First Contact

"John something is wrong with my mom," Taylor's voice broke.

At the despair in Taylor's tone Reese came fully awake and out of his bed dressing himself quickly as he spoke.

"Is she hurt? What's wrong with her," Reese asked trying to remain calm?

"She's laying on her bed fully dressed and covered in mud. I keep trying to get her to talk to me but she's not responding. It's like she's asleep with her eyes open," Taylor said with a frightened tremor in his voice.

By the time Taylor finished describing the situation, John was already on the back of the Ducati ready to head to the Carter brownstone.

"Taylor, listen carefully your mom is going to be fine I'm on my way right now. Just shut her door and see if you can make arrangements to stay with one of your friends tonight," John said trying to comfort the teen.

"I'm not leaving mom like this. I should probably call 911. She looks like she needs medical attention," Taylor's fear was evident in his voice.

"No son. Trust me I can help her but if you call for help I can't come around and in the end your mom's career would be in danger. I don't want you to leave her until I get there but once I arrive you really don't need to be around to see her like that. I'll be there shortly please wait for me," Reese said and then disconnected the call.

Reese peeled out on the road and sped to Carter's place with his mind spinning as fast as the wheels on his bike. He had been so caught up in his own anger at receiving the number too late and watching a good man die that he had been rather rude when Carter called for advice. All she'd ever done was help him and be there for him every since the Snow incident where her assistance resulted in him almost being killed. He convinced himself all the times she'd helped them were to make up for that one mistake. Then he'd been caught and even though he signaled her to give him up she didn't. Not only did she lie for him, she destroyed his fingerprints and broke into a government facility to tamper with his DNA samples. The last straw was when he tried to leave her to go to his death, he saw the anguish in her eyes. It was then he finally faced the fact that he was hopelessly in love with her and if she wasn't in love with him then she cared enough about him to make it dangerous for her.

At that moment, he knew he had to let her go. He loved her enough to want her safe even if that meant being away from him. He would not be responsible for Taylor being parentless and the world losing such a valuable tool in the fight between good and evil. So he cut her out. He stopped talking to her, watching her of even acknowledging her existence. Externally it appeared he had moved on. Inside he felt as if a little piece of him died every time Finch mentioned her name. He was so jealous of Finch because he continued to talk to her that he couldn't stop himself from lashing out at his friend from time to time. Finch never took offense often he just gave John a knowing look that made him feel even worse.

The pain from his forced separation was constant and relentless. He thought he had experienced pain when he left Jessica after Mexico but it was nothing compared to the gut renching agony that sometimes took his breath away in the middle of the night. He missed everything about her. He missed her smart mouth, the way she walked, her toughness but most of all he missed her smile and how it made him do anything to keep it on her face.

Reese stashed the bike in one of his hideaways a block from Carter's and jogged to her front door. Before he could knock the door was yanked open by a teary eyed Taylor.

"John please help her?"

Reese entered the house and placed a comforting hand on the young man's shoulder.

"Taylor I'm so sorry that you had to see this and I want you to know this is my fault. I promise you I will bring her back to you but right now I need you to trust me and leave her with me," Reese said voice heavy with emotion.

"You promise," Taylor asked with so much hope in his eyes?

"Yes," John answered remembering when he'd promised Joss he would bring Taylor home. He hadn't let her down then and he wouldn't let Taylor down now.

A knock on the door interrupted the intense moment.

"That's my friend Colin, I'm going to stay with him tonight," Taylor said to relax John as he'd immediately tensed at the sound. Taylor opened the door and stepped outside quickly to prevent his friend from entering. After a quick conversation he came back in and gave Reese a hard look.

"You said this is your fault well then fix it," Taylor said as he walked past John to grab his bag that was sitting on the couch already packed. He started to leave but then he turned back around and walked toward his mother's bedroom with John on his heels.

Reese watched in pain as Taylor leaned in and kissed his mother's cheek and told her he loved her before walking out of the room without any response at all from Jocelyn.

John was so stunned by Carter's appearance he didn't even hear Taylor leave the house. She was laid across the bed on her side with her eyes fixated on the wall across from her like it held all the answers to lifes greatest mysteries. She was covered in mud from the thighs down and splattered with mud every where else. She was breathing so shallowly her chest was barely moving with the effort.

Reese approached the bed cautiously and knelt down in front of Carter blocking her vision from the wall. She didn't acknowledge his presence by any measure not even an eye blink. John reached out his hand and gently placed his palm on her cheek.

"Hey Joss, I need you to come back to me and Taylor," he whispered not wanting to startle her. Her skin was cold and extremely clammy. She had to be in shock and the priority was to warm her up. He just started talking to her to soothe them both as he went into action.

"I hope you don't kill me or worse banish me from your life for what I'm about to do but I have to warm you up hon," Reese said softly as he rolled Carter on to her back gently and pulled her down to the end of the bed until her feet touched the floor. He sat on the floor and unlaced and removed her mud soaked boots and socks.

"These are nice boots, some of the best the Army issued. Are they special to you? Is that why you still have them? Don't worry, I'll clean them up good as new, no matter how long it takes," Reese said as he stopped to attempt to message warmth into her ice cold feet.

"I have to take off your clothes so I can get you in the shower. If you want to do it yourself I'll step outside and wait but you have to tell me," John stared into her glassy dull gaze hoping for some response no matter how small but there was none.

"Alright Jocelyn I'm removing your pants but remember I gave you the option to do it yourself."

Standing to give himself better leverage, Reese reached over and released Carter's belt. His hands were shaking slightly as he unbuttoned and unzipped her pants.

"I remember the first time I got naked in front of a girl. Her name was Jamie Powers and she was 18 and I was only 16 and scared to death," John said as he wrapped an arm around Carter's waist and lifted her slightly while pushing her pants and panties over her hips. He focused on his story so he didn't think about her nakedness because this was not a time for lust but a time for healing.

"I stripped so fast excited about the prospect of not being a virgin any more she had only taken her shirt off when I was down to my underwear," Reese kept talking as he knelt back down and continued to pull her pants and panties down her legs and off. "Then it hit me she was not new to this and she'd probably been with bigger boys and I froze with my hands on the side of my underwear in a state of panic. Finally I looked at her and she smiled at me and removed her bra and when I saw her breasts I got the courage to pull off my underwear but I closed my eyes waiting for her to laugh. She didn't then but she did when it was over not long after it started," John laughed at his own expense hoping she would join in but she didn't.

"Ok babe, I told you my embarrassing first time story now it's your turn," Reese said as he grabbed her arms and pulled her to a sitting position. To his surprise she stayed there when he let her go to grab the hem of her shirt.

"Well that's not fair but I'll let it go for now however I do expect to hear your story at some point," Reese pulled Carter's shirt over her head and tossed it in the general direction of the other mud soaked clothes. He tried to ignore the lacy material covering her ample breasts as he looked at the ceiling and unhooked the front clasp by touch and discarded the soft material. While Carter remained sitting naked at the end of the bed, her eyes were still glassy and unresponsive.

"Stay here while I go run us some warm water," he said and gave her one long unsure glance before he dashed to the bathroom connected to her bedroom and quickly started a very warm shower spray. After assuring the temperature was just right he returned to find Jocelyn just as he left her.

"So I don't have a change of clothes and I doubt I could fit anything Taylor wears so I'm going to strip down to my boxers so I can help you in the shower," Reese said as he started removing his clothes. "In my dreams our shower together was much more interactive but today for you I'm going to be a perfect gentleman."

As John removed his pants he saw Jocelyn's eyes blink. He immediately dropped to his knees in front of her and grabbed her hands.

"That's it babe, come back to me," he pleaded. "I know you're in there." There was no other response and he started to think maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. Reese stood and gently picked her up and placed her over his shoulder and headed towards the shower. When he got there, he contemplated the safest way to get her in the small space.

"I'm going to clean you up and you'll feel much better," John said as he grabbed a stool resting near the sink and placed it in the back corner of the stall. He reached up and directed the spray against the adjacent wall so the majority of the water was deflected at the stool with less force.

He carefully sat Carter on the stool and she whimpered when the water hit her.

"Shh, it's ok. I'm right here," he said climbing in the shower and kneeling before her again. He took a washcloth and wet it and began to wash her body mechanically and efficiently.

"I should have told you this before now but you and Taylor mean so much to me. When I first started working with Finch I just wanted to redeem myself for all the wrongs I've done but now the truth is I want to do enough good deeds to prove I'm good enough for you and Taylor," John said softly as tears from his eyes mixed with the shower water. He kept washing her oblivious to his soggy boxers and the water hitting him in the back.

"You're such a good person and I'm not and I was so worried about you getting hurt because of me that I ended up being the one to hurt you and I'm sorry Joss,"John's voice broke. He finally looked up to her face and found her beautiful brown orbs focused on him. He couldn't help but smile at her.

"You're almost there, come on keep fighting for me," John said as he rose to his feet and turned off the shower.

This time when John pulled her to her feet Carter walked out of the stall. He grabbed a bath sheet off of a nearby towel rack and began drying her off and rubbing warmth back into her limbs.

"I'm so sorry I left you to clean up my mess. I know I can't take back what you saw tonight but I promise you it will never happen again and I will never leave you alone again. Just please come back to me," John's voice broke and Jocelyn sobbed.

Reese quickly dried himself off and pulled Carter into his arms to comfort her and offer his own body heat. Once he felt sufficient warmth from her skin, he picked her up and passed through the mess in her bedroom and carried her to the living room and sat on the couch with her in his lap. He rubbed her back and whispered in her ear until her sobs changed into deep even breaths.

Once he was sure she was resting he eased from under her and covered her with a throw blanket from the love seat. He went back to her bedroom and stripped down her bed and remade it with fresh linen from her closet. He also took off his soggy boxers and replaced them with his dry pants. Lastly he searched through her drawers until he found a comfortable cotton pajama set and returned back to her side. Jocelyn's eyes were closed and she seemed to be resting peacefully. John didn't want to disturb her but he wanted her to retain the body heat he'd just spent over an hour restoring so he dressed her. While he was trying to put on her bottoms, she opened her eyes and assisted him but she still said nothing

"I'm going to take you to bed so you can be comfortable."

Again Reese picked her and carried her back to a clean bed. He laid her down and tucked her in tight while she watched him silently.

"You get some rest and I'll be right out here on the couch if you need me. Just know when you wake up I'm going to make you eat something," Reese said hoping for an argument but all he got was a lost stare. He let out a sorrowful breath and headed for the door.

"Taylor," Carter's voice was low and raspy.

John came immediately to her side.

"He's at Colin's house," he assured her. She nodded and closed her eyes.

"I love you," John said softly. Jocelyn opened her eyes and stared at him. A tear rolled down her face as she nodded and closed her eyes once more.