The setting is Harry Potter and Ronald Weasely chatting in the Gryffindor common room after a class of Defense against the dark arts.
" Oi today was very interesting in class today with the boggart and all." Said Harry " It was a shame I wasn't able to get a turn with the boggart."
" Bloody hell it was wicked," Ron said "When Professor Lupin showed us that boggart I nearly wet me knickers. But when Hermione's greatest fear turned out to be a sexy naked lesbian girl me willy was as stiff as me wand."
" All this sexy naked lesbian girl talk is getting me willy really excited" said Harry "Havin sex with a boggart isn't considered rape is it? If not lets go ron!"
Harry and Ron ran as fast as they could to Prof. Lupin's classroom. Right in the middle of the room was the wardrobe that contained the boggart.
"Here we go." Said Harry as he opened up the wardrobe. The boggart suddenly turned into a huge green monster. Harry and Ron were very pleased that it was something they could have sex with. As Harry and Ron whip out their wands to cast a sleeping spell they were suddenly knocked down and sat upon by the green monster.
"You're in my swamp now laddies" said the green monster. Ron suddenly realized that the green monster was Shrek and that Harry's greatest fear is Shrek.
"What the fuck Harry, your greatest fear is Shrek?" Said Ron.
"Look at him, the crazy wanker is bloody scary." Said Harry.
" Who you calling crazy wanker you ogre's dick cheese." Said Shrek." I'll show you a crazy wanker."
Shrek got up and used his huge ogre fist to break Harry's and Ron's legs. Shrek flipped Harry and Ron over and took off their pants. He used both hands to shove an index finger up each of their butts.
" How do you like me now laddies?" Said Shrek as Harry and Ron yelled in pain. Shrek removed his index fingers and opened up his sack of onions and got a fist full in each of his hands. In one swift motion he inserted six to seven onions into both of their butts.
" Time to make some onion soup laddies." Shrek said. Harry and Ron were already crying from the pain. Shrek pulled off his pants and his huge eshrektion made Harry and Ron scream even louder. Shrek inserted his eshrektion into Harry as Ron watched in fear knowing he was next. Shrek finished with Harry and Harry fainted.
"Poor lad has fainted." Said Shrek." Alright lad you're next" He walked over to Ron and inserted his eshrekton deep into Ron's bloody arse. But all of a sudden Shrek disappeared. It was Hermione!
" I was wondering what happened to you to. As I was wondering the hall I heard screaming and instantly knew it was you two." Hermione Said. "Sadly I only teleported Shrek away. He will be back and when he does you best be ready for him."