"Oi! You two!
Two laps around the building and I don't want to see any of this hanky-panky business, y'got that? And then you two pitiful poltroons can clean out the equipment room and give the vaulting buck a decent scrubbing and by decent I mean no fiddling about!"
Theta, mildly concussed by the PE teacher's yelling, stared at his superior in bewilderment. Koschei, on the other hand, couldn't stop smirking.
But they both leapt backwards instinctively at the sight of the PE teacher's chest swelling until he nearly exploded as he bellowed:
"And now: Move it!"
"It's your fault, it really is…" Theta hissed under his breath.
Koschei sighed and wrung out the mop before dipping it into the dirty water of the bucket.
"I wish you could start working without blaming me for your misfortune," Koschei mumbled, adding with a sardonic little grin: "Just once."
"Well, it is your fault," Theta snapped, "You proposed the little 'Who can climb the fence faster?'-contest in the first place."
"And you participated of your own free will," Koschei added levelly "And I don't remember saying anything about flashing your knickers."
"Yeah, well, you incited me," Theta replied stubbornly.
"Incite…" Koschei repeated mockingly and ts-tsked quietly.
Theta cursed under his breath, balancing on the rickety ladder and leaning over to dust the last cupboard.
"You haven't done anything this stupid in a long time," Koschei continued after coating the dusty floor with another layer of dirt, "in fact I can't even remember you doing anything as outrageously dumb as climbing the fence, flashing your knickers and shouting a quite obscene limerick with not just the entire jogging antiaircraft defence platoon passing you but our PE teacher listening as well."
"I'm not wearing knickers," snapped Theta and turned. Hearing the wood creaking beneath him he leaped up instinctively, cowering on top of the wavering cupboard while the ladder disintegrated.
Lowering his gaze, he glared at Koschei, who met his stare halfway.
"Let me guess, that's my fault too, isn't it?" Koschei added while ts-tsking under his breath.
"It's always your fault," Theta hissed under his breath before realizing that Koschei was mouthing his exact words at the same time.
He threw a cleaning rag at him.
"Well, you can't blame me for everything," Koschei sighed, "You'll have to take responsibility for your own actions."
"Well," Theta replied, mocking Koschei's matter-of-fact-voice, "That would be something wouldn't it? I mean, me taking responsibility, you taking responsibility..."
"It appears as though you're trying to hint an accusation," said Koschei and smiled.
"I'm not hinting anything!" Theta snapped before folding his arms. "Look, you can't just blame me for dragging you into trouble since you've been doing the same thing with me for ages!"
"I can't be held responsible for your gullibility," Koschei retorted, "It's your own fault, really."
"Same thing that has just happened to you," Theta said while, for lack of the rag he'd earlier thrown at Koschei and missed, shoving the dirt off the cupboard with his bare hands.
"No, it isn't," Koschei, "Because I didn't try to frame you for something you hadn't done – it just happened."
Theta bit back a snappy reply and busied him himself with shoving the dust off the other shelves.
"So, you admit it then," Koschei concluded.
"Admit what?" growled Theta.
"Admit that you framed me on purpose," explained Koschei levelly, "You knew that our PE teacher was holding a grudge against me and you told him that I had put you up to this knickers-flashing business in the first place..."
"I'm not wearing knickers!" yelled Theta and drummed his hands on the cupboard. The rack beneath him swayed threateningly.
"Well, I can see that," Koschei replied while brushing the dirt from his shoulders.
"In fact, I can see that you don't appear to be wearing anything apart from your student robe."
Theta opened his mouth but thought better of replying.
Instead, he shut it again and shifted uneasily to cross his legs.
Koschei smirked while coming closer, staring straight upwards i.e. under Theta's garment.
"Oh, come on", Koschei giggled, "It's not as though I'm seeing you naked for the first time."
"Yes, but right now I'm not comfortable with it," replied Theta.
"Sooner or later you'll have to come down from up there," Koschei went on, "And then I get to see your..."
Theta jumped off the cupboard, landing just a few inches before Koschei.
"Didn't see anything, did you?" hissed Theta between gritted teeth.
Koschei nodded affirmatively. "Hurt, didn't it?"
Reluctantly Theta nodded.
"Sit down for a moment," suggested Koschei while patting his back.
"No, I'm fine," hissed Theta while limping over to the sports equipment.
"Could I make you feel any more comfortable while I'm around?" Koschei asked sweetly.
"Well, it certainly won't help matters if you take off your own..."
There was a swoshing noise, followed by a muted thud as soft fabric hit the ground.
Theta buried his face in his hands, "Please tell me that your shorts didn't fly past my ear just now."
"Alright," replied Koschei with one of those grins Theta dreaded so much, "I won't."
Theta scrambled up to achieve what was closest to a kneeling position on the vaulting buck.
"Feeling more comfortable?" Koschei asked while approaching his friend slowly.
To his shame, and partly to his disgust, Theta spotted something moving, twitching, beneath Koschei's fluttering clothes as he continued his swagger.
"Comfortable up there?" Koschei repeated.
Theta, concentrating on not looking at his friend's crotch, snapped, "Well, what do you think?"
"I think you should give this buck a decent scrubbing."
With the word still hovering in the air Koschei lunged at Theta, forcing his legs apart and pressing them down onto the used leather. Theta protested but stopped squirming immediately as he felt the blush rising and bit down on his lower lip. His bare legs made contact with the soft material; he froze, feeling the pleasant fabric brushing against his skin.
Beside him Koschei sniggered.
"I thought, I saw you twitching there," he concluded, "you've popped a boner the moment you've caught sight of the vaulting buck."
"Shut up, shut up, shut up," hissed Theta. He grabbed Koschei's shoulders, struggling to stay on top of both the buck and his mind.
"Just relax," Koschei tried to appease him. His hands brushed over Theta's skin, who trembled beneath his touch.
With great satisfaction he watched Theta fighting himself, restlessly jittering and jerking. Small beads of sweat were forming on his forehead; to his shame, he realised that he barely managed to hide his arising pleasure.
But it was too late anyway; his arousal had knocked out cold his rationality and was right now pinning down his self-respect to do unspeakable things to it.
In other words and visibly to Koschei's delight, Theta's hips were grinding against the buck's leather as his thighs pumped and squeezed and struggled desperately to settle into the perfect position.
Theta, who'd held his breath until now, leaned forward slightly, his lips parting to let escape the sweetest and neediest moan Koschei had ever heard.
"Leather," Koschei whispered.
He stroked Theta's back tenderly, enjoying the sensation of the flesh writhing and trembling beneath his touch.
"Your little fetish didn't escape me..."
"I'm not making a fetish of anything!" Theta cut him off but his voice trailed off and was consumed by a lustful moan.
Koschei's hands were placed on Theta's delicate skin, his nails digging into the vulnerable flesh beneath it, reinforcing their grip and guiding Theta's unsteady hips.
"You like it, don't you?" teased Koschei, "the smell, the sensation, the touch..."
"Nothing special about the smell," mumbled Theta through gritted teeth. Despite the heat he shivered.
"But it turns you on," Koschei whispered, unable to hide his own arising excitement. And it was getting so hard to speak...
There mere touch of his own hand sent waves of shivers down his spine as Koschei reached for his throbbing member, twitching nervously beneath his clothes.
He never thought just watching Theta, just seeing his stubborn little friend giving in to the sensation, surrendering to the pleasure... well, Koschei never would have guessed that it could be so exciting.
Theta panted, his cheeks taking on the colour of a rather indecent crimson, as he thrust his groin against the vaulting buck. His hips were pumping and pushing, frantically chafing against the soft leather underneath as his heartbeats started to ramp up.
He didn't mind Koschei's climbing up behind him and embracing him tightly. He continued humping the buck, oblivious to Koschei's touch and his dirty talk.
Right now he felt so good, so incredibly exhilarated, every shove of his thighs, every thrust of his pelvis intensifying the sensation.
Koschei snuggled up closer to Theta, his bare groin melting into Theta's sweaty buttocks; Koschei reinforced his grip on Theta's writhing body, clutching at his chest and pelvis to dominate his every movements.
Koschei nibbled at Theta's ear, wheezing and whispering the sweetest words.
And then he was gone.
Theta stopped in mid-motion, staring down at the coiled-up figure at his feet.
He turned to his left side and caught a glimpse of the hockey puck heading his way just before it smashed into his face.
Theta slipped to the ground, barely able to breathe.
Just before he lost consciousness he heard the booming voice of their PE teacher:
"I said no fiddling about!"
"And then what?"
The Doctor blinked. He stared down at the cup of tea in his hand and then up into Jack's expectant face.
"And then what what?" he mumbled lamely while sipping at the cup. The tea had gone cold.
"You just said 'And then...' before falling silent and staring at the opposite wall as though you'd never seen it before in your life," Jack explained while putting down his cup on the neat little tea trolley beside them, "I mean it is fascinating with all that tinted glass and the giant plants growing in front of it and I didn't know you had a greenhouse down here, but..."
"Right," the Doctor cut him off before emptying out his cup nonchalantly over a very rare Venusian orchid, "So I didn't tell you anything about the horrors of physical education at the Academy or the incident involving a vaulting buck and two hockey pucks, did I?"
He sighed with relief.
"Actually you did," Jack said carefully.
The Doctor gulped. "And I even told you how..."
"Yes," Jack cut him short.
"And even when.."
"Yes."
The Doctor folded his arms in front of his chest. He'd tried glaring at Jack but was more than put off by his smug smirk.
"Why were we having this conversation anyway?" the Doctor asked while evading Jack's gaze.
"Don't ask me," Jack replied, "You showed me the arbour in the glasshouse and then you pointed that unique plant over there out to me and then you somehow seemed to have lost the thread..."
"Me, losing the thread?" the Doctor asked wonderingly, "Can't remember this ever happening to me before..."
Jack rolled his eyes but he only sighed very quietly as not to offend the Doctor.
"So, where were we?" the Doctor asked.
"You... that is to say your younger you was on the vaulting buck, having the time of his life," Jack smirked.
The Doctor gawped at him until he felt the blush rising up to his forehead.
"I hate talking to you, Jack," the Doctor grumbled while turning on his heel and heading for the secret door between the plants that would lead him back to the control room.