If this looks familiar, it has been previously posted to my AO3 account under the same name.
It was a long trek up the hill, and the group had just stopped in a more or less flat spot for a rest. Noctis wanted to take a "ten minute power nap," Ignis wanted to take inventory of their curative supply, Prompto wanted to take pictures of the unusual flowers in the area and Gladio...
"Aaaaah-CHOO!" he sneezed. Again.
"Here, Gladio," Ignis said, offering him a bottle of water and two small pills: an oblong white one and a round red one.
"The white one is an antihistamine and the red one is a decongestant. Those flowers Prompto's been photographing may be triggering your allergies."
"Thanks," Gladio said and took the pills and water.
"It's kind of ironic when you think about it," Prompto mused. "You're named after a flower and you're allergic to them."
Prompto laughed and Gladio rolled his eyes, giving the blonde a subtle shove on the shoulder. "Shudup."
Prompto kept laughing. "Ya know big guy, they say that when you sneeze you have 1/8th of an orgasm."
Gladio scoffed. "That's an urban legend."
"Not entirely." Ignis corrected. "A sneeze causes multiple muscles, including many that are active during orgasm, to contract simultaneously. It's generally a slightly stronger reaction in women, but in both genders, depending on the strength of the sneeze, the muscles in the genital area can contract at ten to thirteen percent the strength of orgasmic contractions."
There were several moments of stunned silence, all three men staring at Ignis. Ignis raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Noctis groaned. "How do you expect me to sleep after THAT biology lesson, Specks?"
Ignis smirked. "I DON'T expect you to sleep at all. We need to get a move on if we're to make it up this hill, slay the monster, and return to town before nightfall."
"Isn't there a haven near the top?" Gladio asked.
"Yes there is," Ignis confirmed. "But with your allergies and all of our exhaustion I think a hotel would be best."
"Woohoo! Real beds!" Prompto cheered and slapped Noctis hard on his shoulder. "C'mon dude, lets go kill so we can sleep NOT on the ground tonight."
Noctis reluctantly stood from his place sitting against a large bolder. Prompto rushed ahead, followed closely by Noctis.
Once they were out of general earshot, Ignis turned back to Gladio.
"You go ahead and have that thirteen percent of an orgasm, Gladiolus." Ignis spoke low and winked. "Tonight at the hotel I'll give you the other eighty-seven."
Gladio cringed. "I know you're trying to be sexy right now but that was just wi-" his sentence cut short before...
"Aaaaa-CHOO!"
Ignis waggled an eyebrow and produced a tissue from seemingly nowhere.
Gladio took the tissue, glaring at Ignis. "Shudup."