A/N: Wrote this in a few hours, i love some bits but hate others! It's a long one-shot for me but i hope you enjoy it =)
As much as it pains me to say it Addex didn't happen. '60 days' didn't happen. Break up sex didn't happen. And just because I can, ROSE didn't happen!
I don't know the time gap between Addison's first visit to LA and when she moved there but for the purpose of this it's 3 months =)
Set in 4x13 (Piece Of My Heart). REVIEWS PLEASE!
iam-kelly.
"So, you broke up" Addison sighed as she met Meredith in the stairwell, she leaned up against the railings, Meredith against the wall opposite.
"We broke up at the wedding Addison but you didn't stick around long enough for me to tell you that!" Meredith snapped.
"I was done waiting"
"Well I wasn't done with you, you didn't even say goodbye Addie"
"It was better all round that I left without saying goodbye"
"Why?"
"Because you would have tried to make me stay"
"Damn straight I would"
"I'm sorry"
"You don't get to apologize Addison"
"Mer you know we wouldn't have worked out if I'd have stayed, our past, it would have gotten in the way, you know that"
"It will always be about Derek won't it?"
"It's not just about Derek"
"Then what? Explain to me what was stopping you?"
"Meredith we can't do this, what would people think?"
"That's your problem? Your problem is what other people would think? Who the hell are you? You are not the Addison I know, the Addison I know wouldn't give a shit what other people think"
"Well maybe I've changed"
"Yeah, you're right, you have changed, this, this is done" Meredith sighed "I hope you find what you want in LA Addison, I really do" she said taking the few steps towards the door.
"Meredith wait" Addison pleaded.
"Like you said, I'm done waiting" Meredith said pulling the door open and walking out onto the surgical floor, Addison chased after her not realizing they were running towards the same balcony where she had shouted 'I'm not Meredith Grey' at Derek all those years ago.
"Meredith will you just listen to me for one second!" she shouted.
"No, no Addison I will not listen to you" Meredith said not even turning to look at her.
"That's all I get, you walk away? Seriously you're walking away?" Addison shouted.
"Well we're good at that aren't we Addison? Walking away?" Meredith said finally turning around to face her.
"No, NO, you don't get to say that to me, YOU were the one who messed up, not me"
"I made mistakes Addison but when I finally tried to make things right you left, you went to LA, was it everything you dreamed of Addison? Was it worth it?"
"NO, no it wasn't worth it! But maybe, maybe if you'd have grown a back bone sooner I wouldn't have left"
"Oh, no, no, don't you dare…."
"What? Speak the truth? Like I said, I was done waiting, for 3 months Meredith, 3 god damn months I waited for you to leave him but no, you had to have the best of both worlds didn't you, I left because I was done, I was done loving someone who didn't love me back, you did this, you stayed with him, you did this Meredith not me so you can stand here and shout at me all you want, this will always be because of your decision"
"My decision was you Addison, I chose you but you left, you walked away and guess what Addie, I loved you too!" she shouted.
"Don't say something you don't mean because you're not getting your own way"
"Addison, I love you, why can't you just believe me when I say that?"
"I believed you every time you said you'd leave Derek, every time and did you do it? No. So I'm not going to believe you when you say you love me because if I do I might get sucked back in and that can't happen again, it just can't Meredith, I can't say it again, I can't be with you and get let down again, I just can't"
Meredith didn't know what to say, they stood staring at each other, both with their hands on their hips angrily, they were frozen, right up until the point where they heard several pagers bleep, they turned their heads and realized they were on that god forsaken balcony, several pairs of eyes on them, the majority being those of some of their closest friends who now had wide eyes staring up at them, Meredith's connected with a very pale looking Derek who's hands were clenched tightly on the chart he was holding, he turned around and quickly walked away.
"Derek wait! I can explain!" Meredith shouted.
"Goodbye Meredith" Addison sighed walking back down the hallway.
"ADDISON!" Meredith shouted again, when Addison didn't turn back Meredith groaned loudly, she let herself fall down to the floor, her back leaning up against the glass of the balcony, she pulled her knees close to her chest letting her head rest on top of them as she sobbed loudly, she didn't flinch when she heard two feet stand firmly in front of her.
"Get up Grey" Mark said firmly.
"I can't" she sobbed.
Mark crouched down beside her, he took her arms and looped them around his neck, he hooked his arm underneath her and lifted her up taking her to the attending locker room, he lay her on the sofa and locked the door behind them.
"So…." he started sitting next to her "Do you want to talk about it or are you going to carry on with the crying? Because I don't do so well with crying women" he said handing her a tissue.
"Thanks" she said sitting up and taking this tissue.
"So I guess we have a new member to our Dirty Mistresses Club" Mark joked, Meredith glared at him "Right, sorry, not ready to joke about it yet, ok, so, explain"
"I don't even know where to start" she sighed.
"You start at the beginning"
"Ok, the beginning"
"Chart" Addison said holding her hand out at Meredith.
"A please would have been nice" Meredith said under her breath.
"Sloppy" Addison said looking it over "Do it again" she said thrusting it back into Meredith's hands.
"Did I do something to upset you?" Meredith asked.
"No, not everythings about you Meredith"
"I didn't say it was"
"Well stop acting like it is" Addison hissed.
"What makes you think you can talk to me like that?"
"I'm your attending, I can talk to you however I want"
"Oh because you're really treating me like an attending should be" Meredith grumbled.
"Just shut up" Addison snapped.
Meredith grabbed Addison's arm and roughly pulled her into a supply closet, locking the door behind them.
"What do you think you're doing?" Addison hissed.
"I'm waiting for you to tell me the problem, you've been a bitch all day and I'm sick of it"
"You can't…."
"What? Talk to you like that? It's called the truth Addison. Is this about me and Derek?"
"Like I said before, not everythings about you Meredith"
"Then what is it about? Because you're really starting to piss me off"
"I'm infertile ok! You happy now?! I went to LA to get pregnant and found out that its not even a possibility anymore so I get the right to be a bitch for a while ok? So can you just back off!"
"Addison I'm sorry, I didn't….." a look of horror dropping on her face.
"Save it Grey" Addison snapped reaching for the door, Meredith stood straight in front of her "Can you move, I have a patient"
"No, you don't, I'm on your service remember? You don't have any patients to see for another hour"
"Meredith, just move"
"No"
"No?"
"No, I'm not moving"
"You don't need to apologize, I don't want you too, so can you just move!"
Meredith stood firmly in her place, her arms folded across her chest.
"Meredith please" Addison begged, Meredith flinched when she noticed a small tear falling down Addison's face.
"Oh Addison I'm so sorry" she said hugging her tightly, Addison was tense as the young woman hugged her but then the sobs started. Meredith slid them both onto the floor, her back against the door, Addison cried into Meredith's chest as Meredith stroked her hair soothingly.
"Sshhh, it's ok let it out" she sighed "It's going to be ok"
They sat together for a few minutes, as Addison's breathing returned to a normal rhythm she sat up slightly, still being held tight into Meredith's embrace.
"I'm so sorry Addison" she said kissing the top of her head.
"I'm fine"
"You're not fine" Meredith stated.
"Ok, so I'm not fine but I don't know how to be fine anymore"
Meredith sat them both up and took Addison's face into her hands firmly, looking her straight in the eyes.
"You are Addison Forbes Montgomery, you are strong and successful and beautiful, you will get a family Addison, you know its not your only option, I know it feels like the end of the world right now but you are stronger than this"
"Am I? Because I don't feel like it right now" Addison sighed dropping her eyes to the floor.
"Addison look at me" Meredith said firmly "Look at me"
Addison looked straight up into Meredith's eyes.
"You will get through this, I'll help you get through this"
"Thank you Meredith" Addison whispered, her body leant forward into Meredith's, their foreheads pressed together, neither one could tell you who kissed who first but it happened and then their were clothes being ripped off….
"Wait, why did you stop?" Mark whined.
"I'm not giving you details Mark" Meredith laughed.
"Yeah ok" he groaned "So how did you get from supply closet sex to well, this"
"Well it started as just sex, whenever one of us would feel lonely or sad or angry we'd page each other to on-call rooms and supply closets and then we started to see each other outside of work, I'd stay over at the hotel, we'd wake up together and have breakfast in bed and we'd go out for dinner, we realized after a month that we weren't just having sex anymore, we were being a couple and thats what we were, for the two months after that, we were a couple, she begged me to leave Derek, nearly everyday and I just couldn't do it"
"Why not?"
"Because it would've broken him, I couldn't do that to him and I hate that I couldn't because I know if I could, if I could she wouldn't have left, she'd still be here"
"But you did break up with him, at the wedding"
"She left that night, before I had the chance to speak with her, she left, changed her number, disappeared"
"I don't know what to do to help, I want to help"
"You can't do anything, I need to speak to them"
"Both of them?"
"I need to explain to Derek and I need to get her back"
"Do you think she'll come back"
"I don't know but its worth a try, I can't let her go without a fight this time"
"Then go and fight, I checked with the Chief, she can't leave the hospital until tomorrow afternoon, just don't leave it too long Meredith"
"I won't, thank you Mark, you didn't have to do this"
"I know how it feels to be stuck between them, I did have to do this, just let me know how it goes ok?"
"Ok, thank you" she smiled hugging him tightly before leaving the room, Addison would have to wait, she'd rather get the hard one out the way.
"Cristina!" Meredith shouted as she ran down the hallway "Cristina have you seen Derek?"
"I heard some of the nurses say he went up to the roof"
"Oh god" Meredith groaned.
"Don't worry, they'll get in on camera if he pushes you off" she smirked.
"Thanks" Meredith grimaced.
"Mer, why didn't you tell me?"
"That's the thing with secret affairs, they stay secret"
"But this is me Mer"
"I know, I wanted to tell you but…."
"I know, I know, I get it, so what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to try and get her back"
"Do you really love her?"
"Yes, yes I love her"
"Then fight for her"
"I will, thank you Cristina" Meredith smiled squeezing her hand "I should go and talk to Derek"
"Just be careful Meredith"
"I know, I will"
Meredith opened the door to the roof warily, she looked out and saw him leaning against the wall, looking out over the Seattle skyline.
"Derek" she said tentatively.
"I was wondering how long it would take you to get here" he said, his voice void of any emotion.
"I need to explain"
"What? The fact that you cheated on me for 3 months or the fact that it was with my ex-wife?" he snapped.
"Derek, can you just look at me"
"I don't want to even think about you right now Meredith"
"Derek…."
"Don't Derek me"
"We didn't mean it to get that far, it started out as just sex, which I know doesn't make it better but thats what it was at first and then things, changed, we got to know each other, we fell in love"
"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" he said turning to face her,
"No, no its not but nothing I say to you will so I'm explaining"
"I get it Meredith, you love her" he winced "So why did you stay with me?"
"I loved you Derek, I wasn't in love with you anymore but I didn't want to hurt you, I don't want to hurt you"
"But you did anyway, you left me remember"
"I know, because I couldn't live a lie anymore"
"But you didn't tell me you were leaving me for her, so technically you were still lying"
"I didn't think dropping it on you like that would be the best idea and then Burke left so I had to be with Cristina"
"So what stopped you from telling me after?"
"Addison left, there was nothing to tell you"
"You still should've told me Meredith"
"What told you how much of a screw up I was? Told you that I let the love of my freakin' life walk away because I was so stupid and spineless that I couldn't leave you, because I was afraid of hurting you when by doing that I was killing her, I was the reason she left Derek, I'm the reason I'm on my own now, why she's on her own now and I hate myself for it, I hate that I hurt you but mostly, I hate that I hurt her" she sobbed, she could feel her knees weakening, her tears were blurring her vision, she tensed up when she felt his arms wrap around her.
"Sshhh, Mer come on, breathe" he said rubbing her back softly.
"I'm so sorry Derek, I'm so so sorry" she sobbed into his chest, her hands gripping tightly onto the front of his shirt.
"I know, I know you are"
"I just don't know what to do"
"Do you love her?"
"Yes"
"Then fight for her" he said, her voice cracking slightly.
"Why are you doing this Derek?"
"Because I still love you Meredith, this is killing me, it really is but you're saying she's the love of your life and if she makes you happy, then go, fight for her"
"You'll find someone y'know, someone who will be that girl for you, I know you will"
"Lets hope" he sighed "Now go!"
"Thank you" she sighed, kissing him gently on the cheek "Goodbye Derek"
"Goodbye Meredith" he said knowing that this really was goodbye.
"We need to talk" Meredith said approaching Addison in the lobby.
"I have nothing to say to you Meredith" Addison sighed turning to walk away, Meredith grabbed her wrist and turned her around.
"Well I have plenty to say to you so I'll talk and you listen"
"Meredith…."
"I've been stupid, I've made mistakes, I should have finished things with Derek a long time before I did and I know that, I should have tried harder, that being said you shouldn't have left like that, you should have spoken to me, you should have let me tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am for hurting you and how much I want to be with you, spend the rest of my life with you, you should have given me a chance to say that, so I am asking you, I am begging you to give me a chance Addison, to give us a chance because I'm willing to fight for this, to fight for us, so please, give me a chance"
"I can't do this again Meredith, I can't start something with you when I know you will never love me like I love you, its all very well and good saying it now but I'll always be thinking that you don't really want me"
"Addie you need to stop doing this, stop acting like your second best, you're not second best, I love you and nothing you say or do is going to change that, I'm willing to wait, I'll wait for you to start believing it because I love you and I'm not willing to let you go again, Mark told me to fight for you, Cristina told me to fight for you, Derek told me to fight for you so please, can you just let me win?"
"Derek told you to fight for me?"
"He told me that if I love you, if you make me happy then I should fight" Meredith said, her hand gripping even tighter around Addison's wrist, Addison looked directly into Meredith's eyes, her mind whirred with things she could say and then she saw a single tear fall down Meredith's cheek, it was then that she knew what to say.
"I wouldn't be able to move back for at least a month"
"I know, I'll wait for you"
"I need you to wait Meredith, I need you to be here when I get back, I need you to be my Meredith because if I get here and…." Addison was cut off by Meredith's lips pressed on her own.
"Can you just shut up?" Meredith smirked kissing her again.
"I love you" Addison sighed.
"I love you too" Meredith grinned "So, you're giving me a chance?" she asked hopefully.
"I'm giving you a chance, us a chance"
"No more running?"
"Oh come on Mer, we walk, we don't run, we're too lazy" Addison laughed.
"Yeah, sounds about right, so no walking?"
"No walking! Can you just kiss me again, no more questions, just lots of kissing, I've missed kissing you"
Meredith wrapped her arms around Addison's neck and kissed her softly "Ok, just one more question though"
"One more!"
"Come home with me tonight?"
"I thought you'd never ask" Addison grinned taking Meredith's hand and pulling her out of the front doors.
Less than 4 weeks later Addison returned to Seattle moving straight into Meredith's house. It was like they were re-living the second month of their relationship, lots of sex with an equal amount of talking, that's how they liked it. After the initial shock was over the hospital began to come around to the fact that they were now a couple, the other first year residents were upset that Meredith hadn't told them, Callie was upset that Addison hadn't told her but when they saw them together, they knew it was right. Mark became a confidant for both of them, he was there with the tequila or the the Martini's if they had a fight and of course, Mark being Mark, he always suggested threesome's but all he got was a smack around the back of the head from both of them. Derek was civil, they knew it was hard on him, they tried not to flaunt their relationship, if he was around they barely touched but then things changed, he started to smile at them and even joke around with Meredith when she worked on his service, they slowly but surely rebuilt some sort of friendship, it still had its awkward moments, like when he dropped Meredith home from work to be greeted by Addison in that Dartmouth shirt, he'd even noticed her hair starting to smell like Lavender but they were friends now and that was all that mattered. And after a year together Meredith and Addison flew to LA to choose a sperm donor, Meredith flew back, her hand resting on her abdomen, just thinking of the possibility that a baby could be growing inside of her. Her baby. Addison's baby. Their baby. They flew back to Seattle as a family. And thats how they would stay.
'If it's worth having it's worth fighting for' - Fight For This Love by Cheryl Cole =)