Here I go again with another xadowangel story! I really want you all to read them! They're awesome 3 But please leave a comment! We'd love to know what you think! But.. Here goeees the story! Enjoy ~

xadowangel A/N: Something I ended up writing while I was studying for my class test lol. Before you read, the whole story is in Aoi's PV, he's recalling the memories as his plane is about to crash. The memories are random events, without any chronological order. And the last bit is happening when he's safely off the plane so it's in present tense. Don't mix it up, ne? ^_^

Levitation
They say you can see your whole life in a flash before you die. I never knew, because I never died before. It is very possible that this minute is the final minute of my life. But why is it only you I can see in my mind?

Now that I look back, with my life at the edge, watching as the left wing of the plane catches fire, I wonder what I have done wrong. The tropical thunderstorm toys with the aircraft with unnatural energy, each new vibration announcing that this might be my last breath. My showcase in Paris, all the fame and everything that a successful designer could want, what was the worth of it all? I wonder, if I had another chance, would I have treated you better? Had I been given another chance, baby, I'd never have let you go. To me, you were not just a doll, you were more alive than any human being. To me, you were the elixir of life. You taught me to live again, and yet I was coward enough to lose you.

All these times, when I used to think that I was holding onto you, I didn't know I was actually grasping nothing but space- void. You were always a step ahead of me, never letting me touch you, and here I thought I had you.

I never deserved you. I should have known that from the start, and there I was pulling you down, down...down until you couldn't breathe anymore. I should have known that you deserved more than that.

What should I call it? Karma? Kismet? Luck? Fate?

Or was it nothing but a coincidence?

Maybe, maybe not.

There was no reason for my brand new Ferrari to break down at the middle of the busy street, there was no reason for the battery of my cellphone to die simultaneously. There was no reason for me to grab my daughter's hands and head to the nearest phone booth to call my office to send me another car. There was no reason for me to keep Minnie waiting outside the small glass cubicle knowing full well that she's a restless and playful child. There was no reason for that red ball to fall off her tiny hands and roll away from her reach...

When I saw her running after the ball through the zooming mess of cars, I was too late.

I tried to run after her, but someone grabbed me by my arms. Telling me to calm down because Minnie was safe.

I saw you swathing her tiny body against your own, the vehicles screeching to a stop around you. Your book bag had fallen and the contents scattered all over the rough asphalt, a purple pencil rolling and rolling and rolling until it disappeared through a tiny opening in the sewer. I stood there, my body feeling numb, almost overwhelmed by the thought that I was about to lose my only child. But I also couldn't ignore the looks on your faces. Minnie's face streaked with translucent trails of tears as she grabbed your white uniform shirt, a look of relief on her face and imperturbable trust on you. But you, I saw you raise your head that was ducked inside Minnie's hair, I guess you could feel that the world had stopped around you and realized you weren't dead. I saw fear in your eyes. I saw you hold my daughter's tiny boy even tighter and I saw her press her face against your neck as if she'd entrusted her whole self to you.
You were praised by all the people who had been the witness of it all, with your fragile body wrapped in a warm drape some elderly woman had laid on you lovingly. I saw your beautiful eyes brimmed with tears as if you were about to cry. I didn't know what to say. Then I knew that you were not the kind of person who was supposed to play the hero, but you had a heart so big that you had risked your own life for my girl, not even knowing what you've done for a worthless father like me.

I had a glimpse of the nametag on your uniform shirt, Takashima. I knew that uniform so well that I didn't even feel the need to ask you anymore. I had known your name and where you study. I could have talked to you, I could have taken you home and treated you. I could have done a millions of things, but I was a coward. I felt so worthless, my existence so imbecile before yours, I couldn't form the right words to talk to you. Before I knew, me and Minnie were dragged inside the luxury Limo I hadn't noticed arriving, my PA bombarding me with questions I didn't want to answer and Minnie looking outside the tinted glass to take a last glimpse at you. She loved you instantly, I could see that.

My love, what would you call it again? Fate or coincidence that you passed by my studio and it happened to be the same time I was exiting? You had me frozen on my tracks as you tucked a few loose strands of your gold shaded hair behind your ear, grabbed the strap of your bag and tugged at it. The evening breeze played hide and seek between the luscious locks and I don't know why I wanted to run my fingers through them.

I noticed that you had this tendency to hide yourself from the rest of the world.

"Takashima, is it?" I asked, breathless as I stood before you, effectively blocking your way. You staggered on your steps, taking a few back and almost stumbling. Baby, I wanted to hold you then. Now that I look back, I wanted to do so many things to you, but couldn't.

You looked up, your topaz eyes wide and curious, fearful and cautious, calculating even. So many emotions flickered inside those tiny orbs, but I felt myself drowning in them. I saw your hand grabbing the strap of your bag so hard that your knuckles turned white. A large package in your other hand threatened to fall but you pulled it back up with some difficulty. Your uniform shirt hanging loosely off your small shoulders, even in the most mundane clothing of a white shirt and blue slacks, you looked nothing like an earthly creature. You'd be surprised to know how meticulously I observed you. To me, you're like an endless mystery, even today. I never felt tired of trying to discover you, exploring you had been a game. It's almost like a treasure hunt, searching under layers under layers of clues and codes, but you never gave me the satisfaction of having my hands on the treasure chest, you've hidden it inside of you, somewhere so deep I could never reach.

Maybe I should have searched harder, maybe I should have done more.

"Let me go, please. I can't do this anymore!" You whispered, your voice was so broken, so agonized, you've left me speechless. What have I done wrong baby?

Your eyes spoke volumes, things that you never uttered, you expressed through your eyes. But you'd learnt to hide those emotions as well. You've learnt to appear emotionless and black when your heart was shattered by raging storms. For a boy like you, that's quite an accomplishment.

I had taken you for coffee that day. You tried to protest, I never listened. Or was it because it was me? I'd seen you turn down so many people, your friends, your family even. But you never went against me. You never tried to defy me. Maybe you protested, but never denied.

"Stop it," You giggled, "Stop you old man! Or I'd scream rape..." You laughed breathily, as I straddled your hips, my fingers crawling under your oversized t-shirt, feeling your baby soft skin quiver under my touch. I should have been able to look past that laughter, I should have been able to decipher the real meaning of those playful words. I raped you didn't I? I hurt you, I'd taken advantage of you, all because you never could look into my eyes and say 'no'. Was I that obvious that I was drugged by your touch, your aroma, your body? Was I that obvious that I'd take you anyway no matter what? Is that why you kept pretending? Is that why you pretended to enjoy that? Why did you have to make me live in a world of illusion where you and me where the happiest people on Earth, when you were only decaying inside?

I craved you, I wanted more of you. I was the happiest person when I noticed you trudge back the same path by my studio. You had another package in your arms, wrapped in brown paper. You had your head lowered this time, and from behind the tinted glass of the exit door, I could see you snap your head sideways, as if expecting some hooligan to grab you and take your precious package away. I should have known that you were desperately trying to hide from me.

I'd grabbed your arms and taken you inside my studio that day.

"Aren't you having a house party this weekend?" I asked playfully, perched on top of my desk as you sat on the leather armchair, my chair. Your eyes had widened as you came to know that you were having coffee with the Shiroyama Yuu, the owner and designer of the Tsubasa clothing line. I told you about some of my regular customers, spoiled rich kids from your school who had been preparing for the party and knocking on my door for exclusive outfits. And when you came to know that I knew kids like Matsumoto and Kazamasa, I saw your face pale.

"You don't like them?" I asked, curious. You went to the most expensive school in the whole region, and yet you lacked the confidence.

"No," You whispered, "It's...They...I guess they don't like me..."

I didn't push on the matter and something, maybe intuition, or just hope, told me that I'd have plenty of time to make you talk about your life.

"I guess, you're not prepared properly to attend the party." and with that said I'd taken you back to the central lounge, where all my most precious designs were displayed. It still makes me laugh when I remember how I had to take off your shirt to make you try those clothes.

"Look," You looked into my eyes, and for the first time, I saw them sharp, demanding and aflame, "If you're doing this to repay me for that day, you really don't have to."

I was taken aback at the accusation. I wouldn't believe that you could talk with your voice raised, but then I didn't miss the beautiful person inside of you who hated being pitied. And trust me, I wasn't pitying you.

"Takashima kun," I sighed, as I looked at your face, "How much do you think my daughter's life is worth?"

You never answered.

"Look, kid, what you did that day, there is no way on earth I can repay you for that. I'm not even trying to. I'm just trying to show you that I'm grateful, that I appreciate what you've done. Just don't take that chance away from me okay?"

You looked ethereal in that white sleeveless shirt, black vest and obscenely ripped jeans with black and red high tops, studded belts and bracelets. That was the first time I'd seen so much of your skin. Your beautiful, pale arms, the luster of your exposed chest and the tantalizing skin of your thighs, all topped by the violent shade of crimson that adored your cheeks as you scrutinized yourself in the full length mirror.
I held your chin between my fingers. You were an irresistible sight. I couldn't stop myself. I tucked your hair behind your ears, purposefully touching the pale pale skin of your cheek, feeling you shudder under my touch. I was afraid that you'd pull back, that you'd run away, but I was so grateful to the heavens that you didn't. You later told me that you were hypnotized.

That could have been our first kiss if Minnie hadn't suddenly barged in. I'd almost forgotten that it was the day of the week when the two of us went out for the evening, I'd never missed it since Minnie's mother had died, but you managed to distract me. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I kind of enjoyed it.
The moment Minnie saw you, she came running, jumping in your arms immediately. The way she clung to you was like she'd known you for ages. You seemed equally happy to see her as you lifted her off the ground, the fact that you didn't even know each other's names didn't seem to be a bother.

"Minako Shiromama," My four year old girl had supplied with a serious face, she couldn't pronounce Shiroyama yet, "but daddy calls me Minnie. You can call me Minnie too!". I was amazed to see how she had taken you to be one of her closest people already, only after a few minutes encounter weeks ago.

"Kouyou Takashima." You replied, "You can call me Kou if you want, Minnie-chan." You ended rather shyly as you noticed me staring down at the two of you and that's the first time I got to know your first name. A name so pretty, and as I tried to recall it in my mind, I could feel the syllables roll off my tongue, drip into my heart like a healing potion. The emptiness that clouded my heart after my wife's death slowly dissipating already.

Minnie had proposed that we go back home and play something together since she had a new playmate she didn't want to lose. To my surprised you agreed to her request, perhaps you couldn't let her down either. I don't know how you're living without your precious Minnie chan now.

I never expected you to pound on my door at the dead of the night that day. The sound of your fist on my wooden door came as a blow in my heart. Something told me that it could be you.

I wished I weren't right, I wish that it weren't you. Because I didn't want to see what I saw. Your disheveled hair, your makeup and eyeliner smudged along your soft cheeks, your face flushed and your lips a terrible shade of red. Your eyes were puffy and swollen, your cheeks wet with the tears that you'd just shed. You'd come from the party, I could tell. You were wearing the same outfit I'd chosen for you only days ago.

"What happened?" I asked.

You only shook your head, lowering your head to let you honey shaded tresses to cover your face. Your body was convulsing, but I wasn't sure if I was allowed to touch you. Wrapping your arms protecitvely around your frail body, you softly asked, "Can I come in?"

I wouldn't forget the way you looked into that cup of coffee as you said, "They...They locked me inside the empty classroom. They tried to...told me that I deserve to be used...Like a thing..."

I shouldn't have chosen those clothes for you, clothes that only attracted unwanted attention.

I didn't want to hear the rest of the story. I didn't understand how it was possible for someone so young, so fragile like you to carry so much burden on your shoulder. My intuition told me that you were an easy target at your school. You were special, you were an amazing creature and that's the only reason the other kids didn't like you. You were like a threat to them, with everything that you were, your beauty that was so gorgeously natural, the angelic smile you gifted me with on rare occasions, your grace and your patience- and the only way they resorted to make you go down was by harassing you, hurting you. I could see the pain in your eyes, my love. You were so small, but you carried the weight of the world, and to me that seemed like a miracle.

You must have come to me that night in a futile hope that I'd lift that weight off you, maybe I would be able to help you. But I only added to the burden didn't I? Even though I'd never let you leave my penthouse since then, you could never call it a home.

"What do you want from me?" You'd asked me, in a broken voice, your body damp and hot against my heaving chest. I didn't know how to answer that question. I already had everything a man could ever want. I had money, fame. I had the love of a wife, the woman I couldn't keep with myself. A daughter who meant the world to me. And then I had you, your unconditional love. Maybe I didn't deserve so much love.

I can still smell you in the layers of my satin sheets, the folds of my clothes you used to carelessly drape on your body, the creases of the books you've loved so much to read. I remember the light in your eyes when I showed you my personal library. You found the Murasaki Shikibu book, and with a gasp you pulled it out of the shelf, your dainty fingers tracing the spine of the book lovingly. As you silently asked if you could borrow it, you cradled the object carefully against your chest as if it was some treasured item you were vowed to protect.

You were a sacred being, a symbol of purity. And that's the only reason I couldn't stand the bruises that adorned your skin when you returned from school. Everyday the numbers increased, so did the depths of the cuts. Your lips split, bite marks on your neck, your skin scratched, your eyes, however, they were hardly ever wet. They would be red, puffy, but never wet. I begged you it was okay to cry, it was okay to let it all out. You never listened.

But that night, maybe that night you were just too tired of it all. I don't blame you baby. You were still so young, so pretty. You weren't supposed to go through any of it.

"I have nobody to love me." You whispered out, as I caught you crying silently. If I didn't catch the glimmer of tears on your skin, I'd never have known that you were crying.

I held you against my chest. You didn't protest as I lead you into my bedroom and settled you against my body. I held you the whole night, strangling my fingers through those silken locks of hair I was so infatuated with. You didn't talk, you didn't even cry anymore. But hours later, your head softly dropped on my shoulder, your warm, steady breath ghosted on my neck causing a pleasant shiver to run down my spine. I was almost disgusted with myself. You were more than a decade younger than me, I shouldn't have had those feelings for you. I knew you were entrusting yourself to me...but what could I do Kouyou?
I loved the way you tried to fulfill your mother's dreams. I adored the way you tried till the very end. Your story surprised me, awed me. But then you admitted that you didn't want the scholarship in the fucked up school in the first place. It took a long time to open up to me, to tell me the way they hurt you. Stupid kids. I wanted to strangle them to death, but then you begged me to let it all go...that you felt like a human being when I tended to your wounds, that you felt loved, and you were happy to go through all the hurt and abuse just so you could feel someone's presence around you, to protect you. I wish I could love you more, sweetheart. I wish I could let you know that you were more than loved, that you were my life. That without you, I had no existence anymore. But I was afraid you'd freak out. Who wouldn't? You were still a child, a baby. And me, a proud father of a four year old girl.

I should have known that you would look for someone more like you, someone who could give you happiness. I should have let you go when you found him.
I asked if you had plans that night, because you looked absolutely stunning. Your hair styled and straightened, you even wore makeup. I was so used to have to dress up for my eyes, I couldn't comprehend that you could do it for someone else too. I should have known better.

"I'm going out with Akira tonight. There's a concert." You said with a smile, and then added shyly, "Akira got the tickets. It was a surprise."

"Is it a date?" I don't know why I asked that. Since you lived with me, you were my responsibility. And most importantly, I didn't really trust the kids from your school. They hurt you, and I couldn't believe you were going out with one of them. You promptly denied that it was a date, and when I tried to force it out of you, you told me Akira was a childhood friend.

I don't know what had gotten into me, but I found myself in the almost empty parking lot of the concert venue. It was over a long time ago, and when I had given up hope, I see you making it out of the hall with another blond boy beside you. For the first time, I saw you smile without any hesitation. As if it was something natural about you, and trust me it was. My world crumbled into pieces as he turned you around all of a sudden, grasping your shoulders and steadying you before him. I saw him move to make the inevitable kiss, but then you squirmed out of his grip. Even so, even from the distance I could see that you wanted it, you wanted him to capture you and kiss those plush lips of yours. I almost lost myself back then when he grabbed you again and forced himself on you. You were stiff, unresponsive at first, but then within seconds you simply melted inside of him, your body molding against him perfectly as you wound your lithe arms around his neck.

Time had frozen around me, I was witnessing my own nightmare. I never knew that you were capable of hurting me, but you did. I would have gotten out of the car and beat the shit out of that guy, but then you seemed so content when he let go of you, holding you by your waist. You turned your head away from his stare, and then you noticed my car. I saw your pretty aureate eyes widen in shock and horror and shame as you clasped your hands against your chest. I hoped that you'd come back to me, running into my arms, saying sorry and I would have forgotten everything.

But you didn't. You stood there, still and frozen until you regained your senses and ran away. I was sure I saw glimpses of wetness on your cheeks before you disappeared. The other guy tried to follow you, but I'm so sorry baby, I didn't let him. Maybe I should have let him go and hold you back, to tell you that everything was okay. But instead, I beat him, beat him until all my frustrations were vent out, and then left him bleeding on the asphalt.

I drove all through the silence of the night, smoking as wild wind ruffled my hair, hit my cheeks and eyelids. But I couldn't stop anymore. I didn't know what time it was, I didn't even know where I was, but then I found myself facing your curled up form on the living room couch, a blanket wrapped tightly around your frail body. There was something so painful, so agonizing about the way you looked at me. I wanted to hold you and tell you that it was okay, but I was so furious, so so furious...

"Why did you hurt him?" Your voice cracked, your face tear stained. I wasn't ready to answer you. I just wanted to make you mine, to make sure that you'd always be there with me. It didn't matter to me that you were here when you should have been with Akira, I even forgot to be grateful.

Delirium? Yeah maybe, or why would I push you forcefully into the couch despite the way your face contorted in fear and agony? I don't know...But I can tell you this, baby, the first time my lips touched yours, no matter how wrong that was, I was in bliss. Only you could make me feel that way. I don't know how I had managed to ignore your pained whimpers and soft pleadings to let go.

I only remember my wet, sloppy lips attacking yours soft, plush ones, biting harder and harder until you bled, until your eyes screwed shut and you stopped moving altogether, giving up fighting. I could taste the salt from your tears, the copper from your blood and the sweetness of cherry that always wafted off of you. It was hypnotizing, your taste, I couldn't get enough of that. I'd pushed your thighs apart, settling between them as you begged me to let go. I'd thrown that blanket away, ripped that troublesome shirt open and bit down under your jaw. God, you looked so beautiful like that, a perfect picture of pain and sorrow carved underneath my own fingertips. I felt proud.

"Stop! Please stop!"

I should have stopped way before that. Because when I felt you freeze under my hands and your eyes widening in shock, I had to follow your gaze and Minnie's surprised face greeted me from the doorway. She burst into tears as she screamed out.

"Daddy! Why are you hurting Kou-chan?"

I felt like filth, like the most disgusting creature that had ever walked on the surface of this earth. I hastily scramble off your shivering body, half naked and glistening in the pale light. I felt like the spectator of a movie I wasn't a part of as I saw Minnie run towards you and throw her tiny arms around your marred neck that had just been the subject of my abuse.

"Don't look, Minnie, please don't look..." You whimpered, but you held onto her small frame even tighter as if she was the only thing that was keeping you together. I left you two just like that, because I didn't have the courage to face you anymore. Next morning, you found you both, on the same spot, fast asleep in each other's arms, both of your faces adorned by dried trails of tears.

I should have known that you had no reason to be with me the way I wanted you to be. You were young and you had your whole life ahead of you. You'd have sought someone like Akira, but I just couldn't let you go.

"Let me love you, be mine! Please!" I begged you on my knees as you cried silently. I thought I was helping you, that I was making you happier. But I was hurting you more and more wasn't I? The cacophony of my daily life almost became unbearable because you wouldn't look into my eyes, because you wouldn't fucking talk to me even.

The first word you said to me after weeks was, "Okay."

"Are you busy?" You asked in a sing song voice, Minako beside you with a meaningful smile. You two had something planned for me, and I was sure it would be something mischievous, something naughty. Before I knew, I was covered in strawberry flavored snow foam. It took me a lot of time and brainwork to realize that it was me who was the object of the celebration. That was the best birthday party ever.

"Ready for your gift?" You asked sweetly as I blew the candle on the homemade chocolate cake, messily covered by vanilla icing and a lot of cherries scattered on top of it. I quirked my brows, and then you were sitting on my lap, unabashed by the fact that Minnie was there. Maybe the fact that she was busy licking the icing out of her tiny fingers gave you the confidence? The softness of your thighs, the feeling of your fingers trudging in my hair and tangling around them caused goosebumps of pleasure erupt on my skin. And then you were leaning closer...closer until our lips met.

First time ever you kissed me willingly, and I wished for time to stop right there.

Every creak of the floorboards, every soft flutter of the curtains call your name around me. I try to forget you, to let go of it all. All the guilt, the remorse. Everything I did to you. But I can't. No matter how I try, I see you everywhere. Between my fingers, in that coffee cup, the flame of the rose scented candles I bought for our first anniversary. Minnie's searching eyes as she still looks for her 'Kou-chan', her colorful ribbons you used to tie her hair up with. The books with their pages folded up at the corners as makeshift bookmarks.

"Do you think, Hiromi-san will be disappointed...about us?" You asked, touching the only photo of my dear wife I only bring out of my drawer on the day of her death anniversary.

"No," I was sure of what I was about to say, "She'd want me to be happy. She'd want Minnie to be happy. I'm sure she loves you by now, as much as I do."

Even that single photo seems to mock me today. I was wrong, you never loved me. I kept you against your wish, and even if you forgave me, I knew Minnie and Hiromi never will.

Your soft gasps as I tugged at your shoulder long honey blond hair with my fingers knotted between them. I loved the erotic sounds you made on the bed. I loved the way your body responded to my touches, every caress that elicited heated moans to escape your pretty lips. You are beautiful, and I hope you know that.

The walls speak of your laughter as I picked you up from the floor and carried you on my shoulder only to dump you on our bed. Your mischievous smile as you ran your hands suggestively over your chest, parting your lips seductively as if I wasn't already seduced enough. Your bedroom eyes that spoke so much I couldn't even keep staring into them, afraid I'd get lost.

And the way you turned into a purring little kitten when I touched you in all the right places. All the right and wrong places.

"Shh..." I had to croon at you, to make you relax every time we had sex. "Love you." I had to whisper into your ears just so you could concentrate on my voice rather than on my body moving inside of you. You were so susceptible to physical pleasure you got overwhelmed by it all. For someone so young like you, it's only normal. So I'd learnt to make you relax, to make your body used to my ministrations. Because no matter what, I loved to make you go insane in pleasure.

"Stop! Too much..." You groaned out, our back arching off the sheets so gorgeously, your hair sticking to your neck and exposed chest. The crimson tint had made it past your cheeks and neck and spread on your chest, your whole body a beautiful artwork, a supreme delicacy. I wanted to look at your pleasure flushed face and your quivering lips forever. Your strangled whimper a music in my ears. Your blunt fingernails drew masterpiece on the skin of my naked back and arms, faint red lines and raised flesh. I loved the stinging pain.

I loved when you pressed yourself against me, asking for more. The feeling of my teeth sinking into the beautiful skin of yours. Marks that I'd created to show the world that you belonged to me, marks that were made repeatedly. Your soft sighs.

The way you called my name, tears escaping the corner of your eyes, your thighs clenching around my waist.

"Let go of me, Yuu. I can't do this anymore! I want my life back. I don't want you to ruin me anymore, I wanna go back!"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," You shook your head, "Don't ever think that! It's just that...I...I can't keep up with you anymore. I mean, I want to have a normal life, Yuu. Some friends, parties, homeworks, dreams to thrive for. With you, with you I feel like a doll. Like you're dressing me up, feeding me, giving me everything I need just so you can keep me. I tried Yuu, I really tried. I can't do this anymore!"

Memories.

Fucking memories.

I can hear the passengers praying, soft murmurs in voices broken by the fear of losing their lives. For some reason, I don't feel so scared anymore. The world shakes around me, and sitting in the business class of the Boeing all I can see is your face, and Minnie's smile. Precious, if there is one thing that will hurt me if I have to leave this world that would be you.

I make a mental note to thank the pilot personally as we all feel the final jerk of the aircraft touching the tarmac. The passengers look at each other's faces, some bursting in tears, some clutching their hands and saying a thank you prayer, not quite believing that we made it on the ground with one of the engines blown out by the regional thunderstorm.

It's a relief, nevertheless, knowing that I'm still breathing. I watch the ambulances and fire trucks and emergency rescue vehicles make their way and line up around us, the flustered, scared, just-made-it-out-of-death's-grip passengers. I watch as the beloved ones shed their tears of happiness and gratitude as they get to embrace each other again. I don't feel like going home now…what is there for me at home? Minnie doesn't have to know what happened to me. She had been with her nanny for the past few weeks, she'd make it through a few more hours.

I want to go to the beach now…the place where I'd seen you wet and glittering in the afternoon sun, your smile dazzling enough to blind me. Perhaps, I'd find a new meaning of life once I go there. If I can't have you I might as well nurture the memories.

But you…you always make me turn back.

Your sweat dampened body, tear moistened face and your fragile arms around my neck, with your sweet, cherry fragrance tickling my nostrils- I'm hoping that I'm not dreaming. I'm hoping that I'm not hallucinating, because, God, I've never felt more alive. I can hear the thud as my bag drops on the floor, my arms wound themselves around your petite waist. Your white uniform shirt untucked, buttons undone. I've never seen you so disheveled, but then you wrap your beautiful legs around my waist, hiding your wet face in my neck.

Please don't let it be a dream…

And then you're grabbing my face between your clammy, soft palms and your addicting lips crush down on mine. Everything dissolves around me into mere shadows, it's only you I can feel, I can taste. Or maybe, maybe I'd actually died. Maybe the plane had crashed after all…this can't be true.

I soft whimper drips into the air around me as you tug at my dark hair, your lips more persistent this time, trying to breach the frozen barrier of my own skin, my soul. I don't know what to do, you always make me this way, I don't know what to do, I want to kiss you back with the same fervor but I'm afraid.

"Come on!" you groan on my lips, "Kiss me already, Yuu…" Your fingers tangle in my hair, your legs tighten around my waist. For someone so skinny like you, you are quite strong. Your feverish voice trails down my skin and down my spine, and I can't complain anymore. I kiss you back, tasting you after so long and it feels like heaven. It's pure euphoria, being able to kiss you like this. Tugging at your plush bottom lip I ask for entrance inside that sweet cavern of yours, and soon you're relaxing in my hold. Your lips playing along with mine, your chest flush against mine as you moan softly. I don't care about the surprise and disgusted glances that we're receiving from the people around us. I don't care. It doesn't matter if I'm making out with a sixteen year old boy at the middle of a busy airport, the boy I'm holding is the love of my life and I'm just not going to let it go.

"How did you know?" I ask you as you finally squirm in my hold, sliding your head sideways to break the kiss. I put you down gently, steadying you as you stagger a bit, your cheeks a tantalizing shade of pink. You're grasping the front of my shirt and then you're pressing your head against my chest.

"The news. They said you were on board, returning from the Paris Showcase." You murmur against my skin, your soft breath plays on the skin of my exposed neck. It feels so amazing to have you so close to me again. I almost forgot how it feels to have you so close to me. I smile at that. I must be pretty famous to be talked about like that. I can hear a few clicks around me, reporters must be here. And then I realize that they must have been here all along. I just never noticed.

"Let's go," I pause for a while, not sure if you can call my place a home anymore, but I still try, "Home?"

And you nod, a soft tickle of your hair under my chin and everything just falls into place. My PA looks flustered, not sure of how to tackle so many reporters, how to protect my image, how to stop the obscene photo of us making out from appearing on the newspapers and fashion magazines. I don't care. She can do whatever she wants, I just want you home, with me, on our bed, underneath my body.

Minnie's asleep when we finally make it back. And looking at her angelic face I realize that how fortunate I am to be still living. I didn't have a chance to sort out my mind, and I realize that I'd been kind of blocking myself from feeling anything at all. Now everything comes back to me in gnashing waves, I can feel the fear clawing at my senses, the fear I didn't know existed, I could see the aflame wing before my very eyes. I could hear the frantic sobs. And then you're holding me tight.

"Shh…It's okay…It's okay…" You're whispering in my ears and I can't hold myself back anymore. I hold you, I don't care if I'm crushing your bones, if I could I'd have the cells of your body diffused inside of me, that's how close I want you to be.

"Are you gonna leave me again?" I know I sound pathetic, like a child but I must know. I must know what you have in your mind. And this time, I'm just not letting you go so easily. I won't be able to survive without you anymore. Living on the monochrome memories, the mockery of the desolate floorboards… I can't do that anymore. I need you, I need you like I need oxygen, like a plant needs sunshine. You're my sunshine.

I can feel you stiffen in my grasp, but the next second you're pressing yourself onto me.
"No," It's just a soft murmur, but I can still hear it loud and clear, "It wasn't easy for me either. I thought….I thought I'd be happy, living a normal life like any other kids out there. But you, you've simply ruined me, Yuu."

I'd love to ruin you more, my love.

You look so gorgeous, and I feel proud to know that it's only me who'd had the honor of undressing you like this. You look like a fallen angel lying at the middle of my bed, your pale, glimmering skin a stark contrast against the dark sheets. Your gold shaded hair fanned out around your beautiful face like a halo and your cupid bow lips just sensual enough to invite me to ruin you, to spoil you when you can see nothing but the disintegrating pleasure, when your mind goes numb.

"Can I?" My simple question has your bottom lip trapped between your pristine teeth, as you stare down at my fingers waiting on your chest, ready to unclasp the buttons the moment you give your consent. Pressing my thumb against the soft flesh of your lips, I tug it out gently. I can't let you bleed, not now. I wanna be the one to scratch you, I wanna be the one who'd make you bleed.

I think I didn't really expect you to give a shy nod, I'm so happy that you didn't deny me. I need you so much now, if I could form the right words, I'd tell you how much I need you right now. I'd spent the moments before my near death thinking about you, relishing the memories. It seemed so unreal now that I look back. It seems so illusory that I was about to depart from this world without touching you one last time.

I feel you shiver under my fingertips, your shirt discarded on the floor, your dim skin glowing in the faint light. As I lean down to capture your beautiful skin between my lips, I feel your finger tangle in my hair as you take a sharp intake of breath. Pressing my lips against the lean column of your neck I bite now, eliciting a whimper and that makes me smile against your skin.

The quivering of your flesh, the keening moans that escapes you, the soft bump on your chest as I worry the circular patch of pink skin between my fingertips, everything's so gorgeous, such a pretty sight. You sigh as my lips find the sensitive skin on your chest, licking and lapping my tongue…God, I just want so much more.

Your hips buck upwards, the muscle on your stomach contract visibly. I can't wait to mark you inside of your thighs, my favorite spot. I remember when I pulled your lean limb over my shoulder and teased the skin of your inner thighs until you almost came just like that. I want to see that pleasure ridden face of yours once again. And I'm not wrong when you squirm and moan as my tongue taunts your sensitive skin, I can feel you melt under my ministrations but jerk up violently every once in a while.

"Yuu…" you groan out, "Inside of me, Please.."

You're thrashing about the bed as I prepare you. Your body must have been unused all these months, I can see that by the look on your face, your bony knuckles clutching the sheets. I feel like a psycho as I think about violating such a beautiful being like you. If it wasn't for me, you'd have given your virginity to someone close to your age. I'm so sorry…

I try to tell you how very sorry I am with my every action, kissing every part of you gently as I slowly push inside of you. You sink your teeth into the pillow, your head pressed sideways into the soft material. Your chest is heaving erratically, your limbs shaking as your body tries to reject the intrusion.

"Kou…relax babe…" I gather you up in my arms and you feel so small, so weightless I'm scared that you'd just disappear through my fingers. So I just hold you tighter, until I'm completely buried inside your pleasurable heat. From there, it's just heat and friction, pleadings for more until you lose control. With a scream, you throw your head backwards, your hair flipping all over the place. Your body convulsed around me, leading me to my own completion, white fireworks dancing behind my eyelids.

"Kou?"

"Hmm?"

"What you'd have done if I really died today?"

Your body, still hot and shivering despite the warmness of the blanket over our spent bodies, press closer against mine, your lips touching the skin of my chest.

"I'd have gone where you'd have gone, and I'd have beaten the shit out of you for leaving me and Minnie like that. Do you know what that means?"

"What?"

"That you're not letting go of me, not ever. I won't ever forgive you if you do."

The curtains flutter, the ceiling fan revs languidly. Somewhere buried under my unpacked luggage, my phone beeps once. Small things, but they're not speaking of the lifeless memories anymore…