Love: Confessions of a Dead Man
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! NARUTO IS PROPERTY OF MASASHI KISHIMOTO AND VIZ MEDIA!
WARNING: This work will contain hints of SHONEN-AI (boyxboy) and UCHIHACEST. (i.e. ITASASU)So if you do not wish to partake in reading such things, please be so kind as to leave this page now. Read at your own discretion. Thank you and happy reading! :)
"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment one can bring upon themselves." -Federico Garcia Lorca
And so our well-fought battle was finally drawing to a close. Our battle, in which him and I fought side-by-side. I thought just simply perishing at the side of my beloved was satisfactory enough in itself, however the feeling of genuine concern, protection, anything other than the detesting aura that originally radiated off of him was far better. I observe my surroundings with great precision, listening intently to the tiny water droplets echoing as they hit the floor of the cave we currently occupied. The musky smell of the mildew and the dampened earth was penetrating deep into my nostrils, the scent not being particularly unpleasant nor exactly favorable. Before I knew it, I felt myself slipping into what feels like the most intoxicating blissfulness I can think of, the Edo Tensei was now releasing, once more I felt as if I was slowly fading away into a deep, deep slumber. My heartbeat was less frequent, my eyes became heavy, my breathing became light and fragile, I am familiar with this overriding sensation, it is the sensation of death. Well, at least this time around, it is a far more peaceful death. Strange, when I first allowed the afterlife to consume me, it was so easy to permit, but now that our battle is closing, there is still a thin string of light coming from the small crack from the slightly ajar door that used to be the doorway to my life, my mind, my innermost secrets. That small crack of the slightly ajar door is just there begging, pleading to be be swung open for my Love to see. After all, if a door does not close, do you not need to open it up to see what holds it? I know for a fact what holds my door ajar; words still needing to be uttered, actions still needing to be displayed, feelings needing to be recognized, my web of deceit needing to be untangled.
I've to tell you something...
"Doragon, inoshishi, ratto, osuushi, saru, tora..." The snow-haired male chanted like an incantation as he formed hand signs, trapped in the never-ending world of Izanami my eyes created just for him. In all honesty, I really despised this young man for interrupting my sleep like this. Every burden, I was finally free from, every weight I bared, fallen from my shoulders, every memory of my beautiful, once so innocent and loving Otouto I took to the grave with me. But now that I have returned, my now sinfully-temping, powerful, ruthless Otouto demands answers, demands to know the illicit things now scattered inside of my mind. As much as I would wish it weren't true, his innocence is gone, his loving nature has died along with our family eight or so years ago, he has to know, he deserves to know.
To know the overall extentof how far my love goes for you...
"It looks like nothing I say will change anything..." He whispered lightly as he gritted his teeth, waiting for something not as usual as my response of silence. "When I saw you... I followed you here to confirm whether or not the things that Tobi and Danzou told me were true."
No-! How much could Tobi have told you?!
I turned my body towards him, my eyes slightly widened in horror. I knew Tobi was somehow, some way aware of my... fixation upon Sasuke, I just wasn't sure if he would actually tell him. Humiliation, abasement, chagrin, and any other word that could possibly describe my embarrassment and shame as of this moment.
Yet, I still must keep my calm demeanor.
"But I confirmed more than that..." His head whipped up to make eye-contact with me.
...I'm so sorry, Sasuke...
"I confirmed that by seeing you..."
"...for bringing our clan so much dishonor."
"...When I'm with you, I remember the past... the feelings from my childhood spent together with the brother that I loved." He bows his head, remembering all of the moments we spent together. "And that's exactly why..." His hands turned to fists, turning his knuckles white, "The more the two of us get along like we used to and the more I'm able to understand you..." He lifts his head from it's bowed position and gives me an uncompromising look. "The more my hatred toward the Village of Konoha swells up- It's becoming stronger than before!" My heart sank at his venomous words. As relieved as I was that it doesn't appear as though he knows how I fancy him, I still am filled with an overall sense of grief from his feelings of strife, betrayal, and hurt. After everything I went through to assure his safety, he aims to earn himself an early grave rather than reach out for the honor I set up for him to receive.
Please, don't take this road, Sasuke.
I turn my head again, not able to look him in the eye. "It's probably because you're my big brother that you repudiate me." His tone now sounds somewhat relaxed, accepting that as if it were fact. My dearest, Otouto, you stillfeel that way after all these years.
I only wish I could repudiate you.
"But it is also because I am your little brother that I will not stop no matter what you say. Just like how you are protecting the village now... I will definitely destroy it!" My response, as always was silence. How shall I respond to that? If I really wished, I could do away with this forbidden fruit forever, and protect the village. After all, he will likely be killed in a far more grotesque manner if these sniveling politicians have their way with him. I would be doing him a service, no? Then again, this is the village which ostracized me- their true savior for years. Then again, I know damned well I could never bring myself to slay the only one I could ever adore, love, be engrossed by, obsess over.No, I won't commit this misdeed, instead I will trade it for another.
A misdeed which can make even the most brutal of killers cringe.
"Good bye" Is that really all you can say after everything, Sasuke? Why be so hasty to say good bye? Do you really wish to be rid of me? Are you afraid I may try to stop you?- No. I will not stop you. I will not judge you, for I have not one righteous bone left in my body left to be able to judge. My mission here is complete, I am through with all of this anguish, all these burdens, all of this secret-keeping.
I will slam this door open and give to Sasuke what ever holds it.
"Inoshishi- Edo Tensei Release!" At that, Sasuke's eyes turned from the striking rage to the piercing pain which now shown. He knows what the release of the jutsu means. "I feel like I'm slowly losing consciousness."
All of the words still needing to be uttered.
I plant my foot into the ground toward him, taking a step with my arm outstretched, I will not let the full truth slip through the cracks again. "Before saying goodbye, I will tell you what you wanted to know. There is no need to lie anymore."
My life, my mind, my innermost secrets, will now be left with you.
"What I did that night before leaving you is exactly as Danzou and Tobi told you." At my statement, his eyes widened with a certain alertness, giving his full attention to what it is I have to say. It was then, I came to the conclusion that I can't confess my undying lust after him and then just leave. I can't leave this world being hated, mocked or rejected by the one I love most. Or worse, if the feelings by some miracle are returned, I cannot just confess and leave him. No, I can't bear to watch that commence. I need to stall for time.
Yes, I am indeed a selfish being.
"I will show you the truth." I said solemnly as I stared into his eyes, once again, showing him just part of the truth.
All of the actions still needing to be displayed.
I showed him everything, my pleading to keep him alive, meeting the masked Uchiha, what actually happened during the final moments of our kinsman's lives. While Sasuke was occupied sticking his nose into my memories, I took the liberty of ripping of a piece of an unconsidered scroll, and wrote him to him the only thing I am not man enough to tell him from my own mouth. The note that will create sense within the whole situation. Why I care for him so. Why I left him alive before I left anyone else.
The feelings needing to be recognized.
"It won't need to be said again; I lost all the truth and it won't come back." My Otouto's eyes widened, he couldn't believe what he had just seen. Is it really that much of a surprise to you by now? Am I really that grand of a deceiver? "I always lied to you, telling you to forgive me. I always kept you far away with my own hands. I didn't want to involve you."
I wanted to keep you ignorant.
"But now I think that you would have been able to change our father, mother, the Uchiha." I was now only a foot or so away from him, my arm still outstretched, now reaching up for him. "If I had faced you from the start, tried to see things from your point of view and talked with you about the truth..."
To untangle my web of deceit.
"But I failed. And no matter what I say now, it won't reach you."
I failed at loving you as anyone should love another.
"That's why I'm finally going to say what I really think." I was not only an inch away from him, I entangled my fingers in his hair and rested my forehead upon his own.
I couldn't help but smile.
"You don't have to forgive me... no matter what you decide to do from now on... I will love you forever." It was then I seized the opportunity to stick the note on the inside of the back of his collar. I'm sure he will find it eventually. He will know the full truth. At that, a soft yellow light enveloped my body, and I seemed to be turning to dust.
I can die fulfilled now.
My vision became blurred, I started to lose all feeling.
It is time to go burn in the eternal abyss where all disgusting transgressors like myself go.
End
A/N NO! I don't want Itachi to burn in hell. This is from what I believe to be hisPOV, and how hefeels about himself. A/N
Be cruel please! Constructive criticism is completely welcome here! Any grammar mistakes and/or typos let me know, please! I wrote this in a huge rush just to get this completed.
Love,
~The Scarlet Dreamer