Summary-Why is Beka so tuff on the outside? Was it her childhood?
A/N-A lot will be wrong cause I know nothing about Beka's past… so please be nice. The whole thing is from Beka's point of view
Note on names: I made up a lot of the names (beka's mom-Krishna/Kris and Beka, Rafe, and Ignatius's full names)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything… well other than some beanie babies, a Bart Simpson poster, a broken pair of headphones, and a computer (don't take my computer you can have everything else if you want to sue)
Warning- this is not a light and happy childhood story it deals with stuff no child should have to go through (abuse, drug addicted parent, abandonment)
~~~*~~~
(At age four)
"Rebecca Marie Valentine get down from there! You know you aren't supposed to hang on the coolant pipes" With a giggle I flipped over the bar I was playing on and hopped down. The moment I hit the ground I ran to hug my Mommy. Even when though she was mad at me she bent down and scooped me into her arms. Clearly I wasn't in too much trouble. She was always yelling at me to stop play around the ships engine room but like everything that was off limits it had the best toys. As she picked me up and said, "My you're getting heavy," well making a face.
"Rafe didn't say that. He said I was light and the pipes would hold me no problem." I was quick to point out. He had said that the coolant pipes would hold me no problem just to not get caught or tell Mommy he said that, opps.
"Oh he did, did he? We will have to talk to Mr. Rafael about that"
"Opps," now Rafe was going to be mad at me.
"Don't worry honey, I'm not mad. Your Dad is taking us all down to the planet." A planet, planets scared me. They were crowded, and there were people all over. I had to stay close to Mommy or Daddy and hold one of their hands. I hated them, but when we only went to planets for supplies or one of Daddy's jobs.
"He got a job?"
"Yeah he got a job honey." Jobs meant that Mommy and Daddy would stop fighting. If Daddy had a job he would have money and then Mommy would be happy.
"So are you not going to fight with him anymore?" I asked
"Oh honey I can't promise that."
"Why not? Why can't you two not fight like you are always telling me and Rafe to?" Mommy put me down on the ground. She knelt down and put her hands on my shoulders. Something must have been bothering Mommy she only spoke to me like this when she wanted to make sure I listened.
"Oh baby it's not that simple, sometime me and your dad have to fight to work things out. I am trying to make things better and sometime I have to yell at your daddy to get my point across." How did yelling make things better? They all were happy on the ship.
"So it's a good thing."
"Kinda, it's hard to explain baby, but whatever happens remember you and Rafe are not to blame" What was she talking about? What was going to happen?
"Oh I know that Mommy but nothing is going to happen. Is it?" Mommy's eyes got wet then, like when she cries and she pulled me toward her into a hug.
"I hope not Baby. I hope not Baby" I felt my shoulder get wet. Mommy was crying, but mommy never cried. My tummy began to felt weird, like when Mommy and Daddy fought.
"There are my two favorite girls." I heard Daddy's voice and looked up to see him standing in the door. Mommy let me go and quickly wiped her eyes.
"We ready to go?" Daddy asked Mommy.
"All set, I am going to go dock. Rafe is getting changed. Hey Munchkin you want to be my co-pilot." I nodded my head up and down and grabbed my daddy's hand with both of mine skipping behind him as he walked towards command. I loved it when Daddy let me ride in his lap while he was flying the ship. He climbed into the pilot chair and then placed me in his lap. He put his hands on the controls and I put my hands on top on his. When he turned his hands my hands followed. It was almost like I was flying the ship. Someday he was going to teach me how to be a pilot so we could fly on runs together. For now I was just his little copilot. I watched the dock come closer and Daddy move the controls shifting the ship. We moved into the dock and then I felt the docking clamps take a hold of us. "And that's how it's done. Go grab your jacket and we will go get something to eat."
I jumped down from the chair and ran to my room. Well it wasn't a room but a supply closet Daddy had cleaned out for me and put a bed in. Rafe room was just like it but down the hall. I had pictures that Daddy gave me after his last job on the wall above my bed. There was one of a sunset on some planet, another had a field of flowers and the third had an animal that Daddy said was a pony in it. The rest of the walls where covered with my drawings of ships, stars and the elf and fairy creatures in the stories Mommy told to me when I fell asleep at night. I dung into the bottom of the box that held all my clothes. My jacket and all my other "planet stuff" always found it's way to the bottom. I shoved everything back in reminding myself to fold it back up before mommy saw it. But she and Daddy were in a hurry so I figure that straighten my clothes could wait, dinner couldn't. The icky feeling in my stomach from earlier was almost completely gone and now I was hungry.
I ran out of my bedroom and met my mommy at the door to the hanger. Daddy soon joined us. As we headed out into the city I stood in-between them taking Mommy's hand on one side and Daddy's hand on the other. Rafe being almost nine and too old to hold hands tag along beside Daddy. And so we went to go find dinner as a family.
~~~*~~~
(Two months later)
I rolled out of my bed. My eyes were sore and I was hungry. Mommy said we were docking on another planet soon when she made me lay down for a nap. She and Daddy started fighting after that but I was so tired I fell asleep before I could hear what they were saying. I was up now, but Mommy hadn't gotten me up like she normally did. My tummy had woken me up which meant it would soon be dinner time but Mommy was not in the mess making dinner. I wandered around the ship looking for her but she wasn't in her and Daddy's room the mess.
Where was Mommy? Why didn't she wake me up from my nap like she normally did? She didn't normally let me sleep this late. Or at least it felt late it was hard sometimes but I have learned to feel what time it is.
I finally decided to ask Rafe where Mommy was. I knocked on his door. The light was on but he didn't answer. I knocked again.
"Rafe, Rafe, are you in there? Rafe I'm looking for Mom do you know where she is? Rafe"
"So forgot you too uh, the little innocent baby left behind too. Well She's gone little baby. She's gone and she is never coming back." Rafe yelled from behind the door. His voice sounded weird, like when his nose was stuffy from a cold. But why was he saying that. Mommy wasn't gone, she could be at the planet shopping but she would be back. She always came back.
I heard a noise from command. Daddy must be working. He would know when Mommy was coming back. Daddy I called as I walked onto the deck. I almost fell over the bottles that were all over the deck. Daddy was up by the view screen standing funny. He wasn't standing up straight like he normally did. He was all hunched over and looked like he was having trouble standing. He turned around and started walking towards me but I was afraid he was going to fall. He was wobbling around like me when Rafe spun me around in the spinning chairs making me all dizzy. I walked up to him picking my way through the garbage on the floor. Mommy never left Daddy be this messy; she would be made when she got back.
"So left yur too aaa little one. Kris didn't want any of her precious kids it seems. Ran off and left me with both of you little monsters to look after." Daddy smelled weird, like uncle Sid sometimes did. He sounded funny too; I was having trouble understanding him.
"Daddy, what's wrong… when is Mommy coming home?" My stomach felt all funny again and there was something in my throat that was making it hard to talk. I also couldn't breathe right. I couldn't get enough air. Where was Mommy? I was getting sick and I needed her. I needed her to make it all better. She would make it all better if she was here right now.
"Krishna, your esteemed mother isn't coming home. She left me. Left me to go and raise you two brats. Must have forgotten her little baby. Didn't seem to ever forget how long it took for each of you to get into this world. Or how much money it took to feed and clothe you. Never forgot to remind me how children shouldn't grow up on a starship. I grew up on a starship and I was good enough for her to marry. But noooo. Kris had to go a leave. Leave me with you spoiled brats." With that Daddy bent down and looked me in the face. He smelled so bad and he looked sick. "Well I don't want you either" with that he shoved me to the deck and walked out of command. Daddy hit me. Daddy never hit me. Not even when I was bad. I wasn't hurt, but he had knocked me down. I sat on the deck just crying among the empty bottles and puddles of the foul smelling liquid.
~~~*~~~
(At age 8)
I stood on the deck picking up the bits of garbage that Dad had left all over. My face still stung from getting in his way last night and I didn't want another beating for the place being a mess. Rafe had left with Dad. They were trying to find another job. We were out of money again and the cupboards where bare like the nursery rhyme said. Last time me and Rafe had to take turns eating until Dad found another job. We had hired a small crew for the last shipment to help run everything but they all left when the job was done.
Something about not wanting to work with a drunk who let his children runs the ship. One of them gave me five thrones before he left and told me to keep them for myself. Not let Dad or anyone else have it. I liked that crew member, Nick, he had keep Dad from beating me one night when he was drunk. He even offered to take me away from here but I had to say no. Dad and Rafe wouldn't make it without me. They need me.
Once command was clean I moved on to the 'crew quarters' now abandoned. Rafe had been sleeping in here the last few nights. It was in between my room and Dad's. I wasn't a fool and neither was Rafe. If someone was around then Dad behaved. Even in front of Rafe he wouldn't touch me. He only hit me when he was drunk and I got in his way. When he was drinking, I was useless, just a girl, just like my mom. Well screw my mom, I didn't know my mom. She left me when I was just a baby. She left me with him. I wiped my eyes and sniffed. Tears would do me no good. I had to be tuff. The officer's quarters were now clean to.
I moved on to the mess. Dinner would have to be ready when Dad got home with Rafe. No dinner would make Dad mad. I had to stay ahead of him to stay out of trouble. I was always getting into trouble, being a useless girl. But I was going to prove myself one day. I heard the hiss of the airlock and hurried to get the food out of the freezer and into the oven. If it was cooking I would be ok. Dad stumbled into the mess, clearly finding a job had been forgotten and he had found the local bar instead.
"Well princess where's dinner?"
"Coming Dad, it just needs to finish cooking." The meals would only take five minutes to heat up I had to stall until then. There was enough for him and a little for Rife. I was going to have to go without food tonight. Rafe would sneak me something after dinner. When supplies were low Dad didn't want to waste food on the girl. I had to cook it but not eat it.
"How much longer?"
"Not much, it's almost done." Only a minute had past I needed to stall longer he was already getting impatient.
"Well why isn't it done? What have you been doing all day?"
"I was cleaning and lost track of time, I'm sorry it won't happen again."
"It better not. I better not see you slacking off with you chores again like you did last night."
"Of course not Dad"
"Good"
"You want something to drink before dinner Dad?" Rafe asked. I shot him a silent thank you as he got up from the table taking the heat off me.
"Yeah get me a beer."
"We're out Dad."
"How are we out, who's been drinking my beer?" I moved towards the door ready to run and hide. Dad was stumbling towards me when Rafe saved the day.
"Here Dad I found some whiskey from the last run. You want that?" He called out stopping Dad in his tracks.
"Whiskey, what do I look like some kinda of drunk. Fine pour me a glass of it." Rafe poured a glass and set it in front of Dad. He went to put the bottle away but Dad motioned for it to stay put. "You know Kris hated it when I drunk whiskey. Said it reminded her of her pa. He was a mean mother fucker. But I rescued her from him. Rescued her and let her live in space and what did she do. Leave me with two worthless kids. Hey where is my dinner?"
"Right here Dad. Do you need anything else?"
"No I'm good"
"Alright have a good dinner" With that I exited the room. The moment I knew he couldn't see me anymore I ran. I ran into my room, I slammed the door locking it as was my habit. I then jumped into my bed and let the tears flow. Why? Why? Why, was Dad like this? I couldn't remember what it was like before Mom left but Rafe says we were happy. She was happy. Why did she leave?
Why did I stay? Even though I was still a child I knew things were bad. I knew things weren't getting better. Rafe talked of the next haul and how things would get better. Things weren't getting better.
~~*~~
(12)
"Prepare for slipstream!" I called out as I climbed into the chair. I put my hands into the controls and entered the slipstream. I guided the ship through the weaving tunnels, it fly by at the speed of light but after two years of guiding the Maru when Dad was too high and Rafe was too busy had taught me how to handle it.
Dad even told me I was becoming a great pilot. Better than Rafe at my age. How would he know though? He was either drunk, flash fried, or sleeping these days. There were moments that he was there but they were rare. Rafe ran the ship these days, finding customers, running the shipments, doing repairs, and managing everything. I helped him anyways that I could and I stayed as far away from Dad as possible.
It wasn't hard he spent most of his time in his quarters. He would come out and wander the ship high on flash. It was those times when Rafe or one of the temporary crew hands would have to stop him from 'making repairs' by pulling the ship apart or worst. Sometimes he would go one for hours about nonsense things not hearing anything anybody said to him. Oh well let the flash fried Ignatius take care of himself. I had other things to handle.
We were docking at the Gemmi station to make repairs but first me and Rafe had to go beg, borrow and steal parts and tools. We were becoming a good team. The nano-bots in my hair let me change its colors and so while they reporting the little red head that stole their wallet, I would walk by as a blonde, brunet or whatever color I felt like.
The docking clamps came down and it was time to get to work. "Please turn on you vid screen and state your name and business."
" I'm sorry our vid screen is broken but this is Krishna Jaclyn Valentine Wife co-owner of the Maru with my husband Ignatius Harris Valentine. We are here for repairs and supplies, permission to board."
" Permission granted." I was always grateful that Dad had never changed the ownership on the Maru after my mom left. Rafe and I had been pulling the trick of me being my mother for years now. Without video most people bought the young sounding wife.
It was off to work now. I had business to do before Dad woke up from his hangover. All of the money was locked up but he would tear apart the ship looking for it. I was going to have to hurry and figure out the layout of the station. Rafe had to meet with some clients and wouldn't be able to do it.
We were going have to be in and out in and few days. Any longer than that and we could run into problems. Most people thought they could take advanced of the two kids running a ship. Little did they know. Rafe and I were the best con-team in the galaxy. That was the way it was always going to be, with their dad. I am waiting for the day when her Dad over dosed on flash and the Maru was just me and Rafe's. Till that day.
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*It's 9:00 on a Saturday night
No one else is home, and the lights are off
You're drunk again
And you stumble into the family room
You look up at the picture on the wall
You see daddy his wife and his little girl
When are you going to realized
You're not that girl, you're no longer his little daddy's girl
You need to fly
Spread your wings, keep flying higher
You don't need to cry, the time for tears has passed you by
Has passed you by*
Daddy's Girl by the Normals