I was inspired to write this when I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack. I was listening to 'I'm not that Girl,' and it seemed to just scream BBRae. This is told from Raven's POV, and it's almost a BBTerra fic with hints at BBRae.But don't worry, I'm still a loyal BBRae fanand aTerra basher! This is a two-parter, so it does have a happy ending for Beast Boy and Raven. Just how the musical had a happy ending for Elphaba and Fiyero. Except Glinda was nicer than Terra...
Anyway, I don't own Teen Titans. Hopefully I will someday. But that day is not today. Now, onto the story!
I felt my face soften into a smile as I saw his familiar outline in the kitchen area. He was unmistakable, even with only the feeble early morning light shining through the window. His pointed ears stuck out, he was easily the skinniest of all of us, just like he was the shortest, and even in this light I could see the green tinge to his hair and skin.
He turned, hearing my footsteps. A playful and rather childish smile played around his lips, and he asked, "What are you doing down here so early?"
"I should be asking you that," I said, walking closer. I automatically crossed my arms, hoping that this gesture would somehow magically clothe me in my typical attire. It felt strange to be talking to him while we were both dressed in pajamas.
"Dude, is this a normal routine for you or something?" He asked, hoisting himself up onto the counter and smiling down at me.
"Actually, it is," I said, carefully masking the smile that wanted to peek out. "I'm always up this early to make tea."
He stretched both of his arms upwards, yawning as he did so. "I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep," He brought his arms back down and rested his elbows slightly above his knees. He placed his chin in his hands and looked at me again.
I felt my cheeks grow warm, an action that did not please me. This was Beast Boy I was talking to. Why was his glance making me blush?
"Well," I said, breaking the two-second silence that had fallen over us, "I'd better get started on the tea. I reached for the box of teabags that was on the counter next to him, and so did he.
Our hands touched as we both took hold of the box.
"Let me do it for you," He said, gently prying my hand off the box with his other hand, and I looked up at him again, directly into his emerald eyes.
He smiled at me, and I stepped back one pace, my hand being drawn back to my side as I did so. He jumped down off the counter, turned around so his back was to me, and opened the fridge.
He brought out the large jug of water that was inside, and set about looking for the teapot. I was about to show him where it was when he found it. He must have heard my footsteps again, for he turned and smiled reassuringly at me.
I felt a strange warm sensation grow within me, almost as if the smile he had given me had somehow struck a long-lost emotion deep within.
But isn't that exactly what just happened? An unbidden voice whispered in my mind. I closed my eyes, silently mouthing, 'Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos.'
The voice that had just whispered to me giggled in an extremely annoying girlish way.
'Stop that,' I thought firmly, opening my eyes.
You stop it, Raven. It was that voice again. I'm here. I'm back.
'No,' I thought. 'No, it can't be you again. I thought I was rid of you forever.'
Oh, so did I. So did I. But walls and spells can only do so much against what is meant to be.
'Meant to be?' I mouthed. I shook my head, and tried to ignore the laughter that was filling it again. I turned my attention back to the small green figure who was watching the tea kettle.
"I just have to wait for it to whistle, right?" He asked, breaking the heavy silence that had fallen over us. He turned towards me, and when his eyes locked on mine again, I felt my emotions dance in my head and my heart skip a beat.
"Yeah," I said, in a rather quick voice. He smiled, again, and walked over to where I was standing. He took hold of my arms, slightly above the elbows, and steered me over to the table.
"You sit," He said, in a mock-commanding voice. I quickly bit back a laugh.
"Aye-aye, sir," I said, saluting in the same mock formality, making him laugh.
"I never knew you had a sense of humor," He said as he went back over to the kettle.
"You'd be surprised what you can learn about someone at six in the morning," I said, which again made him laugh.
See? Now do you see why I'm back? You made him laugh. You never even try to make people happy, and you made him laugh.
"Quiet!" I said sharply, aloud this time.
"Was I thinking out loud again?" He asked, hastily turning around. "Dude, I've been doing that so much!" He slapped a hand to his forehead. I felt my cheeks burn again, but this time more from embarrassment.
"No, it was some stupid emotion," I said, then, seeing the confused look on his face, continued. "You know how I have that mirror that you met all my different sides in?" He nodded. "Well, sometimes they talk to me inside my head."
"So technically you hear voices and aren't crazy?" He asked, smiling. I allowed myself a chuckle at this comment.
"Did I just make you laugh?" He gasped. "Or was it that one emotion who laughs at anything?"
"No, that was me," I smiled.
"Dude, I made Raven laugh!" Beast Boy raised his hands as if he had won the Olympics. "Finally, after years of failed attempts, I made Raven laugh!"
See, he makes you laugh too. Now do you understand why I'm back? The voice was taunting me now. I decided to try ignoring it, but my thoughts betrayed me, as they had done so many times before.
I heard the emotion laugh.
You know it's true, Raven. You will have to accept it sooner or later.
'Never,' I argued, but this was only to scorn the emotion. I had doubt about what I had just thought.
I thanked the kettle as it began whistling shrilly. This jerked my emotion and me out of the silent battle we had been ensuing. I watched as Beast Boy poured the boiling water into two mugs; one was a simple gray color, and the other was brightly patterned and looked as if a two year old painted it.
"Do you put anything else in the tea?" He asked after pouring the water and putting the teabags in the mugs.
"I usually squeeze some lemon in it," I said, making to get up to get the lemon. He held up a hand.
"I'll do it," He said simply, and opened the fridge again. I was glad I had placed the lemon in plain sight; there was no telling what might happen if Beast Boy raided a fridge.
He took out the lemon and cut two slices. I noticed that both wedges were only slightly bigger than what I normally cut. He squeezed them both carefully into the two mugs and brought the tea over to the table.
"Thanks," I said as he placed the brightly patterned mug in front of me. I paused before picking it up and taking a sip.
"Did I do it right?" He asked as I placed the mug back down.
"Perfectly," I said, watching as his eyes lit up and he took a sip of his own creation. He nodded.
"This tea isn't half bad," He said, then, realizing how that comment could be taken, hastily added, "I mean the tea in general."
"Well, of course you did better than half bad, Beast Boy," I said, surprising even myself when I winked at him. "All right, which of you made me do that?"
Sorry. The emotion I had been arguing with earlier said, though the tone was anything but apologetic. Her voice had an almost smug emphasis.
I rolled my eyes, then looked back at Beast Boy. He looked even more confused.
"Emotions," I said simply. He nodded, but still looked rather worried. "It's creepy, I know."
"It's not that creepy," He said, but his eyes gave him away.
"Never lie to me, Beast Boy," I said, in an almost warning tone. "I always know." Then, to add a bit of humor to this serious comment, I tapped my forehead and said, "I can feel the psychic vibes of your lie," in a very mystical voice. He laughed again.
"Dude, Raven, I never knew you could be this funny."
"Like I said, six in the morning must be a very strange hour," I shrugged. "Something like the Bermuda Triangle of time."
This comment earned me another one of his smiles. His teeth gleamed in the growing light, and I couldn't help but notice the uniqueness of his smile. It wasn't the fact that he had two small fangs either, it was the way he could squeeze his face so his smile was so large. It was almost comical.
I took another sip of tea, and so did he. The tea was not as bland as when I made it, and I guessed that it was the little bit of extra lemon in each. As I drank more, I noticed there was something in the cup.
I quickly put it down.
"Is there something in this mug?" I asked.
"What?" He asked, slightly confused, then he nodded and laughed. "Oh yeah, there's a smiley face at the bottom."
"A what?" I lifted the mug up so I could see the bottom. There was indeed a bright yellow smiley face painted on it. I couldn't help but smile as I saw this. I looked over at him to see him smiling at me.
"Like the mug?" He asked, in an almost apprehensive voice.
"It's very…interesting," I said truthfully. "Why did you switch the mugs?"
"What do you mean?" He asked, almost puzzled.
"Well, you're the one with the colorful personality, and I'm just, well, gray," I said, gesturing to the mug between his hands.
"No you're not," He said, reaching over the table to take my hand. He squeezed it before continuing. "You're an amazing person, Raven. And as for the mugs, I just thought that maybe it would help us get to know one another better."
"You want to know me better?" I asked, surprised.
"Of course," He said. "Why shouldn't I?"
"I was just surprised, that's all," I shrugged, and took another sip of tea, noticing with slight disappointment that the mug was almost empty.
"Well, I already know you better," He said, winking. "I got you to laugh, and you even made me laugh. Dude, that's a big difference already." He laughed. "Remember when I told you my first joke?"
"How could I forget?" I asked. "I said you were funny, something I regret to this day." Both of us laughed at this memory.
Glad I'm back yet? The emotion asked me.
'No,' I thought sharply. 'You creeped him out, so just stop trying to help me. You'll just make it worse.'
"So, want to hear another joke?" He asked, smiling again, his small fangs reflecting even more light as the sun rose higher.
"Why not?" I asked, drinking more tea.
"Okay, why did the T-Rex cross the road?"
"Because the chicken wasn't evolved yet," I said dully.
"Oh darn it," Beast Boy said, a small frown creasing his face. "Um, how about this one: Why did –"
"Um, I think I've heard every one of your jokes, Beast Boy," I interrupted, placing my now empty cup down on the table.
"Probably," He said, shrugging.
"Well, I'm going to go meditate," I said, almost awkwardly. I picked up the cup, put it in the sink, and began to walk out of the kitchen.
"Raven?" He called after me.
"Yeah, Beast Boy?" I turned around again, to see him right behind me.
"I had a great time talking," He took my hand and kissed it. I felt my cheeks turn pink, and I hastily pulled away and continued walking.
You had a great time too. The emotion taunted.
'Yeah, no thanks to you,' I thought crossly. 'Great timing,'
Well, I had to come back sometime. The emotion argued. I rolled my eyes, and entered my room, which I had just walked by. I opened a drawer in my dresser, picked up my mirror, and looked into it.
I saw my pale face for a second before I was sucked into it. I closed my eyes and crossed my legs into my typical meditation position while traveling, and landed an inch above the rocky ground when my trip ended.
I opened my eyes, to see the light pink cloaked emotion standing jauntily in front of me. A smirk played about her lips, and one of her eyebrows was raised.
"Oh no," I breathed. I remembered this particular emotion very well.
"Oh yes," She said, in a voice so eerily different than mine yet so very similar it was creepy.
"You can't be back," I said, frowning, and putting a hand to my forehead, as if checking for a fever. "I vowed never to let you come back."
The emotion laughed. Her laugh was not as giddy as Happy's laugh, thank goodness. Her laugh had an almost flirty edge to it. A type of laugh I had only heard once before.
"Come, now, Raven, did you really think you could get rid of me because you promised yourself you would never fall in–"
"Yes," I said, closing my eyes tightly and frowning, willing the scenes that were flashing in front of my eyes to go away.
Malchior, in his paper-man form, took Raven into his arms. She felt a rush of happiness, something she had never felt before. It was the first time anyone had ever held her. His arms, though weak, held her close to his vulnerable form, so tight that she feared she would dent his hollow paper form.
"Sweet, sweet Raven," He whispered, saying her name like it was the sweetest candy. "I can tell now, that you are something special."
How I had enjoyed that feeling. I had honestly thought he had loved me, for I had certainly loved him. The same light pink emotion that was standing in front of my closed eyes now had been in my head then, egging me on. The emotion had told me what to say, how to act.
A whole other side of me had come out with that emotion taking control. And now, against my will, that side was coming out again.
I opened my eyes.
"The last time you came out, I got hurt," I said, pointing an accusing finger at the emotion, whose smug expression still lingered on her face. "How do you expect me to trust you, after all the pain you caused?"
"Now, Raven, how was I to know what he really was?" The emotion asked, shaking her head. "I only knew what you did. I felt what you felt. Just as I do now."
"No you don't," I frowned at this emotion. This was one emotion I could never deal with. Happy was annoyingly giddy all the time, Rage always tried to kill me, Knowledge kept lecturing me, and Gross stank, but I could deal with all those, no problem. But this one was different.
This one was determined.
"Raven, you might as well accept it," The emotion said in a sing-song voice. "I know just as well as you do that you love–"
"No one!" I said, yelling at the emotion now. "Just get out of my head and leave me alone!" For once, the emotion was silent.
I took advantage of this and closed my eyes. I whispered, "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," and I returned to my room. I held the mirror in both hands, and I was sitting cross-legged on my bed.
"Raven?" I heard Beast Boy knock on my door.
"Raven, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," He said, his voice muffled through the closed door. "You kinda rushed out, so I was just gonna see if anything was wrong."
I closed my eyes, willing him to go away. I wouldn't let this emotion make a fool of me again.
"Are you there?"
My eyes opened, and I slid off my bed. I opened the door to see his concerned face.
"I'm fine," I lied. "Thanks for coming to check, though."
Beast Boy smiled, but is wasn't his I-have-no-care-in-the-world smile. It was a different I'm-really-glad-you're-okay smile.
"So, I heard there's a new movie rental opening today," He said. He paused, biting his lip, before continuing. "Do you want to check it out with me?"
"Oh," I said, completely taken aback by this offer. "Um…"
'You'd better say yes,' I heard the emotion again. 'Besides, we both know that this is different than before. You've known him longer. You've trusted him longer. And, quite frankly, you've l–'
"Shut up!" I screamed. "Just get out of my head!" I slammed the door in Beast Boy's bewildered face and sank to the floor.
"I hate you," I whispered. "I hate you."
'How can you hate a part of yourself?' The emotion asked, almost tauntingly.
"Because I have for my entire life," I said, feeling unwanted tears coming down my cheeks. "You know what happened."
For once, the emotion was silent.
"Raven?" I heard Beast Boy again. "Are you sure you're all right?"
I quickly wiped the tears of my face and opened the door again.
"I'm so sorry, Beast Boy," I said, taking a deep breath. "It was that stupid emotion again. It just won't shut up."
"Dude, kind of like me!" Beast Boy said, chuckling to himself.
"No, you're a lot more considerate and polite than this one," I said, watching his eyes widen. "And I really am serious."
"Thanks," Beast Boy said, smiling. "So, do you want to come to the rental place with me?"
"Um…" I had barely uttered this simple one-syllable word when a shout came from down the hallway.
"There you are, Beast Boy!"
He turned toward the voice, and the two of us watched as the sixth member of our team came toward us, her long blonde hair flying in all directions behind her.
It was Terra. Cyborg, Robin, and I had found a way to restore her memory, and she was now back to her original rock-moving self.
"Hey, Terra!" Beast Boy said, his smile widening into his I-have-no-care-in-the-world smile as he waved.
"Guess what!" Terra said, excitement positively radiating from her as she came to a halt in front of Beast Boy, not even acknowledging my presence. "Wicked Scary Eight comes out in theaters today!" She pulled two pieces of paper out of her pocket. "I scored tickets for the twelve o'clock show!"
"Dude, that's awesome!" Beast Boy said excitedly. He shared Terra's happiness for a full minute before remembering I was standing behind him.
"But I can't go," He said, surprising both Terra and me. "I invited Raven to go to the opening of a new movie rental store with me."
"Oh," Terra said, disappointment evident on her face.
"No, go with Terra," I said, surprising all three of us. "You'll probably have more fun with her anyway." Without waiting for either of them to say anything, I backed into my room and closed the door.
'Well, that turned out badly,' the emotion said. 'You shouldn't have been so nice, especially since Terra still hates you.'
"I know," I said, turning and sinking to the ground with my back against the wall. "I don't even know why I did that."
'Stupid Generosity.' In my head, I could see the light pink cloaked emotion punch the one in the pastel green cape.
"I have to agree with you on this one," I said, shaking my head. "Sometimes having talking emotions can really suck."
'Yeah, we do kinda suck, don't we?' The emotion said, laughing.
'Especially me!' Rage growled, which, instead of startling me, made me laugh.
"You know, I think we should let Rage out next time I see Terra and blame it on me not meditating enough," I said, still laughing.
'That'd just make her hate you more.' Knowledge said in a lecture-like monotone.
"I don't really care anymore," I said, shaking my head as I pulled my knees into my chest. "I'm sick of her. I was the one that did the most to try to bring her back. Ever since she was turned to stone, I've worked harder than anyone to bring her back, even though I still hated her for what she did."
'We know,' Sympathy said soothingly.
'Just let me kill her already!' Rage screamed.
"I don't hate anyone that much, Rage," I said, closing my eyes and letting myself get lost into my mind. "Sometimes I do wish she was still stone, though."
'That would be nice,' all my emotions, except Rage, said in unison, even Kindness.
'Now you finally listen to me,' Rage said, making sense for the first time.
"Now what am I supposed to do?" I asked, burying my head into my arms. "I mean, telling him to go with Terra is as good as telling him I don't like him."
A knock broke in on my thoughts.
"Raven?"
I heard Beast Boy's voice, again. I immediately stood up and opened the door.
"Need something?" I asked, hating the way my voice sounded so short and impatient.
"Well, yes," Beast Boy said, scratching the back of his neck. "I need you to answer a question."
"All right," I said, clearing my throat and sending a warning to my emotions not to bother me. This one I would tackle on my own.
"Why'd you tell me to go with Terra?"
I'd expected this, but I had no idea how to answer this.
"Um…"
"I know you hate her," Beast Boy said. "Dude, it's so obvious. So why'd you tell me to go with her?"
"I just figured you'd have more fun," I shrugged. "I mean, I'm this dull and boring person and she's…bubbly. And I really do try not to hate her."
"Then why do you?" Beast Boy asked, choosing to ignore my first comment.
"She hates me," I sighed. "I can't even figure out why. I mean, she knows that I worked harder than anyone to try and get her back, so why does she still hate me?"
"I couldn't tell you if I wanted to," Beast Boy said, shrugging. "I'll ask her on the way to Wicked Scary." He paused, then continued, as if struck by a sudden thought. "So you don't hate me or anything? I just wanted to make sure that wasn't the reason you told me to go with Terra."
"Not a chance, Beast Boy," I said, smiling. "You're one of my best friends." Then, without any help from my emotions, I hugged him, and he hugged me back
"Which one was that?" He asked when we released each other.
"Me," I said, understanding his question completely.
"I'll miss hanging out with you today," Beast Boy said, tugging on his ear and looking at the floor.
"Me too," I said, looking at the top of his head.
"Beast Boy, there you are!" Terra's voice interrupted us again. "I made some waffles!"
"Tofu?" Beast Boy asked, looking up from the floor.
"Naturally," Terra said, shrugging as she flicked her hair behind her shoulder.
"I'd say, 'Dude, that's sweet; I'm totally eating a million,' but I'm not hungry," Beast Boy said, which took both Terra and me aback. "I had tea with Raven this morning."
"You had tea with," Terra paused, as if she couldn't bear poisoning her perfect tongue with my name, "Raven?"
"Yeah," Beast Boy said, smiling. "It was really fun."
"Whatever," Terra said, a slight frown creasing her brow. "Well, come on anyway, let's see if we can get Cyborg to eat them!"
She grabbed Beast Boy's arm and dragged him down the hall.
"I guess I'll talk to you later, Raven!" Beast Boy called as he was pulled away. "I have something I wanted to…" His voice faded away as he disappeared around a corner.
I again drew back into my room and closed the door. I walked slowly and dejectedly towards my bed, then sank down onto it, my head hitting my pillow heavily.
"What am I going to do?" I asked my ceiling.
'You're not just gonna stay here all day, that's for sure,' The emotion told me.
"Fine," I said, closing my eyes and frowning. "What do you want me to do, then?"
'Spy on them,' the emotion laughed, but it wasn't the usual flirty laugh that I normally heard. This laugh had more of an evil edge to it, almost like Rage's laugh.
"Is it worth it?" I asked.
'Everything is worth it,' the emotion said, in a tone that I knew only too well. 'Especially when it's for a person you love.'
"Shut up," I said, but I took the emotions advice and headed over to my dresser, where I pulled out a leotard. I changed quickly, then, instead of slipping my cape on over this, I opened another drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans instead.
"No crime fighting, no cape," I said, pulling the jeans on over my leotard. "It's about time I got out of its protective shell."
'Good girl,' Bravery said, clapping in my mind.
I smiled slightly, and phased through the floor, levitating inches below the ceiling of the hallway below. I floated silently to the door, and instead of opening it I hovered behind it, listening to the conversation that was going on in the next room.
"Come on, Cyborg, I was the one who made them, not Beast Boy," I heard Terra's voice, as loud and clear as if I had been standing next to her. "You don't want these waffles to go to waste, do you?"
I could see Terra and Beast Boy smiling in my mind, watching as Cyborg drew closer to the waffles, his fork poised to stab at them and take a bite.
"Blah!" I heard the tell-tale shout of disgust, which could only mean that Cyborg had taken a bit of the tofu.
"That was genius," Beast Boy said, laughing. "Cy, I can't believe you fell for that one. Dude, high five."
I heard two hands slap together, and judging by the rather muffled sound the hands made, it had been Terra and Beast Boy.
The two of them stayed in the main room for the next three hours, talking and laughing over things that to me had absolutely no comical value. I stayed hidden for all three of those long hours, wondering when they would finish their seemingly pointless conversation.
"Dude, we'd better go if we want good seats," Beast Boy said, jerking me out of a stupor.
"You're right!" Terra said, having obviously looked at a watch of some kind. I heard two pairs of footsteps leave the room, and I phased through the floor, following them through the basement.
I followed at a distance, making sure I was far enough away so that I could easily hide if they turned, but close enough so that I could hear their conversation. Terra was telling Beast Boy another pointless story, this time about a girl who always asked for purple ping pong balls.
They reached the theater in five minutes, during which Terra still had not finished her story. As they handed in their tickets and went into the theater, I levitated myself up to the roof, then phased through.
I saw the two of them stocking up on popcorn and candy, joking and laughing, then I followed on the ceiling as they entered their theater.
Terra chose their seats; one row from the back. Thanking my good fortune, I slowly lowered myself into the seat behind them.
"And then she died!" Terra said, obviously finishing her story.
"Dude, no fair!" Beast Boy said, waving his arms. "That's not a good joke!"
"I thought it was hilarious," Terra said, shrugging.
"Oh well," Beast Boy said, smiling.
"Hey Terra?" Beast Boy asked, his voice suddenly serious.
"Yeah?" She asked, her blue eyes locking onto his green ones.
"Why do you hate Raven?"
I could see from the look on Terra's face that this was not the question she had expected. I felt a jolt in my stomach as Terra began chewing on her lip, obviously trying to think up of an understandable answer.
"Because she hates me," Terra said simply, shrugging. "She always has."
"That's not true," Beast Boy said, shaking his head. "She tried harder than the rest of us to bring you back. You should have seen her. She was nothing but skin and bones for months after you were turned to stone. She must have read every single one of her books a hundred times, trying to find a way to reverse the spell."
"Really?" Terra asked, her eyes wide. "I didn't know."
"We must've told you a thousand times," Beast Boy said, almost accusingly.
"It's just that she always seemed so cold around me when I came back, almost like she expected me to betray you all again," Terra said. "But I could never do that again. You know that."
"Of course I do," Beast Boy said, tucking a lock of Terra's hair behind her ear.
"There," he said, smiling. "You look so much better with two eyes."
Terra laughed, blushing a pale pink. I watched as Beast Boy also turned a light shade of red.
'Well, this really does suck,' A new emotion, this time dressed in a poisonous green cape, spoke.
'You think I don't know that?' I silently asked this emotion, feeling my heart sink into my stomach as I watched the two of them laugh together.
'You wish it was you there,' Sympathy said sadly.
'Thanks for pointing out the obvious,' I thought sarcastically.
I closed my eyes and levitated myself out of the theater. I no longer cared to see what happened while Beast Boy and Terra watched a movie together.
'Stop,' the light-pink emotion was back.
'Don't even try it,' I thought furiously. 'I knew something like this would happen. I just knew it!'
'You need to stay,' the emotion said sternly. 'Please.'
I looked down at the theater. Terra had her head resting on Beast Boy's shoulder, and he had an arm around her.
"No," I said, this time aloud. Not caring to see if the two of them had noticed, I phased through the roof, and was soon levitating myself at top speed back to the Tower. Without even pausing, I phased through the wall of the Tower, and found myself in Terra's room.
"Why is this happening?" I asked, sinking to the floor, feeling the strange material of the jeans I never wore protest at this stretch.
'Because it is meant to be,' the pink-cloaked emotion said sadly. 'I am sorry.'
"Yeah," I agreed sarcastically. "Me too."
It was Malchior all over again. It wasn't like Beast Boy had hurt me like Malchior had done, but just seeing the two of them together had made something inside me hurt.
It was the fact that I had been hiding from ever since this emotion coming out.
"It's happening because I love Beast Boy," I whispered to the floor, blinking the furious tears out of my eyes.
I took a deep breath and wiped my face with my hands. I had better get out of Terra's room before anyone found me here.
Knowing that her room was right below mine, I phased through the ceiling, levitated myself over to my bed, and sank down on it again.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It would take a lot of courage to do what I was about to do.
I opened the drawer next to my bed and pulled out the thick book that was inside. I placed it carefully in front of me on my bed and looked at its cover for a few seconds before opening it.
"Raven," the familiar voice of a lying dragon reached my ears. "How long it has been. I thought I would never see you again."
"I know," I said, looking at the two eyes on the book. "You're the only one I can vent to."
"Well then, by all means, vent," Malchior said, and I could tell he was smiling a wicked smile.
"You're going to wish you'd never left that drawer," I said, before closing my eyes.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," I entered my mind, and gave myself over to Rage.
I heard myself screaming, yelling, and cursing at the dragon who had betrayed me. Rage was taking out all the anger and hatred I felt on Malchior. And as much as I hated to admit it, it felt good.
After a very long time, I felt Rage losing control. Muttering my mantra under my breath, I brought Rage back under control with ease. I opened my eyes, and was myself again.
The book in front of me was no more. A heap of shredded paper was lying by my knees instead. My bed had been torn to shreds where the book had been as well. I took a deep breath and encircled the remains of the book in black magic. I was about to dump the remains into the drawer again when I saw something out of the corner of my eye.
"Beast Boy," I said, so startled that my spell lost it grip on the shreds of paper and they fluttered to the floor like snow.
He was standing in my doorway, his eyes wide. His mouth was slightly open, and he looked frightened.
"Are you all right?" He asked, looking almost dazed.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused.
"You were screaming," Beast Boy said, still looking dazed. "You were yelling too. I heard you when Terra and me got back."
"It's nothing," I said, shaking my head as my cheeks turned red. "I was just getting rid of some unfinished business."
"Dude, you looked like you were losing it," Beast Boy said, walking into my room and sitting down beside me. "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"
"Yes, I'm fine," I said. "So, how was the movie?" I changed the subject, hoping that he would just let it go.
"Raven, please don't do this," Beast Boy said, his eyes full of concern. "There is something wrong, and you're not telling me."
"Please, Beast Boy," I asked, feeling tears well up in my eyes again. "Please just let me deal on my own."
"Come here," Beast Boy pulled me into a tight hug. I was taken aback, but I hugged him back, though not as tightly.
"It scared me half to death when I walked into the Tower and heard that," Beast Boy whispered into my ear. "I thought you were dying."
"Thanks for caring," I whispered back.
"How could I not, Raven?" he asked, releasing my from his embrace and drawing back so he could look me in the eye. "You're my best friend."
Someone cleared their throat in the doorway, and the two of us looked over to see Terra.
"Everything all right?" she asked, looking livid.
"I was just making sure Raven was fine," Beast Boy said, smiling at her. "Remember how–"
"It sounded like all Hell was breaking loose when we came into the Tower?" Terra asked, frowning. "How could I forget?"
"Sorry," I said quietly, feeling my already red cheeks burn even more.
"Don't worry," Terra said, her expression softening. "I'm sure you just had a stress attack or something. I would imagine something like that with your emotions."
Although she said this kindly enough, I knew it was an insult. No matter what she had told Beast Boy as excuses for why she hated me, I knew the truth. She hated me because I saw through her before and she just couldn't let that go.
"Are you sure you're all right, Raven?" Beast Boy asked, still looking concerned.
"Don't worry about me," I said, trying to smile. "So, really, how was the movie?" I moved over a bit on my bed, and gestured for Terra to come join us. I was determined to be the better person; I would stop hating her, even if she took her hatred for me to the grave.
"Dude, it was awesome!" Beast Boy said excitedly. "How long was it, two hours?"
"That's about it." Terra said, sitting down between Beast Boy and me, just as I had predicted she would.
"Two hours?" I breathed. That meant that Rage had been tearing the book apart for two hours before I had finally decided to take control again.
"You all right?" Beast Boy's now familiar sentence jerked me out of my trance-like state.
"Yeah, I was just thinking," I said quickly.
Beast Boy shook his head and smiled while Terra scowled at me. I tried to smile at them, but the look on Terra's face kept me from doing so.
"Want to make some lunch?" Beast Boy asked, looking at me. "All you've had today was tea, unless you ate while we were at the movies."
"Just the tea," I said, shrugging, "but I'm not really hungry."
This was true. After letting Rage control me, I needed a good long meditation more than I needed food.
"Come on," Terra grabbed Beast Boy's arm and pulled him toward the door. "You can teach me how to make tofu burgers the way you do."
"You sure you're not hungry?" Beast Boy asked as he was pulled out the door.
"I'm fine," I said quietly, sure that he hadn't heard. Terra had already pulled him out of my room by the time I had spoken.
"Why does this always happen?" I asked the wall as I fell backward on my bed, misjudging the distance and hitting my head hard on the headboard. A loud crack was heard, and I sat bolt upright, rubbing the back of my head.
'Because she's evil,' Rage whispered in my head. 'You let me out on the other person who betrayed you. Let me out on her.'
"No, Rage," I said, still rubbing my head. "Malchior was the one and only exception to your permanent imprisonment."
I heard Rage swear, and felt my cheeks grow warm, even though no one heard it but me and my emotions.
"Cut that out," I said, and silently muttered my mantra, pushing Rage farther into the back of my head.
'Raven…' I heard the voice and immediately reacted, not caring what this emotion was about to say.
"Get out!" I screamed, not caring if Beast Boy and Terra heard me. "It's thanks to you that everything that happened today happened, so just get out of my head!"
'Just go downstairs and join them for lunch,' the emotion persisted. 'Maybe Terra will finally accept you if you act more sociable.'
"Make me one promise first," I said between my teeth. "If a single bad thing happens, you have to leave me alone forever."
'You do know that I will still exist,' the emotion seemed to be trying to get out of my terms. 'You'll still feel love, even if you never see me again.'
"Whatever," I said, throwing my hands in the air in exasperation. "I just don't want you talking anymore!"
'All right,' the emotion said, 'deal.'
"Here goes nothing," I said, taking a deep breath and walking out of my room rather than phasing.
I knew that I would regret going downstairs as soon as I stood outside the closed door of the main room. I could not hear the two of them talking, which would have been the case if Beast Boy was actually teaching Terra to make tofu burgers.
The door opened, and I took a step into the room.
The regret I had felt outside the door multiplied as soon as I saw the two of them. They were both standing next to the table, kissing.
Terra was holding Beast Boy close to her, and her eyes were closed. Beast Boy, however, had his eyes open. He looked like he was in shock.
Turning from the room, I ran out as fast as I could, momentarily forgetting that I could simply go through the ceiling and end up in my room. I ran all the way to my room, and sank onto my bed, feeling unwanted tears running down my face.
It was true, I had expected this to happen, but the actual thing was a lot different than the torture of anticipation. This type of scene had flashed in my mind every time I had thought about the two of them, but it still was nothing compared to seeing it in real life.
'Raven, please…' The emotion was back.
"Shut up," I said coldly. "You promised."
'I'm sorry,' the emotion said simply, and I felt it slide back into the back of my mind which, to me, was where it belonged.
I wiped away my tears, knowing that even with this effort my cheeks would soon be tearstained. Then there would be no way to hide the fact that I had been crying.
"Not like anyone would want to come up and see me," I said bitterly. "Beast Boy was the only one who ever did, and now he'll have Terra."