Harry was gasping for breath. He could not form words. It was too much. He was sure this was like before exploding.

Hyper and Team. At his door. Wearing nothing except their (hello) expressions and whongs.

Two things were wrong at the very moment. One, that Harry was not surprised that they were in leather whongs.

The second, that in the bedroom was a very sexy Draco Malfoy, waiting for Harry to make him a sammich, and watching Jersey Shore.

"Well, are you gonna let us in, or are you gonna keep staring at my chest like Chaz?" Hyper said, and it snapped Harry back into reality. This could not be happening. He had been good at keeping Malfoy his dirty little secret. It had been going fine for the past 69 months: everytime Team (his wife) went out with Hyper on a condom candle shopping spree (which was every other day), he would sent the sexy Slytherin an owl to make it over as fast as possible.

Harry never said it out loud, but he was in love with Draco. He wasn't sure if the blond felt the same way, so he didn't take his chances.

But it didn't matter now, because Team and Hyper and everyone was going to find out of their affair. It would fall apart and Harry wasn't sure if he could take it.

"Ugh, Harry is obviously too busy thinking of new ways to save the world," Team said and pushed him out of the way, dragging Hyper in.

"No wait!" Harry cried, and Team and Hyper gave him a "lolwut" look. Harry bit his lip and looked around the kitchen for inspiration.

"I, uhhh... don't go in the bedroom. Oso came by and she got it infested with cute birds. Bird crap everywhere." Harry said rather fast, so it more sounded like "osobirdspenissorrow".

Hyper and Team shrugged, then sat down-more like started spooning- on the couch together to watch 1000 Ways To Die (it was the dude in the fish costume episode, they wouldn't even miss it for Anny's Strip Off).

"HARRY! I am freaking starving after that awesome buttsecks session and if you don't make me a sandwich by the time I get over there, I'm showing everyone the photo of you at last years Christmas party!" said Draco is his usual drawl, standing in the doorway wearing a Slytherin bathrobe.

Hyper and Team paused. Harry held his breath. Draco farted. Shit was about to go down.

The next few moments happened in slow motion for Harry. Team rose slowly off the couch and turned on the spot. Hyper turned around and choked on the Special Juice she was drinking. Draco's face changed from a sneer into pure horror.

This cannot be happening. No. No. No. This must be a dream. Harry's hopes were short lived, however, for Draco went up to Team and-without warning- gave her a slap worthy of a pimp.

Hyper was utterly outraged. "How dare you! SHE'S MY HOOKER! MINE!"

Team gasped and held her boob (even though she was slapped on the face).

Harry jumped between them and restrained Hyper from kicking Draco where the sun didn't shine.

"Harry! What the hell is this!" Team screeched. People in Nalgas heard her and the Normanians covered their ears.

"I-Hyper, stoppit-" Harry stuttered. How could he possibly explain all this? The secret dates? The make out sessions? The snuggling after wards? They wouldn't understand. Everything was crumbling before Harry's eyes. Team was going to have a spazz attack, tell every Randomite. He and Draco would be sent to a prison cell with Chaz. Things couldn't get worse.

But they did.

For in that split second that Hyper finally struggled out of Harry's grasp and shoved her foot down Draco's throat, the door burst open.

Abbie. Oso. Anny. Ana. Mily. Kaggy. Tazzy. Crak. All crowding (and slightly humping) at the doorway, holding a cake with the words "Happy Chad Day" written in lime green frosting.

And they saw. It took .69 seconds for them to realize what was going on (Harry guessed it was their telepathy, with great minds fuck alike and all).

"Bloody hell!" Harry cried.

Shit was about to go down.