Author's note: The first few chapters will be similar to Catching Fire's, so there might be some minor spoilers.
Legal disclaimer for the entire story: The Hunger Games doesn't belong to me, and I don't do this for profit.
Chapter 1:
Six months had passed since they returned home from the Hunger games. Katniss spent most of her time with her family, trying to put the past year behind her.
It was not easy, least of all while moving into their new house in the victor village. They had brought most of their possessions over from their old one, even the couch, a couch got better with age her mother said. It had been the first furniture her parents bought.
The new house was bigger than the previous one, everything they owned could be comfortably stored in one of the three floors. Spreading things out just made it worse.
Beyond a few questions from her family the first few days, she had yet to talk to anyone about the games. There had been a big party when they first stepped out from the train, to celebrate their homecoming, their survival. But the enthusiasm had not been heartfelt, as the next years games were already clouding their thoughts. Having a victor had both negative and positive aspects.
Katniss lifted her head up and stared out the window. She was sitting in her old bedroom. It was snowing heavily, forcing her to spend most of her time inside the house. She saw Prim sitting cross-legged over by the fireplace, staring into the flames. She had been doing that a lot since the end of the Hunger games, and Katniss often spotted Prim sitting quietly in a corner, alone with her thoughts, not really seeing anything.
The energetic little girl Katniss had left seemed lost to them, Katniss closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them she was suddenly face to face with Prim. Katniss flinched, then attempted to cover it up with a hand movement as she reached out to touch Prim's hair.
Prim frowned at her, Katniss smiled back.
"You're leaving again today," Prim said, her blue eyes never leaving Katniss's.
Katniss pulled her hand back, and stood up.
"Yeah, but only for a little while." An empty promise, she had angered the capitol. Her fate was in their hands now, and they were not known for their mercy.
They stared at each other in silence.
"I will be right back," Prim said, and left the room quickly.
Katniss stared after her with a sad smile, her mother had kept up her end of the agreement. She had been a better mother to Prim than she ever was to Katniss. She had brought Prim further into her practice, and allowed her to care for some patients on her own. Katniss looked out the window again, and spotted children playing in the snow. She wished that Prim would go and join them, to be a child for once.
Footsteps came from behind her and she turned around to see who it was.
"Mother."
"It's time." Her mother said simply, her eyes clouded.
Katniss took a deep breath and nodded. She crossed the room and came to a halt before her mother.
"Be safe."
"Remember your promise." Katniss responded.
Her mother nodded, yet kept blocking her way. It wasn't until Katniss gave a tiny nod that she moved away from the doorway, allowing Katniss to pass.
Prim was waiting in the hallway, clutching Buttercup to her chest. She let him go as soon as she spotted her. The cat hissed at Katniss, and she hissed back. It was such an ugly cat.
Katniss smiled at Prim and reached over and pulled her in for a hug. Prim's small arm reached around her and clutched at her back. She was always so warm, like Peeta.
"Katniss," Prim mumbled against Katniss's shirt.
"Yes, little duck?" Katniss murmured back.
"Come back soon," Prim looked up at her.
"Always," Katniss said firmly looking right back at her.
They embraced for a few more seconds, until the noises coming from the outside became too loud to ignore. She gently pried Prim's arms away from her, Prim only fought her a little. Katniss smiled softly, Prim had always been the smart one.
Once free she grabbed her coat quickly and stepped outside. She was met by two peacekeepers, none of which she had met before. They must have been specifically chosen for the victory tour.
She started walking, and didn't look back as the door clicked shut behind her.
She looked around for Peeta, but she couldn't see him anywhere. She glanced toward his house, he was her nearest neighbour. There was no lights turned on inside, and the outside lantern was unlit. So he had left before her. One of the peacekeepers turned toward her, and she glared at him. She sped up, her feet kicking up snow as she walked. Forcing the peacekeepers to hurry to keep up with her.
She looked around for the children that she had seen playing earlier, but she didn't see them anywhere. They walked through the main street, through the heart of the town. There was no one outside, no one there to say goodbye. They were probably just inside, staring out from behind the curtains. She was cold, the wind brushed around her body.
Katniss held her head high, and stared straight ahead as she walked on.
It didn't take long until they reached the train station, and she could clearly spot the shiny train at the tracks. Like everything else from the capitol, it contrasted completely from its current surroundings.
Usually this train only arrived once a year, to choose the tributes, and then bring them to the capitol. But this year was different, they had won. The citizens of district 12 would see a lot more of it this year.
The two peacekeepers stopped before the train. She walked ahead. When she was almost at the door, it opened, and she could see more peacekeepers inside. She entered the train and walked past them, staring each of them into the eyes, daring them to stare back. None of them did, they all stared forward, their dead eyes seeing nothing.
The door closed behind her with a hollow sound, she kept on walking.
She reached the door leading to the dining car; and peeked through the window in the door, she saw Haymitch and Peeta sitting by the table. Effie was nowhere to be seen.
Katniss focused her eyes on Peeta. She had not seen him for weeks, and not spoken to him for months. He seemed healthier now, and had recovered some of the weight he lost during the games. His cheeks had regained their colour. Her heart beat faster. She shook her head slightly, trying to clear her mind.
Katniss stepped into the car, and could feel both pair of eyes focus on her. She sent a glare in their direction, but did not linger. She walked briskly past them, and into the next car. The sleeping car, she was moving so fast that she almost collided with Effie, who exited a room right in front of her.
"There you are. We have been waiting for you," she said enthusiastically, with only a hint of irritation in her voice.
"Yes," Katniss said and moved around Effie. Katniss was already in a foul mood, and was still angry at her from the last games.
"The rooms are exactly like last time, I trust you can find yours." Effie called after her.
Katniss did not answer; she had already reached it, and quickly slipped inside.
Once inside the compartment she fell down at the bed, she closed her eyes, and willed the world to disappear around her.
She stayed in her room for hours; the train started moving a few hours in, she spent most of the time gazing out at the landscape. Beyond the electric fence, district 12 was beautiful.
Katniss started to pace back and forth inside the room, whenever she stopped she always seemed to be facing the door, and sometimes she even took a step towards it, before she stopped abruptly, turned and started to pace the room again. This was her room, she could stay here forever, watching life fly by outside.
By the time she found the guts to leave, her entire body had started to tingle. She took one last look out the window before she moved out the door, what she wouldn't give to be out there instead of in here.
When she arrived to the dining car only Haymitch was there, which caused her to halt for a split second, her resolve weakening. But she pressed on, this wasn't Peeta. She had done nothing bad to this man, not yet anyway. Her feet led her to the couch, and she sat down lightly. She sat across from Haymitch, the table separating them.
"Where is Peeta?" she asked quickly, having already grown tired of the silence.
"He went to his room," he answered, giving her a look.
"What?" she snapped.
He chuckled but did not respond.
She looked around; dinner was out on the table. She touched her stomach gently, she had not eaten since breakfast, and would need all the energy she could get, but did not really have the appetite. So instead she leaned back into the couch and stared past Haymitch, and out of the window behind him. She wondered if Gale had gotten anything on his hunting trip. She hoped he had, he was going to need it.
There was noise coming from the adjacent car, and soon also approaching footsteps. She kept her eyes on the window, but her focus was on listening to the footsteps. She glanced towards the sleeping car, and could see a male face appear in the window.
It was Peeta. He slipped inside; Effie right behind him. Peeta was limping, but it was better than the last time she saw him, now it was barely noticeable.
Peeta kept his eyes on them as he came closer, but gave no visual reaction to their presence.
"Hey," he said towards Katniss, she could feel the couch move as his weight settled on it.
"Hey," she responded, doing her best not to wince as her memories from their last interaction came crashing forwards. It had not been her proudest moment.
Effie had remained standing, even though there was a free chair directly in front of her. She had a new wig on, it was green, with wild orange highlights. Effie pressed her hands together and started to speak.
"Welcome back," Effie said with some enthusiasm.
Katniss hated this about her, could she not read the mood? She was talking to a drunk and two teenagers, none of them appreciated the enthusiasm.
Effie continued, "I am so happy to see you all again! And for such a great occasion, the winner's tour!" She went on to explain the logistics of the tour. All of which Katniss knew already. The winner's tour, like the Hunger Games was required viewing for all the residents of district 12.
Effie finally stopped speaking, and stared at them with proud eyes. Katniss narrowed her eyes at her, Peeta was leaning forwards looking at a spot on the floor in front of them. Effie laughed weakly, then clapped her hands together and started to speak again.
Peeta cut her off before she could get started, "Can we write our own speech?" He asked.
Katniss could see Effie falter. She glanced at Haymitch, but quickly turned back as she noticed that Haymitch had fallen asleep. He was snoring quietly.
"You can, but it would be easier for everyone if you just followed the speeches already written. We would not want to offend anyone." Effie glanced in Katniss's direction.
Katniss took it as a compliment.
Peeta gave Effie a dazzling smile, and said, "Of course."
"Great," Effie said, and once more clapped her hands together, barely making any sound as she did it.
"Great," she repeated, and regarded Peeta and Katniss in turn, then she took another glance at Haymitch before she left the room. No doubt to make sure her make-up was perfect for the next day.
"I wonder how they choose the escorts," Katniss said as soon as the door closed behind Effie.
"It has to be the make-up," Peeta answered quietly.
She nodded, and added "Or the hair."
"At least she has that down," Peeta said.
Katniss agreed, and they grinned at each other. Even with all their problems there was some strange solidarity to be in this together.
The moment did not last, and Katniss turned back towards the table. Haymitch had moved. She looked up at him; he still sat slumped in his chair, a bottle in hand. But his eyes were unmistakeably open, and they were boring into hers with a clarity that surprised her.
She could feel Peeta shift beside her, making it apparent that he had noticed as well.
"You two are so awkward." Haymitch said grinning. "You will have to do better than this when you're in front of the camera."
Her brow furrowed in confusion.
Haymitch laughed, "You didn't think it was over did you?" he asked. "In the eyes of the viewers you will always be the star-crossed lovers. " Haymitch said.
Katniss turned towards Peeta; he avoided her eyes and looked the other way.
Neither Peeta nor Katniss responded, "Fix it!" Haymitch exclaimed and then started to claw himself up from his chair, once fully upright he stumbled away from them. Going in the same direction that Effie had disappeared.
Nothing was said for the next few moments.
Peeta broke the silence, "don't worry about it." He had turned towards her, and gave her a small smile.
"I will make it work. You don't have to do anything," he said, looking at Katniss. Then he got up from the couch, and followed the others out of the car, taking whatever happiness she had felt with him and leaving her utterly alone.
She should have expected this; their relationship had been the only thing keeping them alive in the arena. And considering the stunt she pulled at the end, maybe also outside. She closed her eyes; she was not good at this.
She had already spent more time than she ever wanted in her room, so she did not follow the others.
Instead, she walked over to one of the windows and felt the handle, it was unlocked. She pulled on it firmly and opened it fully. The window was big enough for her to put her entire head outside, and that was exactly what she did. The wind hit her face, catching her braid, almost causing it to hit her face. But she caught it in time and pushed it around to the other side. She smiled, her own private smile, the one she only shared with Prim. There was something about the rushing, cold wind that always seemed to calm her down.
She closed her eyes and attempted to shut everything out, to just focus on the sound of the engine.
Suddenly she was not going to district 11 anymore; she was not even on a train. She was running with Gale, who ran grinning beside her. They were free, and hunting, she could see a deer clearly in the distance. It stopped behind a big maple tree, and stood completely still, ears raised.
They would catch it, they had chased it into a minefield of Gale's snares. Even if she missed, it was just a matter of time. She grabbed an arrow and placed it on the bow string. The bow sang, and the arrow flew towards the target.
She lost track of time as she stood there enjoying the dream, when she finally leaned back into the train, it had become dark outside. She closed the window slowly, enjoying the final breath of air on her face. Eventually it closed shut, making a barely audible sound as the window met the frame.
She did not spend any more time in the dining car, and walked to her room. She tried to listen for any sign of life from Peeta's room as she walked past it, but there was nothing. Maybe he had already gone to bed.
Once inside her own room she went over to the bed and sat down on it lightly. District 11. That was Rue's district, Rue and Thresh, two people to whom she owed her life.
She did not fall asleep for another few hours, and not even sleep could offer her relief from it all.
She woke up early the next morning, her latest nightmare cut short by her own death. She jumped out of bed, her bare feet hit the cold floor. She walked into her bathroom, and into the shower. The warm water kept the cold away, but her body did not stop shaking. Hopefully it had been a silent nightmare. Back in the victor village she had repeatedly woken up Prim in the middle of the night. Prim had then come to stay with her, but not even her warmth could stop the crushing feeling in her heart or make her body relax.
She turned down the shower intensity, and listened for any sounds. If anyone had heard her it was likely that they would come knocking on her door. There were no sounds, aside from the noise coming from her shower the train were eerily quiet.
She could not even hear the steady sound from the engine, nor could she feel the train move. They had arrived at district 11. She stayed in the shower until she felt her skin start to prune.
As she left the shower she glanced around for a towel, she had forgotten to grab on her rushed entry. Luckily there was one just within reach. She grabbed it and started drying herself off, the entire room was filled with steam, implying that she had stayed in there for a long time.
After getting dressed, she left the room quickly, determined to spend as little time in there as necessary. As she entered the dining car she found the others already there eating. Katniss sat down on the couch beside Peeta, the same spot she had occupied the day before. She could smell fresh bread, and the faint aroma of jam, yet food had never looked as unappetizing as it did right then.
Katniss glanced over at Peeta's plate, it was filled with untouched food. It seemed like Peeta was of the same mind as her, he was just a few steps ahead and had spent considerable time cutting the food into tiny pieces.
"Your stylists will be here in a few minutes, so be sure to eat something before then," Effie said. Katniss glanced over at her, Effie's plate was empty. She had probably eaten beforehand or maybe she was struck with the same empty feeling as Katniss.
Effie looked as she always did; Katniss and Peeta had once shared a laugh as they tried to figure out if the make-up was permanent. That was ages ago now. She dared a brief glance at him; he had stopped playing with his food, and sat staring out the window. Feeling her gaze on him, he turned and for a second their eyes locked.
His blue eyes were drilling into her grey ones. They were so impossibly blue.
"You should eat something." Peeta said motioning to the food, the moment was shattered.
She stared at her empty plate, then over at his full one, and then she looked back at him with both eyebrows raised. His cheeks flushed slightly and he looked away.
Katniss only liked one person on her prep team, unfortunately for her, said person always arrived last. For now she was stuck with his three assistants. They were part of the capitol that she hated, superficial and full of themselves.
"Do not move," Octavia said harshly. She was in the process of polishing Katniss's nails, which took entirely too long. Peeta had already walked past, and she had yet to meet Cinna.
She tried to make the time go faster by counting the seconds go by in her head. She had almost reached four digits when the door was finally pushed open, and Cinna's handsome face appeared.
"Missed me?" he asked with a smile on his face. Katniss got up and ignoring the complaints, walked swiftly over to him. She gave him a hug, she had missed him. As far as she was concerned he was the only good thing to ever come out from the capitol.
"You can go," Cinna said, speaking to his three assistants. They seemed more than happy to comply.
"You look beautiful," he said, looking over her dress.
Katniss looked in the mirror; she was wearing a light blue dress, which reached her knees. She moved around in it. The dress was flowing around her, following her every move, always a second too late to catch her.
"You are ready," he told her, and put a hand out stopping her movements. He put both hands on top of her shoulders and leaned forward until his forehead rested against hers.
"Katniss Everdeen, you can do anything, I truly believe that."
She smiled at him, grateful for his calm presence.
He leaned back and let go of her shoulders.
"Now go."
He stepped away from the door, which had been left open.
She met Peeta in the hallway, he stood leaning against the wall. He was dressed in a dark shirt and pants. His hair had been straightened and combed toward the right.
Apparently he had been waiting for her, as he started to move as soon as she stepped out from the room. She followed after him, not really sure why he had waited out here instead of in the dining car.
They entered the car and quickly spotted Haymitch and Effie. Haymitch was sitting at the table, and Effie was standing on the opposite side of the room. She was shooting glares in his direction, but avoided looking directly at him.
Haymitch was wearing a grey suit, which looked like it almost fit him. He almost appeared sober. She moved closer, there was no alcohol smell. Katniss looked at Effie, this would have to be her doing, and she wondered what she had used to bribe him into it.
"You look so handsome!" Effie said, and touched Peeta's cheek. Peeta smiled back.
"And look at you. You look lovely!" she said as she moved over to Katniss. Katniss tried to force out a smile, Peeta had told her to always smile, but somehow it was harder now that she didn't have him supporting her.
"Here." Effie handed them both a piece of paper. "It is your speech. Look them over; you will be on in thirty minutes."
Katniss looked down at the sheet of paper in her hand.
I am honoured to have met both Thresh and Rue and I know they were proud of their accomplishments. And I know that they would have wanted me to say...
She stopped reading. She could not say this, not to Rue's family. She did not know what either of them wanted her to say, but she knew that whatever it would have been it would have been considerably different from what the capitol had spun up.
She looked over at Peeta desperately; he had to have something better than this. Peeta's eyes ran carefully over the speech, and then he folded it neatly and placed it into his pocket.
"Thank you," he said.
Her eyes looked over the speech again, was he actually going to use this? She would not, she would rather stand quiet, like a mute.
Time passed too quickly and soon they were walking toward the stage. The city had an entirely different feel to it, than any other place Katniss had ever been. District twelve had a very sad feeling attached to it, along with pain and suffering. The houses were all grey, coloured by the dust from the mines.
District eleven was more alive, she did not know if it was the colourful paint jobs, or maybe the smell of the air. The air was unmistakeably cleaner. She took several deep breaths, cold air filled her lungs.
On the way over they were surrounded by an incredible amount of peacekeepers, who all had their guns in front and seemed nervous. It was strange, but her mind did not linger on it. Her attention was mostly on the person walking beside her. She had left the speech in her sleeping compartment, just as an extra form of rebellion, she could not back down now, but unfortunately Peeta had brought his.
The walk from the train to the market square was a short one; the main town in district 11 seemed even smaller than the one in district 12. She looked around, trying to find something to distract herself with, but there was not much interesting to see, the only people in the streets were peacekeepers, or other people from the capitol.
The people living here were most likely already at the square waiting.
They were led into a building, where they were allowed to rest for a few minutes before they were going on. Very few words were said here, some encouraging words from Effie, and some warnings from Haymitch. Peeta did not speak at all.
Soon enough, it was time. They walked over to the door which would lead to the stage. She looked over at Peeta, who glanced back. His hand moved over to hers, she hesitated, then allowed him to take it.
"For our families," he whispered. She nodded.
The door started to open, and as she was about to walk out she could feel a hand on her back.
"Remember, big smiles," Effie whispered.
Then they were out, walking hand in hand. Silence welcomed them, no one was clapping or shouting. Somehow this made it easier for Katniss, she dropped her smile.
The peacekeepers that had followed them here now stood between her and the crowd, still with one hand on their weapons. She gazed out over the crowd, district 11 was larger than 12. There had to be at-least twice as many people here than in 12.
They reached the microphone. Peeta let go of her hand, and stepped forward.
He reached into his pocket and grabbed a piece of paper. Katniss recognized it as the one he had received from Effie. He unwrapped it gently, and then opened his mouth to speak.
"I did not know Thresh or Rue very well. We were always very focused on ourselves, trying to stay alive. From what little interaction I had with Thresh I know him as a strong man, an honest man, a man that would do literally anything for those he cared for." He paused and glanced over at Katniss.
"Rue." He spoke the name softly, "Rue was a special kind of good, and even in the middle of the games she never changed. I never spoke with Rue, but I know from Katniss:" Here he turned towards her, leading the crowd to change focus to her.
Then he continued speaking, once more drawing their attention towards himself.
"That Rue played a significant role in our survival. And that Katniss cared a lot for her."
He stopped; it had been a short speech, much shorter than the one sent from the capitol. He stepped back towards Katniss, and took her hand in his. They stood in silence for a few seconds, quietly looking at the crowd, and allowing the crowd to do the same.
Then Katniss lifted her hand to her mouth, her left hand, she kept the right one in Peeta's. She did the salute, to mourn the ones lost. Peeta stared at her, their eyes met. He let go of her hand, and lifted his hand as well.
Then the bravest of the people attending did the same thing, and one by one the rest followed.
A crash broke the silence into tiny little pieces. Katniss's head snapped toward the sound. She saw a tall, burly man at the very edge of the crowd. He was holding one end of a chair. The other end of the chair was planted into a car, a capitol car.
Time stood still.
There were hands grabbing her from behind, she grappled them off her and moved a step forward. But more hands joined, and she was dragged backwards. Her eyes were glued to the man, she could not look away. He let go of the chair, and raised his left hand into the air. His eyes were clear, focused, and looking straight at her.
Then he fell, his left hand still held up. Katniss never saw him land, she had been dragged back into the building, and the door had been shut tightly behind her.
"What the hell was that?" Haymitch was shouting at them.
"What was that? Why did he do that?" Katniss cried out. She was numb. Everything around her seemed to be moving faster than she was. She looked over at Peeta, his eyes was unfocused, probably replaying the scene in his head.
"The speech, you have to know that there will be consequences to this?" Haymitch was still shouting, now directly in Peeta's face. Katniss moved a little closer to Peeta, she had thought his speech brilliant, and was just about to say that when Haymitch rounded up on her.
"And you! You of all people should know that every action has consequences. What did you hope to achieve with your little stunt out there?" He asked harshly.
She opened her mouth, but no sound came out, she did not know why she did it, it had seemed appropriate at the time. She glared at him.
Haymitch threw his hands up and moved around the room. He was pacing back and forth.
"If only you had kept to the script." Effie said, she too appeared distraught at this entire thing.
There was a loud crash, followed by a series of curses. Haymitch had just punched through the wall. Now he stood clutching his hand, a bruise already forming on his knuckles.
Peeta chose this moment to speak up. "I think we need to go back to the train." He said, his voice barely audible.
The others agreed, and soon enough they were all moving towards the train. Katniss still could not get the man's expression from her mind. She had not seen it in a long time, and seeing it on a doomed man confused her.
It was the expression of hope.