A/N: With constant pressures from many different sources, I felt it was time to write absolute crack again - where there doesn't need to be any real plot and I can kick back and make myself giggle now and then. (Don't worry, I'm not quitting any of my current stuff.) Hence, this (around 4 to 5 part) creation.

Also, I was challenged by a friend, who told me that I simply could not cross-over Avengers and Batman.

I, of course, spat out - quite viciously, spit and all - that I could and promptly whipped out my tablet in front of her and got down to work. I'll show you all. I can, I CAN.

Warning: No plot what so ever, so don't expect any. Seriously. Don't.

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He's slurping up his strawberry milkshake, eyeing his boyfriend furiously make his way through piles of hundreds of types of toppings, choosing ones here and there and arranging them in the neatest order before time ran out. He's not quite sure why his boyfriend is so set on winning the make-your-own-pizza contest (suspects it's to show him he's dating the next great culinary master - purely to impress) but it provides the greatest form of entertainment, watching the man glare at his competitors and for once not having a giant-ass hammer in his hands.

"You can do it baby!" He calls out, clapping his hands. He then snickers when all he gets in response is "Asgard be damned! Where the fuck are the anchovies?!"

Someone was obviously not enjoying this as much as he was.

He takes another gulp of strawberry and is about to yell out another piece of encouragement (his better half's suddenly increasing black aura delighting and worrying him), when a body plops itself down in the seat across from him.

"Hey, I think you have the wrong booth."

"Nope." The other man grins. "I think I have the right one."

He studies the man, becoming suspicious at the evident mischief sparkling in green eyes, and narrows his eyes. What could he possibly want? "Look, we're on vacation, so if you need my boyfriend for any reason, he's not available."

The man laughs and tugs at one of his blonde curls, twirling it this way and that, before letting go and allowing the curl to fall in front of his grass eyes. "I don't need your boyfriend, I got my own."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what could you possibly mean?" Tilted head giving him an innocent yet devious stare.

He pauses, absorbing the look, then shakes his head. "Uh... nevermind."

"So what's your name?"

"First tell me who you are."

"Oh oh oh I'm so sorry, I'm forgetting my manners again, aren't I? No, the knives are for eating, not for stabbing people's eyes, don't giggle creepily when shaking the mayor's hand, stop smiling when babies cry, there are just so many rules to remember, how's a guy to get everything right?" Blonde curls sway as a mournful look grows on the man's face. "It's simply no fun at all!"

Insane, he thinks. This guy's insane and he definitely wants no part of it. "I'm just going to go.."

A hand grabs his wrist. "Wait, wait, wait. I just got carried away again." The hand urges him to sit back down again. "I'm Jack." Jerks his chin expectantly at him, "And you are..."

"Loki. My name's Loki."

Jack releases Loki's wrist and claps his hands together. "Friends, already!"

Loki simply groans then glances back at his lover. He's found the anchovies and is now roaring over the pineapple. Wait, Pineapple? Just who the hell did Thor think was going to eat that?

"Your boyfriend in the pizza competition?"

"Yeah," Loki points to the right, "the one with the long hair."

His companion whistles dirtily - something Loki was sure couldn't be easy to master, unless lots of practice was involved. "Nice. The ponytail is a great touch."

"Right!" He nods eagerly, momentarily distracted now that he had found someone to gush with over his love's hair. Honestly, with hair like that, the possibilities were endless. "I had to give him a blowjob to convince him to let me tie it up."

"I had to do the same for mine, but that was just to get him here. All he does is work, work, work. He's behind a desk or out in the streets, but he's always working, day and night." The blonde pouts. "It's like we're not even dating sometimes!"

"So your boyfriend's here then?" He cuts off, feeling that if he doesn't Jack will most certainly talk his ears off, which considering he was a god would be pretty impressive. "In the competition?"

"Yup," this time its Jack who points, but to the left, "pretty boy there, the one covered in dough."

Loki stifles a laugh as he observes a tall man wrestle with a lumpy somewhat oval shaped thing. His obviously overly expensive business suit is covered in strange white powder and there seems to be pepperoni slices tangled in his hair. Or at least, Loki hoped they were pepperoni. "Not to be cruel or anything, but... I'm pretty sure he's not winning anything."

"I was hoping for Best Try, ya know?"

They both turn to gaze at Jack's boyfriend again, who seems as lost as a little puppy dumped in a pile of snow. He's managed to somewhat shape the dough into a reasonably looking pizza shaped circle and is elbows deep in tomato sauce, spreading it as if it were vat of blood - halfway enjoying it and halfway repulsed by all the splatters landing on his cuffs.

"You go, Brucie!" Jack cheers. "They won't know what hit them!" Out of the side of his mouth, he whispers to Loki, "No, seriously, I'm not even sure what things he's dumped in there. Those judges are in for a surprise."

The Armani clad man frowns and stops his tomato bloodbath long enough to raise a hand and give Jack the finger. He then quickly returns to his pizza, grabbing a random bowl next to him and throwing bits of its contents onto his sauced dough surface. There's only ten minutes left to put the pizzas into the oven - some of the other competitors already standing off to the side already having done so and the rest nearly finished with the toppings - but having just started the last part of the process doesn't seem to have fazed him as he grabs bowl after bowl and sprinkles olives, beef, and mushrooms everywhere. The idea that some toppings might not go well with others or that the presentation is half of the overall score isn't being factored in by his one tracked mind.

"What... is he doing?" Loki asks Jack, noting the dreamy look on the man's face. It's as if he was proud of his boyfriend's lack of skill in the kitchen. "There's no way he's actually being serious about the competition."

"Oh he is," Jack sighs happily, "that's what makes this so much fun. I've been so bored, lately."

"Bored?" He questions, immediately regretting it when he sees the slender man's body go stiff and a evil smile paints itself across the guy's face, right under gently freckle-sprinkled nose and cheeks. For having such a innocent cute face, there sure was a lot of evident malice lurking behind its depths.

"Very." Green eyes suddenly serious. "So much so, that it could get real dangerous any second."

Loki blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. "What?"

Jack grins, feral and kitten-like at the same time, white teeth gleaming like a shark and purrs, "Tell me Loki, how's your sense of humor?"