Well, this is my first shot! This will be about my OC! I promise some of these certain events have never happened to me directly, but obviously, my emotions will be in there.

Onwards!

Broken

He had always been proud of his name, but now that he thought about it, he realized it wasn't a good name.

Barely a moon old, Shamekit romped around the nursery by himself next to the queens, because none of his foster litter mates looked at him. They didn't even talk to him; rather, they talked about him. He never knew what was said, but he'd overheard bits and clips, things like "Half clan" and "Spoiled blood" and "Never be a good warrior, we should banish him and Silverfur!" They would always spit his mother's name.

Shamekit's mother, Silverfur, had broken the warrior code and mated with ShadowClan's deputy, Redscar, and Shamekit was the outcome. His real name was Arrowkit, for his unusual thiness, but since he was only an outcome of a broken warrior code, they called him Shamekit. He had taken pride in that name, because it sounded cool to him. A whole lot better than 'Arrowkit', who wanted a cat that could fit through twoleg fences if he wanted to? That's just another avenue of betrayal that could be explored, and all the more reason to rouse suspicion from his clanmates.

But now that he was nearly almost two moons old now and had an expanded vocabulary, he didn't like his new name anymore.

Kits and apprentices would hiss and spit curses at him, warriors would glare at him, the leader, Oakstar, was rather distant, and even the queens, who had fought for him, were rather distant and wary. The only cat that would be friendly to him besides his mother was Smallfoot, the young medicine cat. She would take the poor kit in when she found him crying or when he seemed lonely or abused, and walked him through normal medicine cat procedures, encouraging him along the way.

She always said he would make a great warrior. To not listen to their taunts, but prove them bitterly wrong about their accusations in the end. And she would call him by his proper name. He didn't know exactly was these words meant, but he always accepted them without much thought.

So now, it was a day or two before his second moon, and he was jumpy with excitement. Mother said that she was going to surprise him for his birthday, something special. Last time was a private tour across the whole camp, and a day of story time with the elders, who Arrowkit expected were forced to be kind to him. As he was frolicking through camp next to the nursery, however, Bigpaw, his greatest adversary, snuck up behind him and threw him by the scruff of his neck into a rather large mud pile, consuming his thin body with gunk.

The fat cat guffawed as Shamekit struggled his way up out of the thick mud, which only pulled him down.

"Ha! Got you again, stupid!" Stupid was his new catchphrase for Shamekit. "You'll never be a good warrior if you couldn't even hear me! I was practically stomping!" He puffed out his big, fluffy white chest in pride. "Isn't that right, Shadepaw?"

Bigpaw's cohort and litter mate, Shadepaw, had just appeared around the corner of the apprentice sleeping quarters and had ran down to see what the commotion was.

"Yeah," she sneered, "And I'll bet you won't even make half an amazing apprentice as I am!" It was her turn to puff out her small, purpleish chest. "Admit it, Shamekit, you are really a disgrace to the clan. Admit it!" She came towards his face and spat in it threateningly, her breath reeking of fresh-kill. Although she was small and not very threatening, she had a sharp tongue that spat poison.

"I-I-I am not as g-g-good as you..." Shamekit mumbled as he started to trot his way down to the stream to wash himself.

"You're not done yet! Now you have to admit to me!" Bigpaw's voice echoed. "You will call me Master!" Bigpaw pinned Shamekit down, sprainng Shamekit's hind leg.

"Y-yes, m-master," He sputtered as he tryed to stuggle free from his grasp.

"Louder!" His eyes shone with pleasure.

"Yes, Master!" He yowled loudly. Other apprentices and kits were starting to crowd.

"Aww, look at little mud-pelt!" said a taunting voice.

"He's so dumb!" crooned another.

"Get him!" yowled a kit, and, with one mind, started to take turns tearing at Shamekit.

Bigpaw came up first, his white pelt shining, exept where he had gotten stained. "You see this?" He showed off his mud spot. "That was that one." He spat at him. "You know what we do to traitors? This!" he brought down his claws hard on Shamekit's nose, tearing skin off and immediately bringing tears to his eyes.

"Already crying, huh? Show him what we do to wimps, Shade!" The she cat nodded her approval as she strutted to the poor kit, eyes gleaming maliciously. "Well, Big, we claw his muzzle-" as she said this, she sunk her sharp claws into his muzzle where Bigpaw had left his mark, leaving holes in it, "and drive him out together!" At this, all the young cats yowled together and went for him. Shamekit, howling with agony, took off in whichever direction that would take him furthest from the scene. But the cats were faster, and crowded up on him. Scratches and bites down his flank, stomach, head, everywhere. Curses and names, terrible words he'd only heard from the most vulgar warriors.

His essence screamed with torture.

And then, quite suddenly, it all stopped.

Shamekit opened his eyes. He was in Smallpaw's den. Did I sleep in here? He thought. Oops, I'd better leave before I get caught. He took one step off the bed.

Blinding white pain overflooded him as he squealed.

"Don't move," came worried a voice in front of him.

He couldn't hear or see, his thoughts were so foggy. But he couldn't move anyways, so there he lay.

"I'm going to put you back on the bed. Don't move."

He did as he was told, but squealed a little when he was picked up. Whoever touched him had grabbed him right on a puncture mark he couldn't quite identify.

"Great StarClan, this is awful."

"Smallfoot?" Shamekit's voice rasped, much to his surprise.

"Yes, Arrowkit, I'm here. Do you think you want to see your mother?"

Mother? he thought. Oh. Mother! he exclaimed. "Ye-"

"Don't talk. I'll get her now." she stalked out of the room, her hackles raised.

What happened? Why does it hurt? he asked himself. Did I run into the thistle bushes again? I don't think I did. I- Before he could finish, he picked up a familiar scent. Mother.

He squealed with delight as Silverfur sprint - stumbled to her son.

"Oh, my baby! What have they done!?" her new fear scent was black over Shamekit, his unseeing eyes widened with his own fear.

They? He cocked his head, causing head splitting pain. He winced, but it was gone now. Who's th-

And he remembered. Bigpaw. Shadepaw. His peers. Attacking him, hating him. Hot, stinging wet tears filled his eyes and formed lines down his face at the realization of reality, the words spoken, actions done. He sobbed as his mother curled him in a protective way, fur bristling.

"Oh, my little Arrowkit..." She cooed as she licked him, tongue warm, scent now warm, fur warm. He was in a protective ball, nothing could get him now. Not even Bigpaw, he thought bitterly as he accepted his mother's comfort.

Disobeying Smallfoot's orders, he rasped, "Silverfur?"

Gasping, fur bristling even more, she put her nose into Arrowkit's fur.

Arrowkit snuggled into his mother even more; it seemed like forever, just him and his mommy, in familiar warmth, here forever.

"I love you, Silverfur." Arrowkit said, his voice broken.

Silverfur shook silently around him, sobs wracking her body, convulsions vibrating into Arrowkit.

"Baby? It's your second moon!" Silverfur stopped weeping suddenly to look at the only thing that kept her alive. "I promised I'd get you something! Right here!" Behind her, she picked a brown object. Eyes finally adjusted, Arrowkit saw what was in her mouth.

A rabbit.

"Oh, Mama!" He squealed with delight, voice still gone. He looked at his second only comfort in the world with excitement. "Meat?!"

"Big toms need meat," she said promptly, "And you're growing up. Here is your first mouse! I caught it myself, don't worry, it's not bad."

Arrowkit looked at the rabbit, mouth drooling reflexively. He sniffed it, licked it, and started to devour it. He was starving! And it was delicious. Wow, he thought, this is good!

"Mama, this is..." he couldn't exactly find the word for it.

"Do you like it?" She purred, obviously pleased with her son.

"Oh, yes, Silverfur, I love it!" He mewed. He had just shoved another mouthful down his throat when Smallfoot came back in.

"Arrowkit! What did I tell you about talking?" Her stern voice made him flatten.

Arrowkit smartly stayed silent.

"Better," she cooed, her voice automatically warm again, "Silverfur, dear, I think we need to give him some space. Besides, there's someone who wants to apologize."

Her fur bristled. "You'd better keep an eye on my baby with that... monster." she mewed bitterly, eyes rounding in rage.

"If he's going to ever prove himself, he's going to have to talk to Bigpaw by himself," she responded, tail flicking.

Bigpaw? He shuddered. Instinctively, he cowered in his mother's warm, safe pelt.

Silverfur calmed down, although still mad, and grumbled curtly, "Fine." She got up, leaving Arrowkit to himself, despite his protests. "Be a good kit, baby, I love you." She called as she stalked out of the den.

Arrowkit shriveled onto the bed. The last thing he wanted was to see his tormenter. But in he walked. He had gotten bigger, and he noticed. They didn't call him big for no reason.

"H-hey, Shamekit," he mewed cautiously, eyes scanning Arrowkit.

Shamekit lay silent, blue gaze neutral as he lifted up his head.

"I just... wanted to say..." He gulped, nervously flicking an ear abashedly.

"No. Go away." came the raspy voice of Shamekit.

Bigpaw flinched at his voice, ears flattened and hackles raised. Was that fear he smelled? "No, please listen-"

"Go. And if you ever touch me again-" He stood up, fur bristled - "I will get bigger and stringer you could ever be, and I will hurt you." His tail whipped violently as fire burned in his eyes.

Bigpaw, obviously spooked, ran out of that den, leaving Shamekit.

It's nice, he thought laying back down with a grunt, to be alone. He dozed off.

Shamekit dreamt dreams of peace and his fantasy future self, when he was woken by a blinding light. He realized that this was Silverfur.

"Come, darling, there's someone special I want you to meet," she mewed in her soft way, eyes lighting up happily.

His eyes snapped open, and he stiffened. Not again. She laughed lightly as she felt his tensing body. "It's not what you think, it's another surprise!"

Shamekit sat up. He was feeling much better after a quarter moon of rest, and was ready to go outside.

"What is it, Mama? Vole?" He still loved the meat that his mother brought him every so often, it was his energy.

"Oh, no, dearest. You'll like this surprise more than all of them!" Her eyes glittered as she mentioned it, a sign that it would be great.

"What is it?" he prodded, blinking hopefully at his mother.

"You'll see."

He followed her out of the den, giving Smallpaw a lick of thanks, and headed out.

Sunlight baked his face.

It was a good kind of baking, like his face full of glee. He skipped down to Silverfur, tail up, face bright. He realized where they were going. We're going out of the camp!? Thought Shamekit. Who's out of the camp? He followed silently for a few more fox-lengths befire stopping. Silverfur looked around, making sure no one was within eye or ear shot.

"Okay, it's clear, Redscar."

A bulky, red tom appeared at Silverfur's side. He was a big cat, with claws the size of badgers and the stature of a warrior. He looked down upon Shamekit, his amber eyes boring into his wide, blue eyes.

"Mama, who is this?" Shamekit mewed fearfully, nose wrinkling. "Why does he smell funny?"

She looked at him with amusement, eyes dancing. "This, my dear Arrowkit, is your father, Redscar." She put her head to Redscar's big pelt, but Redscar didn't move a muscle. Instead he said, disappointedely, "He's small."

He had a low, prying voice, startling Arrowkit. He stumbled back in shock.

This is my father? He's so big!

"Well, he just got beat up awfully a week ago, and he's lost weight," Came his mother's reply, her now unburied face boring into his eyes.

"Did he." It came out as a statement, not a question. "He couldnt beat the other cat?"

"Half the clan's apprentices and kits got at him, Redscar! Of course he couldn't beat the others!" she responded, hackles raising anxiously.

"Hm," he meowed uninterestedly, smoothing her pelt with his tail.

"Are you my father?" Arrowkit asked endearingly, staring into his father's eyes.

"Obviously, or she wouldn't have brought you to me." He snarled slightly at the word she, looking down at his kit like he was rotten fresh-kill. Silverfur didn't notice.

But she did speak.

"Honey, are you okay? You seem stressed." She rubbed his flank with her tail, which resulted in him shaking her off.

"Of course I'm mad! I've almost been kicked out of the Clan for treason!" His voice was loud with rage. "And you show me this -" pointing to Arrowkit, "And expect me to feel better? Love me, and I'll feel better?" He was trembling now, eyes on fire.

Silverfur was, understandably, upset.

"Yes, I'd expect you to feel better, we're mates," she mewed, eyes wide with fear. "I thought you'd be overjoyed to see you're own flesh and blood. But no!" Her eyes flashed now. "It's all about you, isn't it? about your Clan and your life. I never get to talk!" Her eyes teared up now.

Arrowkit was confused. "Silverfur, are you okay?" Why was his father being like this? He thought he'd be the best in the world.

"Shut up, you," were his next words to him. He pawed him in the face, opening up the punctures Shadepaw had torn in his muzzle, and with a squeal of pain, he collasped, still conscious.

Silverfur reared with fury. "What was that?" she screeched. "Why did you do that? Your own kit!"

He ignored her question as he turned on her.

"You shut your yap!" And with a swing, he cut deep in her cheek. Blinded by rage, Silverfur jumped out to attack him, and tried to fight him, only to be hit again and again and again-

Arrowkit was mewling pitifully now. He knew it shouldn't have gone like this, should've been better, a loving communion. This was foreign to him.

No it's not, a voice within him said.

This is hatred.

He watched at his parents go, Redscar hurting his mother, Silverfur bravely defending her son. He decided to leave, heaving himself back to is paws; he couldn't stand anymore. He'd seen and felt enough by his Clan alone, now his father? Was his mother and Smallfoot the only ones? Slowly, he walked back towards camp, everything drooping. He walked in to the nursery, kits purring, mothers laughing, some fathers visiting.

If only MY father visited me.

"What's wrong, Shame? where's your mother?" a kit voice drawled. He said nothing, only staring at the other fathers playing with their own kits.

If only MY father liked me. He could tell the big tom wasn't fond of his son.

If only I was a full clan. If only I was better. If only...

Before his mind could think more, he reached the nursery and fell into a dark, treacherous sleep.

Well, what do you think? Just read some more of Erin Hunter and realized I MUST step up my game for this to be good.

QOTD: Thoughts on Arrowkit's peers? Smallpaw, Silverfur? Bigpaw? Redscar?

Later,

Cobrastar