"Yusuke, I really think we shouldn't be doing this."
Those were the only words I remembered saying last night. I mean... a few hours ago.
And I meant those words, but it didn't really serve its purpose once Yusuke crashed his lips onto mine.
His mother was out for the evening and we expected for her to be back by noon. It was a typical event for the Urameshi household, his mother always out. But it was the first time Yusuke decided it would be a good idea to play video games at his house at an ungodly hour and I foolishly accepted.
Here I was, his duvet covering my bare body. I scanned his sleeping form and I wondered how calm he felt being asleep. He was a tough kid, ever since, and he wanted everyone to know that. But to the chosen few who he felt close to, that's where he shed his outer punk demeanor.
I curled to my side and started contemplating about the previous events that had happened. Keiko knew that I'd come over his place, but she didn't mind. After all, we were all best friends. I was with Kurama too, which made everything 10 times worse.
It was safe to say that I cheated on my best friend and boyfriend. I didn't mean to, and I was pretty sure Yusuke didn't either. Me and Yusuke, we go way back. Even before he met Keiko, he was my playmate at the nearby park. Because of my poor social skills back then, I really didn't talk to him. I just played with him by the swings, taking turns by pushing him and him doing the same for me. When Keiko started being a part of our lives, things started to change. She was more vocal on what she wanted while I was a more verbal kind of girl. She wanted Yusuke to go to school everyday and she thought that by scolding him every now and then would make him change his ways. I was less talk with him. Whenever I felt that he was late for school, I'd whip up a sandwich or lunch box for him and go to his place. Everyday, I'd give his bag to him along with the food I made. I didn't have to scold him or anything but he got the picture. When we got older, I noticed that Keiko was starting to have feelings for him, which she was very vocal about. They'd go on dates, like movie dates for example, and I wasn't invited. It's not that I didn't care, of course it hurt, I just didn't see the point of me telling them otherwise. Yusuke on the other hand, he'd ask me to go to the arcade with him or ask me to accompany him whenever he had to meet the not-so-looking-grim-reaper. He trusted me more but I always knew that he loved Keiko more.
And he always will.
I felt Yusuke wake up from my side and he adjusted his body near mine, his hand reach for the small of my waist which was still covered in his duvet.
"I know you're awake," he sighed.
"We shouldn't have done that," I wanted my voice to become solid and stern, but it came out as a squeak.
"But we did, didn't we?" he said in annoyance. "And I don't regret it, in all honesty."
I wanted to burst into tears right then and there. Here I was with someone I truly cared about. But I didn't have the right to be with him.
"Are we going to hell when we die?" I sat up and looked at him. I started to feel like tears were going to fall if I blinked.
Yusuke sat up and wiped away the tears that were starting to form in my eyes.
"I'm sorry," his face riddled with concern.
"We're going to college in a few weeks..." I trailed off. "I- I think it's best if we stopped hanging out as much."
Yusuke's face fell. Anger didn't seem to surface his face, just disappointment and confusion.
"You know, sometimes, I wish Keiko was more like you."
"I wish Kurama was a lazy oaf just like you."
His face started to light up, almost laughing, but he didn't.
"Maybe in another lifetime, I'll end up with you." he smiled.
"Yeah," I smiled. "Not just this one."