I've always wondered why the Gerudo in OoT never strip Link of his gear when he gets caught. Well, apart from Plot Convenience, that is. I guess it's story canon that he never gets caught in the first place, but my player canon begs to differ. At first, I was like "Well, they probably don't know about the pocket dimension where he keeps all his stuff" because why not.

And then I had a better idea. Alright then, people, hold onto your headcanons and enjoy the semi-crack that is this story!

The first time they caught him sneaking around, they didn't even bother. He was docile. He didn't protest his capture, neither made he any attempts to escape. He obeyed every command he was given, and no one had to poke holes into him to make it happen.

They might have changed their minds had they noticed his eyes flickering from side to side. Noticed the cocky kid inspecting every hallway, every staircase, every nook and cranny, and committing them to memory. But Link knew better than to draw attention to the fact, and the two Gerudo women marching him through the fortress quickly named him The Most Boring Prisoner Ever. It was clear that they wanted to get back to their posts and forget about him as soon as possible, so they unceremoniously shoved him down a trapdoor, gear and all.

Ignoring the fact that he'd been busy shielding his eyes against the sun's sudden glare at that point and was too distracted to roll, Link was perfectly chipper. A groaning heap, but good to go.

The second time was a little more troublesome. Link had been smart enough to leave everything he didn't need at his house, so there wasn't much to find. Only a hookshot and a sword that wouldn't budge even when he was held down and half the fortress called in to try and lift it off his back.

In the end, they took the hookshot and tossed him back into his cell. Link grumbled and chucked the Master Sword across the room just because he could, then took off his tunic and batted away at the dusty footprints. His back felt like it had been misused as a dance floor by Darunia. It throbbed and burned and he couldn't even curl up and take a nap, dammit, because undressing alone had caused the pain to spread up to his neck and down to his thighs and he knew the second he tried to bend, it would become all worse!

Navi figured she was the only onlooker who found that behavior age-appropriate. At least that one Gerudo face she could spy at the trapdoor confirmed the theory by scrunching up in disdain, then disappearing. She kept her cool though, and let Link throw his little tantrum. Goddesses knew he needed to let off steam. And once he finished pouting and cleared his head... well, he was a very intelligent child. And Navi trusted him to realize that the Gerudo guards had been so frustrated with the sword that they made a fatal mistake.

They had missed an ocarina.

The third time was actually kind of... wacky. Link was getting the hang of the whole stealth debacle, and Navi pondered how big of a complaint she was going to submit to Princess Zelda once it was all over. The Gerudo did a far better job at keeping an eye out than the palace guard.

Or maybe her young charge simply got more kicks out of it than he should. He had strapped his shield back on and put the Master Sword over it, making it next to impossible to move for anyone but himself. Recovering his hookshot and securing it in his newest safety backpack put him in such a good mood that he grew careless.

Navi did her best to caution him, but she knew it was inevitable. However, she didn't expect the first sound coming out of Link's mouth to be a whine. A groan she would have understood, because the "Halt!"s were getting increasingly annoying. But Link really sounded more disappointed than annoyed, the way Navi imagined him to sound like if the Great Deku Tree told him to share his boomerang with Mido. She wasn't quite sure if she should chew him out for it.

Link for his part was marched off again, this time by a total of four guards who seemed about as tired of the toing and froing as the fairy. They backed Link into a corner and held him at spear point.

"Okay kid, time to come clear. We usually don't hurt children, but you're asking for it. Now fork over your weapons and tell us what kind of game you're playing!"

Navi was tempted to fly from her hiding place under Link's cap and right into the face of the spearwoman. No hurting Link on her watch!

She didn't get the chance, though. Before anyone had the time to react, Link had dodged the spear and rolled the woman's feet right from under her. The other three were quick to surround him when he came up, but Link remained undeterred – one Spin Attack later, and they were all staring at neatly cut quarterstaffs.

Link smiled triumphantly and assumed a fighting stance. "Make me!"

Link felt monumentally stupid the fourth time around. He hadn't quite caught his breath from the third cell-tossing when he was pressed up against a wall again, legs numb and cursing himself for miscalculating. And the window ledge for not being a little longer. When his hookshot came loose, he fell straight down and a shocked scream tore from his throat. Of course it did.

It was the first time he actually saw a Gerudo girl. She must have been around his age – his apparent age, that is. She made no attempt at interrogation, but she watched him like a hawk as she ordered him to turn around and cross his wrists behind his back. It was disconcerting, to say the least. Link was semi-convinced she'd notice if he wiggled a toe inside his boot. She did rap him across the part of his shoulder blades she could actually reach with a scimitar sheath, all because he twitched in discomfort. It hurt about as much as Navi deliberately tangling herself in his hair, but it still made him growl. The cold feel of metal clamped around his wrists certainly didn't help matters, or the fact that the girl preferred banging her scimitar against his shield over using words.

"I'll be watching you from now on, voe." Link had no idea what the last word meant, but from the way she said it, it sounded like a serious insult. "Whatever it is you're doing, I'll find out. You hear me, voe?"

Navi moved under his cap, and Link reflexively hunched his shoulders. Not a second too soon, as the flat of a blade once again connected with his shield right where the back of his neck used to show. "Clear as day, fare."

When it came to foreign insults, there were two who could play the game. It meant that he wouldn't come out of this with his legs unbruised, but he'd been through worse and it wasn't going to last. Only til he had a good day's sleep, to be exact. Or at least what counted as a good sleep when lying on your belly made a tendency for nightmares into certainty. Link wasn't the type who woke up screaming, but that didn't mean he wasn't plenty upset when he saw himself facing a huge boar creature, armed with nothing but a bow, and an older version of Princess Zelda struggling to return the Master Sword to him from behind a wall of fire even though she had about a snowball's chance in Death Mountain of moving it.

Waking up face-down in the dirt did nothing to calm him. But Navi was there, emitting a soothing blue light and talking quietly, comforting him until he dragged himself out of the darkness in his mind and into the darkness of the night.

"Come on, Link!" she whispered and dropped a set of keys into his chained hands. "Let's get out of here. You need a rest."

"Can I pass, please?"

"What?!"

Link sighed, then squared his shoulders and looked into the eyes of the Gerudo warrior he was currently aiming an arrow at. "Look, I don't want to shoot, but I'm pretty sure there's a prisoner down this hallway and there's no way I'll get through here undetected without letting go of this arrow. So, just pretend you didn't see me and we can all go home without anyone getting hurt. Deal?"

The answer was a rather unambiguous alarm whistle. Link sighed again, returned the arrow to his quiver, disassembled his bow and jammed the parts down his shield. It had been worth a try. Next time he'd take a leaf out of that girl's book and smack someone upside the head with the flat of a blade.

Speaking of that girl, she was the first to heed the call – and ultimately the only one. Her veil couldn't hide the fact that she was seething, and she yelled at the guard who caught him to get lost. It didn't happen, but it was oddly fascinating to watch that girl trying to wield authority she didn't have. The adult of the hallway was clearly amused.

"Call if he makes trouble," she said merrily and resumed her patrols. The girl returned the favor by glaring daggers at the woman's retreating back before focusing on Link.

"Remember these, voe?" she snarled and held up the pair of wrist irons he had left behind.

Link grimaced. He held no desire to be slapped into those again, but with the current sheath-shield-arrangement, there was no way he could use the latter. It put him at a severe disadvantage, and being disarmed was about the last thing he could afford. Especially with his latest nightmare sitting in his bones, the mere thought made him break out in cold sweat.

Link gritted his teeth and raised his hands. The Gerudo girl wasted no time in shackling them, and Link was almost grateful she did it in front of him this time. Almost because she immediately yanked the chain and walked off before he could regain his footing, forcing him to stumble awkwardly until he did. At which point she'd repeat the whole process. Link had to concentrate so hard on not injuring himself that the end of the trip actually caught him by surprise. One last jolt, followed up on with a push from behind. Only his reflexes saved him from crashing to the ground. Finally free to move, he rolled and came up standing, then whirled around to find the Gerudo opening a cell.

No, wait, it was the other way round. She was locking it from the inside, giving Link a good idea of what was to come.

When she turned, he noticed that the cell key had been threaded onto a leather loop. The key to the wrist irons was on it too, as well as a third, slightly larger one.

"Sit and take off your boots," the girl ordered.

Link sat and took off his boots.

"Knees up and palms on them."

Link obeyed. The girl came up with leg cuffs, and he watched with morbid curiosity as she lay the long chain over the one binding his wrists before shackling his ankles.

"There. This should hold you!"

He took it as permission to try and tug at the chains. They stretched enough to sit comfortably (and he could even put his boots back on) but the way they blocked each other made it impossible to stand or reach for his sword. Link filed the information away and decided to direct his attention back at the girl. She sat about two steps away from him, legs crossed, the keys around her neck, with an unreadable expression.

"Satisfied, voe?"

Link harrumphed and let silence do the talking. Geez, what do you think?

The girl rolled her eyes. "Huff as much as you like. I have a few questions, and neither of us is going anywhere before they've all been answered."

Link curled his lips, scooted backwards and leaned against the wall. Navi used the movement to cover her own and flitted down his shield, ready to push out any item at a moment's notice.

Now Link was satisfied. "Let's get this over with."

The girl raised an eyebrow. "So you didn't forget how to work your tongue. Well then. Since we both know you're not going to talk about your escaping methods any time soon, I'll start with something easy: Why are you here?"

Link tilted his head. "You're not asking for my name?"

"I'm not interested in your name, voe. Why are you here?"

"To free the imprisoned carpenters." Not that was something the girl didn't know.

"What business do you have with them?"

"None. I just think it's not fair to keep them prisoner."

"Not fair?" the girl scoffed. "That's something my little sister would say. They only got what was coming to them."

"They learned their lesson. They won't bother you again."

"You keep bothering us."

That was the most baffling line Link ever heard. "That's not an argument!" he sputtered. Pain flashed through his wrists as he briefly forgot about the cuffs and tried to gesture. "I don't have a choice!"

"You could stop coming back. They trespass, they carry the consequences. Doesn't that sound fair to you?"

"Would you do the same thing to a woman?"

"Women are smarter than that."

Link shook his head. Obviously there was no reasoning with Gerudo. He had to switch tack. "Fine," he grumbled, "then how's this? They need to rebuild that bridge. I admit I don't know much about the desert, but it doesn't seem like a place with many edible plants, or water. How are you going to survive?"

The girl's eyes hardened. "We don't need Hylians to survive." She stood and gripped the hilt of one of her scimitars. "And just for your information: We destroyed that bridge. To keep out people like you."

Link gritted his teeth. He was sure she'd strike him again, but she only started pacing and muttering under her breath.

He wasn't going to complain. He maneuvered his hands as close as possible to his shield and shrugged his shoulder to help Navi loosen the Ocarina of Time. It only took a few seconds to send it tumbling to the ground, but Link had underestimated the Gerudo girl's alertness. She spun around instantly to check what he was up to. She crossed her arms and her eyes narrowed at the small instrument. "Well, isn't that interesting. Looks like your backpack isn't as secure as you thought."

Link hastily picked up the ocarina. He couldn't protect it in his current situation, but if he could just get into a position where he could play it in time...

The girl walked over. He knew he'd never make it. And he almost folded up on himself with relief when he realized that his captor didn't aim for him – she only had eyes for his shield.

"Let's see what you've got in there, shall we?" She dragged Link away from the wall and dropped into a spot next to him. "I bet I'll find a nice little spring-loaded hook toy."

"I wouldn't stick my hand in there," Link warned. And he meant it, but the girl didn't get the message and waved him off.

"Of course you wouldn't, voe. And unless you enjoy a blade in your side, you move your back out of the way."

"I really wouldn't–" He cut himself off when a nail scraped along the back of his tunic. But the Gerudo hand wasn't the only movement he felt: something long that must have been part of his bow slid down, and the girl gasped. She tried to pull her hand out, but she was stuck.

"What's th–?! Ouch! What's that?!"

Link had a pretty good idea, considering the fletching of an arrow running up and down his spine right above where the girl's hand balled into a fist. He never knew Navi could be this vengeful.

The girl gritted her teeth and drew a scimitar with her free hand. "Make it stop!"

"Stop!"

Navi paused, but she didn't stop. The Gerudo girl pressed her blade against Link's thigh, close to drawing blood.

He desperately shook his head. "Stop it, please!"

Why wasn't she stopping?!

The girl abandoned her scimitar and started pulling at her own arm. "What do you have in there?!"

Link shook his head again. "Look, just... Give me the keys, okay?! You free me, I free you!"

"Never!"

She had endurance, he gave her that. But this wasn't about the raging arrow fairy, or at least not entirely. "Do you want to stick to my back forever? I can't get my sword like this!"

The girl stared at him, cold fury in her eyes, then pulled the keys over her head and dropped them into his hands. Navi finally stopped poking around with the arrow. There was a moment of calm when heart rates slowed, everyone caught their breaths and Link's crumbling trust in Navi's judgment gradually reassembled itself.

"Well?" the girl prompted, in a way better mood now. "Get on with it."

Link nodded and set to work. The shackles fell away and he pushed the Master Sword around to loosen the shield.

The girl's hand didn't look as bad as expected. It was dotted with red, but the wounds weren't deep and barely bled. She flexed her fingers and her face lit up. "Thank the Spirits of the Sands!"

"Do you need some red potion?"

"No." The girl looked at Link. "Seriously though, what do you have in there?"

Link almost laughed. It was probably the relief that made the question sound so much funnier than it was. "Maybe I'll show you someday."

The girl grimaced, or at least that was what Link deduced from the way her veil bobbed. "On second thought, I don't want to know. And you better haul ass, before I change my mind and kick it."

"Understood!"

While he sorted through the keys until he found the one for the cell door, the girl gathered her scimitars and cuffs. He probably shouldn't turn around, but something crossed his mind he couldn't quite ignore. So he did.

"I'm Link."

She tossed a shoe in his general direction. "I told you I'm not interested in your name," she huffed, but Link detected no malice in her actions. "Koruri. And now pass the shoe."

...

...

I'm sorry. Link's harem is so big already, I couldn't resist. I hope it doesn't feel forced.

I'm a Navi fan, by the way. I believe we need more Navi action. It seems to be something rare, but I love her, and so does my sister. She even has Navi's "Hey! Listen!" as her ringtone for messages. And my cousin flips his lid whenever he hears it. XP