Hi guys! Sorry for the delay. Got caught up with school stuff, then it was summer...But here I am! Huge thanks to my beta tearasunder, as always. I'm sorry for the wait.
One more night
The night was hot and mildly humid. The streets were lively with people meeting in bars and children still playing outside as their parents looked after them. It was 9 p.m. but not yet fully dark. All the same, street lamps lit up the city.
Kate walked back rapidly to her apartment after a girl night at Lanie's, leaving early so she could talk to him before she went to bed. It was 6 o'clock on the West Coast. She knew that he'd probably spent the day with his family and he'd likely be worn out.
She still wanted to call. It had been their routine every night since he'd left eleven days ago. They couldn't fall asleep until they'd heard each other's voice. They exchanged e-mails during the day as well when they had the time. It was a means to reassure each other that they were truly committed and the idea of "us" was now realized.
Kate took her heels off when she entered her apartment and walked to the bedroom. Per her usual routine, she changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, sat on the edge of the bed, and looked at the time. 9:45 for her and 6:45 for him. He was probably waiting for her to call, as he'd promised in his last e-mail. She'd stayed a little bit longer at Lanie's than she'd thought. She hoped he hadn't been waiting too long. She pictured him checking his cell phone every five minutes, hoping it would ring by the sheer force of his gaze.
She smiled and speed dialled. He answered on the first ring.
"Hey," he said in a low voice.
"Hey," she said back shyly as she grinned like an idiot.
"I missed you," he continued.
"Mmhmm, like every day," she replied as she rolled her eyes and laughed.
He stayed silent as her laugh slowly faded. She could hear him steadily breathe in and out. He didn't need to speak; the serene stillness was enough. She could envision him lying beside her, breathing calmly as he held her in his arms. Somehow the silence over the line conveyed their thoughts better than words. They were together, in love, and waiting for each other.
"I missed you, too," she whispered after a few seconds.
He took a deep breath, as if her confirmation comforted him and he wanted to breathe it in.
She waited for him to speak but he remained quiet. He probably wanted to avoid the subject as long as possible—the reason he was in Los Angeles and not with her.
"You called later than usual," he noted.
"Yeah, I had a girls' night at Lanie's," she explained. "I...told her."
"You told her...?" he inquired after a few seconds.
"About us," she clarified.
He sighed. She knew that he trusted her and he knew that she wouldn't reveal his family's secret, not even to her best friend. So it had to be a sigh of relief, of happiness. She was not hiding their relationship. Letting someone know was big step, one she wouldn't regret. Castle was probably grinning, his blue eyes bright, on the other side of the line. It made her want to tell him what she'd told Lanie.
"I also asked her...um, I asked her if she would be my Maid of Honor."
Damn, this wasn't easy. She wasn't good at dramatic reveals like he was.
"And?" he pressed on.
"She said yes. Of course she did. She's thrilled about us. She squealed so loudly, Castle, you have no idea," she said. "And she said it was about time."
They laughed at that; "about time" would certainly be a recurring comment as they told more friends, family members, and colleagues. It took them so long to be on the same page. Four years. It took them four years to get there.
"As soon as I arrive at New York, I'll find my best man. Or men. I was thinking about two guys you might know. They gave me a hard time when I came back from the Hamp–"
"Ryan and Espo," she cut him off as she smiled at the memory. "I think I'm also going to ask Maddie to be a bridesmaid. I'd prefer to have her at my side than in a seat in front of me mouthing 'I told you so.'"
Castle burst out laughing and said "uh huh" as she imagined Maddie's reaction upon seeing the ring. Kate could already hear her screaming, "You're gonna make little Castle babies!" inside of her restaurant.
"I can't wait to see you," Rick said on an exhale.
"Me too," she whispered back.
They fell quiet again. There was no holding back anymore; this conversation was truthful and forthright. Kate wasn't used to being so open with her feelings but Rick seemed patient and respected her silence. Their talks were like dances. They had to be in unison, find their rhythm, know when to take a pause and regroup. That way, they could avoid confrontations easier and deal with the awkwardness that ensued after an unexpected confession. Silence did not necessarily translate to disappointment.
"You should have seen Lanie's reaction when I showed her the ring," Kate added after a long break. "Her eyes got so big and her mouth opened so wide, I thought she was catching flies."
They chuckled. That was completely Lanie.
"She adored the diamond. She said it fit perfectly on my finger," Kate continued as she looked at her ring. "She was so happy for us."
Rick smiled. No physical threat from the M.E. then. She knew his fingers were already crossed over their other colleagues' pending reactions.
"So, how was your day today?" she finally asked, knowing she had to be delicate.
"I'm good. We spent the day over there again. Meredith, um...she's near the end now. We could hear it in her words, her voice. We could see it in her movement. She can't get up anymore—can't even sit up—and speaking is a lot of effort. It's just a matter of days now," he finished in a low voice.
Kate nodded subconsciously. Her throat tied in knots and her heart ached for his family.
"How's...?" she asked quietly, her eyes closing at the thought of Alexis.
"She's better. She's prepared herself for it, and accepted that her mother is about to go. She's just glad she can be here when the time comes."
"Good. Good," Kate whispered back. She couldn't think of anything else to say. Saying "I'm sorry" was getting old, "I'm here for you" as well. What more could she add?
"What about you? How was your day?" Rick asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"It was good. I, um...decided to tell my dad about us, too. He was...well, he was really happy. He certainly approves of us getting married. And you already know what Lanie said. So, should I tell the boys or...?"
"Yeah, you should them. Maybe they'll be easier on me when I'll come back if you tell them first," he laughed.
"Yeah, they're forbidden from intimidating you before the wedding," she replied with a smirk. "As for Gates, I thought we could tell her, well, maybe when we send out invitations?"
His answer was more silence.
"Rick?"
"Do we really have to invite her?" he asked warily. "I don't want to leave out someone but...wouldn't it be better to let her warm up to me first?"
"Stop whining, Castle," she laughed.
"Over you, Katherine Beckett, I could groanany time," he replied cockily.
Kate bit her lower lip, suppressing a smile.
God, she missed these moments. The atmosphere at the 12th was fine right now, but the lightness that Castle added was distinctly missing. Work was easier with him. His jokes broke up the seriousness of her job and his silly innuendoes distracted her from the persistent reminder that a murder might be happening somewhere in the city at that very moment.
She missed his words, his thoughtful gestures. She wished he was there by her side, trying to make her blush or just get in the last word.
"Hold on a sec. I have to open the window. It's getting hot in here," she said back.
"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes..." he sang monotonously
"Maybe you're right. I could sleep naked tonight."
"Really?" he answered eagerly.
"Castle," she said in the same tone that she always used for, "Seriously?" But she also arched an eyebrow and smiled devilishly.
"I think I have some new ideas for Nikki Heat," he joked.
"Perhaps my Russian accent would be of assistance," she said in a lower octave.
He swallowed quickly and failed to formulate a coherent sentence.
She just heard "no fair" and "that would be the death of me." She cracked up at the idea of what he probably looked like now—wide eyes, mouth agape.
When Kate found her breath again, Rick's deep voice resonated on the phone.
"It's getting late here. Almost nine. I have to sleep so I can get up early tomorrow."
"We were on the phone for two hours?" she replied, bewildered.
Time passed so quickly. It seemed to her like they'd only talked for twenty minutes.
"Apparently," he replied, smiling.
They went still once more. Neither wanted to hang up despite their growing fatigue. Kate closed her eyes, letting the memory of Rick's warmth envelop her. She could almost see his eyes softly gazing into hers, feel his breath against her skin, watch his smile grow as each second passed. She imagined gently caressing his face, kissing him, feeling his pulse and his muscles, his scent permeating the air...he was there with her, in her heart, in her mind.
"I can't wait for you to come back," she breathed out. "I can't wait to fall asleep to your voice, wake up by your side..."
She had never been good with words—that was his thing. Still, she wished she could find words to make him understand how she felt right now: she needed him. She wanted to see, touch, smell, taste, hear him...to fully love him.
"Me too," he whispered back as if he read her mind. "Always."
"Always," she repeated.
Silence fell again. Eyes still closed, Kate felt her whole body relax and slowly give into sleep.
"I gotta go," Rick said calmly.
"Tomorrow...?" she asked.
"Until tomorrow," he confirmed.
"I love you," she murmured. She could hear his breath catch, as if he still couldn't believe it. Seconds passed and she wondered if he'd actually fallen asleep.
"I love you, too," he answered tenderly.
She exhaled and hung up. He probably wouldn't have hung up first, even if his body had begged him. But he needed to wake up early tomorrow morning for his family, especially for Alexis. It was only a matter of time before Meredith took her last breath.
Fatigue continued to take over Kate but she wanted to read the e-mail again that he'd sent that day. She'd already read it repeatedly like she'd done with every e-mail he'd sent during this time, as if she wanted to know them by heart.
There was nothing major in it. Sometimes he sent love letters but most of the time he just included lighthearted anecdotes from the day. He never wrote about the darkness around him at the moment. Maybe it was just his way of coping.
Fighting sleep, she read his words, hearing them as a whisper in her head.
Dear Kate,
It's sunny in Los Angeles today. Hope it's the same in New York. But the air's suffocating me and probably a lot more humid than New York, per your forecast. Let me know how the case is going. I'm intrigued by the boss who lied about the victim's work performance.
I'm writing this while I have a little spare time because I just wanted to tell you about something incredible that happened. I dreamt, or at least I think I did, that I was crossing a street and looked at a particular pair of strangers. And today it actually happened. It's awesome, Kate. I'm having premonitory dreams!
I know you're going to refute me and tell me it's just some part of my brain that analyzed the same images twice and created the sense of déjà vu. But I firmly believe it's an acquired superpower.
Anyway, I have to go. Alexis just got back to the hotel and looks upset.
I miss you. I hope I can be there with you soon. I'll be waiting for your call tonight. I love you.
Always,
Rick
She missed the smallest things about him. His smile, his childlike qualities, his kindness...everything. They'd just gotten together before he left for LA. She wished she could see, touch, kiss him whenever she wanted. Calls and e-mails would have to do for now. She understood the situation and accepted it but the contact they had now simply couldn't make up for his presence by her side.
She read the e-mail once more, absorbing every word. Each of them reflected Rick. She smiled as she read, "Always." How many times had her heart skipped a beat at that word? Someone on the street could say it and she would instinctively turn around, hoping it was him. She and Rick owned the word, kept it to themselves so they could give it new meaning. It was their own 'L' word, their secret word, their comfort word...it was them. Always.
Kate's eyelids closed for a second and she surrendered to the impulse to sleep. She locked the phone screen and slipped into bed, turning off the light and shutting her eyes. As she breathed heavily, she started imagining what it would be like when he came back.
She'd been waiting eleven days for him to tell her, "See you tomorrow," before she fell asleep alone. And she'd continue to wait as long as necessary. For them, this newfound "us" was already worth the time it had taken to attain. Four years. She knew patience.
She let herself drift to sleep, a smile on her face. One more night in a cold bed. Maybe the last.
Thoughts?