AN: This story is dedicated to my dear friend Sarah aka DolphinDreamer24-7. She has been a big inspiration to continue writing stories and gave me the inspiration for this story. She is my long lost twin and all of you should go read her stuff also because she is amazing!
"She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even, and perhaps most especially, when that person couldn't see it in themselves." PoA movie.
James sat alone under his favourite tree, the one right next to the lake. He couldn't take it any more. His world was falling apart all around him and he wasn't even out in the real world yet. He knew that there was a war going on outside the walls of Hogwarts. He had felt its effects. First, when his best mate was kicked out of his own house for choosing not to support Voldemort. Next was when the families of those around him started to die. Every morning the ministry owls would fly into the Great Hall to deliver the bad news. The second biggest blow occurred a little over a year ago when a ministry owl came for her. He watched helplessly as her world came crashing down. There was nothing that he could do for her because there was nothing she would let him do. She couldn't stand him and he felt there was no redeeming quality about himself that could change her mind.
The biggest blow happened only two weeks ago. A ministry owl came for him. He knew the day would come, seeing as his parents were out on the battlefield. They were gone and now the only Potter child to survive was completely alone. Voldemort had successfully knocked him to his knees. Though, he would never admit that to anyone. He had to put on the brave face. He couldn't let anyone see him fall apart. Since the day they died he had been putting on the brave face. He thought if he acted like everything was OK then everything would be OK.
He didn't let his mask slip at their funeral when his parent's friends said the most wonderful things about them. He didn't falter as his parents' caskets were lowered into the ground or as the dirt was placed on top of them. No, people saw him as strong and vindictive for his parent's death and he worked hard to make it appear that way. But only on the outside.
On the inside, James had turned into a little boy. He was so much less of the man he had been only weeks before. He remembered how easy it had once been to picture himself as indestructible and untouchable. Now reality had set in and he had realized his own mortality. In an instant his life or the lives of those he loved, could end and there was nothing he could do about it. There was no magic that could save him. No words that would stop death in it's tracks. What good was magic if it couldn't save him? It was pointless. All it was was waving a stick around, making him look a fool.
He was lost. There was nothing left for him. Sure he still had his friends, but they were all pairing off and falling in love. Sirius and Remus had finally admitted their feelings for each other and now he felt like a third wheel around them. Frank was now engaged to Alice and was focusing all his time on wedding preparations. Peter was never around anymore. He was always off studying with some Hufflepuff bird. Everyone had someone to rely on during this hard time. He only had himself. He was alone.
The sun had set and the moon had risen. The cool night air sent chills down his spine. He heard footsteps draw near to him and didn't bother to look to see who it was. It didn't matter; he knew what they would say. He knew they would tell him that it was getting cold outside that he needed to go inside, go to bed.
Inside was the last place he wanted to be. He didn't want to see the smiling faces in the common room. He didn't want to hear the hushed voices whispering words of love in his dorm room. The sounds of the night had a very soothing effect on his mind.
He felt the person sit beside him and heard the soft sigh emitted from the person.
Lily had watched his world fall. She knew what it was like to lose your parents and her heart went out to the boy she had disliked for years. She watched him put on a brave front and had seen the zombie he became when he walked the deserted corridors, thinking no one was watching. She saw how his friends didn't know what to do for him. She saw how they made the decision to ignore the problem, acting like nothing had happened in the hopes that they could get back to their normal lives. She watched how, even in his pain, he helped the younger students when their bag ripped or they were being bullied. She saw how somewhere deep inside he was still trying his hardest to fight the darkness inside of him. He was fighting so hard to remain the same person he was before his parents died. She had thought he would be fine but as the days passed she watched as the fire in his eyes flickered away and the passion for life leave him. She watched him give up and it killed her to see him this way.
She didn't know when it happened exactly but sometime during the past few weeks she had grown to care for him. That was why it hurt her so much to see his friends stand by and do nothing to help him. She couldn't stand by any longer. That's why, when she saw him sitting under that tree that night, she had to go to him. She didn't think about anything other than the fact that he needed someone right now.
"It sure is a beautiful night." She said. James looked at her through the side of his eyes. What was she doing there? She hated him. Why would she come out to get him?
"You know, James, It's ok to miss them. They were your parents after all. It's ok to cry." She said, leaning in closer to him.
James sighed. "Evans, why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be doing rounds or something?"
"Probably, but I feel like you may need me more. James, tell me about your parents?" Lily requested, scooting close to him and resting her head on his shoulder.
"Evans, I don't really want to do this right now…"
"It's Lily. And you should do this James. It's good to remember the good time you had with them. You need to remember them, James. You can't keep going on like this. So tell me what was your mother like? I bet she was beautiful." Lily said, nudging him in the side.
"She was. She had the most beautiful strawberry-blonde hair and light blue eyes. My father looked just like me. Same unruly black hair… same horrible eyesight. They were both so… so… Lily, I can't do this." James said, voice catching in his throat. Lily's hand moved to his back, rubbing soothing circles on it.
"You can do it. Keep going. Trust me, it helps." Lily whispered.
"They were both so in love…" James sniffled. "For years they had tried to have kids, but none of them made it full term. They had nearly given up on starting a family when mom found out she was pregnant with me… They really were the best parents…" sniffle, "They spoiled me but kept my feet firmly on the ground. I… I don't know what I am going to do without them." James sobbed.
Lily shifted her body and took him into her arms. He buried his head into her shoulder and sobbed. Her hand flew to his hair and she ran her fingers through it. Lily let him sob his heart wrenching sobs and couldn't help but cry with him. It was such a relief for her to finally see emotion come back to him. She didn't know how long they sat there, and truly it didn't matter to her. He needed this. He needed to let out everything he had been holding in for the past few weeks. Finally his sobbing subsided and his breathing slowed and soon evened out. Lily nearly though he was asleep until his voice spoke softly through the night air.
"Lily, why did you come for me?" He asked, shifting his body to a sitting position and looking her in the eyes.
"James, I know what it is like to lose your parents. I know that no one really knows how to comfort you. I saw how your friends were helpless and how you started to pull away from them. I… I couldn't stand to watch you lose yourself." Lily replied looking at the grass below them.
"Thanks."
" James… I need to tell you something… I've missed the old you. James, you have this natural leadership about you. You may not see it but people look up to you. And you're kind to all the other students at school. I know that you try to act all tough and everything but I've seen you sit in front of the fire late at night, reading books. I've noticed that you have tried so hard to be strong, to show others that it is possible to live through this war. But James, your smile has lost that mischievous smirk. Your eyes are dead all the time, even when you laugh. James, I miss the old you. Please, you have to work through this and not push it all aside and not deal with it. I mean, if you can't make it through something like this, what hope do the rest of us have?" She said, looking him in the eyes, pleading with him.
James didn't know what to say. This was the first they had made it through a full conversation without her storming off in anger. When had things changed? Suddenly she was confessing to him that she had been watching him. For the first time in two weeks hope flowed through his veins. She had taken notice of him. She had found something in him.
Minutes passed by as he watched her, taking in all that she had said. He noticed how her emerald eyes seemed to glow in the night. He noticed that her eyes were puffy and realized that she had been crying with him moments before. Looking in her eyes he knew that there was a reason for him to move past the death of his parents. He slowly leaned in closer to her, eyes only closing when he was an inch away from her. His lips touched hers lightly and briefly at first before her hand came up to cup his chin and pull him in for a better kiss.
James smiled as they pulled away and for the first time in two weeks, Lily saw the passion and fire back in his eyes. She had found the beauty in a seemingly broken boy.