"AW YEAH NYEWGA!"

I rose my fist in the air, simultaneously performing pelvic thrusts as I threw the Xbox controller on the bed. The tv screen changed back to the Multiplayer menu for Black Ops 2, and I flipped off my friends.

"Jesus, James, you're so goddamn annoying." Michael muttered, passing the controller I had thrown to Lopac. Michael was a pretty short Filipino guy, tad annoying. He was, however, the richest of the three of us and the only one with an Xbox, so sacrifices must be made.

Lopac nodded in agreement, pushing his glasses back on as he and Michael started another round. Lopac was tall and skinny. Probably had a shitload of allergies, or he was Vegan, or something. I don't really pay attention. I know he's Buddhist though, so I guess that's interesting.

I guess I should talk about me next, right? After all, I'm the main character and the author, so I'm instantly 300% more important than any of the fags you'll meet. K, I'm James Franklin. Yes, like Ben Franklin. Anyway, I got some really long ass brown hair, I usually tie it in a ponytail. I'm not fat, I'm big-boned, and I'm around six feet. I'm white, pimply face, but extraordinarily handsome. All the girls at my school wish they could bang me but, sadly, they're with total douchebags.

I scoffed, swinging the few strands of hair that had escaped my ponytail back. "You're just jealous that I kicked your asses again." I flipped them off again, before leaning back on Michaels huge ass bed. Why a guy who's barely five feet has a bloody king size, I'll never know. We played a few more rounds after that, until Lopac looked at the time.

"Shit. I gotta go, or my mom will be pissed. Same time next week?" Me and Michael nodded, and Lopac grabbed his bag and left. I stood up too, pocketing my phone and five bucks I had found on the ground. "I gotta head out too, shorty."

Michael nodded, not even looking away from his computer as he looked at pictures of lolis. "See ya, fatman."

I grinned and headed out, waving to Michael's parents on my way out. It took me thirty minutes to get back to my house, and when I entered it was to the sight of my dogs running around a shit covered floor.

"Goddamnit, Tulio, Ladybird..." I muttered, cleaning the poop up with a 7-eleven bag. My dogs looked at me expectantly, and I waved them off. "GTFO. Toonami's almost on." My dogs whined, so I put some food and bacon in their dog bowls.

As my dogs began fighting each other over the food, I reached my hand into my elementary school coat pocket and brought out a good old bag of Marijuana. I had got it a year back, when I was a Freshman, and I took a drag every now and than. Thank you Kaylie.

As I stuck the whole bag in my joint, I brought out a 2 liter of Mountain Dew. I looked at the clock, waiting for Toonami to start. Seeing as I had five minutes, I smirked and turned my laptop on. "Looks like I got time for a Fap...lets see...oh, I got an Email! I feel loved!" I opened up the email from my pal Stoney, and it had a very nice pic in it.

I read the email, sent a quick message thanking Stoney for the fap material, and fapped away. From my knowledge, it was the blue chick from Mass Effect. Whatever, I'm a simple man. I see boobs I fap.

Five minutes later I sat back down, taking a drag from my joint and a huge gulp of Mountain Dew. I grinned as Space Dandy came on. "Fuck Yeah!" I exclaimed, laughing at the humor in it. I was luckily so blazed that I tuned out of the Bleach filler, and most of the pointless scenes' of Shippuden. I came back sometime around Fullmetal Alchemist, but I took another huge ass puff.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! My head was feeling really light, and I started vomiting everywhere. As I fell off the couch, I felt the faint sensation of hitting my head against the coffee table, than...nothing.

I held my head as I woke up again, seeing a bunch of bright lights. I hissed in pain. I don't remember drinking beer, but I felt like I was having a major hangover. I could feel my pulse quickening as the weed began wearing off, and I started looking around carefully. I still had my laptop strapped to my back, half a pound of weed in my pocket, a few painkillers, and 25 dollars. I walked out of the alleyway, looking carefully at my surroundings.

I finally realized I was in some kind of mall. As I looked at the people walking by, I could feel my heart plummet and bile rise in my throat. Guess I don't have to fap to pictures of Asari anymore...

Especially now that there are some right in front of me. Somehow, and I have no idea how, I had ended up in the Mass Effect world.

Eh. At least I still got some weed.

AN: Yep. My try at a Self Insert in the Mass Effect world. Will I join Shepard's crew? Probably not. This takes place roughly two years before ME1.

KenshinAkagi...signing off.