Chapter One-Before the Wreckage

LexiePOV-5 weeks before the plane crash

How could I let myself do this? Where is my self-worth? What even lead to this?

Sitting up in the bed, entangled in the sheets that were all too familiar, I retraced what had happened just a few short hours ago. I remembered that I had been on Mark's service and that I was having a bad day because just being near him was hard enough. Being on his service wasn't usually too bad because I could easily distract myself doing the things that interns do, running to get coffee or doing sutures or charts. Today however, he had an eight hour surgery that he wanted all the interns to see. Eight hours standing in the same room as him, hearing his voice and looking at him…..how could someone not be in love with him? So after that I was on the verge of a breakdown, I needed to drink.

A few of us went over to Joe's and we all got shots. Then more shots. The later we stayed, the drunker I got. It was all starting to come back to me now…

Everyone had went home after having their fill of drinks but I just couldn't bring myself to go to Meredith's because I couldn't let her see me like this. So instead I did what every angry, hurt and drunk person shouldn't do, but usually does. I went to my ex's house. I walked across the street to Marks. It was all coming back to me now…..

"Mark! Mark open the door!" I banged and banged on the door of Mark's apartment, so hard and so long that even through my drunkenness I could feel my hand starting to throb. "Mark open the damn door I know you can hear me." I don't know how long it was before he actually came to the door, all I know is that he finally did. When he opened the door I could see the sleep in his eyes and realized I must have woken him up.

"Lexie? What the hell are you doing here? Do you even know what time it is? Is something wrong? Are you drunk?" I could see his mouth moving but I couldn't focus on any of the words that were coming out because I was focusing on his lips that I had kissed so many times. How did we get to this? He had another girlfriend and was probably pretty happy and here I was drunk and probably ruining his night.

"Hey Mark….yeah I seem to be a little intoxicated. I'm really sorry. I don't even know why I'm here." I finally was able to stutter out some words. He just looked at me confused and I realized that this was the longest conversation we'd had in a while. I missed him so much and I couldn't help but to just stare at his face. He had a really nice face, and those lips….before I knew what I was doing my lips were on his and I was pushing him inside the apartment. I didn't even care whether or not his girlfriend was there or not. Maybe she would be there and someone would smack some sense into me because Mark didn't seem to be doing anything implying that he didn't want this. So it happened….I slept with Mark.

Now that I had recalled every trashy detail of what happened I felt the worst headache coming on. The enormous headache and the fact that it was 6:00 in the morning made it pretty hard to find my clothes. It was dark and so trying to move around without making any noise was nearly impossible but I managed to find my clothes and was almost out the door when from the other room I heard Mark yell my name. I couldn't stop, I couldn't turn back, I wasn't ready to face him and what I thought I had made him do. Instead I grabbed what I had left to put on and ran out the door not looking back at the man chasing after me.

One week before the crash

I stood in the bathroom holding test results labeled Jane Doe in one hand and a handful of home pregnancy tests in the other trying to wipe the tears with my arms before they fell onto my scrubs.

How could this be happening? What am I going to do? What is going to happen?