HakYona Week 2018
Day 6 | 18/08 – Healing
She sat down among the rockpools as the waves continued to fall further and further back as the tide went out.
It was relaxing, she found, to sit and see what could be found hiding within the small pools. Whether it was tiny fish, crabs or other sea life, watching them move about their little world gave her time to get lost in her thoughts. To escape to her own little world for a while.
"find anything interesting there, Princess?" came a familiar voice from behind her, dragging her back to the present.
"A few things,"
"Care to share?"
"Sure. But try and keep your shadow from falling over the water otherwise they'll all hide." She said over her shoulder, still not taking her eyes off the tiny crab plucking away at a piece of seaweed it had found.
With no other encouragement required, Hak casually made his way over and joined her on the boulder she was currently sat on.
At the centre of the boulder was a perfectly circular divit, only about a hands width deep that served as its own miniature ocean and currently seemed to have the Princess transfixed.
There were only about two or three fish and a handful or crabs barely the size of a fingernail, along with the odd anemone and dozens of barnacles, yet the Princess barely blinked as she continued to stare down into the little pool.
He needn't have done more than looked into her eyes to see that she was struggling with something. He could see that she was clearly lost in her own head and didn't know where to go or how to get out. And as much as he respected giving her her own space to sort things out, he also didn't like leaving her alone with her thoughts for too long and let them fester like they did now.
He wanted to be the one to lift whatever weight she carried. Wanted her to share her troubles with him, but he wouldn't force her to.
That being said, he wasn't averse to persuasion or distraction.
"It's been a while since we've been near the ocean. Probably not since Awa." He mused aloud.
"Yeah. It's my first time ever getting to explore any tidepools." She replied absently back, eyes still fixed on the pool.
"It's amazing how strong those little crabs are isn't it?" he pushed on, "they can crack open shells and nuts and all sorts of things you wouldn't think them capable of breaking. Reminds me of a certain someone, even." He said glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, to see her finally starting to shift her gaze to him and he took that as his que to continue.
"Well, I don't know about you, but one time I met this girl –She was a Princess, mind you –And she was incredibly strong for her size. Probably one of the strongest people I've ever met, actually." He said in a flat matter-of-fact tone even as a smirk began to crawl across his face as she finally turned to look at him fully, a shy smile making its way across her own features.
"It's funny though. As strong as she was, she never seemed to let anything keep her down for that long. But, that kinda worried me you see. Made me wonder if she was really ok or if she was just trying to hold it all in and keep a brave face on. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just wished she'd let me share that weight, you know?"
Her smile dimmed a little.
"You know it's funny you mention her, because there was a guy I knew who was really similar by the sounds of it."
Her gaze started to drift back towards the water, but he reached out and gently tilted her face back towards him.
"Tell me about him."
She huffed a laugh.
"Well, he could be really stoic at times." She said giving him a pointed look, then let her gaze drift back to the tide pool, and this time he didn't try to stop her.
"All tough and serious around the edges, even if he had a fondness for teasing everyone around him. But he was always really soft on the inside. You should have seen him with his family" she giggled a little to herself, before her voice turned solemn.
"But. . . often I felt the same about him as you did for that Princess you knew. I often felt like he was keeping a lot of her pain to himself to save me worrying about him, even if it did the opposite most of the time. . . And it made me wish that he'd be more open and honest with me about if was he really ok."
She turned to look him in the eyes once more.
"I guess I just keep looking into this tidepool wondering if they know the answers to any of my questions. Who knows? Maybe crabs are strong and smart?"
He laughed a little at this and it seemed to break the tension that had been forming between them.
"Well maybe you just haven't been looking in all the right places yet"
"What do you mean?" she asked, now looking more confused and a little curious about whatever he had in mind.
"Follow me. I think I might know somewhere." He said mysteriously before rising off of the boulder and making his way down through the rocks to another, much larger pool that resembled more of a sandbar or little inlet than a pool.
As she raced to catch up, she watched as Hak went about walking up and down the shore until he came across a long, smooth stick and rinsed the sand off of it in the water before meandering his way back over to her.
"I used to know someone else who used to say that if you took turns writing questions into the sand with another person and looked away for a moment, you would find the answer waiting for you when you turned back around." He said, giving her a tender look that promised he'd be patient and wouldn't push if she needed space.
She could see what he was getting at. It was hard to face someone and spill all of your deepest worries, fears and pain. What Hak was proposing was a way that they could talk without ever needing to speak and their words would never be found by anyone else.
They would simply wash away with the tide.
It was a way of letting it all go.
Leaving behind all the pain and worry to be washed away into the sea, but still share it with another before letting it go for good.
"You know, when I think about it, maybe that guy was even more of a softy than I remember. He could be pretty sweet every now and again actually."
"I'm sure he'd much rather hear you compliment him on his blade work than hear how soft you think he's become." He threw back casually, holding back a smirk as he did his best to remain straight faced and serious.
"And just how is it that you knew he used a blade?" she asked, putting on a fake suspicious tone and look as she tried to do the same.
"Surely if he was that great of a guy for you to worry about him, he must have been fairly accomplished in weaponry was he not? Otherwise I'm sure you would have gotten into a lot more trouble without a capable blade keeping you safe." He replied casually, hinting at the slightest touch of arrogance but mostly trying to get her to rise to the bait.
"Hmm, good guess I suppose, he was rather good. Maybe even better than you" she quipped back, to which he let out a bark of laughter
"I suppose he'd have to be, wouldn't he? I suspect you were quite a handful back then and always keeping him on his toes. Maybe being around you has allowed me to take it easy, seeing how capable you are now."
She blushed a little before schooling her features and held out her hand for him to pass her the stick.
Once she had the stick in hand Hak turned around so he was facing the other way allowing her to write what she needed in private before he read it.
Taking a few steps into the shallow water, she took a leap of faith and began to carefully write in the sand, letting out all her worries and fears that she'd been bottling up for weeks now. She wrote unguarded and honestly, not holding back anything in with the promise that he'd do the same for her.
Honesty demanded honesty in return. And alone on the ocean shore with nothing but the sea and each other to fear being vulnerable around, it gave her a sense of peace.
There was a freedom that came with letting everything go.
By releasing everything that felt like it was rotting you from the inside out be washed away so that you could truly begin to heal every old wound left forgotten and untreated.
She wrote about her concerns for him. Wrote about how desperately she wanted to shoulder his own pain as much as he wanted to take on hers.
Wrote of her fears that she could never repay him and protect for all that he had done for her.
She wrote about how much it hurt when he couldn't bring himself to smile. How the absence of it left her feeling hollow and empty inside.
She laid everything bare for him to see, consequences or judgment be damned, before stepping back out of the water and slipping the stick into his hand before turning her own back to him.
The anxiety of hearing his footsteps in the sand as he slowly turned around to read everything she had scratched into the sand was excruciating. But she would not run from it.
If she wanted to get stronger she had to fix or let go of everything that was keeping her from moving forward.
As seconds ticked by, turning to minutes but feeling like hours, she finally heard the swish of water being moved about as Hak swept his foot through the water erasing her confessions before letting the sand settle and writing his own.
When he finished, he simply stuck the stick into the ground and tapped her on the shoulder letting her know it was ok for her to look now as he turned to walk a little way down the beach as she read.
Just as she had done, Hak had laid himself bare for her. Relinquishing all the pain and anger over their betrayal that he couldn't seem to let go. His slight envy mixed with pride in her that she could let go of her own grief in a way he couldn't yet master.
He told her how proud he was of the person she was and the person she had become. Told her how happy it made him that he had the privilege to remain by her side and watch her grow.
But most of all, through this, he had offered her some of the weight that he carried, and that. . . that was something she never thought she'd get the chance to receive.
He told her everything.
Honesty for honesty.
Truth for truth.
And a for each, a soul laid bare for the other's eyes to read, only.
When she finished reading and swiped away at the few tears that had managed to sneak down her cheek, some happy and some sad, she followed Hak's footsteps.
She didn't rush as she washed away the words and pulled their 'writing stick' from the ground. Neither did she rush as she took the time to put her shoe in each print as she followed to where he squatted, inspecting a different tidepool from the one she had found earlier.
When he noticed her shadow as she stood just behind him, he tentatively looked up as to see her giving him a warm smile and offering him the stick.
"Funny, how the water managed to have so many answers once we found the right pool." She said.
"It is, isn't it? Sometimes, nature can still hold a few tricks and treasures up her sleeve if you take the time to go looking for them." He replied, looking ten times lighter than he had for a long time.
She felt ten times lighter herself.
"Well, now that the ocean has all of our secrets, what do you say to throwing this thing away with it? I don't think we'll need it anymore." She said gesturing to the stick he now held.
"Together then," he said, smiling broadly as he cracked the stick over his knee, breaking it in two.
"Together." She agreed, as they each threw their half as far into the breaking waves as they could (Hak's noticeably going considerably farther, but she didn't comment on it).
And just like that, it seemed they had both found a way to heal not only the other, but themselves from wounds they didn't even know were still raw.
Together, they walked back to camp, hand in hand, to go find and help out the others make dinner.
Together, they would continue to heal one another's wounds and share their burdens.
Together, they would continue to move forward.