Title: And then they made him their king.
Pairing/characters: Jack Sparrow
Summary: Modern day AU: fictitious encyclopedia entry on a fictitious kingdom
Warnings: If you are Hawaiian and/or a history geek, this might make you pull your hair out and gnaw on the desk.
Disclaimer: Not mine, Disney's.
Hawai'i
from AUpedia, the free encyclopedia
This article is about the Kingdom of Hawai'i. For other uses of the term, such as the archipelago or the archipelago's main island, see Hawaii (disambiguation).
The kingdom of Hawai'i (Aupuni mo'i o Hawai'i) spans the volcanic archipelago of the Hawai'i islands in the mid-Pacific, which comprises hundreds of islands and atolls extending across a distance of 2400 km. Of these, the eight largest islands are considered the main islands; these are, in order from the northwest to southeast, Niihau, Kauai, Oahu, Molokai, Lanai, Kahoolawe, Maui and Hawaii island.
Kingdom of Hawai'i
Flag: skull and crossed sabers, white, with red bandana, on black
Anthem: A pirate's life for me
Motto: We're in the market, as it were.
Official languages: Hawaiian, English
Government: constitutional monarchy
Currency: cowry shells
Capital: Lahaina (on Maui)
Largest city: Honolulu (on Oahu)
Head of state: Queen Manu II Sparrow
Chief of government: Quartermaster Filimoeika Gibbs
History
Ancient Times
Polynesian seafarers were skilled ocean navigators and shipwrights. At a time when European boats rarely went out of sight of land, they often traveled long distances, following migratory birds, wave and cloud patterns, and the stars. Their double-rump canoes were made of dug-out trunks caulked with resin, supporting a wooden platform that could harbor up to a hundred people. The construction was held together by ropes made from the outer fibrous shell of coconuts, which could withstand salt water for years. The sails were woven from palm fronds and fast attached to the mast, which could be moved to either end of the vessel, to change direction.
Archeologic and liguistical evidence points to the 3rd century as the time of arrival of the earliest settlers, who originated from the Marquesas islands, although local lore has an earlier race of 'dog people' living on the islands, also seafaring, who fled from the new arrivals towards a land in the east, where they would be worshipped and entrusted with judgement over freedom or imprisonment, according to a prophecy. Between 1100 and 1300, Tahitian settlers conquered the previous inhabitants, establishing several chiefdoms and a strict caste system.
The colonists grew taro on carefully irrigated fields, also banana, coconut and breadfruit, built fishponds and kept dogs, swine and rats.
European contact
Although there are speculations that the Spaniard Juan Gaetano visited Hawaii in 1527, the first western visitor whose voyage to the islands is asserted beyond reasonable doubt was Captain Jack Sparrow in 1728. A Pirate Lord and the leader of the pirates' fleet in the battle of Shipwreck Cove, in which the British East India Trading Company was defeated, he got his first experiences in statesmanship as chieftain of Pelagosto Island (today the 50th state of the USA). Records of the time between his departure from Shipwreck Cove and his arrival at Hawai'i are sparse and conflicting (for details, search the Groves College Library of Jamaica, Admiral Adrian Greitzer's letters on the second and third sacking of Nassau port at the Royal Navy Archives, or the records of the case Spain against Hector Barbossa at the national archives of the Republica de Cuba.) links defective Chinese sources have it that in 1727, an apparent Portuguese princess showed up to marry the emperor, and requested silkworms prior to the wedding night "to weave the clothes around her that would make her smooth and pliant", but turned out to be a male pirate, who made off with the silkworms. citation neededIn any case, Hawaii had a flourishing silk instustry until the fashion changed more than a century later. According to Hawaiian historiography, in 1728 Captain Jack Sparrow showed up on his ship, the Black Pearl. He invited the chieftains from all the islands to a feast onboard, at which he declared himself king, to which they agreed, cheered by all the well-armed pirate crew around them. The king then gratiously installed the former chieftains as island lords in his kingdom. Sparrow and his crew seem to have introduced several new crops and domestic animals to the islands, among them the sugarcane, and modern techniques, such as European style shipbuilding, and destillery. The pirates married local women, and many modern Hawai'ians trace their ancestry back to one of them. Sparrow himself married at least one son or daughter of every island lord.
The Kingdom of Jack Sparrow
The events during the following decade are shrouded by myth. The young kingdom seems to have undertaken raids in China and the Sapnish colonies in Mesoamerica for much-needed supplies. Retaliation from both sides was thwarted in the battle of Molokai in 1734, in which Sparrow, allied to both sides, who suspected each other to be the raiders, directed Chinese and Spanish fleets against each other. Shipwrecked survivors were taken in as subjects, as were pirates fleeing Shipwreck Cove after the Dutch East India Trading Company's attack, and Yajiro San's wako fleet when the Tenno cancelled all privateering contracts. Epidemics of smallpox and other diseases which all but emptied several Pacific islands were repeatedly stopped in the kingdom by distribution of water from the fountain of youth (which ceased to exist recently, see Miami Airport). link defective According to local lore, Sparrow relocated to heaven sailing a typhoon in 1739, barely preceding the arrival of one Annamaria de Tortuga and her daughter Jaqueline, who burned down the royal palace to let off some steam, then sailed back to the Caribbean.
Modern History
Hawai'i remained mostly neutral in both world wars, as well as in the American-Spanish war before, only joining the respective winning side when the outcome was clear so as to do some raids or claim some patents. After some reportedly CIA-staged attempted coups, which were thwarted, in 1988 the USA sought to conquer Hawaii, apparently to claim the last few barrels of fountain of youth water. Despite British support, including sorcerers from Hogwarts, the fleet was sunk shortly after leaving US Naval Base "Benito Juarez" in Acapulco, Old Mexico. Survivors speak of a 'godly wind' and the Flying Dutchman.
Government
Hawai'i is a constitutional monarchy. The monarch is revered as the live descendant of a god and holds absolute spiritual authority. Her (or his) worldly rule is, however, limited by the code of common law (formally "The Ship's and Archipelago's Articles"), which grants the monarch command of the flagship in battle, but otherwise limits her or his decisions to those approved by public acclamation. While the monarch sets the overall course of politics, the quartermaster, who is appointed by the monarch but needs to be approved by public vote, oversees the details, daily tasks and carrying-out. He (or she) is supported by the first mate (foreign relations), master gunner (defense), bo'sun (interior&justice), navigator (transportation&education), purser (economy&finances) and sawbones (health, welfare & scientific research), who are determined in the same manner. Each of the major islands is governed by a lord or lady with a similar support staff. In theory, the monarch could be de-throned if the island lords voted for a replacement, but in fact each and every one of them would only vote for themselves.
Foreign Relations
Together with Singapore, the Seychelles, Cocos Island, the United Kingdom of Aotearoa, la Republique d'outre-mer de Tahiti, Libertalia Malagasy, Jamaica, Trinidad&Tobago, Malta, Greece, Algeria, Denmark, the Peoples' Republic of Tortuga and the Mutineers' Commonwealth of Pitcairn Island, among others, Hawai'i is a member of the Oceanic Alliance, a political and trade organisation made up of pirate-founded nations. Negotiations with the UN about Interpol authority and support for the international criminal court at the Hague are still under way.
Military
The kingdom of Hawai'i does not have a permanent army, navy or airforce. In case of conflict, enterprising citizens would be commissioned as privateers. According to the common law, after allowing for reasonable expenses, spoils of war must be shared equally amongst the crew.
Economy
The Hawaiian economy was traditionally based on fishing, agriculture and piracy, but has undergone significant changes since the signing of the No Boarding Treaty with the USA in 1898. Main export procucts are rum, cane sugar, coconut cream, fruit juices, limes, cocktail umbrellas, and bootleg DVDs of popular Hollywood movies. Hawai'i has been argueing fiercely that the aforementioned treaty does not cover product piracy or copyright infringements, making the country a hub for the fanfiction community and other shady internet associations. Energy is clean and cheap, mostly geothermal (volcanic), with some wind and solar contributions.
Tourism:
So far, Hawai'i has not been touched by mass tourism, and thus retained much of its natural beauty and indigenous culture. It may yet become a prime destination for aquatic sports enthusiasts, who so far have been reluctant to embrace the traditional local discliplines, such as plank and cliff diving, seaturtle riding and octopus wrestling. Individual tourists are advised to keep to the main islands, as some of the remote islanders would still raid yachts and hold travellers for ransom, given the opportunity. Places to visit: Sparraroa educational themepark (on Maui), Cotton's Zoo (on Oahu), the temple of Calypso (on Hawaii Island), and particularly Marty&Gibbs' Distillery of Qualitiy Rums (on Oahu, guided tours Mo-Fr 14:00-22:00, associated The Pig and Hip-Flask Bar open 24/7, with happy hour all day, and grass-skirted wenchesNeither the Kilauea holy site of Pele (on Hawaii Island) nor the temple of Captain Jack Sparrow (on Maui, near the queen's palace) are open to foreign visitors. Transportation throughout the kingdom is provided by Mullroy Air and Murtogg Shipping; most Hawai'ians, though, consider it safter to use their own boats.
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Education
Hawai'i does not have a public school system. Most parents do homeschooling and provide their children with internet access. The Ragetti Foundation runs public libraries, internet-cafés, and hands out college grants.
Healthcare
Under the common law (formally: "The Ship's and Archipelago's Articles"), all citizens (formally: "the crew") contribute to the Royal Health Insurance Fund, which in case of illness or injury pays out certain set sums, which are still based on the old silver currency, e.g. 100 pieces of eight for the loss of a finger, or 500 pieces of eight for the loss of a leg.
For general wellbeing, Hawaiians rely mostly on shamanistic practices like lomilomi massage, sandalwood lotions, and quality rum. Legal drinking age in the kingdom is "When the mites 're old enough to hire as cabinboy and reach the crow's nest on their own", mostly considered to be about 12-ish.
Religion
Polynesian cultures and languages do not distinguish between a world of the mortals and a world beyond. Their worldview is animistic, including the transcendent power ("mana") influencing all processes and creatures, as well as ancestral worship, and gods who may sometimes take on human form. The Kingdom of Hawai'i's state religion is focused on the worship of the following deities:
Pele - goddess of volcanos and thus, the land and civilization. Sometimes said to be associated with Lono, the god of music and keeper of traditions, she is known for her temper, crushing those who displease her with lava and rolling stones.
Calypso- the sea witch. Her worship is responsible for many odd regulations ("taboos") in Hawai'ian society, notably the bans on eating crabs, keeping monkeys as pets, and drinking ink.
Will Turner- the ferryman on the ship of the dead, who collects souls lost at sea or abroad and brings them back to Hawai'i, to be with their kin once again. He is also worshipped by engineers as Pele's associate and a former blacksmith. Myth has it that all his love affairs are bittersweet, starting with human females whom he can not meet on land save for one night every ten years, over the sea goddess he is bound to but whom he does not love, to the storm god who mocks and eludes him.
Jack Sparrow - god of storms, Pele's son, founder of the kingdom. The royal family claim him as their ancestor and worship him with rum libations. In his honour, there are several taboos concerning birds. In particular, it is forbidden to kill, harm or displace any bird that can say, write, type or pantomime "Don't eat me!" in any known language, which lead to the constitution of several national parks. Many Hawai'ians claim to have seen him sail his black ship in the clouds of a raging typhoon. In 1782, King Ahuahu I abolished the practice of human sacrifices to the storm god, and dismissed the temple's harem of virgin girls and eunuchs. Virgin sacrifices were, however, reinstated several times since in cases of national emergencies, the first time being in 1783, after a longlasting calm.
Culture
Language
The Polynesian languages are classified as a branch of the Austronesian language family, in which Hawai'ian belongs to the Eastern Malayo-Polynesian part. It is related to other contemporary Polynesian languages such as Maori o Aotearoa, Tahitian, Rapa Nui, and - more distantly, Malay, Pitcairnese and Malagasy Pirate Pidgin. Hawai'ian includes many loanwords and phrases from European languages, some of which have taken on a peculiar meaning, such as savvy (Understood?), bugger (an expletive), bloody (ditto), shiver me timbers (an expression of outrage), whelp (submissive lover), and arrr (untranslateable affirmative).
Cuisine
Polynesian festive cooking is traditionally done in a fire pit lined with leaves. Various ingredients like fish, clams, taro corms and chunks of pork are buried together between a layer of heated stones and a fire on top. Other dishes include stews usually based on taro leaves and coconut milk. Hawai'i however has many dishes of its own, distinguishing itself thus from other Polynesian nations. Most of these additions are attributed to Captain Sparrow's influence, among them the many "lizzies" - flambeed dishes ranging from pineapple lizzy through hardtack lizzy (roughly compareable to French baba au rhum cake, the hardtack having long been replaced by softer fare) to lobster James lizzy (a stiffly stuffed spiny lobster, soaked in rum and skewered). More dishes based on European ingredients were introduced about a generation later by the aptly named Captain James Cook (see there). link needed
Music
Traditional Hawai'ian musical instruments are the conch shell trumpet, guitar and ship's bell, all of which are still used to accompany hula and bonfire dancing in a religious context. Contemporary mainstream taste is under strong influence from Tahitian radio stations which air mostly French groups and singers such as Roux et les Gitanes or Vanessa Paradis.
Media
Due to its breathtaking landscape and its chill-out opportunities for overworked actors, Hawaii has become a favourite place for filming. Following the recent successful James Bond movie "Destroying everything is not enough" (starring Jack Davenport - Bond, Keira Knightley - bondgirl, Geoffrey Rush - villain), Hollywood filmmakers are currently haggling contracts to reproduce the legend of Captain Jack Sparrow. After French actor Jean-Christophe Depp, a descendant of Sparrow himself, rejected playing his ancestor as blasphemy, the role was recently offered to Brad Pitt, who is still contemplating. Other proposed members of the cast, according to rumour: Tom Hollander - Admiral James Norrington, Orlando Bloom - Lord Cutler Beckett, Christopher Lee - First Mate Hector Barbossa, Sir Ian McKellen - Quartermaster Joshamee Gibbs, Liv Tyler - Pirate Queen Elizabeth Turner, Viggo Mortensen - Captain Will Turner. The goddess Calypso, not to appear in picture out of respect, since much of the filming will be done at sea, is due to be spoken by New Zealand actress Lucy Lawless.