Slipped Away

Warning: Depressing.

Note: A "What If" to "Over The Top"

Benson drummed his fingers on his steering wheel to the beat of the song playing on his radio. It was a bright beautiful Saturday and he was driving back to his apartment after he had gone grocery shopping. Although the store wasn't very far from his apartment building, he decided to take the car because he needed a lot and he couldn't carry it with just his two hands. He smiled to himself just as the song finished. Reaching out a hand, he turned the knob around, clicking the radio off, then placed his hand back on the wheel and looked ahead.

He sat in silence for the rest of the drive, listening to the tweeting of the birds and praying the meat in the back didn't defrost quickly from the heat of the sun shining on his car.

Something on the side of the road caught his eye and he slowed down till he came to a stop to see whatever it was clearly. His eyes widened slightly when he saw whatever it was was none other than Mordecai, who was kneeling in front of a grave, and he seemed to be talking to himself, Benson noticed when he saw the blue jays jaw moving up and down. His arms were by his side, the palms pressed against the soil and for a second, Benson wondered why Mordecai was in a graveyard on a beautiful Saturday. Then.

He looked away guilty that he had forgotten. How could he not? Things had changed, but not for the better. Even since that moment, Mordecai hadn't been the same. Despite the shorter's lingering presence, the blue jay had forced himself to stay at the park and had worked his butt off. And although this earned him extra pay and even the promise of a promotion from the gumball machine himself, Mordecai still wasn't happy. Nothing could make him happy again. Even after 3 months.

Bensons grip on the steering wheel loosened so his hands dropped to his side, landing on the sides of the seat. He breathed out through his mouth, taking in what he had seen and remembering the moments of what had happened. It had taken a toll on him too.

He had to fire Skips after what happened. It hurt both of them but they knew it was right and so the yeti had left. Packed up and left a day after. So not only was the raccoons atmosphere there, but so was Skips. Everyone had tried to ignore it, and it didn't help the situation with Benson being forced by Mr Maellard to hire one other employee, Thomas having automatically being promoted up to employee so he worked alongside Mordecai. Although everyone else was affected by it, that one moment had ripped through both the blue jay and gumball machine, but they never talked about it. Only passing glances and occasional mentioning was their way of talking.

How had Benson dealt with the loss of two employees? Worked, of course. what else could he do? Not curl up in a ball and cry. 'Cause that's what he waned to do most of the time. Same with Mordecai. The two had done nothing but worked to deal with their ways of grieving.

Benson sunk his body into the seat and turned his head so he was looking out the window, watching Mordecai, the blue jays back to him. His expression crinkled into sorrow as he continued to think back to incident. Both incidents.

After a little while, he sat up and unbuckled his seatbelt. He couldn't sit in his car any longer, watching his employee kneel in front of a grave, talking to himself. Plus the heat was getting to him. He opened the door, stepped out and shut it behind him. Taking a few steps forward, he noticed Mordecai still hadn't seen him and so walked towards the blue jay.

"...Geez, dude, it was crazy. This huge monster just came out from nowhere, you know...?"

Benson smiled sadly. He was talking to him. It almost bought a tear to his eye, but his heart just swelled from emotion and he took another breath as he knelt down next to him. Still, Mordecai hadn't noticed. He reached up his right hand and placed it on his shoulder. The blue jay's jaw stopped moving and the words hung in the air, mid pause, as he turned his head and honestly, he wasn't surprised to see his boss right there, a small sad smile on his lips.

Mordecai's smile matched Bensons. "I was just telling him about what happened yesterday afternoon." He turned his head to the stone, his body facing his boss now. "It was a crazy afternoon, dude. You should've been there." The smile slowly began to drop and his expression started to crumple. "You should've been there." He repeated more softly.

Benson, who had shifted to a kneeling position, patted Mordecai on the shoulder, rubbing it back and forth in comfort. Mordecai turned his head once more and catching his boss' eye, slowly, tears started to form and slip down his cheeks. The gumball machine pulled Mordecai in a hug. "Oh, Mordecai..." He said, rubbing his back.

The blue jays tears streamed down his cheeks now and ran down Bensons back, but the gumball machine didn't care. This had happened too many times to count after the incident and he was used to it by now. Benson began to soothe Mordecai, often shushing him and he continued to rub his back in a soothing manor. Because Benson had also lost someone close to him, he knew the impact and not long after having Mordecai in an embrace, tears started to make their way down his cheeks and he wiped them away with two fingers. He closed his eyes as to not look at the raccoons grave, and that made it slightly better for him.

Soon, Mordecai pulled away to look at his boss. It didn't shock either of them to see hot tears running down their cheeks, sad smiles on their faces. Benson patted the blue jays shoulder once more then stood up.

He stood and waited for Mordecai, who was rearranging the flowers on his friends grave. Benson held out a hand and pulled the blue jay up when he was finished and they looked at each other, as if reading minds. But they both knew what they were thinking.

Benson wiped another tear threatening to spill. "You want a ride in my car?"

Mordecai glanced at the grave then nodded. "Sure."

Benson turned and walked to his car, but Mordecai hung back to say a goodbye. Kneeling down once more, he brushed the tombstone with the fingers of his left hand, a tear running down his cheek. "Well, I guess I'll see you next week, huh? Tell you more about my crazy adventures at the park." He attempted a smile, but it just made him choke up and he stopped trying. Straightening, he turned to where the car was parked and walked towards it. Benson was already in the drivers seat.

Mordecai got in and buckled his belt, but they didn't drive away right then. They both looked out at the graveyard, thoughts of him running through both their minds.

Benson turned his head away. Even after this long, he still couldn't handle it. He started the car and pressed his foot on the pedal. Mordecai raised a hand and waved slightly. The tears wouldn't stop and soon, he had to look away too, incase he started bawling. Benson sensed this and placed his left hand on the blue jays shoulder again. "It's ok, Mordecai. Just let it out."

And so he did. He cried in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. It cut a deep hole in his heart whenever memories of the raccoon came across his mind and he just couldn't make them go away. They were always there, no matter what.

Benson had to bite his lip to stop his own tears from rolling out. He couldn't cry too. He didn't want to be a complete mess from all of this. True, he had dealt with loss in the past, but these two were different. They were his family. He looked out the window to stop himself from crying but he couldn't help choking out a sob every now and then.

Finally, they reached the apartment. Benson took 3 bags and Mordecai took 4. Together they carried them upstairs to the gumball machines apartment.

They dumped them in the kitchen then Benson turned to Mordecai. "Thanks, Mordecai."

Mordecai nodded and wiped away the tears with both hands. "No problem."

Seeing his bloodshot eyes and fatigued expression, Benson suddenly felt a pang of sorrow. "Hey, Mordecai?"

The blue jay dropped his hands and looked at his boss. "Yeah?"

"Wanna stay at mine for the night?"

Mordecai made no hesitation in saying no. He hated it at the park and this was the first time he had stayed at his boss' place.

It was night now and Mordecai lay on the couch in the dark, a thick blanket over him, the moon casting a silver glow over the lounge. He turned his head, unable to sleep, and his eyes caught a photograph of him with his boss and the other employees.

He reached out and picked it up. Big mistake. As soon as he did, his eyes were instantly drawn to his arm slung over Rigby's shoulders and he just dissolved in sobs right there, the picture slipping from his grasp.

Benson, having heard the sound of broken glass, switched on the light and got out of bed. Walking out his door, from the light, he saw Mordecai kneeling on the carpet, head in hands, the picture frame smashed with glass around him. Benson walked towards him, knelt down and pulled him another hug, soothing him as he rubbed his back. This time, Mordecai full out cried.

"I-I can't deal w-with it, B-Benson. He's g-gone." Mordecai managed to say before breaking into another fresh set of tears. He started to hyperventilate and soon, he pulled back, Bensons arms falling limp. Mordecai stared at the glass, reflecting off the moonlight. The gumball machine saw the blue jays state and smiled sadly. He raised a hand and took his chin, moving it so Mordecai could look at him. When they locked gazes, Bensons eyes drifted over his face and as he spoke, he wiped Mordecai's tears away, his tone soft.

"Hey, no crying, ok Mordecai? He's not gone. He's still here. You talk to him every Saturday, so he must be here, right? Otherwise, you wouldn't sit in front of a grave talking to yourself."

Mordecai chuckled slightly. He shook his head, Bensons hand on his chin. "No." Benson smiled and dropped his hand, looking at Mordecai in concern. "You alright, now?"

"Yeah." Mordecai sniffed. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Benson started to pick up the glass, then he stood and went over to the bin. When he was done, he went back to Mordecai, who was sitting on the couch, head down as he looked at the carpet. Benson stood next to him.

"Mordecai?"

Mordecai looked up and cracked a brief smile. He shifted to lay down on the couch. Benson picked up the blanket and put it over the blue jays body, till he was tucked in. Now sleepy, Mordecai yawned as Benson stood back. "Thanks, Benson."

"No problem. You gonna be alright?"

Mordecai nodded. Benson smiled and turned to go, but the blue jay stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Benson?"

Benson turned back. "Hmm?"

"Could I...sleep in your bed for the rest of the night?"

Although it was an awkward question, Benson instantly understood and nodded, smiling. "Of course."

Mordecai smiled and threw back the blanket.

When they were settled, Benson smiled and turned off the light. "'Night Mordecai."

"'Night Benson." The blue jay spoke in the darkness.

Soon, just as Benson started to fall asleep, Mordecai's arm reached out and pulled the gumball machine closer. Benson nuzzled into his chest. Mordecai closed his eyes. His mind started to drift back to the times he had with Rigby and he smiled, finally able to fall asleep.

~ Gone but not forgotten ~