Chibi Mania
Tropical Flower Shorts
By DaeMon
(This is a collection of
short stories I've heard, then I've mutated *no pun intended*
them into X Men: Evo fics. Lots of Kitty bashing and a bit of
Wolverine.~D)
(Disclaimer: Just look at
the word. It exlains itself, ne?)
Being Late To School Has Its Good Points!
Kurt was running late- again. He ran down the
streets, burger in mouth. He brushed past people, mumbling things
like 'Excuse me' and 'Pardon me'. Yet, no one actually understood
what the hell he was saying becuase of the burger in his mouth.
The mutant ducked into the shadows of a nearby
building and looked left, right then left again to make sure no
one was looking. He teleported to the school grounds, under a
large oak tree. Kurt peaked out from behind the tree, to make
sure no one had seen him teleport. He looked down at his watch,
if he sprinted, he would only be five minutes late.
Just as he was about start running, the School
exploded. Kurt blinked as the flames raged infront of him.
"And they yell at me for being late!"
He sighed, then sat down to eat his burger.
(This story is based *loosely* on an Urban Legend about all
the people who where supposed to be at a church to sing
showing up late and finding the church on fire.)
Banana Peels Are Deadly- In
Wolverine's Case, Anyway
Wolverine pushed Sabertooth off the edge
of the clif and watched as his adversary fell screaming with rage
to his death. He gave a ruff grunt and turned to return to the
mansion. About a half hour later as he was climbing up the long
staircase he spotted Kurt.
Logan's first impression of the elf boy
was that he looked like a monkey. Kurt was crouched on the
banistar eating a banana. It was obvious that he had eaten quiet
a few, for banana peels littered the stairs around the top.
Unfortunetly, Wolverine neglected to
notice this.
As he placed his foot on the top step,
he slipped on a banana peel and tumbled down the long staircase.
When he reached the bottom, Logan felt a sense of floating. He
looked up at Kurt, ready to beat the snot of the elf, when he
realized something. Kurt was staring at him horrified, then fell
backwards off the banistar and out of sight.
Wolverine looked down to see his body.
Dead. "I SURVIVE MY LIFE AS AN X MEN, BEING CONSTANTLY
STALKED BY SABERTOOTH, BEEN IN SO MANY CLOSE SHAVES THAT I CAN'T
REMEBER THEM ALL AND I DIE BECUASE OF A FUCKING BANANA
PEEL?"
Wolverine's ghost scoffed and flew away.
Old Men And Speedy Little Jerks
Professor Xavier was about to pull into a parking space when
Quicksilver came speeding along and zoomed his car into the
space. "I'm younger and faster, gramps!" Quicksilver
said, laughing as he got out of his car.
It was Christmas time and the Professor was going Christmas
shopping for the other mutants. That had been the last parking
spot open. The Professor looked at the laughing Quicksilver and
then rammed his car into Quicksilver's.
"I'm older and better insured, kid." He said, then
drove away.
Time's Up!
Kurt was in a very large auditorium class, taking a timed
test. When the teacher called "Time!" Kurt did not stop
working. When he was done, he went to turn it in and the teacher
said, "No need to turn it in, you've already failed."
"Do you know who I am?" Kurt asked, angrily.
"No." The teacher replied.
With that, Kurt shoved the test into the middle of the pile
and said, "Goott."
The Exploding Toliet
Wolverine was out working on his motocycle while Jean was in
the kitchen making pancakes. Suddenly, the motorcycle kicked into
reverse and he, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged
through the patio doors and dumped onto the floor.
Jean, hearing the crash went to see what it was and found him.
She immediatly called an ambulance who came and picked him up. As
she watched him go, she noticed that gasoline had spilled all
over the floor. Sighing, she grabbed a washcloth and set to work
wiping it all up.
When it was all clean, she pushed the motorcycle back outside
and decided to throw the washcloth in the toliet. There had been
some bugs living in one of the toliets and she figured the fumes
from the gasoline would kill them off.
A few days later, Wolverine came back to the mansion all fixed
up. He went to the bathroom and sat down on the toliet. He lit a
ciggarette and puffed it a few times before throwing it too into
the toliet.
A loud boom made Jean run to the bathroom. When she saw
Wolverine, she ran and called an ambulance (again). It was the
same team as last time. As they where walking down the steps,
Jean told them what happened and they began to laugh so hard that
they let go of the stretcher and Wolverine fell down the stairs,
breaking his ankle.
Get Outta My Car!
As Kitty was walking out of the mall,
she spotted six guys in her car. She wipped out her gun and
pointed it at them, "Get out! I have a gun and I'm like,
prepared to use it!" The six guys ran out of the car and
down the road.
Kitty smiled satisfied to herself and
climbed into the car. When she tried to put the key in, she found
it didn't work. Oops, wrong car. She decided to take the car to
the police station to report what happened.
When she told the police what happened,
they burst out laughing. The police officer pointed to six
terrified looking young men. They had just reported being
hijacked by a teenage girl.
You've Got Mail
Kurt and Evan where playing catch out in
the front of the mansion when they noticed Kitty come out and
look into the mailbox. She then closed it, and walked back
inside. The two coninuted to play when Kitty came out five
minutes later. She looked into the mail box and then went back
inside.
This continued for another half an hour
until Evan finally asked, "Kitty! What are you doing?"
Kitty looked up from the mailbox and
said, "The computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail!'."
The Mirror of Truth
Three girls walked into a bathroom,
there names where Jean, Rouge and Kitty. As they entered, an old
gypsy woman said to them, "Try our new feature, 'The Truth
Mirror'! Say something true and you will be greatly rewareded,
say something false and something horrible will happen to
you!"
So the girls decided to try it out.
First up was Jean, "I think I'm the smartest of us
all." She said, and insantly got a brand new sports car.
Next was Rouge, "I think I'm the
most evil one of us all." Suddenly, she got a bag with a
million dollars in it.
Finally, it was Kitty's turn, "I
think-" and she was immediatly sucked into the mirror.
On The Run
Kurt, Kitty and Scott where on the run
from some mutant chasers. They soon saw a barn and ran into it.
Looking around, they found the only place to hide was three
burlap sacks. When their pursurers entered, they kicked the first
sack. "Meow!" Kurt said.
"It's just a cat." The chaser
said. Next they went onto the sack that Scott was in and they
kicked it.
"Woof!" Scott said.
"It's just a dog." The chaser
said. Then they went onto the sack that Kitty was in and they
kicked it.
Silence.
They kicked it again.
Silence.
Finally, the kicked it one more time.
Kitty yelled, "Potatoes!"
The Note
Scott returned from shopping with Jean (he was forced) to find
his car had been tottaled. He dropped the bags he was carrying
for Jean (who was still in the mall) and his mouth hung open. He
sighed with relief as he saw the note attached to the windshield.
His eyes bugged out (once again) as he read the note:
"THE PEOPLE STANDING AROUND THINK I'M PUTTING DOWN MY NAME,
PHONE NUMBER AND ADRESS BUT I'M NOT!"
Drunk Wolverine
One night, Logan was drunk and driving his car so a policeman
pulled him over. As he was trying to walk the straight
line, a crash was heard from nearby. The policeman told Logan to
stay put while he checked it out.
Well, after ten minutes, Logan decided that it was stupid to
keep waiting so he drove back to the mansion.
The next day, the police officer showed up at his house. Logan
insisted that he 'had been home all night'. The police officer
asked him to open the garage. Logan complied, wondering what the
policeman was hoping to find.
Inside the garage was the police patrol car.
Deadly Gas
"You're probably wondering vhy
Wolverine is dead, right?" Kurt said to Storm and the
Professor. The two had just returned to the mansion after a
misson. They had left the kids all in the care of Wolverine, who
when they returned had found dead. "Vell, as you know, his
diet mainly consisted of baked beans and cabbage, ja? He must
'ave eaten too many becuase ve found him dead in his room. He
died from inhaling ze poisionus cloud of gas above his head. If
he had been outside, it would not have been fatal, but seeing as
his room is almost airtight, ze gas had no place to go."
The Professor and Storm stared at him.
Finally, Storm cleared her throat, "So why are Kitty and
Evan in the hospital under critical condidtion?"
"Vhen we were trying to rescue
Logan, they inhaled too much of ze gas."
Tire Test
Scott, Jean and Rogue all missed an exam
they had together, each for their own reasons. Together they
decided they would tell the teacher that they had a flat tire.
So, when it was time for the make-up tests, they opened the
booklets and their was only one question: "Which tire?"
Why?
A philosophy teacher gave an exam with
only one question: "Why?" and the only person to pass
was Kurt Wagner with the answer of "Because."
Anything At All
One of Evan's teacher's announced that
their test would be open book and that they could use anything
they could carry on the test. The next day, the teacher saw Evan
walk in with the Professor straped to his back.
C to A
Todd was doing his homework when a peice
of paper fell out. He picked it up and looked it over. It was a
many several-year old copy of the paper he was supposed to write.
He copied it and turned it in. Several weeks later he got an A on
it and a note attached to it from the teacher: "When I
turned this in, I only got a C, but I thought it deserved much
better."
END?
So, how'd ya like 'em? Should I post more? Did
you think these where funny? Should I post something like this,
only make them all freaky urban legends? Come on! Tell me! I live
off of reviews... reviews keep me alive ... *gives the puppy dog
eyes to everyone* ~DaeMon
