Plot bunnies have laid siege to my brain DX So I've had this idea for a while after having read a load of SI fanfics which sometimes had everything be sad and sometimes had everything be happy. But I noticed that not many of them did a certain thing and because I'm me I had to do it XD ANYHOO~ This fic may have really slow updates because I'm focusing on 'Kyoko' so this is pretty much me just testing the waters for this fic and seeing if anybody likes the idea :)

I fear the end, the end to your life.

Petals drained of colour, once tall stems stooped.

My beautiful, once strong flower is in its demise,

Disappearing slowly, right before my helpless eyes.

Extract from the poem 'Withering Flowers' by Matilda Marozzi

Its weird you know. Dying.

No, that isn't quite the word to describe it. Traumatic and incomprehensible really suits it more.

Imagine this: you are a young woman just shy of twenty-two years.

(Boys, I hope you have an active imagination)

Imagine all the hopes and dreams you have as this woman. You want to become a skilled doctor, travel the world, see the sun rise on New Year's day, eat the most delicious food that has ever existed, learn to cook something that doesn't resemble a pile of ashes and maybe meet the one. You're a hopeless romantic, in love with the idea of love and have that peace-keeping nature about you-in your mind everyone just needs to get along and all problems will therefore be solved.

Imagine this woman you now are with all her simplistic emotions that she wears on her sleeve, like how you smile when you see and adorable little dog or how you panic when you realize you've left your wallet at home.

Picture how you grew up with a loving family, your wonderful supportive parents and your brother that really drives you up the wall sometimes but you adore them anyway. Your friends too, foul mouthed, always arguing and laughing at your naive view of the world but your friends all the same.

Imagined that all? Imagined it in such detail that you can see yourself as this woman living her happy little life?

Now forget her.

Rip up every memory you just crafted of her and forget her right now.

Can't do it can you? You can't just forget something just like that. She's still there in your head, smiling at that cute dog and getting more panicked by the minute as she desperately searches for a wallet that isn't in her bag.

But that is what dying is like. You are trying to grasp the last remainders of your life and hang on desperately so it doesn't all go and then...nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

No peaceful light meant to carry you off to heaven or some godlike being telling you its all going to be alright. There is simply nothing. You don't exist either. Your thoughts just cut off, your brain shut down and then its all gone.

Try to comprehend that. Try to comprehend not thinking anymore and being nothing.

Of course, that wasn't really the traumatic and incomprehensible part as I couldn't feel such emotions back then. It was when I woke up that those emotions hit me alongside bewilderment, growing horror and utter terror.

Because you would too if you suddenly became aware after feeling nothing that something strong was gripping you and lifting you up against your will.

Thrashing about frantically, I tried as hard as I could to open my eyes but they felt as if they had been sewn shut and for a god awful moment I thought I had gone blind. Garbled voices washed over me like I was in water and people were yelling above the surface. My mouth flapped open and shut as I took panicked breaths, my heartbeat going so fast it felt physically painful.

Finally my eyes opened and, although my vision was blurred, I could tell that the blob right in front of my eyes was a gigantic face. I continued to struggle, terrified by how I couldn't get loose. I was then passed over to a blob with another gigantic face as my vision began to focus a bit more.

Now I could see the sweat trickling down the huge face of this woman, her cheeks flushed and her short, hot pants hitting my naked skin. Words spilled out of her mouth I didn't understand and I struggled some more, wanting to scream but unable to because my mouth just wouldn't form the shapes I needed.

Then it hit me.

Gazing down at my naked body covered in this horrible red substance, I took in how my limbs were chubby and that my body overall felt as though it had swollen up, the figure I was used to seeing being gone.

I was a child. A baby. An infant.

This woman was my mother.

I stopped moving. Instead I stared up at my new mother, taking her in with my eyes stretched open as wide as I could make them. A normal baby might have found the soft words she was speaking soothing but I felt myself rejecting her already. You aren't my mother. You aren't my mother. You aren't my mother.

A hand stroked the back of my head and my mouth opened though the words I wanted to say wouldn't come out, a strange gurgle escaping instead. She looked delighted by this but I ignored her smile, horrified with my earlier thoughts.

Its not her fault so why must I reject her? I am her child and to reject her is horrible! I can't simply reject her. I can't.

Out of the corner of my eye I then saw a man race into the room. It wasn't a hospital room, I realized, there being no windows and wood paneled walls, light bulbs swinging from the ceiling and only one exit through an old looking door.

Pushing the thought out of my mind, I briefly wondered whether this man was my father and hoped he wasn't too happy because otherwise I would be forced to keep up with this rejoicing mood when I was not at all happy. He yelled something I didn't understand again and suddenly everyone was moving. My new mother half crushed me into her chest as people helped her up, my small fists trying to beat into her skin.

She shouldn't be moving, she just gave birth for crying out loud! What on earth is so important that she has to get up-

Then the screams started.

Instantly I was struggling again, fear suffocating me as more screams erupted into the air, people yelling and scrambling to get back into the room. My mother turned too, almost falling in her hurry to get back.

Bangs then sounded. A heck of a lot of bangs followed by screeches of agony.

My mother turned slightly so that I could see the first group of people to fall, blood spluttering horrifically from their wounds. I didn't scream like I thought I would and break through that barrier that had rendered me unable to communicate. I didn't even thrash about more.

I simply stared.

They just died. Somebody else just killed them.

Then a bang sounded right up close to me and I was suddenly falling, my mother cushioning my fall with her body just in time but losing my grip on me so I rolled onto the floor that was now red and sticky with blood. As I looked up, more bangs sounded and I watched as something tore through my mother's chest, leaving fabric to tear open and her eyes to open wide.

The eyes never closed. They were stuck like that, never blinking and always watching.

Having been training to be a doctor I knew straight up that she was dead. I had no illusions about this fact. But I didn't even know her.

More gurgles left my throat and I choked on air, wheezing loudly. The door to the room had been slammed shut and everyone who had ran back in here to try and escape was now trapped, like cornered rats. People were still screaming, trying to hide behind each other or hugging those who had fallen, sobbing.

Eventually a man with a gun settled his gaze on me, the screams of those around me now silenced as I sat there on the floor, not knowing what to do. I was an adult inside this child's body and the doctor inside me was yelling at me to help when I knew it was impossible for me. I couldn't move properly and I was terrified.

A gun was pointed right at my head and I felt that overwhelming horror of knowing I would go back into that nothingness I had decided I hated. Through my blurred vision I could see his finger slowly pressing down on the trigger when somebody let out a strangled yell.

"Va' all'inferno!"

The man about to shoot me turned away at the last second and, without knowing I was capable of such survival drove thoughts, I slammed my body into the ground, just missing the bullet fired at me. It stuck fast in the floor just above my head as I lay on my belly, knowing otherwise I would give my breathing away too easily.

I'd understood what the person had yelled though. Go to hell. My foul mouthed friends I had known since school had done nothing but say rude words in various languages when we had language class.

I was in Italy then, my mind told me calmly even though I was beginning to feel hysterical. Another person then spoke, I assuming it was the man who'd tried to shoot me from how casual he sounded. "Cazzo si."

Fuck you.

Knowing what would probably happen next, I focused my attention on the bullet in front of me, my blurred vision then catching the sight of a golden symbol I somehow recognized. Wha-

"Vi ucciderò!" the guy who had yelled before screamed. "Vi ucciderò, Vongola!"

One last gunshot sounded.

The men wielding guns then laughed as I lay there, frozen, begging for them not to hear my panicked breaths or see my slightly shaking form like I expected them to. They never did though.

They simply left.

They killed everyone apart from me and just left.

I lay in that pool of blood for a long time, not caring that I was naked and how hideously painful my fast heartbeat was. Then, when my brain decided that the men had to be properly gone now, I permitted myself to start wailing.

Someone must have heard my sobbing and for a moment I panicked when the door creaked open, thinking I had made a mistake and that the men weren't actually gone. But a woman with flowing, long black hair appeared instead. She saw me amongst the sea of blood and bodies, let out a small cry and ran towards me, scooping me up in her arms. Sobbing into my neck, a stream of fast Italian words hit me, I only understanding a few curses and a name.

Vongola. Vongola. Vongola.

The Vongola had killed them all.

I spent a long time mourning. A whole year in fact.

At first I mourned for my mother-my real mother that I had spent a short lifetime getting attached to, my father, my brother and all of my friends. I then mourned for the family that had been taken away from me before I could properly get to know them.

Part of me tried to be optimistic about the whole situation. Just think about what would've happened if a normal baby was born. That normal baby would have been severely injured but I survived without more than a scratch.

That part was tiny though, miniscule. The rest of me blamed fate and God and all beings and all things for allowing me to be reborn into a such a hell. I would have honestly preferred that hated nothingness to that bloodbath.

The woman that had taken me away was called Anna. We both lived in this huge house in the middle of a forest along with an old man called Franco. Anna spent most of her time with me, whispering words of comfort and anger. It took that whole year of mourning to get to understand Italian. At first it had frustrated me as I had been unable to communicate and, even when I had managed to form English words, neither Anna nor Franco had understood them. But when I did finally learn to speak, I kept my actual talking to a bare minimum.

The reason for this was that I thought a lot. After having had a whole year of not being able to communicate, I had thought a lot to myself instead. I simply forgot to speak sometimes as a result of this as I was so used to just hearing and answering my own inner thoughts.

In the year I also learnt to despise the Vongola.

I had been born into the KHR world, that I had figured out pretty easily through Anna telling me once about the mafia families in this world, there being the Bovino, the Vongola and the Tomaso families that would have been too coincidental to exist in just a normal world.

Of course, I was conflicted at first. After all, my brain had registered before my death and rebirth that the Vongola were good. That as Timoteo was apparently still in charge of the Vongola he would never order the brutal killing of the small time family I had been born into.

Anna changed my mind though.

I was told everyday that the Vongola were murderers and the Vongola were bloodthirsty animals and the Vongola was the cruelest organization to have ever existed.

After a year of being told that day in and day out, I came to believe her. I came to believe that the seemingly kind hearted Timoteo would order the killing of people who had apparently done no wrong.

I remembered how Tsuna had seen the Vongola killing people when inheriting the power of the Vongola. I remembered how Timoteo had ordered Tsuna to fight and defeat Mukuro when it was likely he would die, Reborn not being allowed to help. And I remembered how people had honestly thought that cruel, cruel Xanxus could be boss of the Vongola, showing how people perceived the Vongola should be run.

In the KHR manga the Vongola was always portrayed in a good light but wasn't that just because Tsuna and Giotto had been good? They had been the only good guys to be running the Vongola, hadn't they?

The others though, Timoteo and Iemitsu included, had been cruel, hideous monsters.

I learnt to hate this world too. I learnt to hate how I had seen horrific sights and I had been denied my right to having a family and how I was now kept hidden from the world lest the Vongola discovered I had lived.

Pretty early on into that year I accepted I had changed from that girl with a smile on her face and a peace-keeping nature.

I was now terrified of leaving the mansion that kept me safe from the rest of this cruel world and wanted people dead.

I despised that most of all. How I had become someone so awful. But it was who I was.

And who was I?

Iris.

Iris Hepburn.

So, in case you didn't realize the whole thing I want to go for is the 'antagonist I hate the Vongola' OC insert. Because not enough SI type fics in the KHR section have people who truly despise the Vongola. Originally this OC wasn't going to be Iris but you know.

Yolo :D (and I'm like secretly obsessed with her character because I think she's awesome in her own strange little way XD)

Did you like it? Did you hate it? Let me know~ :3