A/N: This is just. Incredibly silly. But I couldn't resist.

"I hate Jett Stetson's guts," Kendall announced miserably, flopping onto the couch and knocking a pillow onto the floor for good measure.

Carlos rushed forward to grab the pillow and handed it to him, as if that was going to help. "It's not that bad," he offered in his most optimistic voice.

"It seems like it kind of is," said James, and Carlos elbowed him a little too hard.

"I mean, so what if he and Jo kiss four times in one episode?" he continued. "It's just acting, right? So it doesn't count."

"You've never been on one of those sets," James said, unhelpfully. "Camille says things can get pretty hot."

"James," snapped Logan, but Kendall groaned and buried his face in the pillow in what seemed to be an attempt to suffocate himself; Logan sighed heavily, sat next to him, and gently took the pillow away.

"Carlos is right," he said. "I mean, no matter what, it's just a kiss."

"Just a kiss?" said James, incredulous. Kendall glared up at him.

"James," he said, "I really don't want to hear it."

"No," said James, shaking his head, "no, I want to know what Logan means."

Logan raised an eyebrow, leaning back and going almost immediately into science-mode. "Well, when you think about it," he said, "what's a kiss, really? All it is is two people putting their lips together, you know? It only means something because we think it means something."

"…Oh boy," Carlos said quietly. Kendall buried his face in the pillow again.

"I don't think that's true," said James, folding his arms. "I mean, when you kiss someone… it has to actually mean something, doesn't it? Otherwise you wouldn't do it."

"Like you would know," Carlos said. "You make out with anything with a pulse."

"Untrue," James retorted. "…Also not important."

"I'm not saying it doesn't mean anything exactly," said Logan, "I'm just saying that it means whatever you think it means. It's pretty basic psychology, really."

James tilted his head. "…So you're saying that if Jo kisses Jett Stetson four times and then thinks that it doesn't mean anything, then it won't mean anything?"

"It depends on the circumstances," said scientist-Logan. "But yes, basically."

James nodded once, almost thoughtfully, and then he proceeded to walk the four steps over to Logan, lean over, and kiss him square on the mouth.

Everything was silent for exactly four and a half seconds as James broke away from Logan, smirking; then Carlos nearly fell over in hysterical laughter.

Logan gaped for a moment, wide-eyed, and made vague stammering noises as Kendall rolled his eyes.

"…James," he said, slowly, evenly, "what exactly was that supposed to prove?"

James frowned. "You know, looking back," he said, "I'm not really sure."

Logan stared at him for another second; and then, doing his best to ignore Carlos's continued hysterical laughter, he stood up, turned on his heel, and walked as quickly as possible over to the bathroom.

"I'm going to brush my teeth forever!" he announced, and slammed the door behind him.

James shrugged. "Worth it," he said, and Carlos nodded in agreement.

Kendall pressed a palm to his forehead and took a deep breath. "…Remind me to never ask you guys for advice about anything ever again," he said, and walked out of the apartment.