I'm sorry I haven't been writing for my Sherlock story. I'm still alive. Here's a treat, a little 2-3 part oneshot because I couldn't find anything similar. Apparently the news is to new. Anyways... really dirty talking 12th Doctor / River Song. Inspired by all the jokes that he's going to cuss every chance he gets. Please forgive the bad cussing dialogue on my part, just feel slightly uncomfortable as I don't cuss. I'm better at the dirty talk (lol) which is more in the next part.
Oh and please note I am super confused about their timeline so I'm not even going to dwell into any specifics. For this little part she is not getting younger as he gets older. As for the 12th Doctor I unfortunately imagine him as this sad adorkable guy that occasionally overreacts (this is most likely because I first saw Peter Capaldi in Fortysomething - yeah, with House and Sherlock, that show).
And for everyone that doesn't want an older Doctor because he's not hot/sexy, wtf. Even though I'm writing this... 2 things. 1 That's not what the show is about. 2 He's not ugly, are you blind?!
The doctor tentatively poked his head out of the TARDIS.
There was River waiting for him just as he'd expected. The sound of the TARDIS always called to her, woke her even when it was no louder than a whisper.
"You regenerated!" She ran over to him, almost jumped him in her excitement.
"Hey-" he protested and let her down, "bit of an older body here."
"I like it." River raked her fingers through his graying hair. She stared everywhere but his eyes, cataloguing all his features. "Closer to my age for once."
The doctor frowned.
"The young you was nice sweetie but he was ...childish sometimes."
"How do you know I'm not?!" The doctor tried to pull out of her grip but River wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.
She looked into his eyes, truly looked at them for the first time. "I know you. I know when it's you and when it's just the body and I can see this one suits you."
He smirked and relaxed. "You think?"
"Yes..." She whispered against his lips and then she was kissing him for the first time.
He went rigid, like it was his first kiss. His hands froze midair. His lips shut at her intruding tongue.
River pulled away, eyebrow raised. "How long ago did you regenerate?"
"Minutes." He shrugged. "Oh I've been meaning to ask... The hair-"
River shook her head.
The doctor frowned.
"Come here. Let's try that again. Everything must feel brand new." She traced the shell of his ear and he shivered. "And you're very sensitive." Her breath ghosted over his lips.
The doctor bit his lip. "There's one thing though..."
"Yes?"
"It's very odd, I think you'll like it..."
"What is it? A mark?" she immediately started searching, tugging at his collar. "Is it a tattoo? I want to see!"
He gripped his hands. "No, nothing like that."
River pouted.
"Almost got in a bit of trouble. That's why I locked myself up in the TARDIS and came here."
"What is it?" She stroked his cheek. He looked distressed like he was trying to bottle something in.
"Ah, fuck. I was fucking cursing everywhere and I thought I was missing an arm. And I thought bollocks, how am I going to get around now. And bananas tasted fucking awful like piss or something. Then fishfingers and custard? Was I some sort of bloody lunatic last time?"
River giggled. "Don't worry. I have a bit of a dirty mouth too. Just kept it down around mum and dad."
The doctor grinned.
"God, I love your new smile." She rubbed her thumb across his bottom lip.
"I haven't even fucking seen myself properly in the mirror."
"I still like it, and that accent...mmm." Rivers lips touched his lightly again. "Are you ready to kiss me properly now?"
"Fuck yes."
Please keep in mind if you follow that this first part was super tame. I don't have the next parts written so I can't be sure just how far I'm going to take this. Im just going to say, this is NOT 50 shades of gray! That should be like the new warning for really explicit stories because you know, that book is tame compared to some of the stuff you can find online.