The Rocky Horror Red Dwarf Picture Show FULL REPOST
Original Fic by danielradcliffe4eva aka Simple09
Michael Rennie was ill The day the earth stood still But he told us were we stand And Flash Gordon was there In silver underwear Claude Rains was The Invisible Man Then something went wrong For Fay Wray and King Kong They got caught in a celluloid jam Then at a deadly pace It came from... outer space And this is how the message ran...
Chorus:
Science fiction (ooh ooh ooh) double feature Doctor X (ooh ooh ooh) will build a creature. See androids fighting (ooh ooh ooh) Brad and Janet Anne Francis stars in (ooh ooh ooh) Forbidden Planet Wo oh oh oh oh oh At the late night, double feature, picture show.
I knew Leo G. Carrol Was over a barrel When tarantula took to the hills And I really got hot When I saw Janette Scott Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills Dana Andrews said prunes Gave him the runes And passing them used lots of skills But when worlds collide said George Pal to his bride, "I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills," Like a...
Repeat Chorus:
Science fiction (ooh ooh ooh) double feature Doctor X (ooh ooh ooh) will build a creature. See androids fighting (ooh ooh ooh) Brad and Janet Anne Francis stars in (ooh ooh ooh) Forbidden Planet Wo oh oh oh oh oh At the late night, double feature, picture show. I wanna go wuh oh o-o-oh To the late night double feature picture show. By R.K.O. wuh oh o-o-oh To the late night, double feature picture show In the back row, oh oh o-o-oh To the late night, double feature, picture show!
This story is the strangest one that I have done. Imagine the crew of Red Dwarf as the characters of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
The start of the nightmare that are going through.
Brad/Lister: Hey, Janet
Janet/Kris: Yes, Brad?
Brad/Lister: I've got something to say
Janet /Kris: Uh huh?
Brad /Lister: I really love the...skilful way
You beat the other girls
To the bride's bouquet
Janet/Kris: Oh...oh, Brad
Brad/Lister: The river was deep but I swam it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: The future is ours, so let's plan it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: So please don't tell me to can it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: I've one thing to say, and that's
Dammit Janet, I love you
The road was long but I ran it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: There's a fire in my heart and you fan it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: If there's one fool for you then I am it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: I've one thing to say, and that's
Dammit Janet, I love you
Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker
There's three ways that love can grow
That's good, bad, or mediocre
Oh J-A-N-E-T, I love you so
Janet /Kris: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had
Chorus: Oh, Brad
Janet /Kris: Now we're engaged and I'm so glad
Chorus: Oh, Brad
Janet /Kris: That you met Mom and you know Dad
Chorus: Oh, Brad
Janet /Kris: I've one thing to say, and that's
Brad, I'm mad, for you too
Oh, Brad
Brad /Lister: Oh, dammit
Janet /Kris: I'm mad
Brad /Lister: Oh, Janet
Janet /Kris: For you
Brad /Lister: I love you too
Brad and Janet: There's one thing left to do, ah-hoo
Brad /Lister: And that's go see the man who began it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: When we met in his science exam-it
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: Made me give you the eye and then panic
Chorus: Janet
Brad /Lister: Now I've one thing to say, and that's
Dammit Janet, I love you
Dammit, Janet
Janet /Kris: Oh Brad, I'm mad
Brad /Lister: Dammit, Janet
Brad and Janet: I love you
Lister started singing to with Kochanski who was in the galley getting a drink.
Kris: In the velvet darkness Of the blackest night Burning bright There's a guiding star No matter what or who you are
Kris & Lister: There's a light
Lister: Over at the Frankenstein's place
Kris & Lister: There's a light
Lister: Burning in the fireplace
Kris & Lister: There's a light, light In the darkness of everybody's life
Lister: The darkness must go Down the river of night's dreaming Flow morphia slow Let the sun and light come streaming Into my life, into my life
Kris: There's a light
Lister: Over at the Frankenstein's Place
Kris: There's a light
Lister: Burning in the fireplace
Kris: There's a light, light
Kris & Lister: In the darkness of everybody's life.
But this time he got up and started dancing. Something was wrong, as it was strange for Lister to sing in tune instead of his tone-deaf vocals that normally accompany his tuneless guitar. He had now started to sing the Time Warp, as Kochanski headed back upstairs.
Lister: It's outstanding, time is fleeting. Madness takes its tole. I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time warp drinking those moments when. The blackness would hit me and the void will be calling. LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!
Sweet Transvestite : Arnold Judas Rimmer
Kristine Kochanski walked down the stairs to see Lister in the cockpit singing and dancing to himself. She sniggered as he saw him trying to do the Time Warp from a very old classic 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'. Lister was a sight.
She headed over to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of tea. Then silence was deadly as Lister had stopped singing. But Lister walked out of the cockpit and greeted Kochanski until he saw Rimmer walking down the stairs looking like Frank n' Furter with stockings and suspenders. Lister and Kochanski's eyes were popping out their sockets. He started to sing Sweet Transvestite.
Rimmer/Frank: How do you do I, See you've met my, Faithful handyman He's just a little brought down Because when you knocked He thought you were the candy man
Don't get strung out, by the way I look Don't judge a book by it's cover I'm not much of a man, by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover
Chorus: I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania
Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound You look like you're both pretty groovy Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie
Lister/Brad: I'm glad we caught you at home Could we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry
Kris/Janet : Right
Lister/Brad: We'll just say where we are Then go back to the car We don't want to be any worry
Rimmer/Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well how bout that Well, babies, don't you panic By the light of the night it'll all seem alright I'll get you a satanic mechanic
{chorus} : I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transexual, Transylvania
Rimmer/Frank: Why don't you stay for the night
?/Riff Raff: night!
Rimmer/Frank: Or maybe a bite
Columbia: bite!
Rimmer/Frank: I could show you my favourite obsession I've been making a man With blond hair and a tan And he's good for relieving my . . . tension
{chorus x2} : I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania
So- come up to the lab And see what's on the slab I see you shiver with antici . . . pation But maybe the rain isn't really to blame So I'll remove the cause But not the symptom
The Man Made Cat
"What is going on around here?" She asked to no one in particular.
"Why? What's wrong Janet?" Lister said to Kris.
"Lister I am not Janet. You're both acting like the characters from the Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kris replied.
"My name is Brad Majors not Lister. And you're my fiancee Janet." Lister mentioned.
The next thing that Kochanski saw was the Cat just in shimmering gold leather sweat pants.
"It's just going to be one of those days." Kochanski rolled her eyes back into her head.
Rimmer started singing whilst he was chasing the Cat all over the ship.
Rimmer/Frank: A weakling, weighing ninety-eight pounds Will get sand in his face when kicked...to the ground And soon in the gym, with a determined chin The sweat from his pores, as he works for his cause Will make him glisten...and gleam And with massage...and just a little bit of steam He'll be pink and quite clean
He'll be a strong man, oh honey... But the wrong man
He'll eat nutritious high protein and swallow raw eggs Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arm, and legs. Such an effort...if he only knew of my plan In just seven days, I can make you a man
He'll do press-ups and chin-ups Do the snatch, clean and jerk He thinks dynamic tension Must be hard work...
Such strenuous living I just don't understand... When in just seven days, oh baby, I can make you a man!
Kochanski just headed to the cockpit to do her duty whilst the others were chasing the Cat around the ship. She started to record what was happening as this would be good blackmail material for future. Lister walked in trying to persuade Janet/Kris.
"Come on, you have to meet Eddie." Lister had said grabbing her hand.
"No Brad I want to stay here. You can go if you want." She replied.
Lister walked out to see Kryten singing, dancing and playing a saxophone. Kochanski locked the cockpit door so that she wouldn't be disturbed as she tried to sort out what was wrong with her deranged crewmates.
Rimmer/Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep,
A hot groin and a triceps,
Makes me, oooh, shake,
Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the ...ha-ha-hand.
In just seven days, ... oh, baby ... I can make you a man.
I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension.
Columbia: I'm a muscle fan.
Rimmer/Frank: In just seven days, I can make you a man.
Dig it if you can
In just seven days, I can make you a man.
THE WEDDING MARCH
Rimmer takes hold of the Cat's arm and then escorts him upstairs. Lister follows them as he goes to his own sleeping quarters to get some sleep.
Rocky and Janet, Forbidden Fruit
"What is happening around here?" Kris had asked herself.
"Rimmer is acting like Frank n Furter, the Cat as Rocky and Lister as Brad Majors. What is doing this?" Kris had no answers at all.
"Oh well, it's a bit of a laugh, lets see what is happening upstairs."
Kristine flicked on the security camera's to see that the Cat was sleeping in his sleeping quarters. She flicked again to her's and Lister's sleeping quarters to see someone dressed as a female walk in.
"Janet is that you?" Brad had asked.
"Oh Brad, I'm so scarred I just want to get out of here." The female had said in Janet's voice.
"It's ok Janet, first thing tomorrow we shall get dressed and leave here."
"Please let me hold you." The female then leaned towards Brad and kissed him, but her hair fell off into his face.
"OH MY GOD ITS YOU!" Brad shouted noticing that it was Frank n Furter (Rimmer).
"Yes Brad, but I must say that you don't want Janet to see you like this do you."
He pulled Brad down and started to kiss him again.
Kochanski watched on the monitor as they kissed each other. She was disgusted and decided to switch the monitor off and head to refill her drink.
She looked around the mid-section to see no one around, until she saw a quivering Cat under the table. Kris looked and beckoned the Cat out from under the table, she was trying not to get into her character. She then burst out into 'Toucha toucha touch me' with the Cat. Rimmer and Lister started to watch on the vid screen in Lister's sleeping quarters
Kris/Janet: I was feeling done in. couldn't win. i'd only ever kissed before.
Rimmer/Frank: You mean she...
Lister/Brad: Ah ah
Kris/Janet: i thought there was no use getting into heavy petting. it only leads to trouble and seat wetting
Now all I want to know Is how to go I've tasted blood and I want more
Lister & Rimmer: More! More! More! (Watching from their Sleeping Quarters)
Kris: I'll put up no resistance I want to stay the distance I've got an itch to scratch I need assistance
(chorus) Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me I wanna be dirty Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me Creature of the night.
Kris/Janet: Then if anything grows (chuckle) While you pose I'll oil you up and drop you down
Lister & Rimmer: Down! Down! Down!
Kris: And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction You need a friendly hand Oh, I need action
(chorus) Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me I wanna be dirty Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me Creature of the night.
Lister: Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me
Rimmer: I wanna be dirty
Lister: Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Rimmer: Creature of the night
(chorus) Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a touch me I wanna be dirty Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me Creature of the night.
Cat: Creature of the night
Lister: Creature of the night
Rimmer: Creature of the night
Kryten: Creature of the night
Lister: Creature of the night
Rimmer: Creature of the night
Cat: Creature of the night
Kris: Creature of the night Ohhh!
Kris then ended up kissing the Cat.
Kryten's Tale
Lister walked downstairs to see Kris and the Cat in a full embrace. Then Kryten walked in looking around for someone called Eddy.
Kryten: From the day he was born he was trouble. He was the thorn in his mothers side. She tried in vain. But it never caused her nothing but shame. He left home the day she died.
Kryten then started to sing with Rimmer, Cat and Lister backing.
Kryten: From the day she was gone All he wanted Was rock and roll porn And a motorbike Shooting up junk
Criminologist : He was a low down cheap little punk
Kryten: Taking everyone for a ride
Chorus : When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy You knew he was a no good kid But when he threatened your life With a switch blade knife
Rimmer/Frank: What a guy
Kris/Janet: Makes you cry
Kryten: And I did
Columbia : Everybody shoved him I very nearly loved him I said hey listen to me Stay sane inside insanity But he locked the door And threw away the key
Kryten: But he must've been drawn Into something Making him warn me In a note which reads
Chorus : What's it say? What's it say?
Eddie : I'm out of my head Oh hurry, or I may be dead They mustn't carry out their evil deeds
Chorus : When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy You knew he was a no good kid But when he threatened your life With a switch blade knife
Rimmer/Frank: What a guy
Janet/Kris : Makes you cry
Kryten: And I did
Chorus : When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy You knew he was a no good kid But when he threatened your life With a switch blade knife
Frank/Rimmer : What a guy
Chorus : Whoa ho ho
Janet/Kris: Makes you cry
Chorus : Hey hey hey
Kryten: And I did
Chorus : Eddie
Kochanski shook her head and looked at her crewmates looking like a bunch of Groupies.
Rimmer then started to chase Kochanski up the gantry stairs and around the obs deck and down into the engines and then they ended back in the mid section. Lister and the Cat followed them with Kryten in tow.
"You'd better wise up Janet Weiss, build your thigh's up Janet Weiss, You'd better wise up and she cried out!" Rimmer finished singing.
The Floor Show: The End of the Posse
They all then were dressed up ready for what Kochanski thinks is the final scene: The Floor Show.
Kris/Janet: It was great when it all began I was a regular Frankie fan But it was over when he had the plan To start a-working on a muscle man Now the only thing that gives me hope Is my love of a certain dope Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain
Cat/Rocky: I'm just seven hours old Truly beautiful to behold And somebody should be told My libido hasn't been controlled Now the only thing I've come to trust Is an orgasmic rush of lust Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain
Lister/Brad: It's beyond me; help me mommy! I'll be good; you'll see Take this dream away What's this? Let's see I feel sexy! What's come over me? Whoa! Here it comes again
Kris/Janet: I feel released; bad times deceased My confidence has increased; reality is here The game has been disbanded My mind has been expanded It's a gas that Frankie's landed! His lust is so sincere
FANFARE
Rimmer/Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray? That delicate, satin-draped frame? As it clung to her thigh How I started to cry 'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same Give yourself over to absolute pleasure Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure And sensual daydreams to treasure forever Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh Don't dream it - be it Don't dream it - be it Don't dream it - be it Don't dream it - be it
All: Don't dream it - be it Don't dream it - be it Don't dream it - be it Don't dream it - be it
All (background): (don't dream it - be it don't dream it - be it don't dream it - be it don't dream it - be it don't dream it - be it don't dream it - be it)
Kryten/Scott: Ach! We've got to get out of this trap Before this decadence saps our wills I've got to be strong, and try to hang on Or else my mind may well snap And my life will be lived... for the thrills!
Lister/Brad: It's beyond me; help me mommy!
Kris/Janet: God bless Lilly St Cyr
Rimmer/Frank: My, my, my... my, my, my, my, my... my, my, my, my... my! I'm a wild and an untamed thing I'm a bee with a deadly sting You get a hit and your mind goes ping Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing So let the party and the sounds rock on We're gonna shake it 'til the life has gone Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain
All: We're a wild and an untamed thing We're a bee with a deadly sting You get a hit and your mind goes ping Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing So let the party and the sounds rock on We're gonna shake it 'til the life has gone Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain
We're a wild and an untamed thing We're a bee with a deadly sting You get a hit and your mind goes ping Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing So let the party and the sounds rock on We're gonna shake it 'til the life has gone, gone, gone Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain
Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, it's all over Your mission is a failure Your lifestyle's too extreme I'm your new commander You now are my prisoner We return to Transylvania Prepare the transit beam
The next thing that happened was Rimmer shouted.
"WAIT I CAN EXPLAIN!" Rimmer had tears in his eyes.
Lister, Cat and Kryten huddled together as Rimmer started to sing 'I'm going Home.'
Frank/Rimmer: On the day I went away
Chorus: Goodbye
Frank/Rimmer: Was all I had to say
Chorus: Now I
Frank/Rimmer: I want to come again and stay
Chorus: Oh my
Frank/Rimmer: Smile, and that will mean I may
'Cause I've seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize I'm going home
Chorus: I'm going home
Frank/Rimmer: Everywhere, it's been the same
Chorus :Feeling
Frank/Rimmer: Like I'm outside in the rain
Chorus: Wheeling
Frank/Rimmer: Free: to try and find a game
Chorus: Dealing
Frank/Rimmer: Cards for sorrow
Cards for pain
'Cause I've seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize I'm going home
Chorus: I'm going home
I'm going home
I'm going home
The End: Kristine Kochanski, Super Heroes
Kris tried really hard to stop them all, but it wasn't working.
"Wait, the lithium carbonate should cure this dream that they are all in. We must have wandered into rogue simulant country it must be millennium oxide in the air and we are all dying. Oh damn why didn't the scanners notify us?" Kris started.
"If I am right, Riff Raff will shoot at Rimmer and the Cat. Oh my I need to do something!" Kris wandered into the cockpit.
Lister looked at Kris and followed her out..
Lister: I've done a lot. God knows I've tried. To find the truth, I've even lied. But all I know is down inside I am bleeding.
Lister sang softly to Kris.
Kris had collapsed to the floor after all of the dancing and singing that she had just done from the Floor Show. She didn't know that she was the only one who had much of a stronger dose of the millennium oxide and that it was her who was dying.
Kris: And super heroes come to feast. To taste the flesh not yet deceased. And all I know is still the beast is feeding.
Kris sang as she reached for the lithium carbonate bottle.
The gas was then let out. It would take a few minutes for the gas to take any effect on the crew, as Kris felt like she was losing it. Maybe she the one who was losing it, and she was in the dream. Kris looked up to see that someone was talking to her.
Criminologist: And crawling on the planets face. Some insects called the human race. Lost in time, and lost in space, and in meaning.
The crew had snapped out of it apart from Kristine who had collapsed to the ground. She was holding the lithium carbonate canister in her hand.
Lister looked at Rimmer to see him in stockings and suspenders like his low self did a while back.
"RIMMER! What in hell are you wearing?" Lister had asked with laughter in his voice.
"You have no room to talk look at yourself." Rimmer pointed at Lister as he was just wearing his boxer shorts.
"Oh smeg! Hey Cat your only wearing gold sweatpants. Kryten is normal that's a first, but where is Kochanski?" Lister looked around for her.
Rimmer found her collapsed on the floor in the cockpit holding a canister that was releasing gas.
"She's over here holding some kind of canister that is leaking some form of gas." Rimmer told them.
"Is she ok?" Lister asked.
"No, she isn't we need to get her up to the medical unit." Rimmer had picked her up and carried her upstairs with Kryten already on his way to prepare the unit for her arrival.
Lister looked at the canister that Kochanski was holding when she had collapsed.
"Lithium Carbonate! We must have been infected with Millennium Oxide." Lister mentioned to the Cat.
"Millennium Oxide must mean..."
"ROUGE SIMULANT COUNTRY!" They both said in perfect unison.
Science Fiction, Double Feature The End
Kochanski was out of it for too long and has been affected the worse. Kryten tried to determine how much of a dose of the Millennium Oxide she had before she realised that she had to get the lithium carbonate gas to everyone. Her brain could be damaged beyond repair with the Millennium Oxide.
Kryten went through his memory banks of the past week or so. He found something odd in one of his files. He went up to see Kochanski before she went to bed, but she wasn't around in her quarters. He had searched all of the ship to find that she wasn't on board and when he headed back to the mid-section she was there laid on the scanner table unconscious. That must be when she was abducted by the Rouge Simulants. Kryten had to tell Lister this.
"Mr Lister, I need to tell you something that happened about a week ago. I went up to Miss Kochanski's sleeping quarters to see that she wasn't in her room. I went searching around the ship which took me over two hours to do. When I decided to come and tell Mr Rimmer who was on night shift at the time about Miss Kochanski's disappearance. She then suddenly appeared on the scanner table unconscious to the world that was going on around her. I think by the amount of millennium oxide in Miss Kochanski's system that she was abducted by the Rouge Simulants. There is no way I can save her sir." Kryten looked down to the floor after telling Lister his findings.
"What? Kris is dying?" Lister said unable to say anything else.
"Yes sir, by my calculations she has only a few hours left to live." Kryten couldn't face Lister at all.
Lister ran up the stairs to the medical unit to see Kochanski on the bed asleep. He held her hand so tightly and started to cry his eyes out.
"Please Kristine pull through please." He sobbed.
Kochanski stirred awake to see Lister crying at her side.
"Lister what are you doing?" Kris said weakly.
"Kris please don't die on me please. I have just found you again. After all these years of waiting I finally get you back. I love you Kris even though you don't love me." Lister cried his eyes out and got up from the chair.
"Dave, what are you talking about?" Kris sat up in the bed.
"You have been in contact with Millennium oxide and it is corroding your body functions. In a few hours you will be gone."
Kochanski tried to take in what Lister had just said to her.
"That bastard! I was abducted a week ago I didn't know who they were as I was unconscious. The Simulants injected me with something and then sent me back and released millennium oxide into the ships system. you all ended up acting like characters from the old musical Rocky Horror Picture Show."
Kochanski then collapsed back onto the medical bed.
"Oh Dave please help I...can't...breathe!" Kochanski started to choke as she couldn't breathe.
Lister put the oxygen mask on her and pumped the oxygen to 100%.
"Just relax Kris breathe deeply from the oxygen." Lister told her and he then called for Kryten, Rimmer and the Cat to come up. Kris then removed the mask and started to sing softly the Science Fiction Double Feature finale.
Kris: Science fiction (ooh ooh ooh) double feature Frank has built and (ooh ooh ooh) lost his creature. Darkness has conquered (ooh ooh ooh) Brad and Janet The servant have gone to(ooh ooh ooh) a distant Planet Wo oh oh oh oh oh At the late night, double feature, picture show. I wanna go. oh oh oh oh oh To the late night double feature Picture Show.
Rimmer's Sacrifice
She then fell unconscious. That was the end of Kristine Zoë Kochanski.
"Rest in Peace Kris." Lister cried and rested his head on her chest.
The others turned away, but Kryten went up to Kochanski and performed her last rights. Lister was in tears.
"I love you Kris. I really do love you." Lister was now hugging her comatose body.
The Cat walked up to Lister and tried to pull him away from Kochanski.
"Come on bud. Leave her to rest in peace." The Cat had said to him.
"No! I want to be with her." Tears started to roll down his cheeks.
"Come on Lister please you need to leave so that Kryten can prepare her for a full Space Corps funeral. Come on." Rimmer had managed to pull him away.
The Cat put an arm around Lister, so did Rimmer. They went to Lister and Kochanski's shared sleeping quarters.
Lister looked around to see that there was presence of Kris around him.
"No!" Lister shouted and ran up and put everything of Kris's in her cupboard so then no one was to touch it.
Rimmer looked at him. Kristine's death was causing Lister's heartbreak and he was trying to cope. Rimmer walked out to his sleeping quarters. The Cat tried his best to calm him down.
Rimmer entered his sleeping quarters to find another light bee and a Hologramatic Memory Disc, Kristine Kochanski's memory disc. He looked into the mirror and decided that Kristine should be here more than him.
"Computer, how long can you run two holograms for?" He asked into the computer terminal in his quarters.
"Two minutes." The Computer replied.
"Activate Kristine Zoë Kochanski's memory disc and then run shut down procedure just long enough for me to explain what has happened." Rimmer knew that this would be his death.
Kochanski appeared in front of him.
"Kristine, you are now a hard light hologram. you have died from an overdose of millennium oxide." Rimmer explained to her.
"So I am now dead! Where's Lister? He must be so upset." Kris asked.
"Yeah, he's just put everything that was out in your quarters in your cupboard. He's just planning to put a lock on it. I have brought you back, cause Lister needs you more than me." Rimmer mentioned.
"You are killing yourself to run me from your power. Rimmer I now make you rank of First Officer. Goodbye First Officer Arnold J Rimmer." Kochanski smiled at him and did a full Rimmer salute. Rimmer did the same.
Rimmer's light bee then stopped and fell to the floor.
"We'll all miss you." Kochanski bent down and picked up the light bee and placed it with Rimmer's memory disc and put it in a box and then put it in the cupboard. She then walked out of Rimmer's quarters and sealed the door.
Lister was rocking backwards and forwards on his shared bed. The Cat had locked the door to his sleeping quarters.
KNOCK KNOCK! The Cat headed up to the door and opened the door to see Kochanski with an 'H' on her head.
"Where is the smeghead?" The Cat had asked.
"I need to speak to Lister please let me go in." Kristine had said to the Cat. He let her in.
Lister looked up to see Kristine Kochanski.
"I'm dreaming! Your not real Kris please go away." Lister laid down and faced the wall.
"Lister look at me. This is not a dream, i am here as a hard light hologram." Kristine mentioned to him.
"So where is Rimmer?" Lister had asked.
"He's in his sleeping quarters. He sacrificed himself to save you from depression. His disc and light bee are in his cupboard. They are there." Kristine calmed him down.
"Kristine, how come your personality disc was saved? Rimmer hid the other version's disc." Lister had asked.
"Rimmer made me record a personality disc and he then stored it until it was needed and he saw that you couldn't live without me so he decided to relinquish his life to keep me here for you." Kristine hugged Lister.
"We shall find a way to run the both of us, but until then. He can rest in peace." Kristine then kissed Lister on the lips. They were reunited together.
THE END