Title: I will remember you

Title: I will remember you

Author: Barbara Graf

Rating: PG-13 for slash.

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah. Not mine. J.K. Rowling. If they were mine, would I be writing this instead of spending my wealth? Anything you don't recognize, god knows you should recognize all of this, is probably mine. And if it is mine, when did I get so creative?

A/N: I know I should be working on my final chapter, but this story came to me at 1:13am. Don't blame me, blame my muses. Anyways, this story is SLASH (like it would be anything else by me?). Meaning, there is sexual relations between two people of the same sex. If you are opposed to this story, I am opposed to you and keep your prejudices to yourself. Flames will be used to keep my girlfriend warm on cold nights. The song is "I will Remember You," and is by Amy Grant.

Dedication: To my kitten, I love you. And for the real heroes in the tragedy that unfolded on 9-11-01, and especially to the three men who stopped a hijacked plane from killing many more innocent people, may we never forget who the true "heroes" are in life.

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I will be walking one day

Down a street faraway

And see your face in a crowd and smile

Knowing how you made me laugh

It brings sweet echoes of you from the past

I will remember you

            Has it been six years since we graduated from Hogwarts? Has it been 4 years since the war with Voldemort ended? Has it been that long? Hard to believe, isn't it? Hard to believe that we've been apart that long.

            I walked down the street the other day and I swore I saw you. Saw your hair, your smile, and I smiled for the first time in a long time. I heard your laugh and I felt the memories of you and I wash over me.  I felt the memories come rushing back all in one instant and I had to stop and lean against the light pole to stop the tears from falling. How can these memories assault me like this? I thought I was over you, that our love was a thing of the past, that the pain from yesterday was gone. I guess I was wrong. Then again, when have I ever been right in my 25 years on this planet?

            I heard what I thought was your laugh and it brought back memories of all the times you made me laugh. You used to love to make me laugh, and I used to never laugh that much, until I met you, my love. You were my reason for everything, for living, breathing, being a human being. The memories are so strong of you now. How can I have been alive this long without you? How do I keep functioning? I have no idea. I know that I just keep living, trying to be what I know you would've wanted me to be. 

The person laughs again and it brings such sweet memories of you. The memories of the mornings after we made love, the times we just lay there in each other's arms, sedate, happy that we were together. I will always remember you, please remember that. I will always remember you, never forget you.

Look in my eyes while you're here

tell me what's happening here

See that I don't want to say goodbye

Our love is frozen in time

I'll be your champion and you will be mine

I will remember

I will remember you

            Why didn't you look into my eyes before you waved goodbye that fateful day? Why? Why did you walk away and not tell me the truth of what was really going on in the war? Why did you try to shield the truth from me? I didn't want to say goodbye to you, I wanted to freeze time and hold you in my arms forever. Why did you turn and walk away from me before the goodbye left my mouth? Why am I the one who's left behind?

            Our love will never die, I know this. Our love can outlive time and space, and I remember things while you were here. Like the times you protected me, made sure that no one said anything mean about me, or hurt me in any way, shape, or form.  I was yours, you told me so often when we had a silencing charm on our bed, after our marathon love making sessions.  I helped you get over the nightmares about your parents and Voldemort. You helped me see the world through your eyes. My love, you will always be my champion, I just wonder why all I have left our memories and don't have you here with me.

Later on when this fire when is an ember

Later on when the nights so tender

Give it time, though its hard to remember darlin'

I will be holding, I'll still be holding you

I will remember you

            Maybe someday the pain will go away and I will be able to think of you without tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart. Maybe, when the nights don't seem so long and empty without your embrace, can I remember all the times, good and bad, that we shared.

            I'm just so tired, so tired of being alone, of my heart being half instead of whole. When will my pain end? When? When will my pain go away? It's so hard to remember the last time I saw you, full of life, full of everything that I loved, that is gone from me. Gone faraway. The memories threaten to consume me, to eat me alive, but I won't let them. I want to move on in my life, to find love again, but the thought of trying to replace you......no, wait, no one could ever replace you. That is the wrong word to use, that I want to replace you. Replacing you in my life is not an option.

            You used to say, that no matter how faraway you were from me, you were always holding me in the nights. The nights that seemed so unbearable then are so impossible night. I want to kill myself in the dead of night, just to be rid of this pain. But how can I? How can I join you when I'm not sure where you are? Wherever you are, I will always remember you and the love that we shared, the loved that we said would survive until the end of time. I will remember you.

So many years come and gone

And yet the memory is strong

One word we never could learn, goodbye

True love is frozen in time

I'll be your champion and you will be mine

I will remember you

            Has it really been six years since I last saw you? It seems like yesterday. I remember everything about the day that we said goodbye. You were wearing Muggle clothing, blue jeans and a black dress shirt with the ring that I had given you in our sixth year at Hogwarts. You smiled serenely at me and with a quick kiss on the lips, disapparated to a place filled with horror and with war, with the bodies of many of our classmates, some Death Eaters, some who were fighting the war against Voldemort. You owled me as much as you could, telling me the good news, leaving out most of the bad, but I knew the bad stuff by watching the Wizarding World Network. I knew the countless bodies that were falling, the innocent who were suffering, Muggles and Wizards alike. I knew what suffering at the hands of Voldemort was like, but you wouldn't let me go fight, but I did anyways, I knew what it was like to watch the ones you love the most be taken away from you by Voldemort, god did I. 

            You always closed the notes with "I love you." I got one everyday for six months and then they suddenly stopped. It was about that time I went back to Hogwarts and asked Dumbledore if there was anything I could do to help instead of waiting on the sidelines. All I wanted was you there with me, and yet, even Dumbledore wouldn't let me fight, because he was afraid for my sanity.

            Where are you, my love? Where is my champion in my darkest hours? Where is the one who held my hand and held me while I cried and who I held while they were shaking from nightmares? Where are you? Why is it I'm left with memories? Why can't I leave you go and tell you goodbye? Why could I never tell you goodbye? Even after all the fights we've gotten into, and all the nasty things I yelled at you, we could never break up, never leave each other, our hearts were too intertwined with each other. We needed each other. Please remember, wherever you are, that I will  never forget you.

            I stop and stare at the headstone, with your date of birth and date listed as your death. I cannot believe that your really there, even though there is no body. Where are you? Why am I leaning against this headstone, crying my eyes out. I want you to come back to me, I really do.

            "Please, my love," I whisper into the wind, "Come back to me. Come back and be mine. Prove everyone wrong after four years and come back to me." I close my eyes against the grief and sigh, prepared to end it all, but something holds me back as I look at your headstone and smile slightly. I can't leave, not yet, not when there is a chance that you will come back to me. I lay the roses, as they were always your favorite flower, at the foot of the headstone. I wish all my wealth could bring you back.

Harold James Potter

July 31, 1980

September 28, 2003

May he rest in peace.

            I stare at that simple headstone. How could a headstone be so simple for such a complex human being? I stare and the tears come again. "I love you, Harry. I will never forget you, never." 

I kneel at the grave, wiping away the dirt and weeds. I can hear you whispering, "I love you too, Ron."

a/n2: I know, I know, it's not my usual harry/draco, but hey, even I need a change.