Author's Note

I do not own A Series of Unfortunate Events or anything else in this fic you recognise.

So this is a fairly short story a wrote mostly in one go a while back. The original idea was 'what if the Quagmires didn't make it to the Self-Sustaining Mobile Home and joined the Baudelaires?' If anyone wants to run with that idea, feel free. Most of the material from this is from the books, but there is some inspiration from the Netflix series as well.

While Jacqueline and Larry Your-Waiter distracted the crowd from their chanting, Violet formulated a plan and led everyone over to the old fire station. The truck was old and rickety, because the county was in the middle of a drought, which means they had a lack of water and therefore no use for a fire truck which used rather a lot of water, but they got it running.

"Your sister drives?" Duncan shouted as Sunny drove the truck through the station doors.

"Apparently!' Violet shouted back.

"You let your sister drive?" Isadora shouted, which was probably a more relevant question.

"Also apparently yes!" Klaus shouted back.

The fire truck sped out into the Hinterlands.

"Where are we going?" Duncan shouted.

"Anywhere that's away from here!" Violet shouted back. The four children in the back of the truck hunkered down and held on tight. Duncan watched the road ahead, Violet watched the road behind, Klaus watched the road to the left, and Isadora watched the road to the right. In this manner they had all their bases covered. The chanting could be heard once more in the town they had left behind.

"What do we want?"

"To burn children!"

"When do we want it?"

"Now!"

"Look!" Duncan cried. "What's that?"

In the air ahead of them, which was part of what Duncan was watching, was an enormous shape, a knot of balloons and baskets and rope, strung together with mechanics and hope. All the orphaned children stared.

"Dues ex machina," said Sunny. It was. It was also, of course, the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home.

Sunny drove the truck toward it, and Hector flew the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home toward them, and they met in the middle, if met in the middle meant that he was several hundred metres above them and they several hundred metres beneath him with no way for the two to meet.

"Hector!" Violet shouted. "Can you bring it down to us!"

"It wasn't designed to come down! Only up!"

"Then how can we join you!"

He heaved something from the bottom of the basket he was in. "You'll have to climb up this incredibly unstable and rickety rope ladder. Rickety means-"

"We know what rickety means!" shouted all the children. Hector unraveled the rope ladder, and Klaus, Duncan and Isadora raised the fire track's ladder while Violet ran round the truck to lift Sunny out of the driver's cab.

"Quickly! Climb on up!" called Hector.

"You first," said Klaus.

"But-"

"We came all this way to rescue you! Quickly!"

Duncan and Isadora climbed to the top of the metal ladder, followed by Klaus.

"Violet hurry up!" Klaus shouted. Duncan caught the rope ladder and held it for Isadora. Klaus then held it for Duncan, and the two Quagmires startled climbing the ladder. Sunny wrapped her arms around Violet's neck and held on like a limpet, a term which means she held on incredibly tightly, while Violet climbed the ladder. From a short distance away came a nearing roar.

"What do we want?"

"To burn children!"

"When do we want it?"

"Now!"

"Go on!" Klaus said. "I'm right behind you."

Violet climbed onto the ladder, still carrying Sunny, and followed their rescued friends up. Klaus fumbled to climb onto the rope ladder, which slipped out of his hands and swung away from him.

"Klaus!" screamed Violet.

"Kla!" screamed Sunny, which in this situation of course meant 'oh no Klaus, please don't be burnt at the stake!' Klaus tried to catch the rope ladder again and failed, once, twice, but then he succeeded on the third try and managed to climb onto it.

"Stop right there!" came the voice of Officer Luciana who was of course really Esme Squalor. "Get down at once!"

Duncan and Isadora were by now nearly at the top of the incredibly unstable and rickety rope ladder, while Violet and Sunny were just beneath halfway.

"Come down from the ladder at once!"

"No!" shouted Violet, Klaus, and Sunny in defiance, a word which here means they did not do what Esme Squalor and the people trying to burn them to death wanted them to do.

"It's just not cool to escape from Detective Dupin!" drawled Count Olaf. Sunny blew a very wet raspberry at him.

"Don't worry," said Officer Luciana/Esme Squalor. "I know just how to get them down." She produced something improbably large from her jacket.

"Officer Luciana! Is that a mechanical device?" asked one of the elders. Duncan and Isadora reached the top of the incredibly unstable and rickety rope ladder and climbed into the basket.

"It's a harpoon gun. A present from my very generous and handsome boyfriend," Officer Luciana/Esme Squalor purred, aiming it at the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home. "Bring that thing down at on once!"

"I can't!" replied Hector. "It's not designed to come down! Only up!"

"We'll see about that!" Officer Luciana/Esme Squalor fired the harpoon gun, hitting one of the baskets and sending a shower of feathers into the air.

"Oh no!" cried Hector. "My improbable and useless supply of pure white feathers!"

The feathers flew into the air and swirled around everything.

"Hector!" Violet shouted. "Take the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home up higher!"

"But you're not up here yet! What if you fall?"

"We're already high enough to go splat if we fell! Take it higher!"

The engines of the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home whirred into action and it began to rise. Down below Officer Luciana/Esme Squalor was trying to reload the harpoon gun. The three Baudelaires kept climbing, even though by now they were exhausted, aching, and weary, a word which here means exhausted and aching. Isadora and Duncan cheered encouragement.

"Farewell V.F.D!" shouted Hector. "You were scary, but we're leaving now! Farewell crows! Farewell nevermore tree! Farewell town hall where I always fainted! Farewell to all of you!"

It was an inspiring speech, but the Baudelaires were too exhausted, aching, and weary to appreciate it. It felt like the incredibly unstable and rickety rope ladder was twice as long as it was when the Quagmires climbed it, and by now everything beneath them was nothing but small dots.

Officer Luciana/Esme Squalor fired another harpoon, but the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home was much too high up for it to hit. Instead it pierced straight through one of the crows which had now began rising into the air. The Baudelaires could hear the outrage far beneath them.

At long last Violet reached the safety of the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home and climbed in. Her knees gave way beneath her, a word which here means she collapsed to the floor in a heap. Isadora lifted Sunny into her arms and Duncan helped Hector to start pulling the incredibly unstable and rickety rope ladder up now that Klaus was the only one on it. Finally Klaus too reached the Self-sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home and collapsed next to Violet.

"We made it," he whispered. Violet smiled.

"We made it."

"Madit!" squealed Sunny, waving her arms in the air. Isadora hefted her against her side and showed her the village of V.F.D very far below them and far away.

"Say goodbye to V.F.D, the crows, and Count Olaf."

Sunny shrieked with laughter. "Buh bye!"

Klaus and Violet got to their feet, watching with slight disbelief, something that means they weren't quite sure whether this was all real, as everything they had feared and hated vanished beneath them.