Author's note: The summary lists the projected plot, but those events will all happen in time. Don't take this too seriously. I sure didn't.

The Author, The Laptop, and the Travelers of Fan Fictions

By Sepiktik

Chapter 1: The Author

In which the Author is introduced and the complete lack of plot is made evident.

In the beginning, there was nothing. There was nothing to be seen, nothing to be heard, nothing to be felt, nothing to be smelled, and nothing to be tasted. Nothing to be squeezed, groped, or tweaked.

But then, the Author said, "Let there be Author!"

And thus the Author was born, and the newly created world trembled under his mighty might.

And the Reviewer said, "OM PARADOX!"

And the Reader's head exploded. (Yes, it's mind-blowing.)

And the Author commanded unto the Reviewer, "Multiply and be merry, Reviewer, and give me many reviews. Your reviews are food for my soul, and enable me to spread my eternal unfathomable goodness throughout the land!" (The Author was a bit of a drama whore. And an egotist.)

To which the Reviewer replied: "Review what? You haven't written anything, idiot. And also, what the hell would I am I supposed to reproduce with? You aren't anywhere near concubine material. I will give you many reviews, Author, but in exchange, you must give me a hot girlfriend."

And the Author declared, "Let there be Hot Girlfriend!"

And Hot Girlfriend appeared. And the Reviewer was happy. They had sex many times and had lots of children.

And the Author began an internal monologue.

And the English Teacher beat the Author over the head with a foot-long meter stick for starting so many sentences with a conjunction. (OM PARADOX!)

This guy doesn't deserve Hot Girlfriend. He didn't even give me any reviews yet. But I guess he does have a point. What can he review if I haven't written a story? Maybe I should actually write something before I ask for reviews. Besides, with Hot Girlfriend in the picture, I'll have more reviewers! And where did he come from, anyway? I thought there was nothing, and I definitely didn't create him. But I've gone off-topic in my own monologue; I'll just write an epic story so epic people will give me over 9000 reviews. (The Author was also a bit of a /b/tard. Fast-forward 5000 years.)

That's right, I'll definitely get a lot of reviews. Maybe I should actually start writing. I've been planning this since last Thursday.

Don't worry, absolutely nothing happened in those 5,000 years.

Natsuki was riding her motorcycle, a Ducati DRIII sportsbike, according to Wikipedia, performing the typical brooding she usually did at the start of fanfictions.

What is this? Why am I here? Why the hell do I have to be in this stupid piece of sh-WHOA! That car almost hit me. Why does this always happen to me? What is this? Why am I here? Why th-WHOA! That car almost hit me again.

She pulled over and started cursing towards the blue convertible.

The Author was bored. It wasn't the nothing-to-do kind of boredom that one experienced on lazy weekends. No, it was the type of boredom which crept upon people and clung to them and grew like a fungus, suffocating them with its intensely boring boringness. In short, the Author was epically bored. The Author looked out into nothingness; it looked like just like other times, except this time faint glows pulsated in the nothingness. And the Author peered into the glows, and saw entire worlds, universes, waiting to be conquered.

And thus the Author discovered the Internet even before Al Gore did, and became much amused. Dasu dasu! Shop for a whopper! Do a spinning flip! And the Author used the Internet to peer into other worlds, watching them as they grew; new worlds seemed to appear all of the time. The Author was particularly attached to a distant universe in which he saw twelve girls who possessed what seemed to him to be super powers. And the Author entered a state of deep thinking.

OMG UBERHAWTTT!!!!! A CHIX WIT SUPERPOWARS! I MUST WATCH! The Author thought it a very endearing trait in a woman to have SUPERPOWARS. He found it UBERHAWTTT.

The Author became interested in the universe, and intently watched everything that happened. He saw how the Panty Orphan stole all of the undergarments from Fuuka Academy. He watched as Natsuki continued throughout her day without underwear. He saw the implied yuri-vibes which permeated throughout the series.

So perhaps our Author didn't really see anything not involved with fan service. But he did see how Shizuru felt for Natsuki before it was revealed; he watched the Carnival with morbid curiosity, and after it was over he really hoped that Natsuki would suddenly discover her latent lesbianism for Shizuru, profess her love to her, and then have hot yurisecks through the night. (Yes, our Author was a bit of a pervert.)

But instead of hooking up with Shizuru, Natsuki suddenly started to avoid her and got a job at a company called ManFiction, where her duty was to act out all kinds of stories. It wasn't the kind of life that she wanted, but it kept her going.

An elegantly-dressed man wearing sunglasses in a black suit stepped out of the car. He approached Natsuki and decided to imitate what he saw in the movies. He suavely reached towards his sunglasses, putting on his lady-killer smile. And then he took a chainsaw out of his pocket, turned it on, and shredded Natsuki into bits, becoming a real lady-killer.
The Author watched these events in horror. He could not believe how one of his two favorite obsessions was massacred by some random suit in a blue convertible. He quickly grabbed his laptop (no, not his lap top, you perverts!) and started typing a remedy. He typed furiously for five whole minutes, and then printed out his story.

A piece of paper fell to the floor, conveniently landing face-up so that the general public could see what it said. Natsuki doesn't die. The Author was a man of few words. Actually, the Author just didn't have any literary talent whatsoever and totally sucked at typing. And had no sense of detail. And failed at life.

An elegantly-dressed man wearing sunglasses in a black suit stepped out of the car. He approached Natsuki and decided to imitate what he saw in the movies. He suavely reached towards his sunglasses, putting on his lady-killer smile. He slowly removed his sunglasses, revealing his gorgeous blue eyes. And then Natsuki punched him in the face. His gorgeous eyes became a darker hue of blue, and it began to seem as if he had used eye-shadow that morning.

Natsuki lost it. This man had almost run her over twice. She grabbed the man and scratched at his face. She decided to use some colorful language to increase the fiction rating. (Defcon-T.) "YOU ASSHOLE, YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!"

The man begged. He took another line from the movies. "NO, NOT THE FACE! PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THE FACE!"

Natsuki, despite her intimidating appearance, was actually a very merciful being. She released the man's face. And kicked him in the crotch.

The man began to cry. He said, "I-I'm h-here t-to," He suddenly stopped looking pathetic. "I'm here to tell you to GET ON WITH THE STORY, YOU STUPID BITCH. WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR OVER A THOUSAND WORDS AND NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! DO YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB?"

Natsuki blanched. "Tell the boss I'm sorry. I'll get right to it." She wouldn't regularly talk in such a self-degrading sentence, but she wanted to keep her job. It was really the only thing she had at the moment.

The man got up and dusted himself. He said, "It's really too late for that now. We'll just have to wait for the next chapter."As he drove off in his car he muttered to himself, "I'll get that bitch. Who does she think she is, messing up my gorgeous face?"

There will be hell to pay.

"Sweet, I saved Natsuki!" The Author grabbed his lap top. (Yes.)
Author's note: The Author is not based on myself, and I sure hope he's not based on you. The Author will be appearing less; this chapter was intended to introduce the Author. He's going to appear a few more times throughout the story, but our scheduled characters will appear next chapter. I intended a lot more to happen in this chapter, but things happen. You can probably tell where I'm going with this by the title. I thought of making a serious version of this, but decided against it. SRS BUSINESS is not my strong point.

NEXT CHAPTER: Let's Have a Carnival!