Author's Note:
Due to a request to keep Reid's journal going, I have come up with this. Each chapter will deal with how Reid feels/perceives a team member, past and present. First chapter is short, as it is just a set up of things to come. Post 6X18, Lauren. Expect spoilers aplenty.
"Secrets are made to be found out with time." – Charles Sanford
March 22, 2011
After my last entry, I have come to the conclusion that we all have secrets. I guess writing about my own internal struggles made me realize I'm not the only one who has kept things from my team, no, my family. And yet when the truth finally does come out, the reaction is always the same. Surprise, anger, hurt. I wonder why, since we all hold something back at sometime or other. It's like we're all just a bunch of hypocrites. But if emotions were rational, life would be a whole lot easier. Eventually though, we understand and all is forgiven. To quote a boisterous donkey, "That's what friend's do. They forgive each other."
The headaches and nightmares have gotten worse since Emily's death. Well, the nightmares would be worse if I was sleeping at all. I can't believe she is gone. I can hardly breathe just thinking about it. I never got to say goodbye. I don't cry anymore when I think about it but it's still hard to concentrate. A week has gone by since her funeral but it's still fresh in my mind. Even now, I feel the visceral reaction in the pit of my stomach. This feeling was even worse than Gideon leaving. At least with Gideon, I have the chance to see him again. But Prentiss is gone. Forever.
Besides Garcia, I think I'm the one taking it the hardest. It's hard to say, since we all deal with pain differently. Hotch is stoic like usual. Morgan seems more angry than sad. Rossi is deflecting conversation with his brand of dry humor. Seaver is withdrawn. JJ seems to be taking it surprisingly well, but I can see the pain in her eyes.
I digress though, because I've gotten way off track from my initial thought process. Honestly, I'd rather think about anything else other than how I'm really feeling right now. As mentioned before, my last entry got me thinking and I have been reflecting back on when team member's past have come up or even when current things going on caught the rest of us by surprise.
What an inopportune time for a migraine to occur. Even without the constant throbbing in my head, I'm not sure if I'd be able to concentrate on this for much longer. My thoughts keep drifting to everything that transpired in the Doyle case. Lack of sleep isn't helping me any either. Despite the incessant pulsation in my head, I think I'm going to try and come up with a new song on my electronic keyboard. I found that playing it has helped to soothe me in the past. Another quote springs to mind, this one from Plato. "Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and everything." My mind is always processing things at a fast rate, but this is getting ridiculous. Very rarely does my mind work faster than I can keep up with. I'll try to write again at a later date, when my head is clearer and I can stay on task.