Love
By: DarkBlue Mint
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine; except, maybe, the terrible, awful, dreadful, very bad pain.
Notes: My excuse for taking so long is that I was unconscious (I also died in the table for like, seconds… though there was no light or relatives calling me). I'm really trying to make my brain work, despite all the feel-no-pain drugs that the docs give me (conversationally the drugs don't work).
Everybody talks about love as if it's this perfect thing, light in the middle of a storm or solace from the pains in the world. But she knows the truth, love is a dirty feeling, it comes with jealousy and the inherent desire of possess what you love (and not the sweet or romantic notion of possessing, but the dark one with chains and arms that cut breaths); and its all this why she starts to deny loving her little wolf, because she can picture her own hands around the delicate neck and the idea of not having her anymore is killing her… but the idea of owning her is destroying her.
She doesn't notice when exactly, but after a while everything goes back to the way things were before (or better then before). Her wolf is calm in this new false sensation of peace, surrounded by new friends and the content feeling of knowing her revenge was served. She thinks for a moment of slipping away, of running from her (it will hurt her to leave even if it feels like the only choice)…
Sadly (luckily) the wolf notices before her plan comes to fruition. The green eyed girl gives her a strange smile, and then she simply asks her if she wants to spend the night in their room. Is a weird experience rooming with Mikoto and Mai, it's even weirder sharing breakfast with a sleepy Nao and a very morning person Aoi (who actually expends too little of breakfast eating Mai's food and more talking with Harada over the mobile).
Perhaps what really surprises her is the domesticity of everything. From the way that Aoi enters the room followed by Nao the exact moment that Mai finishes the bento boxes and starts with breakfast, to when the redhead kisses Mikoto (in front of everyone and without an ounce of shame) after the little cat asks for one, including the second that a more awake spider and the wolf begin to fight not unlike two siblings.
It's later, when Natsuki is walking with her to Fumi's mansion, where Shizuru started working as her assistant (mostly so she could keep an eye on certain friend), that the biker says something that shock her.
"You don't have to be the depress lover in the precipice, with the waves crashing dramatically, the wind messing their hair and the rain hiding their tears, while they stare to the abyss of their pain." And here Natsuki stops for a second to smile at the surprised face of her old friend, a friend that never imagined such profound words coming from her. They are both in front of the doors to the mansion and seconds from the first bell warning, but the dark haired girl is more than happy at taking her time. "We can have that Shizuru, we can have breakfast with friends and just let time pass happily; and worry about all the bad stuff only when it happens and not before, as you have been doing." Then she surprises her friend further by kissing her lightly. "We can have everything, Shizuru, because I'm ready."
Shizuru think it's unfair that her wolf kissed her and then left her alone with the excuse of being late for class (even if she really was late for class). As she finally makes it to her desk, with the warm of the kiss still running trough her body, she finally figures that she was wrong; love can be all she thought before (although she's not so sure about that anymore)… but more than everything love is healing.
End.More Notes: I'm not so sure about the last two sentences, but my painkillers started working so everything is fuzzy (sadly the pain's still here). The line about the precipice and all that, it's something that my sister Sofia usually says when any of us is suffering from heartbreak (most of the time about my brother Josue… he likes to be the dramatic lover).
I wrote this last Sunday, but the Hospital people were evil about leting me out of Intensive Care until today...