I can't remember how or when these feelings began. All I know is that they're here, and for some reason, they won't go away. Everywhere I go, I think about him. Even if I'm doing something completely oblivious from him, my thoughts somehow always end up on that one person.

And that one person, is named, Eric Cartman. More commonly known as just simply Cartman.

I still don't know how this obsession even began. It might have started when we were just kids, but I'm not sure.

He just always seemed to cross my mind at some points, but I didn't think it was an issue until just recently.

I've been staring at him in class. A LOT. And, he never really caught me, until just this morning.

And for whatever reason, I couldn't look away. Even as I saw him turn around, and give the most weirded out and quite frankly curious expression ever planted across his face, I just couldn't look away. I knew I was caught, and I knew I had to stop before it became a little more than suspicious, I just couldn't.

And now, here I am, in the lunch room, waiting for Cartman to show up and question me on the whole thing. And I'd have to make up a lie, just like always, just to lead them away from the one conclusion and fact that I've been hiding from them since we entered the sixth grade.

I'm gay.

And I still haven't come out.

I haven't even told my parents yet, not even Stan, my best friend in the whole world. The only one who knows is Ike, who's matured over the years, and is now capable of being told a secret and understanding not to tell.

I like that, how I have at least one person to talk to about these things.

But even he doesn't know that I…hate – like Cartman.

Yes, hate – love, that's the only thing I can call it. I know it sounds pretty strange, but, think about it this way. Think about that one annoying person in your life, that one little pest that makes your life hell. The one that you always manage to run into, or get into fights with, even if you don't want to.

Now, take that person, and think, do you really just, 'run into them'? Is it really just a 'coincidence' that you meet up with that person? Or do your feet somehow take you to them? It even sounds crazy to me, but trust me, it makes sense, in some way or another.

He makes me angry, he makes me mad, he makes me furious to the point of no return, but…I DO return… and that's the problem.

There's no way to explain it. It's actually hard to.

All I know, is that I, Kyle Broflovski, have a crush on Cartman, who's now standing right in front of me, an annoying and questioning expression labeling his face…