This is my first fan fic ever. It was written in one shot even though it is incredibly long. So I apologize in advance if the chapters seem to end abruptly. This is what I would like to have happen over the last six episodes. Contains slight spoilers. Reviews appreciated. I rated it M because it may turn that way eventually. But technically it's not M right now.

The Prom.

Emma stared into the vanity mirror in her bedroom.

She didn't even recognize herself.

She looked different.

She had splurged and decided to get her hair done by a professional. And when the stylist had asked her what she wanted, she blurted out, "something sexy."

"Well honey, with hair that color that's going to be easy. You know what the boys say about reheads"

It was hard for Emma to relinquish control like that but Dr Shane was encouraging her to take more risks and relinquish control starting with the little things. I guess her hairstyle was a little thing. But she did bring her own full set of styling tools. She could only go so far. But honestly it felt great to pamper her self.

Sitting back in the chair the stylist shrieked.

"Oh my God honey. Look at you with all that natural curl. Why are you hiding it? Do you know that most women would kill for naturally curly red hair?"

"Really. Growing up my brother used to tell me that my red curly hair meant that I was the spawn of the devil. Of course he pushed me into the run off lagoon at a dairy farm when I was eight, the memory of which caused me to suffer from a life long crippling case of OCD and mysophobia. That's fear of germs.

With the last few words of her ramble Emma looked up to see that the stylist was staring at her in the mirror with his mouth slightly open and his eyes glazed over.

Quicky she lowered her eyes to her lap and uttered under her breath. "too much information."

"Well honey, your brother sounds like an asshole."

Emma couldn't help but laugh.

"Well he was older so I guess he felt like it was his job to make my life hell. Our relationship is much better now. We've been talking a lot recently."

"Really? So it's water under the bridge?"

Emma thought about this for a moment.

"It's starting to feel that way. "

And this was something Emma was the most happy about. Communication with her brother over the years had been strained. But when Dr Shane suggested that it was essential that Emma start confronting her brother for what he did and talking to him about how what he did made her feel, their relationship blossomed. And she came to learn that he had been crippled with guilt because his senseless prank had resulted in such everlasting effects. And she resented him for what he did but at the same time craved his contrition. She got it and Emma was beginning to forgive him.

She was also assigned to complete an exercise everyday which was as simple as taking one less shower a day to eating a spoonful of yoghurt or ice cream. Actually the latter one was surprisingly easy. She had forgotten how much she loved ice cream from when she was a little girl and how that was one of the major reasons she wanted to be a dairy farmer in the first place.

Dr Shane was helping Emma in so many ways. He was helping her to sort out her feelings for Carl and Will. And he was making sense of her choices. It pained her to think of how she had hurt Carl. He was a very good man and was good to her. At the beginning he made her feel so carefree. He was handsome and charming, although she sometimes felt that he tried a little too hard to be slick and cool. But he really seemed to like her and find her adorable. And while he seemed to be helping her with her issues, it started to feel like he wanted to fix her. And while she knew he had only the best intentions, she began to resent it because she began to feel judged.

Emma realized now that it was with Dr Shane's professional perspective that she was getting better. He was helping her to clarify and identify things. But she was really the one in charge of the changes that were happening in her life. And it was happening quicker than she would ever have thought. She should have done it years ago. Or months ago when Will had suggested it.

Will. What that man did to her. What they did to each other. But they just couldn't stay away. They couldn't let go of each other. And Emma had tried. She naively thought that she loved Carl enough to move past any lingering feelings she had for Will. Rationally she explained it to herself that what she felt for Will was due to their deep connection as friends. And that she felt bad for rejecting him countless times in the past year as he relentlessly and foolishly pursued her.

She could rationalize that the reason she got so carried away singing Toucha Toucha Touch me to him was because she got so caught up in the character and was able to feel free sexually because it was a role, a game. She could rationalize that she wanted to go to Sectionals with Will because she cared about the kids and Glee Club so much.

But, she forgot that feelings weren't rational. And that realization came to her when she heard Will's drunken confession over the school loudspeakers.

It was in that first line of his confession that she felt how much he loved her more than in any other time he confessed his feelings. He accepted her quirks and all and even found them appealing. And as he rambled on, the alcohol and his desire for her fueling his courage, she felt so much. Almost within the same moment she felt confused, happy and scared. But what she felt the most was desire.

And from that moment on there was no going back.

She got carried away singing that song in the Spanish classroom because it was with Will and she still wanted him. She lied to Carl about going to Sectionals with Will because she loved seeing Will in his element. She loved who he was in Glee Club. Because he was his best self. And she wanted to be a part of that.

She thought she had loved Carl and she did. But she couldn't give him her whole heart, or the place in her heart that was filled with passion and desire. Will took that a long time ago.

It's why she was so willful about peddling those chastity charms in the celibacy club. If you didn't give away the key, no one could unlock your heart forever. The idea of giving in completely scared her because she knew that made her completely vulnerable. And there was no going back. As old fashioned as it may be, sex and love for Emma were inseparable; and she couldn't bring herself to make love to Carl because deep inside her heart she knew that she didn't love him the way he deserved. She tried to convince herself and Carl that it was because she didn't feel comfortable because of her OCD or because she was "terrified of the hose monster. " But while she giggled like a frigid, shy and silly school girl whenever Carl tried to touch her in an intimate way, she remembered that whenever she touched Will or he touched her the only thing she felt was the desire of a woman.

Will. They had been through so much already it felt like a lifetime but nothing had been as intense, revelatory, frustrating or exciting as the last few weeks.

Everything in Emma's life had started to unravel the day that Holly Holliday came back to McKinley. From the moment she breezed into the staff lounge she immediately saw how Will was drawn to her. And really she couldn't blame him. She was sexy, bold and uninhibited. Everything Emma was not. And blond. Will certainly had a thing for blonds. But the way Will was acting was what most disturbed her. It was like he became this dorky school boy, falling all over her, trying too hard to laugh at her jokes. But then she recollected Will's attempts to woo her. He really was kind of an idiot when he tried to woo a woman. He stopped being himself, which quite frankly was more than enough. But I guess Will was out of practice since he hadn't had to woo anyone since he was fifteen years old.

And did he really forget Emma's name when he tried to introduce them. She tried to convince herself later that she was disappointed and mad at Will because he seemed to be taking Holly's side in the celibacy issue. But that wasn't it at all. She was jealous because for the first time she saw that Will was capable of moving on. But what was he supposed to do. She was 'happily' married after all. Looking for a house to share with her husband. And she did suggest to Will that he should start dating.

But that was also the week that shattered Emma's delusions about her feelings for both Carl and Will. It had begun so sweetly with Will reaching out to her to reclaim their friendship. Will was finally coming to terms with Emma's marriage. And he seemed genuinely happy for her news that she was taking the exciting step of buying a house with her husband.

They had always been such good friends. Even though underneath everything there was attraction, they still connected on a deep level just as two people. It was corny she thought to herself to think that but it didn't make it any less true. And it was what caused some of the problems in her relationship with Carl and in Will's marriage to Terri. Neither one seemed to understand that Will and Emma needed to be in each others lives. That their connection had to do with them understanding each other and challenging and supporting each other to be their best self.

Emma had the best intentions when she started to ask about Will and how he was doing. But inside of her was the burning question of whether or not there was someone else in his life. If they were really friends and she cared about him, which she did, she wanted him to be happy too. So she just asked him. He seemed surprised that she asked and kind of embarrassed by his answer. But the next thing that came out of her mouth surprised her.

"Maybe you should."

As she said it she was looking down and toying with her wedding ring, which she had been doing since she started inquiring about his personal life. When she looked back on that moment she realized that she was toying with her ring because she needed to remind herself that she was married to someone else because she was dreading that Will would answer that yes, he was in fact dating someone. Was she really that selfish? Did she really want Will to continue to pine for her while she was married to someone else. Or was it because a part of her still remembered what it felt like to be on the other side of the equation and how heartbreaking it was. But why did she want Will to feel the same kind of heartbreak. Was she really still angry with him for his indiscretions. They were almost a year ago and she was happily married to Carl.

But that was just it she wasn't happy. They weren't happy. Technically they weren't even really married since it wasn't consummated. And Carl, who was so understanding at first, was beginning to become frustrated and confused and impatient. And he had a right. He had a right to expect his wife to give him her whole self. But Emma couldn't. So why had she married him in the first place. It was a crazy impulsive moment. She had never been impulsive, although with Carl she was beginning to feel carefree and it felt so good to be able to let go a little. She knew she had hurt him with her lie and their fight had been terrible. But when she realized that Carl really felt threatened by her relationship with Will because he truly loved her, she felt in that moment that she loved him too. She knew that he would never hurt her in the way Will had hurt her. She felt safe with Carl. So she married him.

But slowly over the last few weeks she began to realize that really loving someone wasn't about playing it safe. For it to work you had to let them all the way in, abandon your fears. But that was also what made real love so exciting. It was hope mixed with danger. And what Emma forgot was that when it did work it felt amazing.

The few happy moments that she had with Will reminded her of that. They both had made a huge mistake jumping in right away. They both knew it was crazy. Will wasn't ready. But then neither was Emma. She was so afraid that Will would go back to Terri and leave her heartbroken. And he was so damaged from that marriage that he didn't even know who he really was outside of it. They both weren't ready to give each other everything. But they wanted too.

When she heard about Will's indiscretions it destroyed her. She had never thought he was capable of cheating. I suppose technically she and Will weren't officially a couple when both incidents happened. But tell that to her heart.

But the thing that disappointed her the most was his apology. Or lack thereof. He seemed more concerned with how she made him feel then how he made her feel. She had never seen Will be selfish before. And it shocked her. But then she had put him on a pedestal and swooned over him like a silly school girl. So in a way she had only herself to blame. Will was just a man and one who had flaws like any other person on the planet. And he was reeling from a terrible marriage that left him feeling marginalized, controlled and betrayed.

And now her own marriage was over. Her revelation in front of Holly had taken care of that. Emma had to admit that she was surprised Holly was so intuitive. But once Holly asked the question and it hung painfully in the air, while Carl looked at her admitting that was his fear too, she had no choice but to answer it. She still had feelings for Will. She tried to convince herself that she was confused about her feelings and she was confused. But mostly Emma didn't even want to admit it to herself that when Holly asked her if she was still in love with Will, the answer was yes. She didn't want to admit it because it made her feel like a horrible person for marrying Carl in the first place. How could she have been so foolish and careless with yet another man's feelings. Why hadn't she learned her lesson the first time with that ridiculous almost marriage to Ken.

She had even asked this very question to Dr Shane.

"Emma. You may have done a terrible thing but I don't think it makes you a terrible person. Why do you think you didn't learn your lesson the first time?"

"I don't know."

"Emma. You're smarter than that. You need to stop being so willful in ignoring your intuitions and feelings. It doesn't serve you. Why do you think do that Emma?"

Emma sighed and looked into her lap hoping that the answer to Dr Shane's question would come.

" I don't know."

"Hmm. I think you do."

Dr Shane just looked at her waiting for her to further respond.

"Because I'm scared."

"Why?"

Silence.

" Do you think you deserve to feel loved and be happy Emma?"

"Of course."

"Good. So what is it then."

'I'm not sure. I guess my OCD makes me feel like I'm damaged goods. Like I'm a freak and how is anyone going to be able to deal with it for a lifetime."

" But you're dealing with that and getting better. And Carl was willing to overlook it. So was Will."

"I give up Dr Shane. Why don't you just tell me what I'm supposed to know but clearly don't." Emma snapped.

Dr Shane laughed.

"You should do that more often you know."

"What?"

"Get angry."

Emma laughed.

"I have to admit. It does feel really good sometimes. Like the time I called Will out in the staff lounge. Even though it was horribly unprofessional of me to do it there, it felt so good to let him know how I really felt in that moment instead of hiding and pretending."

"What about you brother? Did you ever express anger towards him for what he did?"

"Not then"

"Why?"

"Because, I was eight years old. Besides my parents expressed their anger plenty."

"As well they should, but what does that have to do with you having the right to express you feelings?"

"Nothing. I guess."

"Are you still angry at your brother?"

"Sometimes."

"Why?"

" Because what he did destroyed me having any chance to have a completely normal life."

"Emma, we all have flaws and quirks to deal with in our lives. I suppose yours require more attention. But it certainly doesn't prevent you from living a full life."

"But I haven't been able to get really close to someone, a man, because of my OCD."

" Is it your OCD that's really stopping you? Or something deeper?"

" Gee, let me think Dr Shane. I'm guessing that you're wanting me to answer the latter."

Dr Shane laughed again.

"Yes. So what could it be?"

Silence.

" OK Emma. Here's the question. Please take your time and don't answer right away. What did you feel in that very first moment when you realized that it was your brother who pushed you into the run off lagoon that day? "

Silence.

"I thought. How could he?"

"Why?"

"That's a ridiculous question?"

"Is it?"

"Fine. I thought how could he? How could someone who was supposed to love me unconditionally do that to me? How could someone I loved despite all his pestering over the years be so cruel? I looked up to him. He was my big brother. And even though he was a brat sometimes, he took care of me and defended me against all those kids who would tease me because of my big eyes and my red hair. I felt betrayed and heartbroken. And I was never able to trust him since."

"Emma. The thing is; that it's because we trust people so much that they have the power to hurt us the most."

" But I trusted Carl. And he didn't hurt me."

" But did you trust him with your whole heart?"

"No."

"Did you trust it with Will?"

"Yes and he broke it."

" And yet you still love him. "

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I'm delusional."

Dr Shane sighed heavily.

"Really, Emma. That's the reason."

Silence.

" I still love him because I know that he didn't mean to hurt me. He's a good person. He's still the same person I fell in love with even if at times I put him on a pedestal, I still think I was able to see the real Will. I know I did. He was just so messed up when we first tried to get together. We both were. Our timing was terrible. And we both kept making mistakes. He kept making them trying to get to me. And I kept making them trying to get away from him. Trying to get away from my feelings. I can't keep judging Will for the choices he made when mine were hardly any better.

When I found out about Will's betrayal, I panicked because I was so scared that I would feel the same way that I felt when my brother pushed me into that run-off lagoon, that I would be just as irrevocably damaged now as I was then."

Dr Shane leaned forward.

"But you're not irrevocably damaged. You're getting control over your OCD and your heart is still able to love Will even if he did something that really hurt you. You've been able to get some perspective and realize that you both needed some work to do if you were ever going to be in a successful relationship."

"Do you think I'm ready now?"

"Do you?"

Emma laughed.

"Always a question with a question Dr Shane."

"Well I am a psychiatrist."

" I guess I certainly feel like it is time for us to talk. Lay all our cards out on the table finally."

"What about Will. Do you think he's ready too?"

"I guess I can't know for sure. But I think so. A lot has happened between us these last few weeks."

That was an understatement.

"True. Aren't you chaperoning the high school prom with him this weekend?"

"Uhm. Yeah. But I mean not with him, with him. We aren't going together. We'll just be there together…in the same room."

"Well if memory serves those things usually end fairly early. It might be the perfect opportunity to talk after it's all over."

"That sounds perfect."

"And Emma. If he asks you to dance, go with your feelings. Which I'm sure will be yes."