
"I'm fine poodle," she answered draining the glass then turned her attention to Will and Grace. "What the hell are you thinking? Why didn't you tell me you had a pet tiger?"
"We have a…" Grace said getting excited then remembered where she was then gave Will the same look. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Will saw both women looking at him, why did they always have a way of intimidating him? "Why are you looking at me? It's not mine."
"How do we get rid of it?" Grace asked in a panic.
"I'm sure Rosario could wrestle it," Karen said reaching into her bag for the cell phone.
"Wait a minute," Jack said holding up his hands and addressing the whole group. Once he got their attention, he lowered his voice and looked at them. "What's going on here?"
"What's going on here Lady Tiko," Will answered indicating the womanly robe Jack was wearing. "Is there is a tiger in our apartment?" Jack's face registered no surprise at all. "As in huge big cat, sharp claws with teeth to match." This was unbelievable; Jack seemed as gormless as ever. "Are you even listening to me or wondering how your ass looks in a pair of jeans?"
Jack finally snapped out of it. "So I see you met Linza."
"Who the Hell is Linza?" Will asked.
"The tiger."
"You put it there?" Grace answered taking a step forward. "In our apartment?"
"Yes, it's Fabritzio's." Jack gave them a grin. "He works in a circus act, he needed somewhere for put Linza while he…" He looked at them cunningly. "Showed me some tricks."
"Why did you keep Linza," Will answered, he couldn't believe he was calling a tiger by that name. "In your apartment."
"And let her wreck my apartment?" Jack replied. "I'm not that stupid." Grace glared at him, she had spent so long on getting the apartment just right and now all that work had been undone by a tiger. "Will," she said fiercely. "Hold me back." Will grabbed her by the arms while Jack ran into his apartment, slamming the door behind him.
Will gently let his arms drop and put his hands on his hips. "This is just great," he said softly. "What are we going to do?"
"I know a tiger in our apartment," Grace answered. "How we going to get it out?" Will looked at her with an irritated expression. "That's what I generally meant by what are we going to do?" He shook his head slowly, clearly trying to formulate some sort of plan.
Karen fumbled round in her bag and finally pulled out her cell phone. "I could always called Rosario," she suggested, waving the phone around with a grin. "I'm sure she could wrestle that Linza down to the ground quicker than you can say Martini." Will and Grace exchanged a look with one another then back to Karen with a nod.
"Do it."
THE END