Author's Note: Well, I was really disappointed with the finale, so here goes my angst and frustrations. What better way to show it than what I can actually do - write. Oh and before people think I'm a Shenny shipper (I'm not, but I completely respect them), I want to justify my idea with this story with an idea I shared on tumblr.
'It would be better for my ship to justifiably sink than to hit an unexpected iceberg and break into smithereens.'
Disclaimer: I do not own The big Bang Theory and no profit is gained from this endeavor.
Five months into his spontaneous getaway, Sheldon Cooper decided it was about time to go back to Pasadena. For him, it didn't have to happen right away. But the e-mail Amy Farrah Fowler sent him, a month into his absence, sent him teetering on the edge for the latter part of his trip.
It was a termination notice regarding their relationship agreement. Enough to be overlooked. However, it was backed up by justified reasons. Considering her flawless logic, he knew had to agree. He would never admit it, but he felt extremely guilty about the numerous times she pointed out that he hurt her. And so, right away, he signed the notice.
Only to regret it right after his laptop flashed "message sent" on his screen, to which he received an immediate and curt "thank you". Four months of constantly replaying the contents of her e-mail in his mind made him realize that he can never do better. He and Amy were endgame. She was the only woman for him, and the psychic was right. She's the key to his happiness.
In his mind, he kept reassuring himself that she was smitten with him and that she'd never really leave him. It was the only thought that saved him from running home to Pasadena without even finding himself and realizing what to do with his life.
A week before his arrival, he contacted Leonard of his trip details. Leonard had replied that the detais are noted, but did not say if he was picking him up. Ever stubborn and self-absorbed, Sheldon thought he'd be picked up at the train station.
To his utmost dismay, he was not.
His only option was to hail a cab to their apartment.
Upon arriving at 2311 Los Robles, he paid the driver, gave him a scolding for haphazardly dashing through the traffic, and slammed the car door. He walked the necessary flight of stairs to their unit and opened the door with his key.
"Welcome home, Sheldon!"
The gang was complete; engaged couple, Leonard and Penny; husband and wife, Howard and Bernadette; relatively new couple, Emily and Rajesh; Amy, and Stuart. One by one, they came up to him and gave him a hug. Except Amy and Stuart. They hugged him together, with one of Stuart's arm holding Amy by the waist. For the first time in a long while, he felt like a lone wheel in their social group.
A queasy feeling overcame him, something he was very familar with. Jealousy.
After exchanging pleasantries and eating dinner, the whole group grilled him to spill the beans on what he had achieved from his trip. He told them almost everything, like his decision to continue with String Theory, casually leaving out his plans to get Amy back.
After his moment under the spotlight, everyone shared what they had been up to in his absence. Leonard and Penny had been going through wedding preparations, Howard and Bernadette were on the process of trying to conceive, and Rajesh and Emily, well, Rajesh and Emily. Which left the unlikely pair, Amy and Stuart.
"How about you?" He asked aloud to the pair, expecting Amy to respond instead of Stuart.
"Well, the fire that struck my store left me nowhere else to stay. Luckily, Howard offered that I stay at his mother's place, provided that I took care of Debbie." Stuart grinned.
"Who's Debbie?"
"My mom. She insisted he call her that."
"Oh. Continue, then." He nodded at Howard and gestured for Stuart to continue.
"Working and living there boosted my esteem and my happiness, but not too much. It's when Amy started helping out that I really became happier," Stuart pressed a soft kiss to Amy's temple, something that irked Sheldon. "We became immediate friends. She's proven to be a ray of sunshine. She's helped me go back to school, assisting me in applying for a scholarship at an art school."
His last sentence earned a few gasps and applaud from the rest, congratulating him for getting back on his feet. Amy held his hand and gave it a squueze as she gazed at him amorously.
"Oh my! That's nice, Stuart! Amy's such a great influence on you!" Penny exclaimed.
"Oh and a month ago, she's agreed to go out with me. But we could totally lay it off if it bothers you, Sheldon. She was your friend first, so I think that we should respect your opinion. Come to think of it, it bothers me a bit that we're doing this, given your history." Stuart scratched an imaginary itch on the back of his head.
"It's quite alright, Stuart. Amy and I aren't in a relationship anymore, so her decisions do not entail my opinion anymore."
"Thank you." Amy nodded at him.
The little gathering ensued until such a time that everyone had to leave. Leonard opted to stay at 4A for the night after coming to a mutual agreement with Penny. The other six proceeded with their farewells and, pair by pair, went down the stairs. But Amy stayed a bit behind.
"Stuart, could you wait for me downstairs? I'll just have a chat with Sheldon."
"Sure, Amy. But be careful, okay?"
Sheldon watched as Stuart walked down the stairs and waited for the hall to clear before he spoke up.
"Hi, Amy." He shyly said.
"Hello, Sheldon."
"You didn't talk much about yourself awhile ago. I believe social convention dictates that I should ask about your life. So, how are you?"
"Well, I'm happy now, Sheldon. Happier than I've ever been. Sure, he's not you, but Stuart's been very attentive and patient with me. When you left, I was devastated. I was alone, but it gave me the opportunity to think clearly. I can't go on with our relationship without affection. I was very patient with you. I never pushed you so hard to move at the pace I wanted to. I slowed down for you. But I can't live like that forever. Believe me, Sheldon, I do love and care for you, even more so that we are now friends."
"If you do love me, then don't leave me. I can try being the boyfriend you want. I'll do everything you want me to, even if it's out of my comfort zone. Intimacy? Fine. Touching? Fine. Coitus? Whenever and wherever you want. Just don't leave me."
"No, Sheldon. I can't want it if you don't want it. I want us to be at the same pace in this relationship. And if you do decide to do these things you're saying, I need you to do them on your own accord, not because you feel compelled to."
"But I do want them, Amy."
"You're just saying that, Sheldon. Your eyes are twitching," But he wasn't lying at all. He was trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I've stood my ground, and I'm very happy now. I feel free."
"Free? How? Have I been pulling you down?"
"In a mutual relationship, two people must be willing to partake in carrying the burden of each other. And with being in a relationship with you, I may have not noticed it at first, but your luggage was Penny and Leonard. I endured being the odd one out in your golden trio. Only recently did I realize that, and it made me feel like crap. It doesn't help that you don't seem to include me in your crucial decisions. I was your girlfriend, but next to them, I felt like nothing to you."
"I never thought you felt that way, Amy." His eidetic memory proved to be reliable at times like this, but he'd never indulge anyone in that bittersweet privilege.
"Because you never asked. Our relationship mostly revolved around you. I know you were trying so hard for me, and I appreciate that. But I'm only human. I can only take as much," She held his hands and gave them a soft squeeze. "I'm sorry it came to this."
"Apology accepted. I guess this is it, then?"
"I should say so." A pregnant silence enveloped them before he found the seemingly right words to say.
"Thank you for those four meaningful years, Amy Farrah Fowler."
She pulled him in for a chaste kiss on the lips and enveloped him in an awkward hug before leaving. He thought it would be different because the bonds that connected them had already withered, but it felt the exactly the same to him. She was still warm, her lips still tasted like brownies, and she still fit perfectly in his arms. Nothing had changed, except for the fact that Amy wasn't his anymore. He allowed the tears to fall when she was out of sight as he thought about her.
He quickly tried to regain composure and walked over to Penny's flat and went in without knocking.
"Sweetie! For a moment there, you startled me." Penny feigned a look of shock.
"I highly doubt you were startled, Penny. Leonard has been doing this for years. How can you be surprised at all?"
"Really?" She cocked an eyebrow.
"Sarcasm?"
"Yes. So, what brings you here, Moon Pie?"
"Hypothetically, let's say I want to win Amy back. How should I do so?" He said as he sat on the sofa.
"Sheldon, look. As much as I want to help you do that, because I know you wouldn't even say that if you didn't want to, I can't." She said as she took a swig at the glass of schnapps she was holding.
"Why ever not? Weren't you the one who'd always urge us to get together at every chance you could get?"
"Sweetie, I was, and I still am. But I'm afraid she and I fell a little apart after we let you board that train. She was furious at me and Leonard, and I can't blame her. She's found besties in Bernadette and Emily. You could try asking them for help, but they wouldn't give you that."
"Why?" He feared to hear what Penny would say. He already had the right speculation about it. He needn't confirmation.
"They were the ones there for her when you walked out. They know how hurt she was and they helped her get back on her feet. Believe me, Sheldon. She was an unrecognizable wreck. If it weren't for Stuart, she would have continued to be the robotic Amy we once knew."
"What about Stuart?"
"He really treats her well, how she deserves to be treated. Beats me, he treats her like a princess. They've helped each other out in recovering." He couldn't believe what he was hearing, coming from Penny.
"So what are you implying, Penny?! That I didn't treat her well? That I don't value her as my girlfriend? That I don't deserve her?!" He stood up, fists balled on either side of his torso.
"Sweetie, it's not like that." Penny was frustrated, but she knew he knew the truth.
"No! That's exactly what you were saying!" He slammed the door to her apartment and flee.
He knew he was right.
Amy was better off without him. He didn't deserve her.
But a huge part of him wished it wasn't true.
It had already happened. He can't do anything about it.
And if he wanted to see her again or simply just be around her, he had to endure everything - her relationship with Stuart, get-togethers with the whole gang, and visits to the comic book store.
Who knew that much could happen in just four months?
This was his wake-up call to realize that life is a bitch. It dealt him a bad hand. All because he was always chose to be deviant from the undeniable truth.
Later that night, he found it hard to fall into a deep slumber as he weeped silently in his room. Kolinahr surely wasn't of much help in bottling his feelings and putting walls up at the moment.
None of that Homo novus crap, not even his so-called Vulcan abilities. He was only human, after all.