Snape's New Favorite Toy
Author's Disclaimer: No, I don't own Harry Potter, or anything related to it. All rights go to their respective owners. This story is part of an art trade with ScarletQuill on deviantart, and I wanted to create something related to Harry Potter since that is how I found her originally. We both love stories involving Severus Snape and Hermoine, so I wanted to write a little something in that honor. This story is an AU of Harry Potter, taking place after the war where both Snape and Fred survive. I hope you enjoy it!
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Severus Snape stared down at the parchment in his hand. As he reread it, he smiled briefly, and then inspiration struck.
Work began quickly after that. His lab was momentarily left in order to find all of the proper ingredients so that his new project would work. And oh, what a project it would be! He would show those prankster Weasley brothers just how clever Severus Snape was after all.
Granted, he could not claim all of the inspiration for this idea. No, it was due in part to an old school friend of his, Caroline. She had recently gotten married, and had finally sent a note of thanks, thanking him multiple times for making it to her wedding. In that letter of thanks, she also mentioned a new story that she had recently come upon, called Labyrinth. The tale was simple enough, how a foolish girl made a wish and went through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered in order to take back her baby brother from a goblin king. He hadn't cared all that much about the story other than something at the end, a bog.
But this was no ordinary bog. No, this was a Bog of Eternal Stench. And that gave him the idea he needed to finally put those Weasley brothers in their place. Why did they bother him so much? Hadn't it been enough that he had faked his own death and come back to help win the war? No, he guessed not. Perhaps because he was now with Hermoine?
Whatever the reason was, he wanted to out-prank the Weasley twins, if that was even possible. After years of dealing with their "gifts" that appeared at his door or in his lab, he was going to have his revenge.
He first needed a way to make the twins accept the trick, and so he called it a new toy. He quickly wrote, using a false name to gain their trust. Once they showed their eagerness for something new that would be "sure to delight people of all ages", he told them that he would send it to them.
He had had so many ideas running around in his head about what he should do, but none of them had seemed good enough. He needed something that would surprise them and stop them from doing anything. That was where the Bog of Eternal Stench came in handy.
While he did not know of a potion that could imbue a smell permanently, he knew of several that could last for months on end. That would have to do. Getting the ingredients was the hardest part. He enlisted Hermoine to help, since she was Muggle-born and knew what those things were that Caroline had mentioned. Soon he had all the old shoes, sweaty clothes, and dirty diapers he could ask for. Combining those with the other things he needed, he extracted what he required, and the "toy" took shape. Really, it was more of a dirty bomb, but they didn't need to know that.
It took several tries of taking all of the different smells and combining them into one noxious place, but he managed. With each scent imbued in the smoke he manipulated, each had their turn to be added to fragrant mixture until they were placed into the small, glowing mortar on the floor so that it could be added to the liquid blob inside the mortar. The lab smelled awful for those few hours as he meticulously combined everything into a blackish-green fluid, similar to the feel and movement as jello, yet more liquid, like silly putty.
In the end, it was a small, non-threatening little ball, smaller than his fist. Oh, but the power it packed! He quickly put the finishing touches on it, so that it would explode the moment it was released from its package by the twins, as well as adding a little flair of magic so that they could see his initials as it was released. They would know who they were dealing with.
The ball would explode, sending bits of it onto every possible surface, releasing the ghastly smell that combined all of the worst-smelling things imaginable, just like the bog. And it would last for a long time to come. If he was lucky, they would open it inside the main part of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. Once it was packaged up, he wrote a note back to Caroline, thanking her for the inspiration he needed. He also sent her a birthday present, since he knew it was coming soon. His regular owl took that to Caroline, while he prepared another owl to deliver the dirty bomb.
Once that owl was sent, he cleaned up his lab, airing it so that he would not be smelling the sweat for weeks to come. He would create another potion to purify the air if it became necessary. After that, he cleaned up himself, and went off to find Hermoine. She was working hard at the Ministry of Magic, but she should have been home by now.
It was summer right now, and it seemed like a perfect opportunity to spend some time outdoors with her. He had read in a Muggle magazine in Hermoine's home that girls liked going on picnics outdoors, so he thought that he would surprise her this time with one.
Perhaps, if he was really feeling lucky, he would also show her what he had bought for her at the jewelry store. He had hinted to Caroline that soon she may be receiving an invitation from him of a similar nature. It just depended on the moment.
Certainly, he cared a lot about Hermoine. There could be no denying that. She had caught his attention long ago, and had retained it since. She had grown into a beautiful woman, confident and mature. Someone he would gladly marry after slowly learning to love again.
In the weeks that followed that happy picnic, Snape had further cause to be glad. He later heard from Potter that there had been a terrible accident in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, and it had been forced to shut down for a whole month. Snape did his own version of a happy dance before Hermoine or Potter noticed.
But, what Snape did not find out about was what happened after the Weasley brothers opened their shop again. Sure, they had been closed, but they had not been idle by any means. When they opened again, it was with the promise of new tricks and gimmicks, and they delivered well. Their best-selling product that made up for all of the lost profit of the month, in one day? Why, none other than Aromus Attackus.
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Author's Notes: Who won: Snape or the Weasleys? I'll let you decide. Yes, this is probably the definition of silliness, but I can't help it. It just needed to happen! ScarletQuill is fond of Harry Potter stories involving Snape and the Weasleys' pranks, or him with Hermoine, so I thought I would combine them both. A small tribute is paid to one of her stories as he leaves his initials so that the twins know it was him. Also, it is ScarletQuill's birthday, so I wanted to get this out in time for it. Happy Birthday, Caroline!
This story gave me serious writer's block as I tried to figure out which combination I wanted to write about, until I decided to say screw it and include everything! No shame. I hope you enjoyed the silliness! Thanks for reading and reviewing!