Warning: Um, this is not the first story i have ever posted though it is the first humor-ish based one i have ever written.

Chapter 1

"Death it follows me where-ever I go." Two males, one dark haired the other blonde, are sitting in the back of an empty diner.

"The first time it was my parents," The dark haired boy looks out the window, "Then in my first year, it was my fault that the defense teacher died. Second year, I was too concerned about what everyone thought of me being a parseltongue that I almost let Ginny die." The blonde snorts, "Not a word Malfoy." The look that he sends his way goes unnoticed.

"Whatever, Potter. Now can I go?"

Potter goes on with his story without acknowledging him, "Moving on to third year I meet my godfather, an escapee from Azkaban, unjustly put there. At the end of the year I had to go back in time to stop Buckbeak from being beheaded," At the blank look on Malfoy's face, "The hippogriff? You know the one you condemned to death? Also while I was back in time, I had to save my godfather from the Dementor's kiss."

"Then in my fourth year, Cedric died because of me." Harry is watching everyone going about their business, not a care for anyone else.

Harry thinks, 'They are all completely unaware that I plan on disappearing and letting the most dangerous wizard of all time take over just so I can find some peace.

"Finally, in the past year I let the visions rule my thinking and it got my godfather killed," Harry looks over to Malfoy for the first time, "So after all that you probably want to know why I asked you here."

"That would be nice." Malfoy snaps.

Malfoy thinks 'sure thing Potter you asked me here.'

Flashback

Harry sat alone in thinking about how he was going to get through another summer with his relatives. So far he was not able to find a way that did not involve suicide.

"How am I going to keep my promise if…" Just then the door slides open and Ron comes in closely followed by Malfoy.

"What do you think you are doing Malfoy?! Get out!" Ron yells seeing that the ferret was here as well.

"As I see it Weasel you can't do anything about me being here." Malfoy smirks.

Harry watches the goings on while trying to find where Malfoy keeps his wand. Luckily for him, Ron had started for his wand and Draco drew his faster and aimed it at his throat.

"Malfoy put your wand away." Harry says calmly, he sees that Ron has his wand out-clumsily held- he sigh at seeing that.

"No I don't think I will Potter."

Harry whispers, "You would be one of those people that say that as you put away your wand. Well at least now you have your wand in range of being taken….easily." Malfoy stares at him suspiciously. Harry leans over to Ron and whispers, "Distract Malfoy, without making him draw his wand." The look on Ron's face is one of confusion but he nods.

"Are all Malfoys so weak that the only way they can fight is with a wand? I mean what happens when, I don't know, say, you are disarmed, what do you so then? I..." Ron was cut off as Malfoy hit him.

Harry takes this as his chance to nab Malfoy's wand. If Ron knew how much he just helped Harry, he would thank him…but he doesn't so Harry's not going to.

EndFlashback

"I need your help."

To say that Malfoy was shocked would be an understatement. "You need my help? You want The Draco Malfoy your Worst Enemy to help you? What are you one Potter?"

Harry thinks to himself, 'There will never be a more conceited person than Malfoy, I swear!'

"Yes Malfoy, I The Harry Potter, The Golden Boy, wants your help… And just so you know I'm out of drugs at this time." He stops to think, "This is the most coherent I have been in months…" Harry laughs at the incredulous look on Malfoy's face.

"Now will you help me?"

Malfoy glares at him, "Will it get my mother away from Dumbledore? Also when do I get my wand back?"

Harry looks thoughtfully for a moment, "About your wand, I still don't think you will stay and hear me out. About your mother, I might be able to blackmail Snape into helping."

Suspiciously, "How and why would he help?"

"Well… no I'll keep how I can do it to myself." Malfoy glares at him.

Surprise jumbles Malfoy's thinking, 'How the hell could I help him? Why would I help him? Well I would help if he if he really can free my mother. That is if he is telling the truth. If he does blackmail Snape then he really isn't that much of a Gryffindor.'

'It sounds like you want to help the boy," Another part of his mind sneers.

'I wouldn't help a Gryffindor! I only help myself and maybe other Slytherins.'

'Yeah and if Potter really can blackmail Snape then I would say that is pretty Slytherin.'

'…'

"I'm not going anywhere Potter; actually you're stuck with me."

Harry looks oddly at him, "Stuck with you?"

"Yes Potter, you don't think I'm just going to let you keep my wand do you? Also, if you can free my mother I want her safe before I help."

Harry looks challengingly at Malfoy, "You can't stay at my house."

"Oh and why is that Potter?"

"Why, Malfoy, I would hate to make you sleep with muggles."

Malfoy rolls his eyes, "Potter, I think I can handle your relatives for a couple of days."

Harry smirks, "I don't live with my relatives, I moved out two weeks after break started. No, I live with a couple of friends; we live a few blocks from here."

Malfoy's thoughts, 'What the hell?! Potter is notwhat I thought he would be.'

"Well then Potter lets go."

"First, Malfoy you will be civil to my friends. Second, no surnames."

Malfoy sighs, "Fine, Po…Harry. Now can we go?"

In Draco's mind once again, 'Good job! Now you're an on a first name basis' the other half of Draco's personality says.

'Shut up I really don't have a choice.'

'So leaving and telling the dark lord where Potter is staying is not an option?'

'I don't know where he is staying, and I want my mother back.'

'Yes she was a loyal Death Eater and it was nice to have her around.' The voice considers.

Harry has just slipped outside to call his room-mates.

"Why are we still here, Po...Harry?" mumbling to himself, "This whole first name thing is hard."

Waiting for a response and not getting one, he looks around to see that Harry has gone outside.

"Yea I know… That's not what I'm saying!"

A few seconds later, "It's not like he's coming over for sex!"

A few more seconds and Draco is smirking, "You make it sound like I sleep with anything that walks on two legs!"

Harry laughs and hangs up, "Come on Draco, Sani is going to explain why you are here."

"Like I need some muggles to understand why I'm here."

"If you want to stay in the house without having me watch your back then your presence has to be explained to Michael."

Draco looks at him wearily, "Why just him?"

Harry smiles mischievously as they reach a small house that has old stone bricks that could use a cleaning. The old white colonial shutters clash with the house horribly.

"Come on, Draco, time to meet the others." Not really giving him a chance Harry drags him inside.

Feedback welcome! Though any flames will take the places of my logs this winter.