Waiting On Forever
He comes and goes, like the seasons. Here one day, gone the next.
And she's left, shivering in the wake of the wind he whips up behind him in his hurry to leave, clutching air in her hands.
She glances down the street and sees him talking to the young boy and his friends. Her steps have a rare bounce to them as she quickly crosses over to him, its cadence like the song that has struck up inside of her at the sight of him.
"It's nothing," he says, and the not quite unexpected words send an icy chill through her veins, colder than being doused with buckets of freezing water, and the music comes to a screeching halt.
It very well is something. With just those words, she knows he is leaving.
Again.
But he's only just returned, she thinks desperately. And she already knows it's useless to try to dissuade him…
"Listen, even if I go far away, I'll come back."
He disappears again.
Takes her heart with him once more and doesn't even realize he's left her emptier than before.
A vessel, a husk, an empty shell of a woman. Lacking what she should contain inside in order to make her whole.
Her life, it seems, has consisted of waiting for him.
It has been defined by it, this constant vigil she keeps, steadfast, true, faithfully praying, determinedly holding onto him. Each day that passes by, each second that ticks on like the beating of her missing heart as her life dwindles away and she is helpless to do anything but stand and wait. The sun and moon take turns overhead as she whiles away the hours, idling by, watching life go on all around her, seeing the happiness the others manage to snatch here and there in the midst of all the turmoil that can't spill onto her. She always pulls out a smile for her friends, puts forth the effort to find words of encouragement for everyone else, finds the strength to tend to the sad rag-tag army of the town locals, but no one sees how the light in her eyes is dimmed when he's not there.
Every morning finds her stealing out of bed before she has to attend to her other duties, before the town is even awake to be at her usual post not too far from the gates, eyes seemingly fixed on the dark horizon but focused inward for hours, gazing at something only she can see.
Or wishes she can see.
She stands in the cold sunlight, watching leaves and twigs and debris floating by in the stream, listening to the bubbling sound of it going on its merry way. Everything else goes on. On the outside she herself feels the effects of time but on the inside she's frozen, stuck like the boulder that the water passes over and around, unmoved by the current, barely noticed but as a momentary obstacle to its final destination.
All she has to show for the waiting is a body, no longer that of an exuberant child, or even an excited young girl on the cusp of womanhood, but an adult soon to be in the prime of her life. Time has stolen her youth, along with everything else.
Along with him.
"Aeris."
The sound of his voice on the wind makes it even harder to bear, and she sends the trowel through the hard earth with more force. Her flowers have bloomed and wilted and bloomed yet again since she last saw him. Spring is here once more and he's missed all the changes that have taken place since.
"I finally did it."
She stills, ears perking up, afraid to hope, more afraid not to hope.
He moves behind her, throwing his shadow onto her, and light into her hollow existence.
The morning sun seems particularly bright and the early spring day feels unusually warm as she wipes her hands on her dress, leaving several dirt stains on the smooth silky fabric, and rises slowly to her feet, turns around even more slowly, and lifts her eyes. Something inside her splinters and cracks; heat rushes through her, starting from deep within to spread outward, suffusing her entire body in less than an instant.
She clasps suddenly trembling hands behind her back, her body drawn too tight, as though stretched on a rack, to do more than try to keep standing without keeling over.
He's back and there is a beating in her chest.
"How are you?"
I am as well as can be expected when you're not here, she replies, but finds the words are uttered only in her own head. When he leaves her behind and she can't seem to go on, to cope, a body trying to function without the most vital of organs. A life missing that which it revolves around. But even if she could give voice to her thoughts, none of them would come close to scratching the surface of all she's really feeling. There are some things for which there are just no words.
She whispers his name instead, and it says more than she'd thought possible. He looks at her, his eyes both calm and a turbulent ocean of blue, an odd mix in anyone else but him.
"You look well. I see Cid and Leon kept their promise to look after you."
Her eyes widen.
He looks back at her, his face solemn. Instead of the usual downcast eyes, he's not trying to avoid meeting her gaze.
"I know." Something flickers in his eyes…aching regret, sorrow, relief.
And understanding.
She's not the only one who lives for these moments.
"It was never their responsibility but… I had to know you would be taken care of… For my own peace of mind."
And her heart is pounding away against her ribs with those short, simple words. There is a wealth of meaning behind them and in his voice that she's never been able to detect before for her own pain standing in the way. The underlying message and truth that she hears so clearly now.
She hasn't been empty all these times he keeps going away.
He's given her something far better in return for what he takes. Something of his that only he can give away and that belongs exclusively to her now. She's had it within her and that has allowed her to make it through the long, lonely days and years without him.
But now they're together once more.
And a hundred lifetimes of waiting would be more than worth it for such a moment as this.
Note: Dialogue in italics taken directly from KH2.