Because I was blessed (¬_¬*) by having to read the unabridged version of GE, I bring you this. For obvious reasons (i.e. the book is 466 pages long) I have left some parts out and changed dialog. But I don't think you'll mind...
*There's a reference to FF9 in there somewhere. If nothing else, you can look for that. ^.^; * Okay, now you may proceed.
2:34, Monday
Selphie rushed down the hall in a nervous wreck. Two days before the opening, and all of the main cast had come down with the measles. It was a miracle she wasn't infected, but that was the farthest thing from her mind as she rushed to find replacements. Seeing as the Garden Festival was canceled again this year due to a freak accident involving lab rats, she was going to play on her friends' sympathy.
Not once losing her pace, Selphie finally reached Commander Leonhart's office, where she expected to find at least Squall and Rinoa. She knocked rapidly and when an answer came, walked in. She was pleased to see that Quistis and Nida were also present.
"Hey, Selphie," Squall greeted.
Totally ignoring him, she hastily laid down her plan. "Look, guys, I'm in a really tough spot and I need you to help me."
"What is it?" Nida asked, shrugging his shoulders.
"I need you to.....act for me."
Quistis opened her mouth, but Selphie was quick to cut her off. "Before you say no, hear me out! My cast has the measles and I don't know who else to ask! I knew you all read Great Expectations, because it was required....So, please? I'm in a spot."
"When's the production?" Quistis asked.
"In....erm...five days...." she whispered.
"Five days?!" Squall cried. "There's no way anyone can remember lines in five days, let alone a Dickens novel!"
"It's not the entire book! It's been semi-modernized and shortened. I even changed the name to Pip!, with an exclamation point at the end like Oklahoma!"
"I....guess...it might be fun. What about you guys?" Rinoa turned to Nida and Squall who were staring at each other.
"....Whatever...."
"Good, Squall's in! Nida?"
"I....get stage fright."
"I didn't want to bring this up-" She sighed deeply. "But remember our fourth grade PTO concert, when you laughed so hard you-"
"I'm in!" he shouted with much enthusiasm.
"Good, because I already told Xu to start making copies of the new programs." She handed the original copy to Nida.
He instinctively opened it up the minute it reached his hand. "You have Zell, Irvine, Seifer, and lots of other people down. Did you ask them already?"
"I will...."
"Uh huh, I see," he grinned.
Rinoa held out her hand. "Let me see! I wanna know who she cast me as!"
He handed her the paper which she grabbed greedily. "Squall: Pip, Rinoa: Estella- hey, I've got a big part!....Let's see...Quistis: Miss Havisham-"
"What? But she's a freak!" Quistis objected.
Selphie nervously wriggled her fingers. "Sorry, Quisty, but there aren't many female parts..."
"....Zell: Young Pip and Wemmick- Why don't you get one of the junior classmen to play young Pip?"
"Not enough time to look, and Zell's the shortest guy I know."
Rinoa nodded her head, then resumed reading the program. "...Irvine: Abel Magwitch and Mr. Jaggers, Seifer: Drummle and Compeyson-"
Squall looked up. "Doesn't Drummle try to kill Pip?"
"Uh huh!" Selphie responded cheerfully. "I'm glad you remembered!"
"....."
"....Fujin: Aged P., Nida: Herbert and Joe, Raijin: Pumblechook, Selphie: Mrs. Joe and various other unimportant background characters. Do you think you can act mean enough to play Mrs. Joe?"
"Sure! I hit Zell all the time!"
Rinoa closed the pamphlet. "Well, okay....."
Selphie stood up and snatched the paper from Rinoa. "I've gotta go find the rest of my actors! See ya later!" she yelled as she left the room.
After threatening Irvine with blackmail, promising Zell a hot dog, telling where she'd put the hot dog for Zell so Seifer could steal it before he got there, and offering a gift certificate to the local mall to Fujin and Raijin, the entire cast came together to get their lines.
"Alright, everyone!" Selphie shouted, standing on a box. "Study, study, study, and be ready for Saturday!"
"PRACTICE?" Fujin inquired.
"Not enough time, so when you're on stage, improvise!"
"Why do I have to be young Pip?" Zell asked harshly.
"Because you're short." She turned back to the group. "Okay, see you all at four on Saturday! You'd better be there, or I'll come looking for you!" She waved as they left.
Zell pulled her off the box. "But I'm blonde and Squall a brunette-"
"Wear a hat."
"I think you're missing the point..."
"It's not a big deal. Just slump down a little, wear a hat, and lighten your voice." She smiled at his immediate frown and they headed for the exit.
4:10, Saturday (Italics indicate whispering.)
Selphie sighed and a small grin crept up her face. There was a big turn out, considering the entire cast had been replaced. The audience buzzed, but quickly quieted down when the lights faded and the red curtains opened.
Scene 1
Being the main character, it was Squall's duty to narrate the scenes where he was not present. He stood off stage and read the lines in front of him as the light focused on Zell sitting by a cardboard gravestone.
"My father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip. So, I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip."
When it was bright enough to see, a low chuckle was heard from the audience, mostly the upper classmen. Zell rolled his eyes and tightened the buckles on his shoes. "I thought she said she modernized it." he muttered. He looked down at the brown jacket and vest he wore, then pulled his white socks back up to where his pants cut off, just below his knees.
"You there!" Irvine yelled, jumping out from behind the stone.
Zell screamed with surprise as he scrambled to get away from Irvine. "Don't do that!" he demanded, clenching his fists.
"Didn't you read the script?"
He shrugged. "Only some of my parts."
Irvine groaned in disgust, but quickly regained his composure. "Hold your noise!" He grabbed Zell's shirt and harshly flung him closer. "Keep still, you little devil, or I'll cut your throat!"
"Oh! Don't cut my throat sir!"
"Tell us your name!"
"There's more than one of you?"
"No, that's just how he talks!"
".....Pip, sir."
"Show us where you live! Pint out the place!"
"Do what?"
"Pint out the place!"
Zell cocked his head. ".....?"
"Point, dammit!" he snarled, tightening his grip.
Zell immediately pointed to the exit sign behind the audience.
Irvine stared out into the darkness, pretending to catch sight of a small town. "Fetch me a file and some wittles, boy!" he ordered gruffly.
"Some what?"
"A file and some wittles!"
Zell looked at him questioningly. "What are wittles? Did you make that up?"
"They're like..uh..knives....er, you know when you whittle something..."
"What do you need that for?" he asked, not bothering to lower his voice.
"To cut the chains off my frickin' legs!"
"You're a convict?!"
"Duh, Chicken-Wuss."
"Oh my God! Someone help!" he yelled, dramatically waving his arms and struggling to get away from Irvine.
Irvine pulled Zell closer. "You're not supposed to call for help!"
"What? Why not?"
"Because that's how it was written! Now shut up and walk off stage."
The room became pitch black, allowing Squall to introduce the next scene while stage crew set up the props.
Scene 2
The lights brightened to reveal a kitchen/living room where Nida sat in one of the chairs. He silently read last week's newspaper (Selphie claimed that no one could see the date) when Zell kicked the door open. Nida jumped and dropped the paper.
"Yo! Wassup?" Zell greeted.
He sighed irritably. "Mrs. Joe has been out a dozen times looking for you, Pip. And what's worse, she's got Tickler with her."
"I don't remember there being a character called Tickler in Gre-"
"COME, sit over here," he interrupted.
Zell walked over to Nida, who patted his head. The audience almost broke out laughing, seeing as they were the same height.
Before Zell could sit down, Selphie stormed through the bent door, a long stick in her hands. "Where have you been, you young monkey?"
"I have only been to the churchyard, Rusty," he whispered looking down at the floor.
"Is that so?!"
"Erm.....isn't it?"
Selphie completely ignored him and continued rambling on about how she brought him up "by hand" and that she should have let him die. When the lecture was over, plastic corn and meat was served as dinner, then Squall began narrating once more the misadventures of young Pip.
10 Minutes later (AKA Christmas Day)
Everyone on stage gathered around the table to feast. Raijin made his first appearance of the evening as Mr. Pumblechook, who he played quite well. Raijin seemed to take extra pride in denouncing Pip, which Zell had a hard time accepting. To top it off, Zell was completely confused as to why Nida kept pouring gravy on his plastic ham.
"Thanks, that's enough," he whispered.
Nida continued to pour.
"You can stop now, man."
Nida glanced at him, then poured gravy on his potatoes.
"The dam already broke, so it's time to stop!" Zell commanded as he pointed to the potato lake he had made.
Nida grunted and set the gravy boat down, not wanting to argue in front of all the spectators.
After Christmas dinner, Raijin spoke up. "Dear Mrs. Joe, do ya have any brandy?" he asked. "Ya know, that alcoholic stuff that's kinda brownish?"
"Why, ye-"
"And it's really strong, kinda makes ya wanna cough if ya drink it too fast."
Selphie stood up and straightened her apron. "I believe we do ha-"
"And ya put it in those little shot glasses, ya know?" Raijin modeled the size of the glass with his fingers.
"I'll get you so-"
"So, do ya have any?"
"YES, I shall fetch some from the pantry." She walked off stage and came back with a small gray jug. Raijin snatched it away from her and hastily chugged it down. About midway into drinking the brandy, he struggled to release a cough.
Zell turned to Nida while Raijin proceeded to gasp and fall to the floor."He didn't.....really drink that, did he?" Zell questioned nervously.
"You didn't actually put tar in there?" Nida laughed.
".....Of...course not...."
Selphie waved her arms at the men behind stage, who swiftly came out from the sides and dragged Raijin away.
"Zell, man, when the script said that Pip filled the whiskey bottle with water from the tar bottle, you were supposed to PRETEND to do it!"
The curtains closed before they were supposed to so the cast could scramble off stage.
"And...er..." Squall's voice cracked. "...W-when I was old enough, I was to be apprenticed to Joe-"
"Ow! Stop hitting me, Selphie! Geez, it was an accident!"
Squall cleared his throat. "Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt kept an evening school in the village-"
"My !@# it was an accident!"
"Mr. Wopsle had the room upstairs, where we students used to overhear him reading aloud in a most-"
CRASH!
"Whoa! That was a close one!"
"Come back here!"
Squall clenched his teeth. "DIGNIFIED AND TERRIFIC MANNER.......Selphie put the chair down before you mortally wound young Pip!"
If I continue this, it'll be from memory, because my teacher collected our books today. (I didn't know he was going to!) Please opinionate! I won't mind if you yell at me for screwing with the novel ^_^....but I need to know what people think. Thank you much, and look out for chapter 5 of Open House, coming...sometime...
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