'For every one of us, there's an army of them, but you'll never fight alone, cause I wanted you to know, that the world is ugly, but your beautiful to me.'
Natasha pivoted and shot a Chitari in the head, it fell to the floor among the rest of the garbage. Her eyes connected with Hawkeyes for a moment and they grinned at each other, the fire of battle burning in their eyes. Hawkeye let an arrow fly to his left, still looking at Black Widow he winked cockily. She rolled her eyes and laughed at his showing off.
The two worked their way down the street, Hawkeye shouting out the enemies patterns as he went. He was about to pull another arrow when his eyes fell on Black Widow
"Nat!" He yelled as a Chitari came up behind her, she spun around guns out but as soon as she faced the foe it shoved its sharp gun into her stomach, pulling her up off the ground before falling letting her fall in a heap on the floor. Hawkeye screamed out to her firing an arrow through the Chitaris throat, he took a step forward but stopped when he felt an arrow being taken out of his quiver, he spun around and the arrow was plunged into his shoulder. He screamed in pain dropping to his knees, he yanked his blade out quickly and slit the aliens throat. He grabbed his shoulder and dropped his bow to the floor
"I need a medic! Nats down, someone help!" His voice breaking as he spoke
"Nat..." He whispered falling to his knees next to her, her body was rigid a look of pure agony on her face. Blood pooling in her mouth. Hawkeye put his hands over the wound, blinking away tears he spoke
"Come on Nat, keep your eyes on me okay?" He smiled softly at her trying to stay strong
"Hey.." She whispered smiling back at him before grimacing again
"Hawkeye..."
"Don't talk, you'll be fine okay." He looked at his hands now covered in blood and his heart ached
"Everything's gonna be fine" he said vacantly, trying to convince himself more than her
"Stark!" He yelled through his mic "I need you here now!"
"On my way Barton" came his response, Hawkeye looked at Nat again and froze, her breathing was shallow, her eyes closed
"Tash... Come on wake up. Nat look at me!" He yelled at her but there was no sign of movement.
Clint ran down the halls to the infirmary with Nat in his arms, his shoulder sending shooting pains through his whole body but that didn't matter right now.
Natasha's face was pale, sweat beading on her forehead
"You're gonna be fine" he whispered "you can't die on me..."
He turned and pushed open the doors with his shoulder, the medical team waiting for him
"Place her down here" one said and Clint placed her gently on the table, absently stroking her face as he stepped back
"Agent Barton you need to leave now, Go next door and get your wound looked at"
"I'm not leaving"
"Barton" Fury spoke softly behind him, Clint shook his head not taking his eyes of his partner, he heard Fury sigh.
Two hours later the medical team finally moved away from the table their eyes solemn, the head doctor walked up to Clint
"We did all we can do, it's up to her now. Clint, you might want to say your goodbyes" silent tears ran down his cheeks
"She'll wake up. She's strong..." The doctor looked at him sympathetically, an expression Clint wanted to smash right off his face
"Leave us alone" he demanded as he sat next to the bed, he took Nat's hand in his and stared at her
"Nat... You have to wake up. You can't leave me. Please" he sounded pathetic, like a child weeping but he couldn't help it. His heart ached painfully at her motionless features, he was a soldier, he was trained in death. but this pain was nothing he had felt before, it took the air from his lungs and pulsed through his shaking body.
Clints head snapped up as the heart monitor let out a long beep
"No!" He yelled standing up he pressed down on her chest then brought his mouth to hers, his hands were shaking as he compressed her chest again
"Come on!" He spat through clenched teeth, he heard the doctors behind him trying to pull him away
"No! Get off me!" He growled pulling away from them. He continued his actions till he could barely breathe anymore. His body shook violently as he stepped back, he clenched his fists then turned them up, blood covered his hands. His eyes glazed over, his tears falling and mixing with the blood on his hands. Her blood.
Clint swallowed hard then lurched forward like someone had punched him in the stomach, he put his hands on his knees
"Agent Barton?" The doctor took a step towards him
"this can't be happening" he breathed out, his vision blurring badly as dark spots fluttered in front of his eyes
"You need to sit down. Easy now" clint rocked backwards and the medic helped him to the floor
"You've lost a lot of blood"
The last thing Clint saw before passing out was Natasha's pale hand hanging over the side of the bed.
Clint woke to soft whispers, his head ached
"How is he?" Clint heard Fury ask
"Physically? He'll be fine..." The doctor paused and looked over at the man on the bed
"But mentally? It's hard to say, he'll need to go to the psychologist. He's never lost a partner before" Fury nodded and glanced at Clint, his eyes were shut tight his hands balled into fists by his side
"Barton..." Clints eyes opened slowly focusing them on Fury
"It wasn't a dream was it..."
"No, I'm sorry Clint" Barton's brow furrowed as mental images of Natasha falling to the ground entered his thoughts, he swallowed hard feeling bile rise in his throat again.
Clint pulled another arrow from his quiver, the string taut next to his head, he let it fly and missed the target by five inches. He growled in frustration opening his hand and letting his bow fall to the floor with a crack. He walked towards the target and yanked the arrow out, he looked at it for a moment before snapping it in his hand, he sat down and drew his knees to his chest toying with the broken arrow.
The door to the training room opened, Clint glanced up then back to the arrow as Rogers strode towards him,
"Hey"
"Captain" Steve sat down next to Clint and crossed his legs, resting his arms on his knees
"How're you holding up?" He asked softly, Clint let an exasperated sigh escape his lips
"Just peachy" Rogers looked at the ground then back at Clint
"Did she know?" Barton looked sideways at captain America, he knew he was referring to how he felt about her
"I hope so..." Clint whispered looking at the floor again
"Did you know?" Barton sighed
"She always said love was for children" he said absently but smiled softly "I knew"
Rogers looked at the floor now feeling uncomfortable, he didn't know why he came here or why he asked agent Barton these things. He was tearing himself up inside enough as it was and now he was making things worse for him.
"I'm sorry"
"No it's okay... I needed to get here at some point right?" Steve felt uneasy, Clints voice was detached, absent.
"How's the training?" He asked to change the subject, to try and bring Hawkeye back to reality
"Missed all two hundred and seven" Clint replied letting out a sharp cynical laugh
"I'm no use here anymore" Clint stood up
"That's not true" the Captain said softly, Clint spun on his heel and faced his friend, his lips curled up baring his teeth
"Yes it is! What good am I without this?! he brought the arrow up and threw it to the ground
"You know as well a I do that they're only tolerating me because of what happened!" Clint started pacing now his hands shaking with rage
"They'll give me a nice little plaque and a see ya later, and that's all we ever get for the shit they put us through!" He turned to face Steve again who was on his feet now, his stance telling Clint that he was cautious of an attack
"You think I'm going to attack you?" Clint laughed "I'm unstable right? That's what the doctor told Fury"
"I don't believe that" Hawkeye glared at Steve and took a step forward so they were inches apart, his eyes threatening.
"Agent Barton stand down" Fury said authoritatively behind him, Hawkeyes stare bore into the Captain's for a moment before he turned to Fury
"We are not your enemies" the director said walking towards him, Hawkeyes hand instinctively grabbed his blade and Fury stopped
"Barton, put the knife down" he heard the Captain move behind him and spun around slashing out at him, Steve jumped back just in time and looked questioningly at him
"Hawkeye, I don't want to hurt you. Just put the knife down" Clints face relaxed a little and he looked down at the knife in his hands as if it had just appeared out of thin air, he let it fall to the floor and looked up at his friend
"Sorry..." He whispered, his eyes showing the confusion he felt
"What's happening to me?" Hawkeye asked desperately, he swallowed hard and looked down at his hands
"I keep seeing her blood... It won't come off..." Steve looked at him, Clints face was contorted in pure agony, his eyes brimmed with tears
"It's okay Clint..."
"No it's not!" Clint yelled looking at him
"She's gone! I couldn't save her... I wasn't quick enough..." Steve walked towards him ignoring the look from Fury that told him to keep his distance, Clint looked up at him through his tears
"I can't..." Clint started but froze when Steve put his arms around him
"You'll get through this" the Captain whispered "you're not alone Clint"
Hawkeye stood there pressing his forehead hard into his friends shoulder as tears stained his shirt.
'These are the nights and the lights that we fade in. These are the words but the words aren't coming out. They burn cause they are hard to say. Though I'm empty when you go. I just wanted you to know that the world is ugly but your beautiful to me...'