She turned her head away just enough to stop, and James left his face close to hers, brushing his cheek against her cheek, his lips close to the shell of her ear. He wanted to kiss it, to tell her his feelings, but he held back. She had to know things had just changed between them, that a line had been drawn and crossed and he didn't want to return from it.

"Lily," he whispered. "Lily, I…"

You screwed up

Shut up, no I didn't.

"Don't apologize, James, please don't."

Apologize? he thought.

I told you.

SHUT UP.

"It was my fault." He leaned back, away from her trying to ignore the narrator. He knew there was a stunned expression on his face, that she had taken the kiss as something frivolous and accidental. It wasn't.

She stood up. "I shouldn't have let that happen."

See that? Screw. Up.

Can you just leave me alone. Merlin you're annoying.

He felt that spiral of retreat nosh its way back into his chest, withdrawing, uncertain, put out. Why wouldn't she just toss that Snape prat aside and see James for what he'd become? How could she ignore that kiss? There was something there, something significant and she was retreating, pushing it aside and blushing, babbling as she walked out of his hospital room.

James barely managed to notice her leaving, but he did note the room's temperature suddenly changed. It was colder now, fainter somehow. He lay back on his bed staring up into the white ceiling. His lips were still moist; he wanted them to stay that way, wouldn't dare wipe them dry.

He pulled the sheet tight around his shoulders and let the image of her swirl in his mind – the smell of her lingering in the room, the texture of her skin as he rubbed his face against hers… obsessed I'd say.

Really! Just get on with it!

Maybe I should let you linger in your obsession with Evans a little while longer.

I'm not obsessed.

Yes. You are.

No, I'm not!

Well apparently you smell her.

So what, she smells nice… just keep going.

Okay, okay, demanding.

-her blush as she seemed to realize his intention. The images were a mass of blooming inconsistencies and vain hopes, his hopes that were dashed when she ran out of the room.

It had been a trying week, one that James wanted to forget as quickly as possible. He settled down into his pillow with thoughts of Lily swimming through his mind, attacking his libido, teasing him, wanting him and not running away.

XXXX

James caught her scent, his eyes peering over a copy of Black Arts and Blood Potions in search of her.

Her scent? Are you some kind of search dog? Are you hiding something from me?

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

I mean, I'd say you were a vampire.

A vampire? What world do you live in? I am a wizard! Besides vampires aren't even real.

Oh, yes they are.

Okay! I don't care.

:: eye roll at demanding vampire wizard ::

The Restricted Section was empty, save a sixth year that had been eyeing Sirius for months now and, of course, the old dog himself. James walked down the aisle, nodding when Sirius looked at the sixth year, his eyebrows waggling. The poor bird, she'd never know what hit her. Ignoring his mate, James followed Lily's scent and found her in the back of the last row, her eyes concentrated on some thick, old volume.

"Evans," James greeted, receiving a flippant nod in return as he sat next to her at the small table.

Oh that's a nice greeting for you secret lover!

You know what, shut your trap.

He stared at her as she sat with her feet folded under her, teeth biting on her bottom lip, hair wild as though she'd just enjoyed a rather active round of snogging. Scratch that, James thought. I don't wanna know what she's been up to with her 'boyfriend.'

I'll tell you, she was making out in the astronomy tower with a smoking hot young lad, WHICH WASN'T YOU.

Thanks. You suck.

You're the vampire.

This story is going to take forever.

HA, fine.

Putting thoughts of arrogant berks who steal your would-be-girl out of his mind, James pretended to read. Lily's scent wafted around him like a blanket, infecting his senses, driving in the memory of their brief kiss in his hospital room.

There you go with the scent thing again.

James tried to ignore the narrator, but his feeble attempts weren't doing him any good. He focused on what was before him. Had they discussed it? James couldn't be sure, but it seemed unlikely. He remembered kissing her, remembered her shooting out of his room, apologizing and embarrassed and quite suddenly he found himself here.

With her.

Alone.

Hang on, he thought. That's not right. Sirius and the sixth year were just here.

"Maybe Padfoot has convinced her to…you know," Lily said, not bothering to look up from her book as she spoke.

"What?" He looked at her with rounded eyes. How did she read my thoughts? "How do you know we call him Padfoot?"

She looked up at him and then rolled her eyes.

"It's your dream, James. I know everything you want me to know and nothing you don't."

"This is a dream then?" She sighed and placed her book on the table, her head shaking. Lily untucked her legs and stood in front of him with her hands on her hips.

"Of course it is, idiot. How else would you get me to…" she trailed off and knelt in front of him, her hands going inside his robe, "find out," her hands splayed over his hips digging in deeper…lower until her fist wrapped around it, "how big your wand is."

James swallowed and let out a nervous sigh. "It's pretty…um…big, yeah?"

Desperate.

Shut up!

"Umm, it is," she said, as her hand stroked it, "and hard." She giggled and sat back on her legs twirling his wand in her fingers. "I'd say Mahogany…9 inches."

LOL OWNED.

"It's eleven, thank you very much," James snapped, trying with all his energy to ignore the narrator.

She laughed, a full belly of a laugh that had James's other wand stiffening.

"You're defensive about the size of your…"

"The size of my wand? No, I'm not!"

Yes you are.

Who cares? What's it to you anyways?

James felt his face flush, and he leaned back against his chair, frustrated at her teasing. An idea struck him, had him grinning like a first year given free reign in Honeydukes.

It's my dream, after all.

"Evans?"

"Yes, Potter."

"You said this is my dream, yeah?"

She gave him a suspicious look, her head tilting to the side, her eyebrow arched. "Yes. Technically."

"Excellent."

"I don't like that look," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Maybe not, but you'll love the intent behind it."

Rolling her eyes she laughed. "Think so?"

"Seven years of pent up frustration…I'd say, absolutely."

She stared at him for a long moment, and then twisted her lips into a smirk. "What did you have in mind then?"

James's smile widened, and his chest thudded with possibility. He sat up straight, the balls of his feet bouncing against the floor. He scanned her face then winked at her.

"Stand up and unbutton your shirt," he dared, testing his dream, almost cringing when her eyes narrowed. "Um, please?"

Pathetic.

Shut it! I want to see if she does it!

Lily bit her lip and then stood in front of him, her fingers beginning to work at the pearl buttons on her shirt. "What do I get in return?"

"Whatever you want, Evans…anything," he answered in a rush.

She nodded and shed her shirt, her long fingers whispering against her shoulders.

"There. Happy now?" she asked. James's heart was now a thunderbolt of movement, up, down, in double beats.

"Ve…very," James squeaked, his voice high and cracked. He cleared his throat. "Very," he corrected, lowering his voice.

Nice.

I know. Now shut up.

"What now?" she asked standing before him in just her bra, skirt, and sexy knee high socks. She smirked again and twisted her long red hair around her fingers, biting her bottom lip.

Ah, if it were only real, James thought.

He stood up and pulled on her waist, bringing her chest against him. "Let's try that kiss again. Only this time, don't apologize, yeah?"

Lily nodded, leaning into him. James met her halfway, taking her lips between his, licking the seam of them and flicking his tongue against her teeth. She tasted sweet, like caramel. Her breathing increased, her chest swelling as she panted, and James was torn between kissing her and sneaking peaks at her cleavage.

She pulled away from him and grabbed his face. "You know, Potter, if you want a proper look then you may as well have a go."

"My dream?"

"Your dream."

James gave her one glance, one brief look to make sure she was real, which she wasn't, and took in a deep breath, attacking her mouth. They fell to the floor he pulled up her skirt and nestled between her legs. It was thrilling, it was erotic, it was…utterly pathetic, James dreaming of Evans this way.

Shut it! My sodding dream! Mine!

AHEM…

Where was I?

Dammit! Me. Evans…nestled between her legs…go on now, stop stalling.

Right. Sorry. So 'nestled between her legs….'

She was warm…

Hot, she was hot…

Right.

Lily was hot, the heat of her body fueling James's thoughts, making his hand shake, making him impossibly hard.

Yeah, I like that.

I know, be quiet.

James palmed his hand over her upper thigh, his fingers flirting with the small straps of her knickers.

Lily's breath was low, her voice whispering out in mewing sounds, making James's heart race harder.

"What now, Potter?" she asked, her voice in a deep rasp.

"I…we can…"

He couldn't think, couldn't formulate even a single coherent thought. He swallowed, unable to do anything other than stare at her.

She growled at him, pushing him off of her, throwing him on his back. She straddled him, popping loose the buttons on his shirt and sliding her hands over his chest.

"I see I'm going to have to do all the work," she said.

James could only look up at her and nod. It was impossible to wipe the stupid smile from his face.

"My…my dream, remember?" he asked her, causing her to laugh.

Lily lowered her head. Her tongue made a slow path over his chest, around his navel until she nibbled on the black trail of hair below his neck. James's heartbeat was in his chest now, thudding so that his pulse was strumming like the string of a guitar.

"God," he whimpered and Lily seemed to take his moan as permission to move further down his body.

When James thought he might go blind from the sensation, Lily wrapped her lips around him, gave her tongue a flick against his skin and James felt his head spinning. The suction increased, her mouth was concave and her breath blew against his hip as she bobbed on top of him.

His mouth was like cotton, his lips chewed raw as his fingers threaded into her hair, encouraging her, timidly directing her for several long minutes.

"God…god…oh god!" James stuttered, unable to form coherent phrases. His mind became blank and when he felt his orgasm cresting, he pulled away from her, eager to be inside her.

That's a bit cliché, don't you think? That whole 'I'm dying to be inside you, insert- female-HP-fanfic-girl's name here.'

Are. You. Mad? I'm about to… and you're talking again? Get back to it, woman!

Fine.

:: sigh ::

James pushed Lily back

:: sticks out tongue at horny protagonist ::

I'm warning you!

James pushed Lily back and dove for her neck, his body licked with fire as she moaned against him.

"Lily, I have to…"

"Then do it, James…please," she begged.

James shuddered as he looked down at her. Her eyes were heavy lidded and clouded by something James couldn't quite name. He pulled down her knickers in a rush, slipping his fingers inside until she was panting, shaking and flushed.

"Do it, James…please, James…James…"

"JAMES!" Sirius's voice was like a fog horn, ripping James out of his dream.

NO! You evil cow don't you dare!

No name calling, please. Hehe.

"Alright then, Prongs?" Sirius asked as he pushed on James's shoulder.

James sat up and rubbed his fingers over his eyes.

I sodding hate you.

Deal with it. I can't let you shag Lily before you properly kiss her in this story. That, my friend, is on Lily, not me. And I mean the real Lily.

I hate you both.

"James?" Sirius asked, his face twisted in concern.

"What?"

"You look a bit faint. Snape must have really gotten the best of you."

Sirius sat down in the chair, lifting his feet on the bed.

"No. He…he didn't. I was just…" James shook his head and scrubbed his palms over his face. He sighed. "I was dreaming."

"Oh?" Sirius' smile was wide and annoying. James lay back against his pillow and hoped his mate wouldn't ask why he had turned his back to Sirius. "Was it the one where Evans is naked on the hoops of the Quidditch pitch?"

"Shut it, Sirius," James mumbled.

Sirius laughed and stood up, slapping James on the back. "So it was where Prongs leads the innocent lamb to Padfoot's room and…"

"No one was going down on Padfoot. Those are your sick dreams not mine," James snapped, covering his ears with his arm when Sirius's laughter became louder.

James felt the bed dip in and cringed when Sirius hit him on the shoulder.

"I know…it was the one where Lily is snogging Remus and…" James rolled over in a rush and gave Sirius a hard slug on the arm. "Ow, alright, mate, easy," he said, rubbing his shoulder. His face went slack as his eyes ventured down and then Sirius' laugh became insufferable. "Oh, Merlin, Prongs, you were dreaming about Evans!"

"I was not!"

Sirius's laughter lowered, and a hot flush crept up James's face. "Mate," Sirius started between howls of laughter, "I think your knob tells a different tale." Sirius gave James's 'nether regions' a pointed stare and fell back against the mattress as James pulled his pillow over his face and sunk into embarrassment.

I HATE YOU.

LOL I know, I know!