Chapter 1 - Black Ash
*- vroom vroom-*
Ashe revved her motorcycle as she drifted into the League of Legends Academy. The parking lot was full of various people, asians and yordles, black people and mexicans, anything! Even Cho'gath was enjoying the new parking garage in his giant white van, up atop the highest floor of the parking structure, and somehow he didn't crash right through the six floors with hundreds of students in between them. She wore her black helmet and visor down, letting her conveniently complimenting white hair flow out of the back, and if a black guy rode by and grabbed the hair she would die, but her life motto was: "YOLO".
Speaking of colored individuals, one was currently standing afar from the rest, hanging out four parking stall spaces away from the parking structure. Ashe wasn't all that she seemed. She used to be blonde. So being her blonde valley girl self, she left the keys in the bike. Unfortunately for her, Nocturne was getting very angry at Mundo, new head of the whaling industry used to hunt the rare whale species known as "Alex": Apex Lot Industries Commercial Inlet Association. Nocturne had quite the short fuse as of late. After all, he had recently heard his child, Keith Stone, was smoking mass amounts of O.G ganja down at Noxus Blvd. with his pals Vladimir and Swain, even though most of the time Swain was smoking his own raven, Beatrice, without realizing it. So in that unfortunate moment, Nocturne gave no fucks and used his ult, Paranoia. Lucian was practically invisible, but at first he was too stoned to know it.
Luckily RITO buffed his e cdr, so he dashed to ashe's bike and stole it, thinking the cops were on , given her background and all, called up her homegirls: Sejuani and Lissandra. Within five minutes, they rolled in. Sejuani, head of the Institute of War's Police Division, ironically part of the DOA (even though she did smoke weed from the evidence storage). Lissandra, whom they called the EMO, was a big Sesame Street fan, whom got her inspiration from ELMO, which is only one letter away from EMO. Before they knew it, Sejuani had used her superior car hot wiring skills to Hotwire Rumble's mech. They were off at the speed of light (well, minus the few days it took to figure out how it worked).
By the time they had gotten out of the parking lot, Lucian and Nocturne were already chasing along the Russian borders, and at the end of it (because geography) was North Korea's red button. The button triggered a nuke and was conveniently monitored by Kim-Jong-Teemo. The nuke was poisonous, and the head of it was shaped like a massive dildo, since Teemo thought that the dick-shape would attract all of the female yordles, especially Lollipoppy.
As the nuke began to take flight, Teemo then remembered, "Without the nuke threatening them, all of the people in Bronze V would escape!" He then pulled a Ryze and facerolled everything in his office, even mashing his dick frantically on the window. At that point, he knew it was all over. But luckily, Phreak came down from heaven and smoked the nuke up. He then shat it out on the people who shunned triforce, Shouting tons of damage while doing it.
"That's why you don't fuck with the Spanish Inquisition!" Said Sejuani, Ashe, and Lissandra at the same time, who were fingering in the background.
A production created by Thomas "Ebonheart" LaCroix, and Zoco "Scarface" Lp